Gir who wants to keep her options open

[drmeathead]

dude it sucks. i was in that situation a few years back. this girl was cheating on her bf with me and then to piss me off went on a date with a third guy. i told her that i wanted to see her that night of the date. she agreed. it was hell on earth. basically told me she didnt want a commitment but kissed me good night. it was so werid and frustrating yet she did see me. i didnt even really want to see her, i just didnt want her hooking up with that guy.

if i had to do it over again, i would have not seen her. i would have let her do whatever and found someone else. the fact of the matter that made it bad for me was that i didnt have a date that night and the bar we went to b4 i met up with her had no talent.

we ended up dating for 9 hellish months. she admitted to me that she did want to hook up with the guy but part of her reason was to make me jealous. bottom line is if a girl likes you she doesnt go on a date with someone else. this holds true for 1st dates or LTRs.

 

[SoCalMike]

i've never heard of a guy complain about having a f-buddy before.

dude, what's the big deal?

it's just a girl. seriously man, if a girl wanted to just bang me, no matter how beautiful, intelligent, sweet, etc. she was, if all she wanted was sex i'd be ok with that.

not flaming you, just don't get attached to someone emotionally if they don't feel that way about you. all emotions get shut down as soon as she tells you she just wants to be f-buddies.

if you can't handle that, then cut all contact and move on.

end of story.

 

[hithard]

i've never heard of a guy complain about having a f-buddy before.

dude, what's the big deal?

it's just a girl. seriously man, if a girl wanted to just bang me, no matter how beautiful, intelligent, sweet, etc. she was, if all she wanted was sex i'd be ok with that.

not flaming you, just don't get attached to someone emotionally if they don't feel that way about you. all emotions get shut down as soon as she tells you she just wants to be f-buddies.

if you can't handle that, then cut all contact and move on.

end of story.

Bull’s eye, soon as you hear the words f-buddy you should be using her as a wank substitute while looking for more suitable LTR.Have fun with it instead of having a hissy fit that someone else is stomping on what you think you own. You got lazy because you had a regular root, and then got too emotional when you didn’t get your way.Not a flame

 

[joekerr31]

Did I do the right thing in cutting off the friend ship? If not, what would my other options be?

no, the mistsake you made was mistaking a fbuddy scenario for a relationship scenario.

when a chic gives you fbuddy privileges what shes saying is that she likes you but you aren't the guy she sees herself settling down with in the future.

fbuddy scenarios work great until someoen wants to start dating someone else. then one party is left hanging and feels totally rejected.

usually both parties in the fbuddy situation are idiots. i mean, come on, if you are having sex all the time someone is goign to end up with their emotions all in a knot.

she knew this. you knew this. it just happens that you are the one that is crying over spilt milk first. had you come to her and said 'we need to take a break because im dating someone now' it would have been her crying over spilt milk.

instead of threatening to end the friendship - which is immature and something you dont need to threaten (if you do it you just do it, you dont threaten to do it) - what you should do is tell her that its time to get off the fence.

see the problem with turning a woman from a fbuddy into a gf is that in her mind she has established herself as a wh*re to you. which she is fine with her because she wasnt looking for anything long term. but then when you suddenly want a relationship, it doesnt feel right to her, because she's walking in to the situation without her usual arsenal of 'man controlling' tactics.

women are not use to starting a relationship from the wh*re position. they are use to starting it from the seduction position, drawing you in, slowly gaining control over you and once she has that THEN being a bed room wh*re (thats your reward if you will in her mind).

 

[Ever onward]

You made some great points there Joe.

when a chic gives you fbuddy privileges what shes saying is that she likes you but you aren't the guy she sees herself settling down with in the future.

fbuddy scenarios work great until someoen wants to start dating someone else. then one party is left hanging and feels totally rejected.

You speak the truth brother

usually both parties in the fbuddy situation are idiots. i mean, come on, if you are having sex all the time someone is goign to end up with their emotions all in a knot.

I'm not sure both parties were idiots. I think it was just me. I knew she wouldn't have trouble remaining unemotional. I thought I could deal with it and in exchange get to fukk a hottie.

instead of threatening to end the friendship - which is immature and something you dont need to threaten (if you do it you just do it, you dont threaten to do it) - what you should do is tell her that its time to get off the fence.

It is immature. If you read my posts in this thread you can see that I too thought so.

UPDATE -

Okay so I initially backed off for a few days from the friendship. I told her I needed to get my head straight.

But apparently it worked. She was so upset and seemed to miss me that she has reconsidered everything.

But the thing is, I reconsidered everything too. I figured out that

-she's not my idea candidate for a partner
-she doesn't give me what I would want in a partner
-she's got issues of the ass
-ect

So now that we are back in contact after the few days break. She is the one pursuing me. She is the one who initiates when we get together. She is the one who is constantly texting how amazing I make her feel. She is the one who doesn't want to be just friends or fbuddies anymore. I'm just relaxed and enjoying the ride and keeping my emotions unattached.

Maybe I'm lying to myself in believing that I can keep unattached. I'm not sure. But I think I'm doing alright if I am at least less attached to the outcome than she is.

Time will tell.

Thanks guys.

 

[Latinoman]

i've never heard of a guy complain about having a f-buddy before.

dude, what's the big deal?

it's just a girl. seriously man, if a girl wanted to just bang me, no matter how beautiful, intelligent, sweet, etc. she was, if all she wanted was sex i'd be ok with that.

not flaming you, just don't get attached to someone emotionally if they don't feel that way about you. all emotions get shut down as soon as she tells you she just wants to be f-buddies.

if you can't handle that, then cut all contact and move on.

end of story.

I agree.

 

[Latinoman]

instead of threatening to end the friendship - which is immature and something you dont need to threaten (if you do it you just do it, you dont threaten to do it) - what you should do is tell her that its time to get off the fence.

see the problem with turning a woman from a fbuddy into a gf is that in her mind she has established herself as a wh*re to you. which she is fine with her because she wasnt looking for anything long term. but then when you suddenly want a relationship, it doesnt feel right to her, because she's walking in to the situation without her usual arsenal of 'man controlling' tactics.

women are not use to starting a relationship from the wh*re position. they are use to starting it from the seduction position, drawing you in, slowly gaining control over you and once she has that THEN being a bed room wh*re (thats your reward if you will in her mind).

EXACTLY! This is a gem of a post...and very true. But do you know what? Only a very small percentage of men understand this.

 

[joekerr31]

So now that we are back in contact after the few days break. She is the one pursuing me. She is the one who initiates when we get together. She is the one who is constantly texting how amazing I make her feel. She is the one who doesn't want to be just friends or fbuddies anymore. I'm just relaxed and enjoying the ride and keeping my emotions unattached..

have you ever watched a soap opera?
if you haven't you should, just to see what entertains the female mind.

and congrats, you are now IN a soap opera of your very own

so just strap yourself in and realize that she is going to be ALL over the map. she's going to be hot sometimes, cold others, etc. she might become gf material or she may turn in to a wh*re.

you'll probably know within a month or two.

 

[Latinoman]

have you ever watched a soap opera?
if you haven't you should, just to see what entertains the female mind.

and congrats, you are now IN a soap opera of your very own

so just strap yourself in and realize that she is going to be ALL over the map. she's going to be hot sometimes, cold others, etc. she might become gf material or she may turn in to a wh*re.

you'll probably know within a month or two.

Hopefully...while she is getting some cuck on the side from time to time (from other men)...he is also very busy getting some on the side from other women.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Okay I've known this girl for seven years and she had me firmly in the friend zone.

DJ Math time - You = 30 y.o. Time spent in self-imposed purgatory (i.e. the so called "Friend Zone") = 7 years. Thus you've been playing friends with this girl since you were 23. SWEET MOTHER MARY! WTF are you doing!

UPDATE -

Okay so I initially backed off for a few days from the friendship. I told her I needed to get my head straight.

But apparently it worked. She was so upset and seemed to miss me that she has reconsidered everything.

But the thing is, I reconsidered everything too. I figured out that

-she's not my idea candidate for a partner
-she doesn't give me what I would want in a partner
-she's got issues of the ass
-ect

,...Time will tell.

So what's it going to take my friend? Another 7 years to realize that you cannot negotiate real desire and intimacy with a woman who's simply not hot for you? And that's what you're doing, wasting your most precious resources, time and opportunity, by devoting any metal/emotional effort to her for the past SEVEN YEARS.

Now here's the kicker; if you were playing emotional tampon for her for since age 23, what's changed in her conditions in the past 7 years that now makes you not just a FB, but someone she's upset over in just a few months? Did she just get divorced at 28-30? Maybe she broke up with an LTR guy and you were the batter on deck she had warming up in the bullpen for 7 years? Is she going to have her cake and eat it too now that it's time to cash her chips in with you Mr. Dependable? Does she have kids from a previous LTR?

 

[DJDamage]

. He can get locked up in a wicked mind-fvck waiting and hoping that she will want the same thing.

I had one of those and it was tough.

This chick is waiting for the BBD- Bigger better Deal, you ain't it (at least not in her eyes) but you are probably going to meet him if you continue to be the pseudo fb/friend/emotional tampon you have going on. When this chick will meet this man of her dreams she will disappear so fast out of your life. You have been warned......

You can't fool nature. You can't beat nature. You can't compromise with nature. In the end nature always win. Accept it and move on or continue to be hurting.

 

[Ever onward]

Originally Posted by SoCalMike
i've never heard of a guy complain about having a f-buddy before.

dude, what's the big deal?

Well believe it or not, some guys want more than just a sexual fling.

Joe -

and congrats, you are now IN a soap opera of your very own

so just strap yourself in and realize that she is going to be ALL over the map. she's going to be hot sometimes, cold others, etc. she might become gf material or she may turn in to a wh*re.

you'll probably know within a month or two.

A soap opera eh? Well if so, then it is her soap opera. As I said earlier, I've raised my standards for what I'm looking for. If she wants to get emotionally attached to me, that's her problem. I just go to her house and fukk her.

Hopefully...while she is getting some cuck on the side from time to time (from other men)...he is also very busy getting some on the side from other women.

Great advice. However, I don't have time at the moment to pursue other women. So I'll be satisfied just getting it on with her 3 or 4 times a week. What she does on the side is her business. But I'm not going to be getting emotionally attached to her any time soon.

Rollo -

DJ Math time - You = 30 y.o. Time spent in self-imposed purgatory (i.e. the so called "Friend Zone") = 7 years. Thus you've been playing friends with this girl since you were 23. SWEET MOTHER MARY! WTF are you doing!

Guess I didn't explain the background very well. Yes we've known each other for 7 years and yes we've been strictly in the friend zone until the last month. But the thing is we lost touch about 6 years ago (we worked together and she eventually quit) and only in the last 7 months have we been back in contact through Myspace. Before we hooked up a month ago, we had seen each other only once since reconnecting through Myspace.

This chick is waiting for the BBD- Bigger better Deal, you ain't it (at least not in her eyes) but you are probably going to meet him if you continue to be the pseudo fb/friend/emotional tampon you have going on. When this chick will meet this man of her dreams she will disappear so fast out of your life. You have been warned...

Nothing new here. I came up with this assessment long ago. But like a dumb ass, after getting physical with her I thought maybe she might have actually felt something.

Well now the tables are turned. She seems to be the emotionally needy one. I'm looking for a BBD.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Troops,


I have seen in my life, and in the lives of others, that the whole fukk buddies thing usually turns to friends with benefits right before it goes to complete and utter HELL.

SOMEBODY always winds up wanting more than the other one does. And the reasons for the emotional see saw ride that EVER ONWARD and this woman are on is because of one simple truth:

REJECTION DOUBLES INTEREST LEVEL.

Doc Love was right when he said this. But HERE is the reason WHY he was right:

No one likes to be slighted or dumped, so whichever person gets dumped first usually feels a sense of IMBALANCE emotionally. They feel like the other person has jumped off the see saw and left them to go crash, brutally hard into the ground.

So in order to get "back up in the air" again, the dumped person is often tempted to pursue the the "dumper" relentlessly to get them back. But when they DO get them back, subconsciously, they are NOT pursuing them to LOVE them-----but to turn right around and dump THEM just as hard as "they" were dumped.

As idiotic as this sounds, THIS is actually how a lot of people choose to "get their power back". You see, EVER ONWARD, that girl you're talking about is probably NOT really interested in getting YOU back-------but rather, either her overly inflated sense of ego, or her recently unsteadied, emotional equilibrium.


As I say around here often...PROTECT YOUR HEART,soldier.



March on.