Ghosted?? Can't Make This Stuff Up

Smartone84

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Had a very nice date with an HB 7.5 yesterday. 36 going on 37. Extremely nice, but also very shy. I turned 35 two months ago. A bit more of the outgoing type. We hit it off chatting on a dating site and mid convo she suddenly disappeared for an entire week. Always find it weird when girls do that. Kinda tells me they aren't so serious about dating. And at age 36, it makes me wonder even more what the deal is. Anyway she finally wrote back and gave me her number. I instantly set the date up and the next thing I know she starts texting me the next two days trying to get to know me more. I'm all about not texting a lot before first dates at all, so while I answered her, I did so casually and didn't really go too deep. Even on the day of the date just hours before we were to meet she's texting me asking how my day was. A bit much I thought.

The date itself went very well. Not the most spectacular date of all time but the convo was nice. End of the date she tells me she is going to choose to take the RAILROAD home as opposed to the subway. She knew i was taking the railroad as well so I viewed this as a good sign seeing as how if she wasn't into it she'd be looking to go the opposite way. As we're crossing the street on the walk to the train station to go home together she runs ahead of me as the light had turned green and reaches back for my hand. I grabbed it for a few seconds. That's a good sign, I thought. Was it just impulse on her end? Or was she legit into me? So I then go to hold her hand the train station and she casually let go a few seconds in. Wasn't drastic but it just seemed like she wasn't ready to act like a couple in the middle of a train station 2 hours into knowing me. Didn't really think too much of it, but whatever. We then had great chemistry on the train ride home and she liked how I was knowledgeable about the trains. I told her to text me when she gets home and she told me to do the same (i lived about 20 minutes further). Before she got off we were both standing up and I grabbed her hand again. She reciprocated this time a little more than earlier but then casually let go again. Figured who knows, maybe she's just extremely hesitant. She told me several times on the date she has a bit of a "guard up" with guys. I felt kind of p-ssed after the second hand hold "rejection" and gave her a small kiss on the cheek and a hug goodbye, but still felt extremely good about the night overall.

She texts me saying she's home, thanks for the drinks and the "train tour" and says "it was great meeting you". I text I'm home now too and i'm glad she liked the train. She writes back again saying "I did! Wow that was fast. Not far at all."... So, IMO she didn't have to write back again, but she did and I viewed that as a positive sign. I was into this chick and was all for a second date in the near future. The next day, today, I text her around 12pm referencing something funny from our date. In the past few days of texting she has never gone more than 20 minutes before responding, even at work. It is now 6pm and yup, you guessed it, NO response. Can she still write back? Of course. But I already know what's going on.

So, reason I'm pissed off is, if you're not into me and are gonna blow me off, fine. But don't:

-Reach for my hand while crossing a street
-Take the train home with me after the date
-Send warm/nice texts post date

F-ck girls and f-ck dating.
 
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Die Hard

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I feel ya... Been there done that many times, it sucks to be disappointed

Next time (I mean with the next girl), don't text her the next day. Let her be the one to text YOU...
 

Smartone84

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Thanks for the sympathetic words.

With regards to your advice, at 35 years old I think I've realized that it doesn't really matter who texts who first post date. If two people are into each other, a guy reaching out first isn't going to change anything. They're going to see each other again no matter what, short of someone saying/doing something stupid.
 

Tilex

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I'm a few years older than you, and I've learned as I've gotten older that everything is a charade until you two have sex.
Absolutely nothing matters in the beginning.
I have not taken women seriously anymore until I've had sex with them.
 

Smartone84

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I'm a few years older than you, and I've learned as I've gotten older that everything is a charade until you two have sex.
Absolutely nothing matters in the beginning.
I have not taken women seriously anymore until I've had sex with them.
Very fair point, and I agree for the most part. I think there has to be some structure in place in the beginning as far as how to get to the sex, but still, fair point.
 
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Kotaix

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Ask her to go out again and seal the deal. texting is lame and you're way overthinking it if you're counting the minutes between her responses. This is the kind of thirsty attitude that turns women off instantly.
 

btownbuck2012

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Had a very nice date with an HB 7.5 yesterday. 36 going on 37. Extremely nice, but also very shy. I turned 35 two months ago. A bit more of the outgoing type. We hit it off chatting on a dating site and mid convo she suddenly disappeared for an entire week. Always find it weird when girls do that. Kinda tells me they aren't so serious about dating. And at age 36, it makes me wonder even more what the deal is. Anyway she finally wrote back and gave me her number. I instantly set the date up and the next thing I know she starts texting me the next two days trying to get to know me more. I'm all about not texting a lot before first dates at all, so while I answered her, I did so casually and didn't really go too deep. Even on the day of the date just hours before we were to meet she's texting me asking how my day was. A bit much I thought.

The date itself went very well. Not the most spectacular date of all time but the convo was nice. End of the date she tells me she is going to choose to take the RAILROAD home as opposed to the subway. She knew i was taking the railroad as well so I viewed this as a good sign seeing as how if she wasn't into it she'd be looking to go the opposite way. As we're crossing the street on the walk to the train station to go home together she runs ahead of me as the light had turned green and reaches back for my hand. I grabbed it for a few seconds. That's a good sign, I thought. Was it just impulse on her end? Or was she legit into me? So I then go to hold her hand the train station and she casually let go a few seconds in. Wasn't drastic but it just seemed like she wasn't ready to act like a couple in the middle of a train station 2 hours into knowing me. Didn't really think too much of it, but whatever. We then had great chemistry on the train ride home and she liked how I was knowledgeable about the trains. I told her to text me when she gets home and she told me to do the same (i lived about 20 minutes further). Before she got off we were both standing up and I grabbed her hand again. She reciprocated this time a little more than earlier but then casually let go again. Figured who knows, maybe she's just extremely hesitant. She told me several times on the date she has a bit of a "guard up" with guys. I felt kind of p-ssed after the second hand hold "rejection" and gave her a small kiss on the cheek and a hug goodbye, but still felt extremely good about the night overall.

She texts me saying she's home, thanks for the drinks and the "train tour" and says "it was great meeting you". I text I'm home now too and i'm glad she liked the train. She writes back again saying "I did! Wow that was fast. Not far at all."... So, IMO she didn't have to write back again, but she did and I viewed that as a positive sign. I was into this chick and was all for a second date in the near future. The next day, today, I text her around 12pm referencing something funny from our date. In the past few days of texting she has never gone more than 20 minutes before responding, even at work. It is now 6pm and yup, you guessed it, NO response. Can she still write back? Of course. But I already know what's going on.

So, reason I'm pissed off is, if you're not into me and are gonna blow me off, fine. But don't:

-Reach for my hand while crossing a street
-Take the train home with me after the date
-Send warm/nice texts post date

F-ck girls and f-ck dating.
It is what it is man. I've learned to take nothing personal with women. I've referenced this experience before but I'll reference it again. I used to live in NYC and met this Jamaican woman on match.com. I believe she was 26-27 years old. Her pics were so hot I thought it was fake but she was responding, sent me her phone number and we started texted. I set up a dinner date with her. Well she was an HOUR late to the date. I honestly didn't care as I was hungry but when she finally showed up I was stunned by how attractive she was. Date went well. I was pretty aggressive with her, in a positively masculine way of course, and we had a long, passionate kiss at the end of the date.

Now, here's where you have to let them reach out to you. The "text me when you get home" is OK..not ideal. Ideally, they should initiate the text after the first date. It's typically the "I had a good time" text to which you can respond "Same! Lets get together again soon :)". Now here just wait for them to reach back out to you.

Now back to my story. So she reaches back out. She actually called me the next night talking about coming over and cooking dinner for me. Awesome, I thought. But I immediately set the 2nd date at a bar in neighborhood because I knew logistically it would give me the best shot to bang her. So we meet for the second date. She was on time this time. We ate had a good time and then I suggested we go back to my place for more drinks. Anyways, we get back to my place and bang. Lasted around 20-30 minutes. Had her screaming and the sex was good.

So what happens? I never heard from her again. Now, guys will read that and think "sex probably wasn't that good". I've been with enough women that I truly believe I can tell when they're enjoying themselves and when they're not. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. I f*cked her well and she still ghosted me. Never to be heard from again.

So you can never tell. It could be something you did or did NOT do, but it doesn't matter. You move on and don't let it bother you because there are literally thousands of reasons she didn't text you back. It's not personal and doesn't have anything to do with you. At least not to the point where you need to dwell on it. It is what it is.
 

MrWood

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OP: go silent, hit her up on the next coming Wed, ask her out for another train ride.

seems your texting game is a bit weak or you are coming off as needy.

also... 35/36 yo chicks are not looking for 35yo guys to date, they typically want someone at least 4+ yr older.
You should be dating 26-30yo

hint: women are like cats... too much attention and they walk away, back off abit and there they are, nuzzling your leg
 

derby1

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OP its very simple ..first of all this is women in 2019, they have 1000 messages a day off men, your average 3 thinks she is desired all day...

at that age 36 she will 99% have been promiscuous , she does this for a living, she is an assassin of dates, HOWEVER what she fails to realise is it mentally and physically ruins her, ......these kind of women dump you for a missed comma, or full stop, they presume you are being nasty!

now let me move onto the date, imho she morphed herself into the masculine roll and you the feminine roll,

Ask yourself why your trying to hold hands with her at 35 year olds, on the first meet? AKA "im ready for a relationship"

old saying brother "No man who leads so many, would kneel so quick"
 

Smartone84

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Ask yourself why your trying to hold hands with her at 35 year olds, on the first meet? AKA "im ready for a relationship"
i’m not going to say I disagree completely. For all I know you may be right and this may have been a thing for her. BUT, just know (and I hope you read) that she was the one who originally initiated hand holding contact at first. I never would have gone forward with my initiation without having something like that. So it is what it is. Sue me I guess, for trying to get some kino in after what I thought was an overall solid date.

OP: go silent, hit her up on the next coming Wed, ask her out for another train ride.
So I’m telling you this woman has had the gall to GHOST me after nonstop communication pre-date but you’re saying to reach out again and ask her out? Either I’ve been out of the game for too long or you didn’t fully understand everything I wrote in my post.
 
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derby1

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that she was the one who originally initiated hand holding contact at first.
"you went into her frame" its the equivalent of her saying "Im looking for a relationship' and you going "OMG ME TOO"

this is the bat**** weird **** women figure out in their head, its nauseating i dont know why your bothering brother...

and to top it off this princess will think shes a 9/10

yet shes a washed up 36 year old, ......finance and purpose first, then 5 women on a rotor at all times
 

Smartone84

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She did seem rather washed up dating wise. Spoke about the usual of “being through a lot” with guys yada yada. But whatever. Is what the hel it is. She still said she’s looking for something serious and wants someone to “grow old with”. She asked me if I felt the same and I told her the truth, yes, I am. Was I buying her roses or kissing her feet on the date? No.

But whatever. I’m sure there’s a reason her twin sister has been married for 8 years now, has a kid, and she’s 36 going on 37 still playing mindf-ck games with great guys like myself.
 
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Pandora

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OP its very simple ..first of all this is women in 2019, they have 1000 messages a day off men, your average 3 thinks she is desired all day...

at that age 36 she will 99% have been promiscuous , she does this for a living, she is an assassin of dates, HOWEVER what she fails to realise is it mentally and physically ruins her, ......these kind of women dump you for a missed comma, or full stop, they presume you are being nasty!
This is true. They have so many perceived options that it turns them into bad people. They will drop you for no real reason because they have so many suitors. Do not take it personally at all. It was not you OP. Her opinion of your worth is not an accurate evaluation of your worth. A man can only be evaluated by another man. This is why traditionally a girls FATHER would pick the man. Not the chick. Women have the mentality of children. Would you take it personal if a child didn't see your worth?

If you had 1000's of messages of hot babes that wanted to smash you would also be super capricious. You would ghost chicks for the most trivial reasons. People only build character from depravation. American women don't learn deprivation until its too late.
 

Pandora

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I'm a few years older than you, and I've learned as I've gotten older that everything is a charade until you two have sex.
Absolutely nothing matters in the beginning.
I have not taken women seriously anymore until I've had sex with them.
Bro these days even after you have sex they can still keep up the charade. Sex doesn't bond them to you like it did in the 1990's and early 2000's. Even if you give them great sex they still eventually ghost. They are truly broken.
 

AttackFormation

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She did seem rather washed up dating wise. Spoke about the usual of “being through a lot” with guys yada yada. But whatever. Is what the hel it is. She still said she’s looking for something serious and wants someone to “grow old with”. She asked me if I felt the same and I told her the truth, yes, I am. Was I buying her roses or kissing her feet on the date? No.

But whatever. I’m sure there’s a reason her twin sister has been married for 8 years now, has a kid, and she’s 36 going on 37 still playing mindf-ck games with great guys like myself.
Bro this woman has been sexually active since age 14, give or take, and 22 years later she still hasn't settled with a man while claiming to want to and having 1000s of options as a woman. Just that fact is a red flag in itself, if it's a mentally healthy woman you are looking for.

Her talk is just the vestiges of the woman she either used to be, wishes she were, or thinks you want her to be. In either of those 3 cases it's just talk, the reality is she is chronically unsuitable for a ltr and you should never have expected her to be good for more than casual sex in the first place.
 
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Pandora

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Bro this woman has been sexually active since age 14, give or take, and 21 years later she still hasn't settled with a man while claiming to want to and having 1000s of options as a woman. Just that fact is a red flag in itself, if it's a mentally healthy woman you are looking for.

She is used up, washed up, she is "done". All you can do with a woman like that is ejaculate and evacuate... don't fvcking play her game and pretend to be a prospective boyfriend, lol.
Facts! This is scary because most western women have been sexually active since 14 and still haven't found a man at 30 yrs old despite having plenty of options. By this standard most are not mentally healthy. Damn...im getting my passport ready as we speak lol
 

Robert28

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I’d rather be ghosted than friend zoned any day! Nothing pisses me off more than a woman who strings me along straight into the friend zone and then still expects to hangout with me once she reveals “oh we are just friends”. “Um, no, *****, we aren’t. Bye”
 

AttackFormation

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Facts! This is scary because most western women have been sexually active since 14 and still haven't found a man at 30 yrs old despite having plenty of options. By this standard most are not mentally healthy. Damn...im getting my passport ready as we speak lol
I will give certain exceptions, like if she did an exchange year at university or some other circumstance that makes a relationship untenable. But otherwise, how the fvck is it possible to be single past your early 20s if you have 1000s of options? You tell me bro. Unless they don't want a relationship. But if they don't, how the h3ll would they suddenly both decide to "want" one (lol, just writing that makes me laugh) and be suitable for one years of experiences and 50+ men later? Sugar daddies, models, athletes, TV personalities, club personas, actors, local chads - if you think she's not fvcking those men, you're out of the loop - drunken one night stands, and her battalion of orbiters.

I don't know man. Is it the chicken or the egg? I've asked before whether it's their experience that damages the women, or whether they were always damaged and the experience is just a symptom. From what I've seen of women in their late teens when they're 18 or 19, let alone in their early 20s, I think I am leaning toward some people just being unsuitable for ltrs to begin with and the damage is just a worsening symptom. By the time they're beyond their early-mid 20s it's not only that good women have gone bad, if that happens. It's also that only women who were always unsuitable for ltrs are the ones who are still left (except for women who got dumped or cheated on by their man and are now back on the market, of course).
 
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Robert28

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I will give certain exceptions, like if she did an exchange year at university or some other circumstance that makes a relationship untenable. But otherwise, how the fvck is it possible to be single past your early 20s if you have 1000s of options? You tell me bro. Unless they don't want a relationship. But if they don't, how the h3ll would they suddenly both decide to "want" one (lol, just writing that makes me laugh) and be suitable for one years of experiences and 50+ men later?
Unless a man is super high value and one of those “once in a lifetime chances”(aka super Chad), they ain’t gonna be in a relationship. Why do all that work with one guy when you can go on as many dates as you want with multiple guys? Women don’t think about the future, that’s why so many post wall women get cats and complain about “can’t find a good man”.
 

stormrider

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Romance is a sickness. It has no real purpose other than giving you addictive emotions. It’s like heroin. A single woman in her 30s and beyond is just like a heroin addict. They are after that high and not an actual real relationship where a family can start. That window already passed them by. The bus already left.

The belief that there is someone out there that is perfect for you outside the realm of starting a family or having a fvck buddy is a man made construct.

If you find yourself wanting women beyond sex or starting a family, then you would be considered a hopeless romantic and deserve all the inevitable heart break that comes your way. It’s delusional and pitiful.

No one is going to love you like your mom. Get over it. Outside the realm of women wanting to start families and women looking for sex, the rest of the dating market is full of delusional Disney fairy tale believing heroin addicts. And they call it “dating”.
 
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