GHOSTING

[ariesc]

Guys,

I need your advice. I've been ghosted twice now. WTF am I doing wrong?

Both occasions, the dates went extremely well. By the end of the date, we were holding hands, walking, chatting, they stop talking, eyes met, we kiss. Typical dating BS.

I tell them both I'd like to see them again, both girls said yes. We set a vague date like "let's see each other this weekend" and then... ghosted. I text them and they never get back. It's so strange because the dates went so well and then boom.

 

[ariesc]

So next time be vague? Leave them with uncertainty? That feels so counter-intuitive but I'll give it a try. I mean I think you're probably right. The girls I wasn't very interested in and never texted back have all been very responsive and some actually texted me after some time. We'll see. But yeah it's a bit discouraging since I just got out of an LTR and haven't really dated in awhile. Thanks for your two-cents.

 

[ariesc]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL Dude... do you really say that? "Yeah it's possible." Damn son. That is hilarious. I will try and let you know what happens.

 

[lamath]

Prob just some other guy in the picture specialy if OLD
I realy dont think its what you said unless you said it in a needy af way

 

[bob2007]

I throw this out there randomly. U might be bad kisser , it's possible. I've had 2 girls that were terrible kissers. Possible with men too.

 

[Tilex]

We need a little bit more info

When you meet her for dates:

A) Do you pick her up from her place?
B) Does she arrive at your place?
C) Both of you meet at a public venue?

Are you paying for everything on these dates or is it split 50/50?

Besides kissing and holding hands, what other types of kino are you doing?

Are you familiar with the concept of compliance testing?

 

[IKO69]

While you may have thought the dates went well, it DOESN'T mean the girls did. It's really as simple as that.

I see people picking apart what you asked and that it is "needy" blah blah blah. Let's turn the tables - If she asked you if you'd like to hang out on the wknd and you were interested, would you not say yes? So why would it be any different with you posing her the question.....if she were interested? She would be hoping you'd ask and would do her best to make sure you could see each other as soon as possible. This is how it works in the real world....the games are kept to a minimal when the girl has genuine interest.

You'll come to understand with time it doesn't matter really what you say (to a certain extent)...I also don't really think you did anything "wrong" per say, she just decided she didn't like you at the end of the date. You asking her to hang out in a vague type of way wouldn't do **** to improve the situation.

 

[sangheilios]

I really don't think you should dissect these dates as if you are doing something wrong, as that will just drive you insane trying to figure out why you got ghosted. Assuming these dates are going well, like you said, it could be a million different things. Maybe she had a really good time and liked you but later felt that she wasn't interested in going out again. Maybe some other priority in her life popped up. No one can honestly say with any certainty.

I had this happen to me last summer with a date that I thought went amazingly well. At the end of the date she initiated a kiss and told me when she gets off from work and when she'd be available, so I told her I'd reach out later. We texted a couple times and when I went to set something up again I never heard back from her.

Just go out and meet women, don't take any of this personally and just use it as a learning experience. What you say or text is not going to really make much of a difference if a woman is interested in seeing you again.

 

[backseatjuan]

sometimes you are assessed as 'single date material' only in the first couple of minutes

First couple of minutes is the key, especially if this is an OLD date. Make good first impression. Also, be sure to be late 15 minutes or more, adjust that time to the time these women usually are late in your city. Secondly, more often nowadays women date to eat. It's a possibility, especially if it's an OLD date, she went out for a launch, can't do anything about it, just minimize your investment. This is why you take her for drinks on first date, if she don't agree for whatever reason, downgrade it for coffee, but never upgrade if for a meal, ever, especially if she says she is kinda hungry. If this is an OLD date, you don't discuss with her what you two gonna do, you just setup a meet near a pub and take her there, if not, there should be a coffee place near that bar.

I tell them both I'd like to see them again, both girls said yes. We set a vague date like "let's see each other this weekend" and then... ghosted.

You keep in mind that women often date just to kill time, or to eat at a restaurant, and to have sex. They want to fck just as much as you want to fck. Demonstrate to them you are an alpha and have options by not suggesting them you two should meet again and setting up a date. Instead after you kiss her, passionately, tell her let's go back to my place watch a movie have some more drinks. This is your sht test. If you going to tell her how much great time you two had, and that you want to see her again, and making plans for the future, that's beta, and that's validation for her. Do what @Jeffst1980 suggest @Espi post. She will most likely message you in a day or two asking how your date with her went, translation, give me some validation. To which you reply in a day or two and say 'how are you?'

For christ's sake, make sure first date is not a meal! It's boring man, and it costs a lot of money. You two can do same thing over a coffee, or have even more fun over couple of drinks.

 

[soulforge]

Prob just some other guy in the picture specialy if OLD
I realy dont think its what you said unless you said it in a needy af way

Online dating? Probability of getting a second date is very low.. UNLESS you impressed the chit out of her.

This is why, with online chicks I aim to BANG on the first date, chances are I won't see that hoe again.

 

[AJ84]

Female perspective: I really don’t get the logic behind thinking that asking her out on second date suddenly turns off her interest.
“Wow he’s very cute and nice. The date was awesome. Uh oh he asked me out again oh there it goes, interest gone..”
That’s not how we think.
Those girls were not interested enough, period.
This is dating par for the course. Just continue meeting new girls and you will meet ones more interested.

 

[Murk]

I’ve been ghosted when I don’t give the girl enough attention/commitment

I’ve also been ghosted when I get a number on a night out and try message them the next day - I assume they have bfs and we’re just drunk

I have never been randomly ghosted out of the blue and I would never do that to a women either

 

[sangheilios]

I’ve been ghosted when I don’t give the girl enough attention/commitment

I’ve also been ghosted when I get a number on a night out and try message them the next day - I assume they have bfs and we’re just drunk

I have never been randomly ghosted out of the blue and I would never do that to a women either

I've gotten numbers from bars/clubs before and a lot of times never heard back at all, I think this is fairly normal. I feel outside of this and maybe OLD ghosting is incredibly rude and inconsiderate.

 

[backseatjuan]

Women often treat first dates in this manner, and a lot of times this is just the lack of "that particular feeling" some women are looking for.

Nice analogy about pizza. Thing is chemistry and love is equal to intimacy and comport. Which is best created with kissing, touching vagina, getting your dck touched on first date. Which translates to going out of bar or coffee to some other place where you two can escalate, on first date. Doesn't mean it's an fclose. Just something more intimate. Easiest thing is having a car and taking her to a place with nice view, but this is dangerous because alcohol is involved.

Alcohol plays a big role in this, at least for me. I can't picture a good sober date.

 

[ariesc]

So update. She got back to me. Was "busy" with her new job. She suggested we meet up for dinner again but fvck that. I'm going to let this one sit on ice for a bit and continue playing the field. Craziest thing. So I had another girl who I went on a date with, just drinks, I wasn't super into her so I probably came off as aloof. I totally forgot about her and she randomly texts me today "When are we going to see each other againxoxo." I think I'm just going to apply the same method to the 8's and 9's and see what happens.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Espi hit the nail on head. You were too easy guy. You must leave them uncertain. If there is no anxiety on their end there is no chemistry.

Dating is like poker or any card game. Don’t show your hand too early. Longer you wait the better off you are. The only time you make a date on a date is if she asks you out.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I think I'm just going to apply the same method to the 8's and 9's and see what happens.

What is with you guys putting women on a pedestal? Your game should not change based on her looks.

 

[nismo-4]

Second place is first loser.

Well, anything could have gone wrong. Women have a different system of evaluating first dates than men do. It could have been a color you wore, the fact you didn't have a Porsche, anything.

I get first dates, but second dates are few and far in between. Anything can go wrong, and I never ask for a second date on the first. When I get ghosted, I simply delete and write them off, usually to the effect that it didn't work out or I had sex with my ex and began to work things back out. Knowing I failed the first date. Let's face it, when a second date doesn't happen, you f**ked up the first.

If you're ghosted, just delete the number. One strike policy.

Would Steph Curry or Richard Branson have these ghosting issues? Damn, more can go wrong than right. All it takes is ONE F**KING TRAIT to cause you to lose a girl. Sure, write them off. You're weeding out a bunch of bad apples, but sadly not getting any good apples either. Seems like you become between beta or useless, useless being better. But you still didn't get a girl. Girl gets uplifted and goes out with her next option. Guy usually doesn't have that power.

Also, defiance is middle ground between beta and alpha. It's useless. You won't be a simp and worship a girl, but you won't get laid either.

Best to just keep trying, and remember to delete useless numbers. They don't call back unless it's to get a new beta orbiter.

 

[ariesc]

Second place is first loser.

Well, anything could have gone wrong. Women have a different system of evaluating first dates than men do. It could have been a color you wore, the fact you didn't have a Porsche, anything.

I get first dates, but second dates are few and far in between. Anything can go wrong, and I never ask for a second date on the first. When I get ghosted, I simply delete and write them off, usually to the effect that it didn't work out or I had sex with my ex and began to work things back out. Knowing I failed the first date. Let's face it, when a second date doesn't happen, you f**ked up the first.

If you're ghosted, just delete the number. One strike policy.

Would Steph Curry or Richard Branson have these ghosting issues? Damn, more can go wrong than right. All it takes is ONE F**KING TRAIT to cause you to lose a girl. Sure, write them off. You're weeding out a bunch of bad apples, but sadly not getting any good apples either. Seems like you become between beta or useless, useless being better. But you still didn't get a girl. Girl gets uplifted and goes out with her next option. Guy usually doesn't have that power.

Also, defiance is middle ground between beta and alpha. It's useless. You won't be a simp and worship a girl, but you won't get laid either.

Best to just keep trying, and remember to delete useless numbers. They don't call back unless it's to get a new beta orbiter.

Great advice. Thanks.