Girl complains that I don't show her enough affection

[Bokanovsky]

I don't know if I'm really asking for advice or typing this out for self-reflection. Still, it would be good to get some input on this rather silly situation.

For context, she is in her late 20's. No kids. Eastern European but spent most of her life here. Very attractive - easily an 8. She's also intelligent and has a decent job (although I make a lot more than she does). We met about four months ago and started seeing each other exclusively almost right away. Three things conspired to make me move faster than usual. One, we had a strong connection. Not only was there mutual attraction but we also have the same views on social and political issues (which doesn't happen often, as I live in a very left-leaning city). Two, because of severe COVID-related lockdowns/restrictions around here, meeting new people is a major pain in the @ss at the moment. And three, we live very close to each other. Now, there were a number of red flags as well, which made me skeptical as to whether things would work out in the long run, but at the end of the day, having a steady supply of nice pvssy within walking distance was an attractive proposition even if it wasn't meant to last forever.

Things were fine for the first couple of months but we had two big fights recently (both initiated by her) and broke up this weekend. The gist of her complaints is that she thinks that I didn't show her enough affection. Now keep in mind, we spent every weekend together and also saw each other once or twice during the week as well. Sex was good (we banged every time we met and she never said no to sex). However, she wanted me to text her more during the week (like good morning/good night texts and general lovey dovey crap). I am not a big fan of superficial texting but I told her that I could make more of an effort, as long as it was mutual (i.e. she would have to initiate, too). That was after our first big fight and we both started texting each other more often after that.

Another thing that she kept complaining about was that I didn't do"romantic" things for her, like buying flowers, chocolates, small gifts, etc. In her mind, those things are signs of affection. I was rather annoyed by this, as I always paid when we went out or ordered food, bought alcohol, etc. Basically, I paid for everything when we did stuff together. I bought her a nice Christmas gift too. So this really felt like an unfair complaint.

With all of this in mind, our second fight happened this weekend when we went shopping. She got herself a potted plant for her condo and I got a couple of things for myself. We went to a self-checkout register, I scanned and paid for my items and waited for her to pay for her plant. As soon as we left the store, she had a complete meltdown. Accused me of being "cheap" and said if I don't buy her flowers, at least I could have bought her the potted plant. She said that it was easy for me to make a romantic gesture and that I chose not to do so, which made her feel like she "didn't have a boyfriend". She also made it known that once we got back, she was going to pick up her stuff from my place (she only had her makeup and skincare there).

Now I just couldn't believe that she was having such a freak-out over a damn potted plant!! LOL. I was also pretty pissed off by the fact that she called me "cheap" and by her attitude in general but I kept my cool and said "whatever". We drove back in silence and then she went up to my place, picked up her stuff, said "thanks for everything, good luck" (non-sarcastically) and left.

What I find annoying about this whole situation is that I don't know if she was gaslighting me or if she was genuinely upset. If she did this to provoke a reaction, then obviously, fvck her. If she was genuinely upset, she was still being unreasonable, obviously, but as we all know, women are unreasonable in general and attractive women even more so. In that case, I could see myself reaching out and trying to patch things up to stretch this relationship out for another few months. Although, I have to say that my patience is running thin and I'm getting tired of her drama.

What do you guys think?

 

[Black Widow Void]

If you reach out, do not arrive with flowers.
Don't get me wrong, I have actually bought flowers on occasion for the right girl. However, the timing for you do to this is way off.

If you are as accommodating with pleasing her bedroom needs as you are with picking up the dinner and alcohol tab, you've received unwarranted scrutiny.

Could be that she's seen too many recent chick flicks and/or one of her girlfriends has bragged about getting flowers.

If you've messed up somehow, then sure, it's fine to reach out first. If you haven't, then I'd advise letting her miss you and seeing if she'll do the reaching out.

Although some forum members might advise against this, buying a small gift every three or four months does secure your investment.

Here's something I've done with several women.
While at their house, I've said something like... "don't you just hate it when you do laundry and find a sock stuck inside your clothing?" They usually give a peculiar look. And then I've said, "well, I could swear that I have a sock or something clinging to the back of my shirt." Then I give a squeamish look while reaching toward my back and underneath my shirt. I then pull out the flowers and say with a smirk and grin... "how in the hell did these get back there. Here! Maybe you can do something with this."

It may sound corny, but I've (so far) batted 100% with this approach.

 

[Zimbabwe]

Victim blaming is a narcissists favourite tactic, you didn't do anything wrong and she is very clearly gaslighting you. She sounds a lot like my Belarussian Ex. She's been emotionally manipulating you, trust me do not go back to her.

Couples should be building one another up. Tough conversations are necessary sometimes but it should not at all be a constant, especially so much that you doubt yourself like that. I'm certainly not perfect and my gf isn't shy about open communication and she's still never once made me doubt myself.

 

[2Rocky]

ever hear of "Skittling" ? Athol Kay coined that term for little , cheap acts of affection. For him, his wife likes Skittles candy. When he goes somewhere and they say stop for fuel, without asking, he buys her a bag of skittles. Sometimes but not always...Usually unexpected..

Each woman has her "skittles" some women might be flowers, others might be some sort of candy, kiss on the forehead, or a personal note. infrequently and for no reason or occasion

Like Beth Dutton so wisely says about giving flowers,"Don't give flowers because you are sorry, give 'em just because"

 

[Krueg]

Either she is use to being smothered by previous guys or like the others said... if she has been showing signs of good behavior and HIGH interests. You can talk or text more after 3 months or let her pick some dates. Only if YOU choose. remember to protect your heart!! Personally, I only give gifts for Christmas or birthdays... But being the Man.. I generally end up paying for the dates, drinks dinners ect. Shes being over dramatic mostly

 

[DonJuanjr]

"Out of all the dates and drinks we've had, how much money have you spent on me? You know what, it feels like I don't have a girlfriend, maybe I should find a woman that's happy spending some of her money on me."

 

[BadBoy89]

Now I just couldn't believe that she was having such a freak-out over a damn potted plant!! LOL. I was also pretty pissed off by the fact that she called me "cheap" and by her attitude in general but I kept my cool and said "whatever". We drove back in silence and then she went up to my place, picked up her stuff, said "thanks for everything, good luck" (non-sarcastically) and left.

When a woman gets really upset over a small thing, it’s never about the small thing, it’s an accumulation of everything that has happened and when one small thing sets them off, they have to release their anger/ tension.

About the plant, not sure why you just didn’t pay at the time, but regardless, a woman needs to feel safe, protected, loved, appreciated. Guess the plant thing was the final straw.

Remember, what man has done in the past means nothing for a woman, what matters is the here and now.

What I find annoying about this whole situation is that I don't know if she was gaslighting me or if she was genuinely upset. If she did this to provoke a reaction, then obviously, fvck her. If she was genuinely upset, she was still being unreasonable, obviously, but as we all know, women are unreasonable in general and attractive women even more so. In that case, I could see myself reaching out and trying to patch things up to stretch this relationship out for another few months. Although, I have to say that my patience is running thin and I'm getting tired of her drama.

What do you guys think?

I’ve said it before, women hate to constantly validate men, through sex or their time. without it going anywhere. A woman’s time is more valuable than a man’s and if the man isn’t focused or has a plan with her he can lay out, she will eventually explode in anger.

 

[Bokanovsky]

When a woman gets really upset over a small thing, it’s never about the small thing, it’s an accumulation of everything that has happened and when one small thing sets them off, they have to release their anger/ tension.

About the plant, not sure why you just didn’t pay at the time, but regardless, a woman needs to feel safe, protected, loved, appreciated. Guess the plant thing was the final straw.

Remember, what man has done in the past means nothing for a woman, what matters is the here and now.



I’ve said it before, women hate to constantly validate men, through sex or their time. without it going anywhere. A woman’s time is more valuable than a man’s and if the man isn’t focused or has a plan with her he can lay out, she will eventually explode in anger.

Good point. It probably was the final straw, as you say. I didn't pay for the plant because, to be honest, it never even occurred to me. She's not my wife, we don't even live together...why am I supposed to buy something that she's getting for herself?

 

[Zimbabwe]

Good point. It probably was the final straw, as you say. I didn't pay for the plant because, to be honest, it never even occurred to me. She's not my wife, we don't even live together...why am I supposed to buy something that she's getting for herself?

It's a manipulation tactic used to force you to "invest" in her. The more you get emotionally and financially invested the more she has control over you.

 

[BadBoy89]

Good point. It probably was the final straw, as you say. I didn't pay for the plant because, to be honest, it never even occurred to me. She's not my wife, we don't even live together...why am I supposed to buy something that she's getting for herself?

I understand, and I would feel the same way, but you are going on logic reasoning. Women don’t go on logic. They go on their emotions. A woman has to feel you are there for her, you can protect her, you love her, She doesn’t care if you are dead or alive, but she has to feel this from you.

And again, you are focused on the plant. It’s not about that, it’s about the whole dynamic of the relationship. How she feels when she is with you, how things are progressing, where she feels it’s going, Your dynamic with her months before the plant thing was why she exploded.

Now if a girl said “thanks for everything, good luck.” to me, I 99.5% wouldn’t reach out again, but that’s me.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I highlighted this in my gas lighting topic

Ways a woman will gas light you in a relationship

First, congratulations, if you are being gas lit then you have upgraded in level when it comes to dating women. The PUA, MGTOW, and Pills are obsessed with a girl cheating, but TBH cheating is really easy to prevent if you aren't dating a HO4 and 99% of the time you are never going to catch her...

www.sosuave.net

You are being gas lit the **** out of dude. My really recent ex would do this to me by moving the goal post further and further. No matter what you do, she will find a crack to call you out on. You can take this girl to Paris, and a week later she will accuse you of not showing her enough affection because you didn't send the right text at 1:45 pm 30 seconds on a Tuesday afternoon when she was feeling the most vulnerable. Bring up the fact that you took her to Paris and she will say, "well I don't care about materialistic things"! Bull fvcking shvt.....Drop this bvtch ASAP because she will be a constant drag in your life. The gas lighting and complaining will never end and you're a grown @$$ man, not some fvcking High School kid driving his dad's F150. Last, I'm going to guess that the sex is good. Abstain from sex for two weeks and that will give you the right mindset to walk away from this toxic woman.

 

[The Duke]

I don't know if I'm really asking for advice or typing this out for self-reflection. Still, it would be good to get some input on this rather silly situation.

For context, she is in her late 20's. No kids. Eastern European but spent most of her life here. Very attractive - easily an 8. She's also intelligent and has a decent job (although I make a lot more than she does). We met about four months ago and started seeing each other exclusively almost right away. Three things conspired to make me move faster than usual. One, we had a strong connection. Not only was there mutual attraction but we also have the same views on social and political issues (which doesn't happen often, as I live in a very left-leaning city). Two, because of severe COVID-related lockdowns/restrictions around here, meeting new people is a major pain in the @ss at the moment. And three, we live very close to each other. Now, there were a number of red flags as well, which made me skeptical as to whether things would work out in the long run, but at the end of the day, having a steady supply of nice pvssy within walking distance was an attractive proposition even if it wasn't meant to last forever.

Things were fine for the first couple of months but we had two big fights recently (both initiated by her) and broke up this weekend. The gist of her complaints is that she thinks that I didn't show her enough affection. Now keep in mind, we spent every weekend together and also saw each other once or twice during the week as well. Sex was good (we banged every time we met and she never said no to sex). However, she wanted me to text her more during the week (like good morning/good night texts and general lovey dovey crap). I am not a big fan of superficial texting but I told her that I could make more of an effort, as long as it was mutual (i.e. she would have to initiate, too). That was after our first big fight and we both started texting each other more often after that.

Another thing that she kept complaining about was that I didn't do"romantic" things for her, like buying flowers, chocolates, small gifts, etc. In her mind, those things are signs of affection. I was rather annoyed by this, as I always paid when we went out or ordered food, bought alcohol, etc. Basically, I paid for everything when we did stuff together. I bought her a nice Christmas gift too. So this really felt like an unfair complaint.

With all of this in mind, our second fight happened this weekend when we went shopping. She got herself a potted plant for her condo and I got a couple of things for myself. We went to a self-checkout register, I scanned and paid for my items and waited for her to pay for her plant. As soon as we left the store, she had a complete meltdown. Accused me of being "cheap" and said if I don't buy her flowers, at least I could have bought her the potted plant. She said that it was easy for me to make a romantic gesture and that I chose not to do so, which made her feel like she "didn't have a boyfriend". She also made it known that once we got back, she was going to pick up her stuff from my place (she only had her makeup and skincare there).

Now I just couldn't believe that she was having such a freak-out over a damn potted plant!! LOL. I was also pretty pissed off by the fact that she called me "cheap" and by her attitude in general but I kept my cool and said "whatever". We drove back in silence and then she went up to my place, picked up her stuff, said "thanks for everything, good luck" (non-sarcastically) and left.

What I find annoying about this whole situation is that I don't know if she was gaslighting me or if she was genuinely upset. If she did this to provoke a reaction, then obviously, fvck her. If she was genuinely upset, she was still being unreasonable, obviously, but as we all know, women are unreasonable in general and attractive women even more so. In that case, I could see myself reaching out and trying to patch things up to stretch this relationship out for another few months. Although, I have to say that my patience is running thin and I'm getting tired of her drama.

What do you guys think?

You two have different love languages. Read about the 5 love languages. You speak different languages.

 

[EyeBRollin]

OP, this isn’t rocket science.

This girl digs you. She thinks you are her boyfriend. Her complaints are not lies; you aren’t acting like a boyfriend. If you don’t want that, it’s time to let her go. She is lowering her interest level as we speak. If you do want to do the LTR with her it is time to act the part.

Men, the tough-never-do-anything for a woman facade does not work in an LTR. Once you’ve been promoted, they demand more attention.

 

[Barrister]

OP,

I agree with the others that I think you two speak two different "love languages." Gift-giving/receiving is obviously a big one for her and helps her feel more secure in the relationship. Your lack of doing that likely makes you come off somewhat cold/aloof to her.

That said, I do think the specific instance of the potted plant comes off very manipulative while I was reading it. This was a plant for HER condo -- not yours or your condo you share. Expecting you to buy decor for her own place is quite presumptuous at 4 months into an LTR IMO. We are only getting a superficial look at your LTR here by what you have told us, but this instance makes me feel that there are likely other things at play here besides the lack of compatibility through love language. Reading between the lines, she sounds like she has a severe victim mentality (I.E. borderline personality).

I think you need to ask yourself whether you want to hitch yourself to something like that long term. It has the chance to make you VERY unhappy dealing with.

 

[RickTheToad]

I don't know if I'm really asking for advice or typing this out for self-reflection. Still, it would be good to get some input on this rather silly situation.

For context, she is in her late 20's. No kids. Eastern European but spent most of her life here. Very attractive - easily an 8. She's also intelligent and has a decent job (although I make a lot more than she does). We met about four months ago and started seeing each other exclusively almost right away. Three things conspired to make me move faster than usual. One, we had a strong connection. Not only was there mutual attraction but we also have the same views on social and political issues (which doesn't happen often, as I live in a very left-leaning city). Two, because of severe COVID-related lockdowns/restrictions around here, meeting new people is a major pain in the @ss at the moment. And three, we live very close to each other. Now, there were a number of red flags as well, which made me skeptical as to whether things would work out in the long run, but at the end of the day, having a steady supply of nice pvssy within walking distance was an attractive proposition even if it wasn't meant to last forever.

Things were fine for the first couple of months but we had two big fights recently (both initiated by her) and broke up this weekend. The gist of her complaints is that she thinks that I didn't show her enough affection. Now keep in mind, we spent every weekend together and also saw each other once or twice during the week as well. Sex was good (we banged every time we met and she never said no to sex). However, she wanted me to text her more during the week (like good morning/good night texts and general lovey dovey crap). I am not a big fan of superficial texting but I told her that I could make more of an effort, as long as it was mutual (i.e. she would have to initiate, too). That was after our first big fight and we both started texting each other more often after that.

Another thing that she kept complaining about was that I didn't do"romantic" things for her, like buying flowers, chocolates, small gifts, etc. In her mind, those things are signs of affection. I was rather annoyed by this, as I always paid when we went out or ordered food, bought alcohol, etc. Basically, I paid for everything when we did stuff together. I bought her a nice Christmas gift too. So this really felt like an unfair complaint.

With all of this in mind, our second fight happened this weekend when we went shopping. She got herself a potted plant for her condo and I got a couple of things for myself. We went to a self-checkout register, I scanned and paid for my items and waited for her to pay for her plant. As soon as we left the store, she had a complete meltdown. Accused me of being "cheap" and said if I don't buy her flowers, at least I could have bought her the potted plant. She said that it was easy for me to make a romantic gesture and that I chose not to do so, which made her feel like she "didn't have a boyfriend". She also made it known that once we got back, she was going to pick up her stuff from my place (she only had her makeup and skincare there).

Now I just couldn't believe that she was having such a freak-out over a damn potted plant!! LOL. I was also pretty pissed off by the fact that she called me "cheap" and by her attitude in general but I kept my cool and said "whatever". We drove back in silence and then she went up to my place, picked up her stuff, said "thanks for everything, good luck" (non-sarcastically) and left.

What I find annoying about this whole situation is that I don't know if she was gaslighting me or if she was genuinely upset. If she did this to provoke a reaction, then obviously, fvck her. If she was genuinely upset, she was still being unreasonable, obviously, but as we all know, women are unreasonable in general and attractive women even more so. In that case, I could see myself reaching out and trying to patch things up to stretch this relationship out for another few months. Although, I have to say that my patience is running thin and I'm getting tired of her drama.

What do you guys think?

She's trying to mold you into something or someone you are not. Yes, you should be affectionate, but in more of a subtile way. She liked you for the way you are. Now, she's trying to mold you into something different. She's just looking for drama, I'd pass it off as BS drama and pay little attention towards it. If it starts to get too annoying or bothersome, start to think about your options.

 

[Alvafe]

you should fck her more then.

 

[Dr.Suave]

She sounds like a pain. You should never go back to an ex anyway.

 

[samspade]

I had a gf like this and nothing was ever enough for her. Not that I overdid it, and she was appreciative of the gifts I gave, but she always seemed to want more, and also couldn't stand not hearing from me on text etc. I think she looked at me more like an accessory.

Since yours is a plate I think she's showing you how things will be down the road. What's that expression, when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. There you go. You can buy the plant this week but she'll find some other thing over which to call you "cheap" later. And demanding pointless chit chat on text is just her trying to control the frame.

I've been with a girl for two years (different one), also from EE and same age, and we split everything (that's not a gift or a gesture), only text when necessary and never really fight. Not saying this to brag but to say that there are reasonable women out there.

That said - I think if you were really into her - i.e. if she had truly earned it - you would have said, "Let me buy you that plant." She sensed this and made the play.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Sounds like my ex. These type of women are insatiable, whatever you do they'll always want more. It's like trying to fill a bottomless pit.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Sounds like my ex. These type of women are insatiable, whatever you do they'll always want more. It's like trying to fill a bottomless pit.

If ya have a bottomless pit, figure out a good maintenance dose and stick with that. So no some of the times. Be selfish. If you aren't she will fill her self with destroying you.