Girl apologizes next day after semi-heated convo. How would you respond?

[Titan5000]

Met up with a couple girls I know, one seems to be casually interested off and on over the last few months, hung out a couple times but nothing really happened; I’m known to both of them as a charming, outgoing, handsome guy who is pretty social. The night was all fine and fun, mostly platonic but I teased her a bit about random things and her friend asked me how my dating life is going (we all know that we are both going on dates with other people). Near the end is when things kinda got off the rails a little. A semi-heated convo ensues where we were both being kinda blunt about each other’s situation (both of us recently exiting LTRs) I don’t think I lost my cool or argued with her or anything but there was definitely some tensions and emotions on both sides. After that it got a bit awkward and I took the opportunity to leave after saying goodbye to both of them.

Girl then texts me the next day saying “hey I want to say sorry for how things went down last night. I think we both said some things that were a bit harsh. Not how I wanted to leave it.”

I responded a couple hours later with “so am I, not sure how we even got there. No big deal though” I don’t think what I said was out of line but didn’t want to look like a d!ck or appear butthurt about it. My intent was to show her that I’m fine with happened and am cool with moving past it which I interpret her “apology” text as doing the same. No need to turn into a weird thing as we have a mutual friend. She didn’t respond and I don’t really expect her to. I would actually entertain seeing her again if she was interested enough but it’s been pretty hot and cold, on again off again for both of us, and the timing just hasn’t seemed to have lined up.

How would you have responded in this scenario? What’s your take on this based on the context?

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

“I think we both said some things that were a bit harsh”
This beezy ain’t sorry for sh1t.

I would have ignored it. Keep the tension flow bleeding.

 

[BeExcellent]

Gio nailed it. She ain't sorry for Shjt. She was telling YOU that YOU said some harsh things that she didn't like. If something like this happens again, you ignore or say Thank You and that's it. Keep frame for crying out loud.

Don't say anything else. I'd advise some silence & distance. For the record, do not ever apologize unless you did something that really needs an apology. If you are sad because your dog died and you yelled at her for example, ya apologize in that case.

Sounds to me like this was an accountability type conversation (the heated one). You do not apologize if ya'll are not committed and she gets jelly. She knows the rules. And you can't be but hurt either.

Sometimes it's a charged convo. People have emotions. Save the apologies for when you are actually out of line. You weren't here.

 

[Alvafe]

by rule a apology is a way to you feel better not the other person, and worse is most people do it to try to"ease" you a little, ignoring is the best answer in this case, she is really trying to manipulate you in some way


also note how she say this she is sorry about how the thing was heated, not what she said.

and I second beexcellent, only say sorry when you really meant it and if you was out of line

 

[Titan5000]

Gio nailed it. She ain't sorry for Shjt.

Yeah I picked up on that immediately bc I didn’t really say anything harsh. In fact, I don’t think what she said was all that harsh either but the entire series of exchanges was kind of a mood killer. I’m a bit confused as to why she bothered reaching out in the first place, maybe she’s trying to bait me into apologizing or something I have no idea. I didn’t bother responding until hours later and I don’t think my response can be construed as an apology

ignoring is the best answer in this case, she is really trying to manipulate you in some way


also note how she say this she is sorry about how the thing was heated, not what she said.

Ignoring would’ve been fine I agree but I responded as emotionless as I could at the time after a few hours. I’m not sure why she bothered to reach out at all bc her apology isn’t even an apology, basically an admission that it got awkward. But you are right that she’s probably trying to manipulate me and get me to chase in some way. Or she feels slightly bad about what she said and is trying to level the playing field by getting me to take some of the blame off her.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Im sorry for going off-topic but Why are you spending time with these girls if they are not putting out?

 

[JoyDivision1990]

Girl then texts me the next day saying “hey I want to say sorry for how things went down last night. I think we both said some things that were a bit harsh. Not how I wanted to leave it.”

IDK, I'm mixed about it. On one hand, SHE reached out first to apologize (or attempt to). I've read posts here claiming that most women never apologize, that they lack the empathy to apologize or even attempt to.

On the other hand, her saying "we both said some things...." is that really an apology?

An apology would have been, "I said some things that were harsh and I apologize..."

Then again, perhaps you might want to cut her some slack for her effort in trying to smooth things over?

My sense is she meant well and that her apology was more about the overall negative tone of the conversation and owning her role.

Up to you.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Im sorry for going off-topic but Why are you spending time with these girls if they are not putting out?

I'm confused by this also unless he is trying to use them to get to some of their friends or use them as social proof while out.

 

[JoyDivision1990]

I'm confused by this also unless he is trying to use them to get to some of their friends or use them as social proof while out.

Wing women?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Wing women?

Good wing women are hard to find. There are exceptions to the rule but most "female friends" would not set me up with their hot females friends, but some would insist on setting me up with their land-whales friends or women who I considered below my SMV (I always passed on the offer).

And after reading the op, I get the feeling these girls wont really wing for him. He could try using them for some sort of social proof like @BackInTheGame78 said but otherwise hanging out with these girls sounds like a massive waste of time.

 

[Titan5000]

Good wing women are hard to find. There are exceptions to the rule but most "female friends" would not set me up with their hot females friends, but some would insist on setting me up with their land-whales friends or women who I considered below my SMV (I always passed on the offer).

And after reading the op, I get the feeling these girls wont really wing for him. He could try using them for some sort of social proof like @BackInTheGame78 said but otherwise hanging out with these girls sounds like a massive waste of time.

Yeah I just happened to not have anything to do that early in the evening and they were close by so I stopped in for a drink. I stayed longer than I intended to tbh. The one girl is a legitimate friend and the other is sorta cute who has been throwing IOIs last few times we were all together so I figured why not.

IDK, I'm mixed about it. On one hand, SHE reached out first to apologize (or attempt to). I've read posts here claiming that most women never apologize, that they lack the empathy to apologize or even attempt to.

On the other hand, her saying "we both said some things...." is that really an apology?

An apology would have been, "I said some things that were harsh and I apologize..."

Then again, perhaps you might want to cut her some slack for her effort in trying to smooth things over?

My sense is she meant well and that her apology was more about the overall negative tone of the conversation and owning her role.

Up to you.

I actually agree with your overall sentiment. This girl doesn’t have the greatest social skills anyway, but that’s true of all women with less than maximum interest. Again, I’m not butthurt about it or anything I actually think she was a little bit which is why she was reaching out in the first place. Like a power play to get me back down to her level by admitting I did something wrong and apologizing. Or she just straight up wanted to clear the karma or something. Who knows. I don’t plan on contacting her anyway but it’s likely I do run into her again at some point. I’ll just act like it never happened

 

[JoyDivision1990]

I’m not sure why she bothered to reach out at all bc her apology isn’t even an apology, basically an admission that it got awkward. But you are right that she’s probably trying to manipulate me and get me to chase in some way.

Bolded, yup exactly how I view it. And owning her role.

Not sure why the jump to she was trying to manipulate you to chase?

Cannot she (or any woman) simply apologize for her role in an awkward conversation without it being some sort of manipulation?

I'm not quite getting that.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

She's trying to create sexual tension with you very early on, she clearly wants something from you, I didn't read your post but this behavior is 100% a red flag for sure, not saying you can't leverage it into your favor but saying there's some unknowns here for sure

If this has been going on for months it sounds like she's forcing you to either escalate or pound sand

 

[Titan5000]

Bolded, yup exactly how I view it. And owning her role.

Not sure why the jump to she was trying to manipulate you to chase?

Cannot she (or any woman) simply apologize for her role in an awkward conversation without it being some sort of manipulation?

I'm not quite getting that.

In my experience women tend to not own up to anything, especially if they’re not interested and especially if it’s not that serious in the grand scheme of things and ESPECIALLY unsolicited, why would they bother? Why would they make themselves feel guilty when they can just assume it’s the other person, especially if it was a one-off thing. This is how I view it anyway. Maybe I’m wrong tho.

So my assessment is she either truly felt bad (unlikely but not impossible), got some baseline level of interest (likely but not probable), or there’s some ulterior motive that has to do with her ego (most probable in my opinion)

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah I just happened to not have anything to do that early in the evening and they were close by so I stopped in for a drink. I stayed longer than I intended to tbh. The one girl is a legitimate friend and the other is sorta cute who has been throwing IOIs last few times we were all together so I figured why not.



I actually agree with your overall sentiment. This girl doesn’t have the greatest social skills anyway, but that’s true of all women with less than maximum interest. Again, I’m not butthurt about it or anything I actually think she was a little bit which is why she was reaching out in the first place. Like a power play to get me back down to her level by admitting I did something wrong and apologizing. Or she just straight up wanted to clear the karma or something. Who knows. I don’t plan on contacting her anyway but it’s likely I do run into her again at some point. I’ll just act like it never happened

Why didn't you try anything with the one giving IOI's?

 

[Titan5000]

Why didn't you try anything with the one giving IOI's?

All the previous 3 times I’ve seen her the logistics were bad, one of the times I had another girl with me. We have always been flirty and teasing each other. I probably would’ve tried something this night even with the friend there, we had some banter and teasing going but then eventually at some point a flip switched and she decided she wasn’t having fun anymore or something I dunno. She like “took offense” to something completely platonic that I said that didn’t even involve her and she sort of spiraled when I remained cool and nonchalant about everything. It got weird fast.

 

[Mertz09]

Bolded, yup exactly how I view it. And owning her role.

Not sure why the jump to she was trying to manipulate you to chase?

Cannot she (or any woman) simply apologize for her role in an awkward conversation without it being some sort of manipulation?

I'm not quite getting that.

I agree

 

[Mertz09]

In my experience women tend to not own up to anything, especially if they’re not interested and especially if it’s not that serious in the grand scheme of things and ESPECIALLY unsolicited, why would they bother? Why would they make themselves feel guilty when they can just assume it’s the other person, especially if it was a one-off thing. This is how I view it anyway. Maybe I’m wrong tho.

So my assessment is she either truly felt bad (unlikely but not impossible), got some baseline level of interest (likely but not probable), or there’s some ulterior motive that has to do with her ego (most probable in my opinion)

"there’s some ulterior motive that has to do with her ego (most probable in my opinion)"

Ah yeah..... Ego Now that is a slippery slope Gentlemen. Not just for women but for Men. IMO

 

[JoyDivision1990]

So my assessment is she either truly felt bad (unlikely but not impossible), got some baseline level of interest (likely but not probable), or there’s some ulterior motive that has to do with her ego (most probable in my opinion)

I definitely think she's got some level of romantic interest. And as such, she cares about what and how you think (and feel) about her.

That's why she reached out and apologized for her role in the "awkward" (your word) conversation. She didn't want you thinking poorly of her, that she was harsh or whatever; it was her attempt to "make nice."

As for her manipulating you to chase/escalate, I don't see it as manipulative, BUT I do think she'd like you to escalate.

Women typically don't care what men think or feel about them unless they have at least somewhat of a romantic interest and care themselves.

 

[JoyDivision1990]

I probably would’ve tried something this night even with the friend there, we had some banter and teasing going but then eventually at some point a flip switched and she decided she wasn’t having fun anymore or something I dunno. She like “took offense” to something completely platonic that I said that didn’t even involve her and she sort of spiraled when I remained cool and nonchalant about everything. It got weird fast.

Can you share some context about what you said?

What her reaction tells me is that, for her, there are emotions brewing within and the slightest little thing said, even if a man (you) thinks it's innocent and no big deal, will get her spiraling.

Why are you so hesitant to believe she has a romantic interest in you?