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Girl cooled off after a hot third date

viking22

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I've been going on some dates with this girl over the last month. She has a lot going on with a new job, trying to move flat, holiday plans etc. and also has some health problems that make her tired. First few dates weren't great she seemed tired and distracted and uncomfortable with shifty eye contact and fidgety body language and made excuses to go home early. But continued to text me. So I put her on a backburner while focusing on other girls. But third date was a lot better and after a nice conversation over dinner we went to a free outdoor concert and she was hugging me tightly and then we kissed and danced a little and afterwards found a park bench and kissed like teenagers for hours until she got cold and wanted to go home. The next week she was texting me a lot more initiating texts and being a lot more expressive.

We made plans to meet the following weekend but she said she wasn't sure when we could do as she was staying with her friend because her current lease expired and there was a delay with her move in to her new place. But she was texting me all weekend saying she missed me etc and was very apologetic when she couldn't make it saying that as her friend was hosting she felt she couldnt really get away but the Monday her friend was going on a date so I was all hers.

She then said she had to meet her future flatmate after work and then pick up some bed linen but said I could meet her afterwards by her workplace and we could do dinner as she knew a nice restaurant and she could show me her flat from the outside as she didn't have the keys yet. I turned up and she was still with her friends so asked me to join them in the park where they were discussing what to buy for the new flat. She greeted me with a warm hug and was holding my hands and nuzzling against me while talking to her friend. But over dinner she cooled considerably and had her phone open on the table and her eyes kept darting towards it and she seemed distracted and fidgety and when I took her hand she pulled it away and then after dinner she was in a hurry to leave and refused my kiss goodnight.

I did not really know what to make of it as our previous date was very good and she had been texting me constantly since. So I gave her a little bit benefit of the doubt as I knew she was stressed about her flatmove and work and Monday evening is not really a good evening for a date with the week ahead.

We texted a few times during the week but she was taking forever to reply and her replies were very cool so I said "This doesn't seem to be going anywhere so I'm going to move on. Good luck". She replied:

"Hey I think it needs to be explained in a bit more detai. I think I'm currently just focusing on some other stuff and any even small details make me cool off from anyone as it's not my priority. There are of course a couple of things made me feel this way. But it does not mean I have never felt for you"

Not really sure what to make of it. I'm guessing she is just rationalizing and there was nothing specific I did wrong she just had a change of heart probably because her interest level wasn't really that solid to begin with.

I'm thinking best way to respond is to resist the temptation to ask what the small details or couple of things that turned her off were and just play it cool and say "No worries. Enjoy your summer"
 

RickPound

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Yep, that’s all you can do. There’s nothing you can text or say that will raise her interest level back up. You can only walk away and let her reach back out if it didn’t drop too much already.
 

Konada

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I've been going on some dates with this girl over the last month. She has a lot going on with a new job, trying to move flat, holiday plans etc. and also has some health problems that make her tired. First few dates weren't great she seemed tired and distracted and uncomfortable with shifty eye contact and fidgety body language and made excuses to go home early. But continued to text me. So I put her on a backburner while focusing on other girls. But third date was a lot better and after a nice conversation over dinner we went to a free outdoor concert and she was hugging me tightly and then we kissed and danced a little and afterwards found a park bench and kissed like teenagers for hours until she got cold and wanted to go home. The next week she was texting me a lot more initiating texts and being a lot more expressive.

We made plans to meet the following weekend but she said she wasn't sure when we could do as she was staying with her friend because her current lease expired and there was a delay with her move in to her new place. But she was texting me all weekend saying she missed me etc and was very apologetic when she couldn't make it saying that as her friend was hosting she felt she couldnt really get away but the Monday her friend was going on a date so I was all hers.

She then said she had to meet her future flatmate after work and then pick up some bed linen but said I could meet her afterwards by her workplace and we could do dinner as she knew a nice restaurant and she could show me her flat from the outside as she didn't have the keys yet. I turned up and she was still with her friends so asked me to join them in the park where they were discussing what to buy for the new flat. She greeted me with a warm hug and was holding my hands and nuzzling against me while talking to her friend. But over dinner she cooled considerably and had her phone open on the table and her eyes kept darting towards it and she seemed distracted and fidgety and when I took her hand she pulled it away and then after dinner she was in a hurry to leave and refused my kiss goodnight.

I did not really know what to make of it as our previous date was very good and she had been texting me constantly since. So I gave her a little bit benefit of the doubt as I knew she was stressed about her flatmove and work and Monday evening is not really a good evening for a date with the week ahead.

We texted a few times during the week but she was taking forever to reply and her replies were very cool so I said "This doesn't seem to be going anywhere so I'm going to move on. Good luck". She replied:

"Hey I think it needs to be explained in a bit more detai. I think I'm currently just focusing on some other stuff and any even small details make me cool off from anyone as it's not my priority. There are of course a couple of things made me feel this way. But it does not mean I have never felt for you"

Not really sure what to make of it. I'm guessing she is just rationalizing and there was nothing specific I did wrong she just had a change of heart probably because her interest level wasn't really that solid to begin with.

I'm thinking best way to respond is to resist the temptation to ask what the small details or couple of things that turned her off were and just play it cool and say "No worries. Enjoy your summer"
There is another guy in the picture who is higher on the totem pole than you. Probably what happened is that this dude went hot and cold on her, which explains her behavior.
 

viking22

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Yeah there is an ex boyfriend in the picture. She broke up with him a few months ago. The excuse she gave is he didn't make her a priority and he has been texting her and she expressed frustration about this on our first date saying she did not want any contact but said thankfully she hasn't heard from him in a few weeks. But last weekend she mentioned he'd been texting her again and it was so annoying. But seems strange why she wouldn't block him. So maybe there is still something going on there. Or he is reminding her that she doesn't want to be in a relationship and just wants to have fun with friends and enjoy her freedom so she decided she didnt want to date
 

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RBK

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After the whole teenage makeout session you should of escalated and brought her back to your house. This woman seems younger as well, as she is all over the place.

I'd back off heavy, no texts no calls and get back to business. If she reaches out invite her over to cook or for drinks at your house. No more food excursions.
 

Konada

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Yeah there is an ex boyfriend in the picture. She broke up with him a few months ago. The excuse she gave is he didn't make her a priority and he has been texting her and she expressed frustration about this on our first date saying she did not want any contact but said thankfully she hasn't heard from him in a few weeks. But last weekend she mentioned he'd been texting her again and it was so annoying. But seems strange why she wouldn't block him. So maybe there is still something going on there. Or he is reminding her that she doesn't want to be in a relationship and just wants to have fun with friends and enjoy her freedom so she decided she didnt want to date
No point hypothesizing what she is thinking.

Bottomline is that she is not in the right place/time for you to be a priority.

If you do wish to keep this door open for the future, I'd say something like "I understand, you sound like you have alot of things on your plate, it happens."

No closing words, no contact. The purpose is to keep it ambiguous. "Enjoy your summer" sounds kind of butthurt after she wasted your time.

Talk to and date other available women. Maybe she comes around or maybe not, doesn't matter. There are hotter/more available women waiting for you to pick from.
 

Mike32ct

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I know it’s too late for this point, but just for future reference:

An overly heated and/or prolonged makeout session in a location where you can’t escalate isn’t usually a good idea. Oddly, it can spoil your chances of going all the way.

Keep makeout sessions short and leave her wanting more, unless you are already back at your place or hers.
 
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Bokanovsky

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"Hey I think it needs to be explained in a bit more detail. I think I'm currently just focusing on some other stuff and any even small details make me cool off from anyone as it's not my priority. There are of course a couple of things made me feel this way. But it does not mean I have never felt for you"

Not really sure what to make of it. I'm guessing she is just rationalizing and there was nothing specific I did wrong she just had a change of heart probably because her interest level wasn't really that solid to begin with
Translation: she’s currently focusing on some other guy(s) and/or had low interest to begin. But she doesn’t have the decency to be honest with you, so she’s trying to make it sound like it’s your fault. This woman is trash. No further response necessary.
 

Gamisch

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I've been going on some dates with this girl over the last month. She has a lot going on with a new job, trying to move flat, holiday plans etc. and also has some health problems that make her tired. First few dates weren't great she seemed tired and distracted and uncomfortable with shifty eye contact and fidgety body language and made excuses to go home early. But continued to text me. So I put her on a backburner while focusing on other girls. But third date was a lot better and after a nice conversation over dinner we went to a free outdoor concert and she was hugging me tightly and then we kissed and danced a little and afterwards found a park bench and kissed like teenagers for hours until she got cold and wanted to go home. The next week she was texting me a lot more initiating texts and being a lot more expressive.

We made plans to meet the following weekend but she said she wasn't sure when we could do as she was staying with her friend because her current lease expired and there was a delay with her move in to her new place. But she was texting me all weekend saying she missed me etc and was very apologetic when she couldn't make it saying that as her friend was hosting she felt she couldnt really get away but the Monday her friend was going on a date so I was all hers.

She then said she had to meet her future flatmate after work and then pick up some bed linen but said I could meet her afterwards by her workplace and we could do dinner as she knew a nice restaurant and she could show me her flat from the outside as she didn't have the keys yet. I turned up and she was still with her friends so asked me to join them in the park where they were discussing what to buy for the new flat. She greeted me with a warm hug and was holding my hands and nuzzling against me while talking to her friend. But over dinner she cooled considerably and had her phone open on the table and her eyes kept darting towards it and she seemed distracted and fidgety and when I took her hand she pulled it away and then after dinner she was in a hurry to leave and refused my kiss goodnight.

I did not really know what to make of it as our previous date was very good and she had been texting me constantly since. So I gave her a little bit benefit of the doubt as I knew she was stressed about her flatmove and work and Monday evening is not really a good evening for a date with the week ahead.

We texted a few times during the week but she was taking forever to reply and her replies were very cool so I said "This doesn't seem to be going anywhere so I'm going to move on. Good luck". She replied:

"Hey I think it needs to be explained in a bit more detai. I think I'm currently just focusing on some other stuff and any even small details make me cool off from anyone as it's not my priority. There are of course a couple of things made me feel this way. But it does not mean I have never felt for you"

Not really sure what to make of it. I'm guessing she is just rationalizing and there was nothing specific I did wrong she just had a change of heart probably because her interest level wasn't really that solid to begin with.

I'm thinking best way to respond is to resist the temptation to ask what the small details or couple of things that turned her off were and just play it cool and say "No worries. Enjoy your summer"
A lot going on here bro.

Dont do dinner so soon.
Dont stay kissing her without the possibility of escalating.(rather leave on a high)
Dont stay in touch after two(!!!) bad dates.
Dont chase after she doesn't reply
Dont hang out with her friends.
And :dont believe the excuses

She actually told you you are not her priority and that "certain things" made her feel this way. That should be enough info draw a conclusion.

Like I said, try to avoid hanging out with her friends next time. Way too gf /bf -ish.

Dont be a b1tch and ask why she cooled off. She won't tell you the truth anyway. Just demote her, and when she comes back she'll know she has to work 10 times harder get your attention.

NEXT
 

ubercat

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The guys nailed it. I ve been guilty of all those sins across various girls and same results. On the make out thing especially public I think it's ASD. Occasionally you get the really annoying one where they keep jumping on you in public and then saying we ve gone too far.
 
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viking22

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Makeout session didn't do too much harm. After it she warmed up considerably texting me every morning, responding a lot more quickly to texts, saying she missed me, was excited to see me again etc.

Not sure what exactly went wrong on our last date. She started warmly enough with a nice hug and some handholding but then rapidly cooled and seemed annoyed and irritable. I cannot think of anything specific I did wrong. All I can think of is that it was a Monday evening and I was tired and low energy so might have seemed a bit off. And I guess if her interest level is low then it doesn't take much for her attraction level to plummet.

Cannot imagine her being back in touch. She's difficult but gorgeous. She didn't bother replying to my "No worries. Enjoy your summer" text. But anyway yeah lesson learned should have gone with my gut and not chased when her interest level was low from the outset.
 

Gamisch

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Makeout session didn't do too much harm. After it she warmed up considerably texting me every morning, responding a lot more quickly to texts, saying she missed me, was excited to see me again etc.

Not sure what exactly went wrong on our last date. She started warmly enough with a nice hug and some handholding but then rapidly cooled and seemed annoyed and irritable. I cannot think of anything specific I did wrong. All I can think of is that it was a Monday evening and I was tired and low energy so might have seemed a bit off. And I guess if her interest level is low then it doesn't take much for her attraction level to plummet.

Cannot imagine her being back in touch. She's difficult but gorgeous. She didn't bother replying to my "No worries. Enjoy your summer" text. But anyway yeah lesson learned should have gone with my gut and not chased when her interest level was low from the outset.
Bro , the DJ,S told you DON'T text her" enjoy your summer" ,but you still do it...smh. next time actually take the advice giving to you.

How can you don't know what you did wrong? You did plenty of stuff wrong, mostly accepting her sh1tty behaviour and pedestalizing her too quick. She knows you would promote her to gf status giving the chance, no challenge there for her.

She probably got irritated because she never wanted to be there in the first place( but rather with that guy who was unavailable to her).
And she didn't respond because you she has more game then you and sees right through your passive aggressive attempt to lure a reaction and got tired of it.

By the way, how can a girl miss you after knowing you for only one month and only 1 decent date and no s3x ?? That's a HUGE red flag. If she told me that I would immediately classify her as "batshyt crazy". You dodged a bullet my friend.

Your too gullible.
 
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Stuffnu

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Abundance gentlemen.

She could legitimately be busy. Could be low interest.
Her words are irrelevant, so stop being analytical and line up dates with other women.

“Reach out to me when you’re ready to play” and nothing more.
If she comes around - she comes around...
 

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LARaiders85

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I've been going on some dates with this girl over the last month. She has a lot going on with a new job, trying to move flat, holiday plans etc. and also has some health problems that make her tired. First few dates weren't great she seemed tired and distracted and uncomfortable with shifty eye contact and fidgety body language and made excuses to go home early. But continued to text me. So I put her on a backburner while focusing on other girls. But third date was a lot better and after a nice conversation over dinner we went to a free outdoor concert and she was hugging me tightly and then we kissed and danced a little and afterwards found a park bench and kissed like teenagers for hours until she got cold and wanted to go home. The next week she was texting me a lot more initiating texts and being a lot more expressive.

We made plans to meet the following weekend but she said she wasn't sure when we could do as she was staying with her friend because her current lease expired and there was a delay with her move in to her new place. But she was texting me all weekend saying she missed me etc and was very apologetic when she couldn't make it saying that as her friend was hosting she felt she couldnt really get away but the Monday her friend was going on a date so I was all hers.

She then said she had to meet her future flatmate after work and then pick up some bed linen but said I could meet her afterwards by her workplace and we could do dinner as she knew a nice restaurant and she could show me her flat from the outside as she didn't have the keys yet. I turned up and she was still with her friends so asked me to join them in the park where they were discussing what to buy for the new flat. She greeted me with a warm hug and was holding my hands and nuzzling against me while talking to her friend. But over dinner she cooled considerably and had her phone open on the table and her eyes kept darting towards it and she seemed distracted and fidgety and when I took her hand she pulled it away and then after dinner she was in a hurry to leave and refused my kiss goodnight.

I did not really know what to make of it as our previous date was very good and she had been texting me constantly since. So I gave her a little bit benefit of the doubt as I knew she was stressed about her flatmove and work and Monday evening is not really a good evening for a date with the week ahead.

We texted a few times during the week but she was taking forever to reply and her replies were very cool so I said "This doesn't seem to be going anywhere so I'm going to move on. Good luck". She replied:

"Hey I think it needs to be explained in a bit more detai. I think I'm currently just focusing on some other stuff and any even small details make me cool off from anyone as it's not my priority. There are of course a couple of things made me feel this way. But it does not mean I have never felt for you"

Not really sure what to make of it. I'm guessing she is just rationalizing and there was nothing specific I did wrong she just had a change of heart probably because her interest level wasn't really that solid to begin with.

I'm thinking best way to respond is to resist the temptation to ask what the small details or couple of things that turned her off were and just play it cool and say "No worries. Enjoy your summer"
Ex boyfriend in picture
 

LARaiders85

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Yeah there is an ex boyfriend in the picture. She broke up with him a few months ago. The excuse she gave is he didn't make her a priority and he has been texting her and she expressed frustration about this on our first date saying she did not want any contact but said thankfully she hasn't heard from him in a few weeks. But last weekend she mentioned he'd been texting her again and it was so annoying. But seems strange why she wouldn't block him. So maybe there is still something going on there. Or he is reminding her that she doesn't want to be in a relationship and just wants to have fun with friends and enjoy her freedom so she decided she didnt want to date
there we go lol. Its all so boring and predictable.
 

Bokanovsky

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Yeah there is an ex boyfriend in the picture. She broke up with him a few months ago. The excuse she gave is he didn't make her a priority and he has been texting her and she expressed frustration about this on our first date saying she did not want any contact but said thankfully she hasn't heard from him in a few weeks. But last weekend she mentioned he'd been texting her again and it was so annoying. But seems strange why she wouldn't block him. So maybe there is still something going on there. Or he is reminding her that she doesn't want to be in a relationship and just wants to have fun with friends and enjoy her freedom so she decided she didnt want to date
Wait…why didn’t you put this in the original post?? Would have saved people a lot of time trying to analyze your situation (given that the answer is obvious)
 

viking22

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I think the ex could be part of it. Her version was that he wouldn't stop texting her and it was very annoying. So I kinda assumed the guy was needy and not a threat. But strange to mention him on the first date and then again shortly before our final date and she had her phone on the table at dinner and her eyes were drawn to notifications and she seemed distracted. And also if he was bothering her why wouldn't she just block him? And her reason for the breakup was that he didn't have enough time for her and didn't make her a priority which isn't the same as saying I lost interest in the guy so maybe in this case incessant texting might have eventually convinced her the guy was willing to change.

Luckily she insisted on sharing the bills for dinners etc so didn't waste too much money on her.

Oh and yeah I can see now that the message I sent wasn't great. Sent it before other posters told me not to and suggested better alternatives. But I guess I interpreted her text as confirming she'd lost interest and had other priorities so best to exit gracefully rather than make her think I was happy to hang around waiting for her to change her priorities or give me another chance.

Anyway I guess if I do hear from her again in the future it will only be because she feels neglected again by her ex and wants some attention/validation so will be a total waste of time
 
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