GF wants me to move in w/her, get married

[StevenR]

I have been seeing this gal since the beginning of the year, and she is funny, intelligent and easily an HB9-10. She is also wealthy and she has celiberty/socialite status. Sounds perfect doesn't it? I can't believe my luck that I got with her but am still having doubts. We have been seeing each other since the beginning of the year and she is already talking about marriage. I have always been a little insecure that she is this super successful woman. I insist on doing some activities on my dime even though I cannot compete with what she can afford, like taking her camping or some other local adventure, which she likes, compared to her taking me to her place in New York for the weekend out(we live on the West Coast) or one of the many social balls she gets invited to in places like Monaco, or whatever. I cannot compete with that.

If I move in with her, it will be to her place, since all I have is a crappy apartment. I basically spend most of the week with her already anyway, and I de facto already live at her place. If we get married I will live at her place. The problem is, it is her place, with her rules. She is not a tyrant or anything like that, not so far anyway, but I still feel like a guest there, and that I have to carry myself like a guest in her place. She is not really controlling or anything, it is just that once I am on her turf I feel I will give up any power or control I have in my life. I am used to doing whatever I want to do, when I want, how I want, like not make my bed if I don't feel like it.

Fortunately she has hired help for cleaning and gardening, but there are the daily things, like making the bed religiously, taking shoes off in her house, and just her day to day routine of how she manages her house. What if I said something was silly and refused to cooperate? I feel I would have to conform my life to hers if I shacked up or got married to her. I also feel sometimes self conscious when I meet these elite friends of hers, like I don't belong there.

I do love her and she has been great so far(a little sensitive at times but artistic people usually are). However, I want to feel like an equal partner in this relationship and that is difficult considering her status and financial position relative to mine. With her help I can probably really successful in what I want to do eventually also, but it bothers me a little bit that I cannot maintain the head of household status that I as a man should. So far I think I have done everything right but all this is still in the back of my mind. Am I being silly? What does she expect from me as a partner? Has anyone else had the experience of being in a LTR with a woman of greater wealth, and social status than themselves, and who is not ugly?

 

[Alle_Gory]

I think you're better off posting this is the mature man forum for serious responses.

 

[mothballs]

It sounds like silly little things are bugging you really... I mean I do the same at my GF's apartment, and sometimes I'm nice and even make her bed. However it sounds like she's also got a "it's my house and you do as I say" attitude which simply won't fly in an LTR... she's going to have to compromise in household policy because that's just what two people living together do, regardles of who's name is on the deed. Just for our information, how did she become wealthy?

 

[Da Realist]

Truthfully it sounds like you hit the jackpot. You have a rich, beautiful woman that loves you and wants to snatch you up as fast as possible. You have any idea how rare that is? But I understand your point. You're scared about not having any real power in the relationship if you do get married. Truthfully, you do because she's only as strong as you are weak; 33 Strategies of War taught me that. What you need to do first is get rid of your insecurity. Always remember in any situation, you are a man. Period. Second, despite all the money she has, you provide her with something it can't really buy: a sense of security. Second, do not move in with her till both of you get married; Rollo can tell you a lot about that and its true. More than it putting you at her whim and making you feeling even more insecure, it also makes things get boring fast. Third, take a little time. 5 months is really no time to get to know anyone. You got to see how she reacts to stuff before you commit. The most time to take is probably another year and a half, but take it with a grain of salt. The best thing to make sure is that you are secure in yourself more than anything for two reasons. One is that you won't make stupid mistakes out of frustration or fear because it's your job to provide a level of stability even if you're not making all the money. The other is so you won't get lazy and just mooch off her. Just monitor what she says, don't go over board thinking you have to achieve or have something you really don't need( make excuses in other words), and get with her if she's not psycho.

 

[WaterTiger]

:nono: :nono: STOP WHINING! :nono: :nono:
California (you said you're on the west coast, right?) is a community property state. That means if the marriage falls through, you can get alimony...to keep you in the style of which you have become accustomed!

BE THE MAN. If you aren't ready to get married, tell her you want to wait. (This also will make you look less like a gold-digger)

Maybe she likes your "common-low cost" lifestyle because it's REAL and not plastic or fake. You're a genuine guy. Rich/famous people don't meet many of those. Every body wants something from them. If the best you can offer is dinner at Chili's, then take her there! DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR LIFE!

 

[Bible_Belt]

Do it. I would. In fact, I have a few times. It helps if you don't knock her up.