Girl acting distant, then I read a flirty message from her ex.

[budisudaryo]

Hi guys,

I've been dating this girl for a few months. Lately she's been acting distant. I don't know why but I have a gut feeling that she's been talking to some other guy, probably her ex. One thing for sure, this ex still loved her when they broke up. Then, some days ago, I read my Twitter timeline and there's a new mention from him to my girl (I follow him because I know him), saying: "Sorry darl, my credit run out so I can't reply your text." The suspicious thing is, when I refresh the page a minute later, it's been deleted. OK now, is it enough proof for me to talk about this to her? I don't mean to accuse her, just saying something like, "So, you still talk to your ex, huh? Because I read this mention etc etc."

Thanks

Edit: Then I remember, some days before she started acting strange, I read my Twitter timeline and...

 

[scribblec]

lol double edged sword tbh , if you tell her your following her ex bf on twitter and u read his deleted message you look like a pathetic beta, but on the other hand if u ignore it and let it slide it can only get worse.

my recommendation is to distance yourself a bit because theres no reason she should be communicating with her ex behind ur back
(this will also make her think wtf why isnt he all over me)

 

[cola]

Just quit her. I dont tolerate any ex boyfriend communication. I dont accept "we are just friends" or any of that bs. If you switch car insurance companies do you keep tabs on the old one?

 

[n00bPimp]

Just quit her. I dont tolerate any ex boyfriend communication. I dont accept "we are just friends" or any of that bs. If you switch car insurance companies do you keep tabs on the old one?

No, don't do that. If you let simple problems like this end your relationship then you're going to be a lonely man for the rest of your life.
She might be talking to him, but this doesn't necessarily mean that she doesnt like you anymore. Try doing something that shows you're not afraid to lose her, like make her feel a little jealous or keep your communications short for the next few days.

 

[Gdupm6]

Always go with your gut feeling... Now that you have proof, its enough for you to distance yourself and kill your feelings.. Because if shes talking to her ex now shell talk to him later too, even if she says shes not.. Its a stupid cycle... but it never fails...

 

[budisudaryo]

lol double edged sword tbh , if you tell her your following her ex bf on twitter and u read his deleted message you look like a pathetic beta, but on the other hand if u ignore it and let it slide it can only get worse.

my recommendation is to distance yourself a bit because theres no reason she should be communicating with her ex behind ur back (this will also make her think wtf why isnt he all over me)

No worry. She already knows I'm following him. I've been introduced to him even before I was dating her so we've known each other for a long time even though we're not really friends.

I'd also like to add that she told me once that the ex still text her sometimes but it's only casual things like "good luck for your exam" and she also replied casually. Now what I didn't expect is the fact that she initiated contact with him at least once, which can be seen from his tweet ("sorry I can't reply your text").

Just quit her. I dont tolerate any ex boyfriend communication. I dont accept "we are just friends" or any of that bs. If you switch car insurance companies do you keep tabs on the old one?

The problem is, how do I know if she still communicates with him? That tweet alone is not enough of a proof. It could be just that she texted him because she wanted some of her things back or something. Although his calling her "darl" is quite alarming.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

For me, If a girl talks to her ex I won't get into a relationship with her until all communication is ceased. Depends on what you tolerate though. To me though it is very disresctful.

 

[Iceberg]

The problem is, how do I know if she still communicates with him? That tweet alone is not enough of a proof. It could be just that she texted him because she wanted some of her things back or something. Although his calling her "darl" is quite alarming.

You're not going to know. That's why people are telling you to go with your gut.

You can ask your girl directly, and yeah, it makes you weak. Plus you're not necessarily going to get the truth from her.

So all you can do is go with your gut. She's acting distant. You're uncomfortable. That's enough for you to consider breaking things off.

 

[budisudaryo]

For me, If a girl talks to her ex I won't get into a relationship with her until all communication is ceased. Depends on what you tolerate though. To me though it is very disresctful.

Yeah, I do mind if she still communicates with him because only months had gone by after their breakup when we started dating. Furthermore, signs point out that he still wants her back. So yeah, once I know for sure she's been communicating with him, I'll think about leaving her.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

I've learned you got to lead by actions not words. Talking to her about it will only make her resent you. I suggest you leave her if she has. You don't deserve that disrespect.

 

[perseverance]

Just go No Contact and when she gets in contact with you, just ignore her.

Got her number? Delete it.

Got her on facebook. Delete her and block her.

Erase her from your life.

 

[3countriesPlan]

Well if she is getting back good with him you'll just have to demote her pending dismissal from your stable of hotties.. hopefully you have more plates so you can just plug a new one in cause she doesn't look to worthy of your time and you should respond to her garbage behavior accordingly.

 

[cola]

No, don't do that. If you let simple problems like this end your relationship then you're going to be a lonely man for the rest of your life.
She might be talking to him, but this doesn't necessarily mean that she doesnt like you anymore. Try doing something that shows you're not afraid to lose her, like make her feel a little jealous or keep your communications short for the next few days.

Thats not a "simple problem" .. Talking to an ex is blatant disrespect. Not to be tolerated. My rule is if he banged her once he can bang her twice. All he has to do is catch her vulnerable. I.e after her and the op have an argumemt. If she wants her stuff back then she would have told you she was contacting him to get her stuff back. im in a relationship and,my girl knows I dont play that.

To op, wait till you have proof she is talking to ex. Dont go snooping thats chump behavior but when the evidence finds you check her ass. Let her know you dont play that still talking to ex ****. Early in the relationship is when you set boundries.

 

[DonGorgon]

its not just her ex.. women usually have a few dudes ion the side and you need to have to females on the side cause thats how it goes now.. the person with no other options (usually the male) loses the "game"

 

[scribblec]

Just go No Contact and when she gets in contact with you, just ignore her.

Got her number? Delete it.

Got her on facebook. Delete her and block her.

Erase her from your life.

are you kidding me? why is this the default response with all u faggots

 

[perseverance]

are you kidding me? why is this the default response with all u faggots

Why waste time with someone who isn't worth the time of day? Life is too short.

This man could die tomorrow and he's wasting his time with a girl who clearly hasn't gotten over her ex yet.

When I split up with a girl or things go pear shaped with a girl, I cut her out of my life completely. Why carry around excess baggage that you don't need to be carrying around?

 

[n00bPimp]

Thats not a "simple problem" .. Talking to an ex is blatant disrespect. Not to be tolerated. My rule is if he banged her once he can bang her twice. All he has to do is catch her vulnerable. I.e after her and the op have an argumemt. If she wants her stuff back then she would have told you she was contacting him to get her stuff back. im in a relationship and,my girl knows I dont play that.

To op, wait till you have proof she is talking to ex. Dont go snooping thats chump behavior but when the evidence finds you check her ass. Let her know you dont play that still talking to ex ****. Early in the relationship is when you set boundries.

Blatant disrespect? they're only boyfriends, they're not married, not even engaged.

Think about it, how are you getting disrespected? A lot of guys here, and this is a big part of being an AFC, believe that they should be treated as some big holy figure that their girlfriend, and the world, must treat with up most respect, and that showing as much as a sign of possible disinterest is some form of threat to their self, and she must be eliminated from their life so their self is protected from any possible heartbreak.

This fear of getting "disrespected" is nothing but a sign of a insecure self. Stop protecting your ego and start facing your problems like a man. If she's talking to her ex, and you like this girl, then fix it, don't run away from your problems, face them.

OP, its up to you to listen to our advice, but consider this first: At least 90% of the guys here are AFCs who are not good with girls, and these are the same people that will give you advice on how to deal with girls. So dont assume that because most people are giving you the same advice that its the correct advice. Listen to your gut feeling above all.

 

[The_411]

Sorry n00bpimp,

You are wrong about this ...

I agree that guys get too into the respect me or else stuff; however, when you feel the need to snoop the relationship is over and it has nothing to do with respect it has to do with trust. Even if there's nothing wrong (which is rarely the case because most guys don't snoop unless they suspect something. I say most because there are guys who are overly paranoid and will snoop on girld regardless) the relationship is now on rocky ground because the guy is now suspicious. So, even if the girl hasn't been talking to her ex or some other guy, you now will think she is at various times. At some point she'll pick up on your distrusting vibe and look elsewhere. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The other issue is she's intentionally hiding something and it's contact with an ex. If was no big deal why would she delete it and why is she talking with her ex? When women talk with their ex on the sly it's an issue of not being over that relationship. When they can be open about it andwith their new guy then they're almsot always done.

 

[tafakna]

I've been dating this girl for a few months. Lately she's been acting distant. I don't know why but I have a gut feeling that she's been talking to some other guy, probably her ex. One thing for sure, this ex still loved her when they broke up. Then, some days ago, I read my Twitter timeline and there's a new mention from him to my girl (I follow him because I know him), saying:

It's a wake-up call: it means that you don't have the ultimate control of the situation and of her heart.

The problem is that this is something you can't demand, you have to earn it. Confronting her on this risk making you weak, like you're pleading her to like you and not him. It doesn't make you any stronger and it's a common mistake (man don't force woman to behave like they should, man command enough respect for her to do that on her own).

I wouldn't be drastic as well, no risk wasting a relationship because of a twitter line.

I think you MUST start acting distant and aloof yourself. Right now she's too confy, she is taking you for granted and showing some interest in an ex. Make her feel like she might be losing you. Go out with your friends, meet new people, make it feel like YOU might be ready to move on (just don't say it).

Take her out of her comfort zone...

 

[Johnnyventana]

I agree. She's way to comfortable. And if you chase, she'll only run to "dude."

Time to go bye bye for a bit. Make her really think about this.