Girl Disrespects Me, What Should I Do?

[ENIGMA16]

So this girl I've been seeing for a bit straight up disrespected me last night. It was weird, because everything's been going well, she's all over me and calling me and asking me to take her out on a "real date" so I thought everything was all good.

Anyways, last night we go to this bar with a bunch of my friends. She's all like "watch my purse I have to go to the bathroom" so she leaves her purse and drink and gets up. Like a half hour goes by and I find her at the bar talking to some dude. Now, I don't really care that she was talking to some guy, it doesn't really bother me. But I walk up to her and am like "We're leaving soon" and so she comes over, grabs her beer that I bought her and some money to pay for shots that she took at the bar (!), then walks away again. 10 minutes goes by and I just bring her her purse and I'm like "We're leaving". And she's like "Okay I'm gonna finish my drink and walk home". I just walked away.

Seriously, what the fvck? I don't care about her talking to some other dude, we're not like exclusive or anything and for all I know it was just a friend, whatever. But the fact that she just gets up and doesn't tell us where she is, and then is like "okay cya" and doesn't apologize or anything, is just blatantly disrespectful.

She tried calling me later that night and I didn't answer. Haven't talked to her since. I know that most people are gonna be like "NEXT!" but my question is, should I straight up tell her that was disrespectful and I'm not going to waste my time with someone that does something like that, then get her to make up for it, or should I just play it off like it never happened but be distant and make her chase me?

I'll admit that I was really pissed when it happened but today it's not really upsetting me, because I've only been seeing her for a bit and she doesn't matter that much to me. Still, I like her and don't want to just straight up next her.

What do you do when a girl disrespects you? Call her out on it in a way that says "I'm not mad about it but I'm not gonna put up with it" or just play it off and go distant and make her make up for it?

Oh and can it with the "She was talking to another dude you should next her because of that!" responses because like I said before it doesn't bother me.

 

[Tiguere]

you have every right to be pissed. if it was me .... i would have left without telling her anything. hopefully someone would had stole her purse.

your mistake was telling her you were leaving. you probably thought she was gonna leave with you.

you live and learn. shes not your girlfriend( and thank god for that) so no need to start thinking your next move. your next move should be dialing the next chick in line.

P.S. ONE IMPORTANT QUESTION. did she take her phone with her when she told you she was going to the bathroom?

from now on if a chick leaves her purse with you plus her drink and takes her phone with her..RED FLAG!!!

 

[Johnnyventana]

"Met met a group of girls in a Escalade - They came with you and left with me."

She came with you and stayed/left with him. That's a major diss. It sounds like you are not dating? i.e. have you kissed, etc.? You also didn't take her on a date-date since you were in a group. Maybe you think you two are closer than you really are? She didn't seem to think anything of it.

If not, that was a major diss. Whatever you do, don't get flipped around to where you are chasing/apologizing for something she did.

 

[ENIGMA16]

She came with you and stayed/left with him. That's a major diss. It sounds like you are not dating? i.e. have you kissed, etc.?

We've ****ed a few times. She's been all over me in the past, calling and texting and initiating for the most part. Last night I was going out with friends, she wanted to see me, so I invited her along.

If not, that was a major diss. Whatever you do, don't get flipped around to where you are chasing/apologizing for something she did.

I'm not going to, I was hoping this is salvageable but as I wrote it and as I read your responses I'm beginning to think that's not the case. I just lost a few other girls too so I think my desperation is starting to creep in. Meh, gotta do what I gotta do, I guess.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

The dilemma with this situation is figuring out why she chose this path:

Is she doing something douchey because she wants to get a rise out of you? And if that's the case, then you want to prove that she doesn't change the course of your emotions.

Or is she just an a-hole and doesn't realize that her actions were disrespectful? And if that's the case, then yeah, you'd want to "educate" her.

Looking at the situation, I think she was trying to be a douche to you. She had two chances to say sorry. Once when you came by to say you were leaving. And then when you brought her purse over. She chose not to.

I'd say, show that you're unshakeable. Show that she can't bother you, because she's just one part of a rotation of women in your life.

I know what you mean by not caring about her talking to another dude. I have girls like that too. It's like "Bang whoever you want. Just don't disrespect me in public."

There is also the potential that she was trying to make you jealous. But whatever. She could have played that game in a classier way.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Is she doing something douchey because she wants to get a rise out of you? And if that's the case, then you want to prove that she doesn't change the course of your emotions.

Or is she just an a-hole and doesn't realize that her actions were disrespectful? And if that's the case, then yeah, you'd want to "educate" her.

I was leaning towards the latter, because I've never had her do anything like this before. But that might be desperation influencing me, you're right, she had two chances to rectify the situation and she didn't, and she could tell I was upset by it and just kept going. I've only known her for a few weeks so maybe this is just a side of her I haven't seen before.

I don't think she was trying to make me jealous, and if she was she completely failed because I don't really care about that, I would've been equally upset if she was talking to a girl that whole time.

I'd say, show that you're unshakeable. Show that she can't bother you, because she's just one part of a rotation of women in your life.

Yeah, but my question is how do I go about doing that? If I don't just straight up next her, which I might, how do I portray this to her and at the same time let her know that what she did was unacceptable?

 

[HolyG]

no contact....she is now dead to you

 

[Chickfight]

Yeah, it seems like a pretty clear case of loss of interest. Just withdraw all attention.

What you should not have done was not acted all upset, but calmly and assertively called her out on it right there. You treat girls like little kids when they do something wrong. A good parent won't react in anger and frustration, but will be calm, but firm and tell her clearly what she did wrong and why it's wrong. You even have an advantage with girls, because you can actually kick them out if they decide not to listen to you.You can still do that now, but it won't have the same effect as in person. If she doesn't apoligize, it's no contact time until she does.
kick them out if they decide not to listen to you.

 

[ENIGMA16]

She's been all over you, calling you, asking you to take her on a real date, yet you go ahead and take her to a bar with a bunch of friends instead? Also, I have a feeling all the times you've met her are in situations like these or she would have asked for a "real" date. Her asking to be alone with you is basically giving you the okay to meet with her intimately and escalate to sex, but instead you're like "hey, lets go hang out with a bunch of OTHER people". Of course she lost respect for you, she gave it to you wrapped up with a neat little ribbon, but you didn't know what to do with it.

Maybe you're right, I haven't actually taken her on a date or anything like that, but still that doesn't justify something like this.

And seriously dude, after she disrespects me so blatantly you want me to take her on a date???

 

[Brownrice]

Well, first of all, it wasn't a date. You just invited her to come hang out with you and your friends. You were with your friends, she found one of her friends, she hung out with him.

Sounds like she wasn't comfortable within your group. The only diss is the fact that she asks you to look after her stuff.

Relax and keep the chick around. Also if you're interested in a chick for long term, take out on a date one-on-one before you invite her to hang with your friends.

Learn from your mistakes bro.

 

[Johnnyventana]

Ultimate diss: "Watch my purse." (And do so while I mack some random)

My response: Eat my Arse!

 

[ENIGMA16]

Yeah this whole situation is ****ed up.

Funny thing is that she works as a server at my favorite bar (that's how I met her). Maybe I'll bring a girl into the bar next time I go. Better yet, maybe we'll sit down and order from her hahahahaha

 

[ENIGMA16]

WOOWWW her new FB status:

"It was a sad day when I realized that grown, seemingly mature men still have the emotional patterns of a five year old.. "

No chance now, this b!tch is gone.

 

[Iceberg]

WOOWWW her new FB status:

"It was a sad day when I realized that grown, seemingly mature men still have the emotional patterns of a five year old.. "

No chance now, this b!tch is gone.

Hah, seriously? This is the opposite of "gone".

Don't worry when the girl is saying angry things about you. Worry when the girl is saying NOTHING about you.

You're allowed to piss girls off. You're just not allowed to bore them. Her little facebook rant is a cry for attention. Your attention. So, yes, the door is still open for more banging, if that's what you want.

She's just throwing a temper tantrum. If she cares enough to whine about it publicly, then she cares enough to keep spreading her legs.

 

[Johnnyventana]

"It was a sad day when I realized that grown, seemingly mature men still have the emotional patterns of a five year old.." This is the definition of passive-agressive! It also wreaks of AW. Also, agree with the above post.

BTW, notice how it is all your fault?!? WTF.

p.s. 5 year olds post this ****e on FB.

 

[Sparky]

Hmmm.... I'm quite interested in this, not so much because I've had girls disrespecting me (well actually I have) but more to do with the girls getting angry with me. I seem to make girls angry very easily. I think it's my unpredictability at a guess.
Not trying to hijack the thread but thought it was a natural progression - question :
When the women is lashing out like described in this thread, what are the steps between that and the bedroom? Is it the apologising route or is it the ignore route?

What should the OP do about this facebook thing to make the maximum chance of success with her? Or in other words how can he turn her anger into sexual desire? I get really stuck on this.

To me also, it sounds like she took the piss a bit, but couldn't see anything wrong with it. Perhaps you have slightly different values?

 

[ENIGMA16]

HAHAHA wow. So I don't think that FB update was about me, actually, because about 30 minutes after she posted it she called me and apologized profusely and said that she was drunk and being an unreasonable b!tch and that she'd do anything to make it up to me (yes she said anything).

I told her it was really fvcking disrespectful and that I might forgive her and that maybe I'll think of some way she can make it up to me and that I'll call her later in the week and left it at that.

It's gonna take a lot for her to make this back up to me, haha what do you guys think I should have her do?

 

[mahoney]

Telling her you found it disrespectful is a good thing

Telling her you 'might forgive her'...i dunno

If she called you and you believe the apology to be genuine, think its good to accept that. Most people never manage even this much

(the bigger lesson here tho is about the fb status update: never assume what is written, is being written about you)

 

[dj_china]

haha when she posted that facebook status you should've liked it

also you don't need to make her do anything. you should always be in control of the frame such that you don't need anything from her. so if she ever asks you what you want her to do to make up for it, just brush it off with something like "ill take a raincheck, i dont need anything from you now" or "just dont do that again."

also don't call her later in the week. call her next week. no hurt in making her sweat for a few days

 

[Johnnyventana]

"So I don't think that FB update was about me, actually, because about 30 minutes after she posted it she called me and apologized profusely..."

How does that not mean the post wasn't about you? She tried calling you -- didn't work -- she tried passive/aggressive -- didn't work -- So she became waif girl and apologized offering you the world. You handled it well, but don't be surprised if she a. doesn't follow through or b. once she 'apologizes' she seems not quite so 'any thing for you' girl. I think b.