GHOSTING

ariesc

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#1
Guys,

I need your advice. I've been ghosted twice now. WTF am I doing wrong?

Both occasions, the dates went extremely well. By the end of the date, we were holding hands, walking, chatting, they stop talking, eyes met, we kiss. Typical dating BS.

I tell them both I'd like to see them again, both girls said yes. We set a vague date like "let's see each other this weekend" and then... ghosted. I text them and they never get back. It's so strange because the dates went so well and then boom.
 

markfromeurope

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#2
Guys,

I need your advice. I've been ghosted twice now. WTF am I doing wrong?

Both occasions, the dates went extremely well. By the end of the date, we were holding hands, walking, chatting, they stop talking, eyes met, we kiss. Typical dating BS.

I tell them both I'd like to see them again, both girls said yes. We set a vague date like "let's see each other this weekend" and then... ghosted. I text them and they never get back. It's so strange because the dates went so well and then boom.
Bolded the part that would increase the chance of being ghosted. You should leave them uncertain of your intentions/indirect about them at least.

However, sometimes you are assessed as 'single date material' only in the first couple of minutes so I'd not be too hard on myself about it.
 

ariesc

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#3
So next time be vague? Leave them with uncertainty? That feels so counter-intuitive but I'll give it a try. I mean I think you're probably right. The girls I wasn't very interested in and never texted back have all been very responsive and some actually texted me after some time. We'll see. But yeah it's a bit discouraging since I just got out of an LTR and haven't really dated in awhile. Thanks for your two-cents.
 

markfromeurope

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#4
It is counter-intuitive.

Ideally she should tell you something like "Ok, I had great time ariesc, hope we will meet again soon" and you should be like "Yeah, it's possible, we'll see about it" and send her Tom Cruise smile or just don't say anything and send her Tom Cruise smile.

That's my usual planned modus operandi but I sometimes eventually say something like "SURE WE WILL!" or "So when we will meet again?" (weak as phuck) with puppy eyes so you know, last seconds of the date are slippery slope for me as well, mostly because you drop your guard too soon after solving "to kiss her or not to kiss her" dilemma.
 

ariesc

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#5
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL Dude... do you really say that? "Yeah it's possible." Damn son. That is hilarious. I will try and let you know what happens.
 

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bob2007

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#7
I throw this out there randomly. U might be bad kisser , it's possible. I've had 2 girls that were terrible kissers. Possible with men too.
 

Tilex

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#8
We need a little bit more info

When you meet her for dates:

A) Do you pick her up from her place?
B) Does she arrive at your place?
C) Both of you meet at a public venue?

Are you paying for everything on these dates or is it split 50/50?

Besides kissing and holding hands, what other types of kino are you doing?

Are you familiar with the concept of compliance testing?
 
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IKO69

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#9
While you may have thought the dates went well, it DOESN'T mean the girls did. It's really as simple as that.

I see people picking apart what you asked and that it is "needy" blah blah blah. Let's turn the tables - If she asked you if you'd like to hang out on the wknd and you were interested, would you not say yes? So why would it be any different with you posing her the question.....if she were interested? She would be hoping you'd ask and would do her best to make sure you could see each other as soon as possible. This is how it works in the real world....the games are kept to a minimal when the girl has genuine interest.

You'll come to understand with time it doesn't matter really what you say (to a certain extent)...I also don't really think you did anything "wrong" per say, she just decided she didn't like you at the end of the date. You asking her to hang out in a vague type of way wouldn't do **** to improve the situation.
 

Espi

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#10
https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threa...st-between-the-first-and-second-date.188587//

If you've had a string of (seemingly) great first dates, only to have the girl disappear afterwards, it is because you failed to leave room for doubt.

...avoid giving her any closure following the first date. Don't make plans for a second date on the first one, don't text her to make sure she got in ok at the end of the night, and don't text her the next day to thank her for a nice time. Wait at least a couple of days, unless she contacts you first...and even then, show restraint. Her need for validation is going to be the key to getting her out with you again, so you need to make her feel that tension and uncertainty.
 
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Espi

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#11
Ideally she should tell you something like "Ok, I had great time ariesc, hope we will meet again soon" and you should be like "Yeah, it's possible, we'll see about it" and send her Tom Cruise smile or just don't say anything and send her Tom Cruise smile.
Not bad I like it, but in my opinion it's best to simply say, "OK sounds good"... look at her, then kiss her (10 seconds max). Then say goodnight.

Sometimes I'll pull the opposite tact and say, "Oh come ON now you sooo know I want to see you again." "I'm supposed to act all cool now and make you wonder if I like you enough to see you again."

The bigger point here is once she says, "Call me" "frame" instantly moves to DJ.
 

Espi

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#12
We need a little bit more info
I don't need any more info.

The aspiring DJ committed the cardinal 1st date sin: he asked for second date while still on the first. THAT is all I need to know.

I tell them both I'd like to see them again
I never ask for a second date while I'm still on the first, much like I would never mention exclusivity. She has to earn my time and attention. I am more selective than ever when it comes to inviting women into my life...I've got at least a dozen women involved in my life at various levels (by far my largest stable of women ever, and I'm 48!).

Push/pull is the essence of game.

But I will also tell you:

No matter how many women you attract, there will ALWAYS be flaking, ESPECIALLY in the early phase of courtship (i.e. time between dates 1 and 2). The more women you attract, the more flakes you'll experience, and when your gamesmanship is at a high level, YOU will do some flaking yourself, because only confident people flake. The flaker has options and is wiling to walk away...both highly attractive qualities..
 
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sangheilios

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#13
I really don't think you should dissect these dates as if you are doing something wrong, as that will just drive you insane trying to figure out why you got ghosted. Assuming these dates are going well, like you said, it could be a million different things. Maybe she had a really good time and liked you but later felt that she wasn't interested in going out again. Maybe some other priority in her life popped up. No one can honestly say with any certainty.

I had this happen to me last summer with a date that I thought went amazingly well. At the end of the date she initiated a kiss and told me when she gets off from work and when she'd be available, so I told her I'd reach out later. We texted a couple times and when I went to set something up again I never heard back from her.

Just go out and meet women, don't take any of this personally and just use it as a learning experience. What you say or text is not going to really make much of a difference if a woman is interested in seeing you again.
 

backseatjuan

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#14
sometimes you are assessed as 'single date material' only in the first couple of minutes
First couple of minutes is the key, especially if this is an OLD date. Make good first impression. Also, be sure to be late 15 minutes or more, adjust that time to the time these women usually are late in your city. Secondly, more often nowadays women date to eat. It's a possibility, especially if it's an OLD date, she went out for a launch, can't do anything about it, just minimize your investment. This is why you take her for drinks on first date, if she don't agree for whatever reason, downgrade it for coffee, but never upgrade if for a meal, ever, especially if she says she is kinda hungry. If this is an OLD date, you don't discuss with her what you two gonna do, you just setup a meet near a pub and take her there, if not, there should be a coffee place near that bar.


I tell them both I'd like to see them again, both girls said yes. We set a vague date like "let's see each other this weekend" and then... ghosted.
You keep in mind that women often date just to kill time, or to eat at a restaurant, and to have sex. They want to fck just as much as you want to fck. Demonstrate to them you are an alpha and have options by not suggesting them you two should meet again and setting up a date. Instead after you kiss her, passionately, tell her let's go back to my place watch a movie have some more drinks. This is your sht test. If you going to tell her how much great time you two had, and that you want to see her again, and making plans for the future, that's beta, and that's validation for her. Do what @Jeffst1980 suggest @Espi post. She will most likely message you in a day or two asking how your date with her went, translation, give me some validation. To which you reply in a day or two and say 'how are you?'

For christ's sake, make sure first date is not a meal! It's boring man, and it costs a lot of money. You two can do same thing over a coffee, or have even more fun over couple of drinks.
 

soulforge

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#15
Prob just some other guy in the picture specialy if OLD
I realy dont think its what you said unless you said it in a needy af way

Online dating? Probability of getting a second date is very low.. UNLESS you impressed the chit out of her.

This is why, with online chicks I aim to BANG on the first date, chances are I won't see that hoe again.
 
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AJ84

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#16
Female perspective: I really don’t get the logic behind thinking that asking her out on second date suddenly turns off her interest.
“Wow he’s very cute and nice. The date was awesome. Uh oh he asked me out again oh there it goes, interest gone..”
That’s not how we think.
Those girls were not interested enough, period.
This is dating par for the course. Just continue meeting new girls and you will meet ones more interested.
 

Murkserious

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#17
I’ve been ghosted when I don’t give the girl enough attention/commitment

I’ve also been ghosted when I get a number on a night out and try message them the next day - I assume they have bfs and we’re just drunk

I have never been randomly ghosted out of the blue and I would never do that to a women either
 

sangheilios

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#18
I’ve been ghosted when I don’t give the girl enough attention/commitment

I’ve also been ghosted when I get a number on a night out and try message them the next day - I assume they have bfs and we’re just drunk

I have never been randomly ghosted out of the blue and I would never do that to a women either
I've gotten numbers from bars/clubs before and a lot of times never heard back at all, I think this is fairly normal. I feel outside of this and maybe OLD ghosting is incredibly rude and inconsiderate.
 
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#19
Imagine you're craving a really good slice of pizza. So you see a pizza place and walk in. Pizza looks good, smells pretty good and you order a slice. You sit, eat, and get your fill, but it wasn't the best pizza you've ever had. The guy serving you asked how was the pizza. You say, ït was fine! Thanks!". And you're not really lying at all. it was fine. It certainly wasn't bad at all. It just wasn't the kind of pizza you would rave over and tell all of your friends about. It wasn't the kind of pizza you would pass up other pizza places for to get to.

Women often treat first dates in this manner, and a lot of times this is just the lack of "that particular feeling" some women are looking for.

A woman usually describes "that feeling" as something she gets from a man that makes her think about him and smile in the middle of her work day. The guy she can't wait to see again and constantly thinks about. Etc. I'm sure you've all heard some variations of that before.

A woman can find a man to be reasonably attractive and sociable enough to meet with (craving the pizza).

She can have "that feeling" of anticipation about meeting him based on communications beforehand (smelling and ordering the pizza).

She can laugh genuinely when he jokes. She can feel like she isn't wasting her time on the date to the extent that she is willing to make the best of it. She can see the date all the way through to see if some chemistry and "that feeling" can develop by the end of it, even to the point of a kiss. (eating all of the pizza).

She can text him and thank him and genuinely feel like she had a decent time and that it wasn't for nothing (saying the pizza was fine).

But if "that feeling" isn't there in the end, she is just underwhelmed, rather than turned off and disappointed. She was the type to hope for more magic out of a first date, and for whatever reason, it just wasn't there. For whatever reason, she could be sitting at work and realize she isn't day dreaming about seeing you again, not because you did anything wrong, but simply because the "magic" wasn't there for her. (It just wasn't the kind of pizza she would pass up other pizza places for).

The bottom line is that you may not have made a bad pizza at all, really. You're pizza would be considered good by a lot of customers. But for her, you're just not the best pizza she's had in a long time. So she has decided she wants to continue looking for her go-to pizza joint.
 

backseatjuan

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#20
Women often treat first dates in this manner, and a lot of times this is just the lack of "that particular feeling" some women are looking for.
Nice analogy about pizza. Thing is chemistry and love is equal to intimacy and comport. Which is best created with kissing, touching vagina, getting your dck touched on first date. Which translates to going out of bar or coffee to some other place where you two can escalate, on first date. Doesn't mean it's an fclose. Just something more intimate. Easiest thing is having a car and taking her to a place with nice view, but this is dangerous because alcohol is involved.

Alcohol plays a big role in this, at least for me. I can't picture a good sober date.
 
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