Gf wants me to meet guy friend

[Boilermaker]

good...!

never be paranoid.

And don't take deep theory (that you see on this site) very seriously either...

As you can see, they are hopelessly off (and insecure) the majority of the time.

Remember, you are the guy with the most information regarding your

situation.

Good luck,

 

[Down Low]

Two months of relationship is nothing. You two are almost total strangers. "Extremely invested?" What, is she a BPD in the early, clingy stage?

She's "extremely" setting you up on gay "play dates" with her former (¿current?) BF. What are you supposed to do? Talk about the Pokemon collection you had when you were 12? Or maybe invest a few hundred grand into his startup? The whole thing sounds stupid.

So now that your play date has been cancelled, she's going to hook up with him on the sly?

 

[The Duke]

Heard an interesting piece on Nikki Sixx's radio show that fit this thread pretty well..........

Kerri Kasem who co-hosts Nikki's radio show Sixx Sense, revealed that she has a younger guy "friend" who she is close to & hangs out with often. They also do sexy modeling shoots together. The have always dated other people and never both been single at the same time. They have always kept things on the friend level and never did anything more and didn't want anything more with each other.

Well things all change when opportunity presents itself. Kerri and her "friend" were hanging out and fell asleep next to each other on her couch. The next morning they woke up and started cuddling. That led to him getting turned on and her sucking his fingers and kissing.

My guess is they had always been attracted to each other. The guy was just too much of a puss to make the first move.

Even when the opportunity presented itself, it was Kerri that pushed the issue.

 

[samspade]

There is way too much jumping to conclusions over what is probably a beta orbiter. Yeah, HE probably wants to get in her pants and would if he could. But would she want that? It sounds like she is sufficiently interested in you not to mess things up with you; that's why she invited you. Low interest would mean her "meeting" her "friend" without you or worse without even telling you.

As a DJ, you should always be cool about this kind of stuff, but keep your antennae up. You should be able to tell when a woman has high IL in you, so don't second guess yourself. If behavior strikes you as disrespectful, certainly make clear you won't allow it. But as I said this get-together is a chance for you to establish yourself as Alpha, if you're up for it.

 

[BabyFaceComplex]

The way she is talking about the whole situation is a bit concerning, normally I would not see the problem and meet the guy but from what she is saying I got to question this whole thing.

I completely agree with the above post.

 

[nismo-4]

Hey guys I want mature advice on following scenario... My exclusive gf has this guy friend she has known since the six grade coming to town and she wants to meet up with him for coffe..

She wants more than that. From him!

She called me to invite me as we'll... She says that the guy wants to meet me as well.... And she wants me there as well .. She says she is taking me into consideration...

She's preparing to compare you to him. And get a lot of attention.

I just feel ok it's true they know each other since the six grade... She hasn't seen him in a long time... She told me they have never dated before

I hope you're not stupid enough to believe this sh*t.

So I think it shoul be fine to let her go on her own? I feel I would be like the jealous bf if I go with her? To meet this guy?

Have your boundaries set. Better bring your Captain Kockblock hat too.

What do u guys think?

Trouble on the high seas. You'd better continue to be the same person who got in her pants before.

My ruling is to establish yourself as the alpha. He may be a beta orbiter, but keep your guard up.

Case closed.

 

[speed dawg]

This is what I gather from the situation. The guy definitely wants to fvck her, who cares the reason. She may have fvcked him before, they may just be friends, they may have flirted before. But rest assured, HE WANTS TO FVCK HER. You'll never know the whole story.

Honestly, I wouldn't go at all. I mean, you're in the 2nd month of dating this broad. Who cares? Why should you go meet her friends? Honestly, when I had been dating my wife for 2 months, I was still going out chasing pvssy. 2 months isn't exclusive anyway. She shouldn't have even told you either way, a quality girl wouldn't. She'd have either gone and met him without telling you, or not gone and met him, again without telling you.

You need to back up and quit being so emotionally invested. No matter what happens in this situation, the fact that it has made you think is reason enough to examine yourself. Remember this, if you do go, no matter how alpha you act, what are you going to do if she starts flirting in front of you? Punch the guy? Get up and leave? I'd just not go, think up somewhere better to be, no good can come from the situation. If you're worried she might do something, tail her and see how late she stays with him. You'll get your answers regarding your 'relationship' right then and there.

 

[AW1983]

^This.

Why bother going? It shows you care too much. Especially after 2 months. Let her go do her thing. To me this is a great DHV. When she brought up being considerate to me about it I would've laughed it off and said something like "why would I care?"

The other day I was at a bar with some friends and there was this somewhat cute girl I've seen a couple times before (friend of a friend) and I started talking to her. No kino or anything, just talking and a few laughs, and about 2 minutes into it her bf who I didn't even know she had swoops in next to her and puts his arm around her and just stands there. It was hard not laugh in this guy's face. His insecurity was blinding me and supposedly girl's are even more perceptive to this stuff than we are. When I have a girl in my life I never show any sign of giving two damns who they talk to (because I don't). This telegraphs to them that you're confident they will always make the right choice...and if they don't, well you're fine with that too.

 

[pipe007]

She didn't go... She said that she thought about it..she said she thought of it and thought she didn't have to see him.... I wasn't gona go to tell the truth ... I would have felt like a complete dumb asss being In a date with his friend.... I would have let her go see him on her own And then I would have made it ok for me to go out with my girl friends to catch up.... It's not that complicated....

I just needed to come to terms that this situation had some red flags, but I'm glad she decided on her own that it was best not to go... However she affirmed that she would have never gone without me....
I'm going to assume she is being honest until she proves otherwise... I have an eye open... And I've been around...

You all offer good advice... Most people here are very guarded and interpret everything as a sign of lack of interest and possible cheating... Like is not black and white...

 

[scrouds]

A thought just occurred to me. Hear me out before flying off the handle.

What's so bad about getting cheated on? Obviously its not a good thing, but the level of paranoia which some people look at their lovers through is much more harmful then accepting the risk that even the most solid of girls might cheat on you.

I think its time the ultra high strung, always looking at a situation in the eyes that's she's cheating, I think its time for you to chill out. You guys (hopefully) know who you are.

 

[purple haze]

A thought just occurred to me. Hear me out before flying off the handle.

What's so bad about getting cheated on? Obviously its not a good thing, but the level of paranoia which some people look at their lovers through is much more harmful then accepting the risk that even the most solid of girls might cheat on you.

I think its time the ultra high strung, always looking at a situation in the eyes that's she's cheating, I think its time for you to chill out. You guys (hopefully) know who you are.

You're right, there's nothing that bad about being cheated on, however, most of us in our former lives ignored red flags about seemingly innocent situations that weren't so innocent.

We wasted a lot of time, money, and emotion on girls that weren't worth it.

I hope from now on, we can realize that any girlfriend who invites us on a date with another guy isn't worth it.

 

[bish0p]

A thought just occurred to me. Hear me out before flying off the handle.

What's so bad about getting cheated on? Obviously its not a good thing, but the level of paranoia which some people look at their lovers through is much more harmful then accepting the risk that even the most solid of girls might cheat on you.

I think its time the ultra high strung, always looking at a situation in the eyes that's she's cheating, I think its time for you to chill out. You guys (hopefully) know who you are.

I often think about this and I agree with you as I've been trying to adopt this mentality.

The only justification I can give to caring at this point is if the girl/wife gives a dude a ******* and then comes home and kisses me before not brushing her teeth....that would not be cool.

 

[Sofomore]

Reading this thread explains why sosuave is full of bitter and overprotective men. You guys are jumping to conclusions wayyy to fast. This guy is obviously an orbiter that never got in her pants. Why the fvck would she cheat on the OP if he was friend zoned YEARS ago.

Stop over analyzing. People have friends. People want to catch up and have coffee.

 

[Sofomore]

^This.

Why bother going? It shows you care too much. Especially after 2 months. Let her go do her thing. To me this is a great DHV. When she brought up being considerate to me about it I would've laughed it off and said something like "why would I care?"

The other day I was at a bar with some friends and there was this somewhat cute girl I've seen a couple times before (friend of a friend) and I started talking to her. No kino or anything, just talking and a few laughs, and about 2 minutes into it her bf who I didn't even know she had swoops in next to her and puts his arm around her and just stands there. It was hard not laugh in this guy's face. His insecurity was blinding me and supposedly girl's are even more perceptive to this stuff than we are. When I have a girl in my life I never show any sign of giving two damns who they talk to (because I don't). This telegraphs to them that you're confident they will always make the right choice...and if they don't, well you're fine with that too.

This. Posters here are afraid that the other guy is the catch. If ÿou know you are the catch, then why worry about another guy. It just screams insecurity.

 

[Mazeman11]

Been there, done that...

Set your boundaries early and set the tone of your relationship. I fail to understand a society where it's acceptable for your girlfriend to go out with other guys (old friends or not) and be passive about it.

This was one of the main reason why I broke up with my ex. The "friend" she wanted to go out with turned out he like her a lot.

Call me overprotective, insecure, jealous or any of that baloney...I have too much self respect to bend over when it comes to other men wanting to spend time with my girl. Unless they are related then I don't have any issues with it.

 

[( . )( . )]

She a "modern woman"? If so this whole discussion is irrelevant, yeah sure he's around and she may suck him off or what have you some time to pay you back for slipping into betaism or not taking the garbage out or whatever but who cares? Like the saying goes you get what you pay for, and modern women are generally a dead investment, you put as much stock in as needed and nothing more.

Personally I wouldn't even entertain the idea of going with her, couldn't think of anything worse than sitting there making small talk with an orbiter and a chick. Shoot me now...with 5 rounds of scotch.

 

[Jitterbug]

Personally I wouldn't even entertain the idea of going with her, couldn't think of anything worse than sitting there making small talk with an orbiter and a chick. Shoot me now...with 5 rounds of scotch.

Well I find the idea of making people uncomfortable in similar situations very entertaining.

 

[betheman]

Reading this thread explains why sosuave is full of bitter and overprotective men. You guys are jumping to conclusions wayyy to fast. This guy is obviously an orbiter that never got in her pants. Why the fvck would she cheat on the OP if he was friend zoned YEARS ago.

Stop over analyzing. People have friends. People want to catch up and have coffee.

and you dont jumop to conclusions or make assumptions even? what we have is her version of the 'history'.
I guess I fall into your category of bitter and over protective, again, another man who uses the vernacular of the ladies. sticks and stones dear boy, cant understand why you are getting so worked up

 

[Bokanovsky]

Reading this thread explains why sosuave is full of bitter and overprotective men. You guys are jumping to conclusions wayyy to fast. This guy is obviously an orbiter that never got in her pants. Why the fvck would she cheat on the OP if he was friend zoned YEARS ago.

An even better question is, why would she suddenly want to meet up with some random orbiter she friend-zoned years ago? Would you ever consider meeting up with some girl you haven't seen in years and had absolutely no attraction to? I personally could not even imagine wasting my time on such a pointless interaction.

When a woman (or a man, for that matter) wants to meet someone from their past, it's rarely just to catch up. There is always a motive.

 

[typical]

An even better question is, why would she suddenly want to meet up with some random orbiter she friend-zoned years ago? Would you ever consider meeting up with some girl you haven't seen in years and had absolutely no attraction to? I personally could not even imagine wasting my time on such a pointless interaction.

When a woman (or a man, for that matter) wants to meet someone from their past, it's rarely just to catch up. There is always a motive.

The motive is simple, the dude was friend-zoned years ago BUT she may have kept contact just in case later in life he developed himself and now has a decent job decent place to live and in decent shape ......... hypergamy working at its best.

Regardless of the fact if you go or don't go .... she will somehow "meet up" with him one way or another.

The end result of this situation my friend is going to be a loss of your frame. To be honest I don't think you actually ever had the frame with this girl because if she thought you were the sh!t she would have told you about this guy as "some creepy loser guy that tried to get with me years ago" instead of "some old friend who wants to meet up who doesn't have a girlfriend and wants to meet me on my own alone".

She just threw in the line of him wanting to meet you because either she wants to see two guys fighting over her and stroke her ego or the other guy wants to AMOG you in front of your girl.

Relationships are all about power, the person that has it holds all the cards and all the plays.

If she really thought you were the sh!t this situation would never ever come up because she would be afraid of disrespecting you and perhaps losing you forever. The entire thought process that she went through by entertaining this whole "meet up" idea in the first place shows that you are not a very high priority for her.

People may argue that she respected you enough to tell you, but honestly who the hell meets up with friends from their childhood after a 5-10 year gap without there being a hidden motive ?

So now that we have looked at the major different angles your best bet would be not making it a big deal let her go meet him on her own if she wants and you need to start creating more time for yourself and do your own thing. Also time to spin more plates even if its on the down low because this bird has my spider senses tingling.