"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
gift
- Thread starter Norp
- Start date
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
In short, do less than she expects. It's better to underwhem than overwhelm. It's better to have her think you're an unfeeling jerk. It's better to have her angry at you.
NOTHING. (When you care enough to send the very best)
Please excuse this flame:
YOU ARE AN IDIOT!
Okay now on with my thoughts:
I agree that if you JUST started seeing a girl for a couple weeks than there should be no reason to get her anything. But even after a month a card is not a bad idea. No it shouldn't be fancy or say that you love her. There is nothing wrong with a funny card at any stage in a relationship.
How in the world is it better to have her think that you are an unfeeling jerk? Or to have her angry at you?
Will THAT get you laid? I highly doubt it.
If you don't want to buy her gifts than what is wrong with a simple card and dinner? Being too over the top is one thing, but being an a$$hole is something else. I understand that Valentines isn't a big holiday or anything and really I'm not too crazy about it myself. You can do things that aren't expensive, but still show that you weren't trying to be cheap. And that you CARE. GOSH FORBID!
Good Luck Norp.
Chubbs Peterson
Senior Don Juan
Your question is a little too open and vague.
To get a satisfactory answer, I suggest you be a little more specific with your situation. Giving any kind of gift to a woman is contingent on the type of relationship you have with her and the status of that relationship.
RKTek gave you a good general rule of thumb if you've actually been dating this girl.
Giving her a card after only a month of dating would only be permissable IF you have no prior history of buying her gifts.
If you are seeing this girl, remember that not too many woman are going to actually LEAVE a guy simply because he hasn't given her gifts or other tokens of affection. Offering myself as an example, MY own longest relationships were with girls to whom I gave absolutely NOTHING. The only thing I gave them on occasion was my time. And that's it.
VeryBadGirl
Master Don Juan
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I've also recieved a good book as a gift for V-day and loved that.
Personally, I think cards are dumb unless you get a blank one and actually write something real - the idea of hallmark speaking for you is cheesy and sad. Funny one can be cute though - if they really are funny.
But, if she doesn't get you anything, I would take that as a red flag if you have been dating seriously (read: exclusive) for more than 3 months.
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
should i buy her a gift ( although she has a boyfriend) or should i let her man do the spending,
as at right now we are just friends who like each other but may be feb 14th we'll be bf and gf.
VeryBadGirl
Master Don Juan
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Please do not give her a gift. In fact, please concetrate on other women besides that one. Boyfriend? "Needs some time?" - those usually add up to "Sorry, I am not interested but I am too much of a wussy woman to say it straight to your face."
Sorry
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.