GF texting multiple times every day

[BeExcellent]

Your two cents are dangerous to the men on this forum and no man should follow them. Chasing women leads to rejection. It is not "natural" for men to chase women.

I'm not advocating chasing. Never have. Pursuit is the word I used. That is the male role. Think of a wall plug. The receptacle is the "female" connection - it receives the plug which is the "male" connector. Imagine the wall receptacle running after the plug in. It's not the way it works.

I'm advocating what works. Yes as a man you'll get rejected at times. Welcome to manhood.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I'm not advocating chasing. Never have. Pursuit is the word I used. That is the male role. Think of a wall plug. The receptacle is the "female" connection - it receives the plug which is the "male" connector. Imagine the wall receptacle running after the plug in. It's not the way it works.

I'm advocating what works. Yes as a man you'll get rejected at times. Welcome to manhood.

What you're advocating does not work at all. You're confusing approach game vs. sexual polarity in relationships. No one is talking about approaching here. If a man dooes the majority of initiating contact in a relationship he gets dumped. 90% of breakups are the man getting dumped. Women reject men who chase them.

Like I said, go blow up your girlfriends' phone gentlemen and watch how fast y'all asses get dumped.

 

[3agle 3yes]

...If a man dooes the majority of initiating contact in a relationship he gets dumped. 90% of breakups are the man getting dumped. Women reject men who chase them.

Initiating isn't a problem, it's how it's done that matters. I initiate most of the time, if I don't nothing happens because she's waiting for me to do something even if she wants to, feminine energy is passive by nature.

I initiate with little commitment and I make sure she knows this, if she doesn't comply...I move on.

 

[sazc]

Funny ironic story. I was chatting with my friend a few weeks ago and she was telling me about her 16 year old daughter. 16 Y.O. has a new boyfriend of 6 weeks. 16 YO says to mom "mom, he texts me WAY too much! And it's not even about 'stuff', it's usually just "hi" and "how are you?". 16 YO goes on to say "and then, when I dont respond within 5 minutes, he texts me again, and again, asking where I am and why I haven't responded.....mom, I dont have time to text someone that much, and im not interested in keeping my phone with me all the time to respond quickly" Mom says "so what are you going to do then?" 16 Y says "I guess I will talk to him and let him know what I am thinking and feeling, and let the chips fall where they may."

I saw my friend today and asked how the chat went. They were both sure his neediness was going to end the relationship. Thing is, 16YO told her BF how she felt and he was totally cool and understanding with it. They are still together.

Relationships are about communicating. You've got to let her gently know how you feel, and ask her for what you want. You may be surprised that she respects what your wishes are. You may find out that she is offended, but at least you will know that your ideas of a relationship and hers dont gel.

 

[bigneil]

Hi all, so I finally got myself in a LTR with a girl who is all I'm looking for. For 6 months now everything has been good, great even. We seem to be a really good match. We do lots of fun stuff together, I hold the power in the relationship and she's happy to please, never throws a tantrum, nothing!

But recently something irritating has happened and I'm not sure how to best go about it. I never buy her anything or stuff, but on Valentine's day I had her over and made a nice dinner for the two of us. You know, just this once. And after that she's suddenly become clingy! She texts me multiple times a day and since I, out of habit, don't reply until evening she texts more and more "everything OK with you?"

This is starting to be a major turn off, in fact everything was awesome for 6 months in a row, until that day, and now she's suddenly all clingy and insecure. I feel pressured by her expectation that I'd be available to talk so much, which I've never been in the past. I don't want to hear every detail every day, I want to see you on the weekend and then we have a great time.

I know I've got to set her straight or else this might develop into a serious problem. But I'm not sure how to tell her "I don't want to talk / see you that often" without sounding like I don't love her. Because I do! But I want to keep it exciting, because life is too short to talk abut mundane stuff every day.

Oh, poor OP has a girl chasing him, and he's not just trying to say "I have a girl chasing me". It's traumatic. It hurts his feelings.

 

[sazc]

Oh, poor OP has a girl chasing him, and he's not just trying to say "I have a girl chasing me". It's traumatic. It hurts his feelings.

oh come on now.....I can relate..im not the type who wants to have to field a bunch of hot air texts from anyone much less the dude im fvcking. Once you get past the honeymoon period, you gotta settle into the relationship and life. Over texting is not attractive.

 

[bigneil]

A girl texting a guy twice a day is not as unattractive as a man doing that. Likewise, a man whining about it is less attractive than a woman whining about it.

 

[BeExcellent]

Approach game and relationship game are exactly the same for men with solid inner game. Frame on auto pilot. Think about it. Anything else is contrived. Do "xyz" for 3 months then "abc" after that? Silly. Not genuine.

I recall a couple I knew who were married 61 years. The husband was very simplistic in describing the relationship. "We just keep repeating what we did the first 90 days and here we are, still going strong." This after 6 children, grandkids, & great grandkids. The wife? Very sweet & deferential to her husband.

I date men who initiate. They reach out & then I respond in a receptive manner. They get to the point and ask me out. No neediness whatsoever. They do not "chase". They are not needy. Quite the contrary. I know they have interest by the action taken, they know I have interest because of reciprocation.

I would never want a man I am seeing to feel the sort of pressure from me as OP feels; I never want to come off as insecure; I never want to interrupt whatever a man might be doing with his time, whether it be a business deal, dinner with his mom, or a date with someone else. I trust that if a man likes me he is a grown man & can contact me or ask me out without me needing to remind him I exist.

So I wait for the man to fill the masculine role out of respect for him. I'm happy to respond in a feminine way if he chooses to reach out. There is nothing supplicating about taking an action that indicates interest. Now can you as a man blow it by being too chatty? Yes you can.

These are busy men who have plenty occupying their lives between business, their children, their interests. I'm busy myself and don't like contact during work hours or too much really at all between dates. The dates are for getting to know one another. No need to be pen pals in between.

There is a way to be masculine, lead and initiate without supplicating or chasing. There is pursuit with purpose and without pandering. Quality men typically do this effortlessly but quality men have other stuff to concern themselves with besides women. Quality men also have abundance mindsets, and are not overly concerned about any one woman's responses.

 

[Infern0]

Overtexting is only a problem if uts you initiating it and her ending it.

 

[Roober]

Approach game and relationship game are exactly the same for men with solid inner game. Frame on auto pilot. Think about it. Anything else is contrived. Do "xyz" for 3 months then "abc" after that? Silly. Not genuine.

I recall a couple I knew who were married 61 years. The husband was very simplistic in describing the relationship. "We just keep repeating what we did the first 90 days and here we are, still going strong." This after 6 children, grandkids, & great grandkids. The wife? Very sweet & deferential to her husband.

I date men who initiate. They reach out & then I respond in a receptive manner. They get to the point and ask me out. No neediness whatsoever. They do not "chase". They are not needy. Quite the contrary. I know they have interest by the action taken, they know I have interest because of reciprocation.

I would never want a man I am seeing to feel the sort of pressure from me as OP feels; I never want to come off as insecure; I never want to interrupt whatever a man might be doing with his time, whether it be a business deal, dinner with his mom, or a date with someone else. I trust that if a man likes me he is a grown man & can contact me or ask me out without me needing to remind him I exist.

So I wait for the man to fill the masculine role out of respect for him. I'm happy to respond in a feminine way if he chooses to reach out. There is nothing supplicating about taking an action that indicates interest. Now can you as a man blow it by being too chatty? Yes you can.

These are busy men who have plenty occupying their lives between business, their children, their interests. I'm busy myself and don't like contact during work hours or too much really at all between dates. The dates are for getting to know one another. No need to be pen pals in between.

There is a way to be masculine, lead and initiate without supplicating or chasing. There is pursuit with purpose and without pandering. Quality men typically do this effortlessly but quality men have other stuff to concern themselves with besides women. Quality men also have abundance mindsets, and are not overly concerned about any one woman's responses.

I would agree with most of this, but I feel like our "attention seeking culture" results in conditioning people to go against this. Most of the women I have talked to recently say guys will pursue and pursue and pursue, constantly sending texts, calls, etc. It seems as though our insistence on speeding up everything we do is essentially creating this sense of insecurity with a good majority of the population, almost to the point where a good majority of women actually expect it.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I would agree with most of this, but I feel like our "attention seeking culture" results in conditioning people to go against this. Most of the women I have talked to recently say guys will pursue and pursue and pursue, constantly sending texts, calls, etc. It seems as though our insistence on speeding up everything we do is essentially creating this sense of insecurity with a good majority of the population, almost to the point where a good majority of women actually expect it.

Nah, it's not that complicated. Your job as a man is to create fun filled romantic opportunities for sex to happen. That's it. Everything else is the woman's job. That means you reach out to a woman to ask her out. You don't text her to see how she's doing or any of that other bull****. As a woman's feelings develop, she reaches out to you more and more. Woman in love want your presence and attention 24/7, which causes them to chase you.

Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. They don't understand the dating dance.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I'm gonna go against the grain here and say for you to do the same thing to her. If you tell her how you feel it will hurt her, so in cases like this you ought to do a few 'beta' things here or there so that she loses a LITTLE bit of attraction and then you go back to normal. If she gets clingy again, you do the same thing. Adjust her interest level perhaps.

 

[Roober]

Nah, it's not that complicated. Your job as a man is to create fun filled romantic opportunities for sex to happen. That's it. Everything else is the woman's job. That means you reach out to a woman to ask her out. You don't text her to see how she's doing or any of that other bull****. As a woman's feelings develop, she reaches out to you more and more. Woman in love want your presence and attention 24/7, which causes them to chase you.

Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. They don't understand the dating dance.

Thinking about my situation. My ex called so much, I feel like it killed the relationship a bit. I suppose I could have just not talked at times when I was legitimately busy. I think The real problem was I set the precedent that I would drop everything for her.

 

[ubercat]

Yep it's her as the highest priority that was the killer texting was just a symptom.

 

[SkrooU]

I know they have interest by the action taken, they know I have interest because of reciprocation.

I would never want a man I am seeing to feel the sort of pressure from me as OP feels; I never want to come off as insecure; I never want to interrupt whatever a man might be doing with his time, whether it be a business deal, dinner with his mom, or a date with someone else. I trust that if a man likes me he is a grown man & can contact me or ask me out without me needing to remind him I exist.

Ok, I get what you're saying about pursuit with purpose vs supplicating and pandering. Good point. But what do you mean when you say you reciprocate? Do you mean you are just receptive to a man's action? Or do you mean you reciprocate the action of expressing interest by initiating contact and suggesting plans? You said you don't want to interrupt a man's life and appear insecure. But how is the man not doing this when he is always the one initiating contact? I'm really fond of somene who meets me halfway. I think the problems start when there is one person doing almost all the initiating. Eventually people resent this, man or woman. Either resentment grows from being contacted too much or from beign the only one to initiate any amount of contact at all.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I'm gonna go against the grain here and say for you to do the same thing to her. If you tell her how you feel it will hurt her, so in cases like this you ought to do a few 'beta' things here or there so that she loses a LITTLE bit of attraction and then you go back to normal. If she gets clingy again, you do the same thing. Adjust her interest level perhaps.

This is an excellent advanced tactic I haven't tried yet. We know what raises and kills attraction, so some beta behavior should cool her down. Unfortunately, women can smell a rat when you try to break the pattern again. They have more intuition then we do.

 

[BeExcellent]

Ok, I get what you're saying about pursuit with purpose vs supplicating and pandering. Good point. But what do you mean when you say you reciprocate? Do you mean you are just receptive to a man's action? Or do you mean you reciprocate the action of expressing interest by initiating contact and suggesting plans? You said you don't want to interrupt a man's life and appear insecure. But how is the man not doing this when he is always the one initiating contact? I'm really fond of somene who meets me halfway. I think the problems start when there is one person doing almost all the initiating. Eventually people resent this, man or woman. Either resentment grows from being contacted too much or from beign the only one to initiate any amount of contact at all.

Except it doesn't. I routinely hear men complain about too much contact from women, so the OP on this thread is observable IME.

Scarcity drives up value. We all know that here. That's true of men or women. Quality people understand their value and behave accordingly, men or women.

You see sought after people can easily fill their social calendars. I could be booked solid every night and day engagements on the weekends too if I wanted to be that busy. I don't. I like time for solitude and rest, which is a treat in a hectic life. So I am discriminating about who gets to spend time with me when I make myself available. People with full social lives are always balancing this. Men or women. People who allow you space while in relationship are rare. These are secure people.

When I say in my post above that I reciprocate, I mean I am warm, responsive, sweet and uplifting. If he lets the conversation drop...I let it drop. I wait for him to contact me at his convenience again. His action to reach out again shows his interest. My warm response again shows my interest. After I'm dating someone a while I'll reach out very occasionally via text. Maybe 10% of the time. I get lots of kudos on this behavior from high powered men. Refreshing is what I hear most frequently. From men who are busy & don't like women pestering them all the time.

They have room to breathe & they don't feel obligated.

This really is my point. Insecure people fear rejection. Men fear it more on the front end, women fear it more on the back end. Fear leads to insecurity, clingyness or neediness. All turn offs.

Secure people come from a different place, a different mind set entirely. Secure men never chase women. Not at the beginning and not at anytime in the relationship. Secure women don't chase either. But secure women are more unusual than secure men IME.

When both people approach things from a grounded place that allows masculine & feminine energy to circulate and create polarity good things happen. Man leads, woman follows. That is the natural order of things.

 

[Huffman]

Wow, I didn't expect such a flood of posts. That's a pretty deep analysis on interest, insecurity and "game", which I can't go through right now but be assured I'll set some time aside to read it all in detail later.

As to the matter at hand, we met up for a quiet drink and had a good talk about some minor things that were bothering us each (this includes the needy texts) and everything is fine again. Really it was nothing much - I should have sat her down for some real talk way earlier. We rarely fight and I guess something just built up inside her which needed to be addressed.

So all good now. Feels good to actually address a problem instead of always "next". Unless this becomes a regular occurrence I'm not going to analyze this further. Thanks.