Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

GF maybe walking soon

Stoic

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Anyway hope things work out with the lady. Your concerns are legitimate. But I dont think she's out of line either..
 

mrgoodstuff

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Our experiences have been different and same with our views.

My divorce costs less than 1k through mediation, no attorneys involved even though we had a net worth of north of 1M

You know we preach all this doom and gloom and focus on the negativity in here. But this picture of Amber Turd with the new Vice President, what a scary look. The mask is off...
 
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RickTheToad

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Our experiences have been different and same with our views.

My divorce costs less than 1k through mediation, no attorneys involved even though we had a net worth of north of 1M
I can tell you a few things. One, the pre-nup will be fought in court and you will have to pay those legal fees. You may also be ordered to pay your spouses legal fees as well during discovery. I know my last divorce, I was required to pay her medical premium and deductibles which was over 600 bucks a month (it was a good plan). Since the plan was cancelled at the end of the year, I was able to get out of it. However, if it wasn't, I was on the hook through the whole divorce process which lasted nearly 1.5 years. Two, Dr. Dre is fighting the same battle right now. His wife, who's also an attorney, also stated that Andre (Dr. Dre) said he "tore up" the pre-nup a few years ago.

It's a catch-22. Once one judge starts to unravel the legal protections, then they will slowly be taken apart bit by bit.

I know a friend who had been married for 17 years and three kids. The wife comes from a wealthy family, but doesn't work. He found out she was cheating on him for about a decade and filed for divorce. This was two years ago and she's still fighting him. He was thrown out of the marital home, was renting, but the Judge said his rental home was not stable enough for his children in terms of their previous living conditions. He then had to buy another house. He also has to pay for the upkeep on their primary house, medical and her attorney fees as she doesn't work. The guy is getting killed and drowning in debt. I see it playing out now IRL. It's unreal.
 

Atom Smasher

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She agreed to your thoughts on marriage in the beginning because she “knew” she was going to “change” you over time.
After about a year and a half, that kind of thing usually implodes as it dawns on her that the guy is not changing according to her imagined schedule.

It’s not sustainable unfortunately. Women live in a social web and there are many forces that are pushing her toward wanting marriage. Some of those forces are internal wiring, and some are social pressures. The bottom line is that those forces will likely eventually overtake her completely when she can’t stand the tension anymore. Right now she’s in the rationalization vs emotion battle. Emotion must win.
 

RickTheToad

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She agreed to your thoughts on marriage in the beginning because she “knew” she was going to “change” you over time.
After about a year and a half, that kind of thing usually implodes as it dawns on her that the guy is not changing according to her imagined schedule.

It’s not sustainable unfortunately. Women live in a social web and there are many forces that are pushing her toward wanting marriage. Some of those forces are internal wiring, and some are social pressures. The bottom line is that those forces will likely eventually overtake her completely when she can’t stand the tension anymore. Right now she’s in the rationalization vs emotion battle. Emotion must win.
Certainly a shame if that comes to pass. I told her to write our legislature for the laws to remove the antiquated divorce laws. I even said, would any dude work then for marriage? She looked shocked. You will have just about all the same rights and privileges aside from legal right or ownership of my assets as outlined in a cohabitation agreement. However, if you want to do a rehab project with me and cover 50% of the costs, I have no problem splitting that down the middle. I said that is fair. Giving you something that isn't yours is not. You can have a party, the religious ceremony, the ring, etc. Are you willing to give that up for a piece of paper? She looked puzzled. I just said think about it and let me know. You know where I stand on this and what I've had to do in the past.

My ex-wife was wonderful and nice prior to marriage too. However, afterwards, she was pure hell. I know this is not the right way to go about a personal relationship, however, this is not my first go around and I know they want to hold something over the other spouse in case something doesn't work out. Well, there's no protection for me and I do not feel like starting over again in a few years because of a mistake.

She also knows I've walked away from females who've made more money than her, had more assets than her and are better looking than her. However, it has nothing to do with her or any other female. It has to do with the attorneys, their games and the courts. It's pretty simple and quite logical. She the responded, marriage is not a business partnership. I stated, oh but it is. It's the only contract three parties sign that is not argued in civil court, but in family court.
 

Lookatu

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I'm not here to change your views on Marriage.

Personally, I think she will always nag you and you fvcked up by "wasting" 1.5 years with her when you could've been with someone that shared your views from the get go. She's already taken 1.5 years of your life and who knows, other lost opportunities you could've had with other women.

Don't waste anymore time with her as you two have opposing views and goals in life and start looking for someone that shares your views about marriage. My $.02
 

RickTheToad

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I'm not here to change your views on Marriage.

Personally, I think she will always nag you and you fvcked up by "wasting" 1.5 years with her when you could've been with someone that shared your views from the get go. She's already taken 1.5 years of your life and who knows, other lost opportunities you could've had with other women.

Don't waste anymore time with her as you two have opposing views and goals in life and start looking for someone that shares your views about marriage. My $.02
Perhaps, but I still think compromise is the key in any relationship. If we can't, then sadly and unfortunately, we will have to walk our separate ways. Having a fling is one thing. Finding a female that is acceptable to be a mother is completely another. However, it's not worth the hell I went through last decade. I posted about that a couple years ago too.

I honestly do not know why dudes go through with this nowadays. The emotional, financial and legal risks are quite great for the dude.
 

Lookatu

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Perhaps, but I still think compromise is the key in any relationship.
I agree however with the exception of Marriage and/or Kids. You can't compromise on those two items.

I've seen friends that's had their gf for years and come to find out the girl didn't want kids and they did. It always ends up in breakup. You can't get past those two items I mentioned.

I've never heard any success stories when it came to differing views on kids and/or marriages. It always ends up in breakup so why waste your time?
 

RickTheToad

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I agree however with the exception of Marriage and/or Kids. You can't compromise on those two items.

I've seen friends that's had their gf for years and come to find out the girl didn't want kids and they did. It always ends up in breakup. You can't get past those two items I mentioned.

I've never heard any success stories when it came to differing views on kids and/or marriages. It always ends up in breakup so why waste your time?
No issues with having kids. Technically, we would be married, just not sanctioned by the State. I do not see the issue.
 

Lookatu

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No issues with having kids. Technically, we would be married, just not sanctioned by the State. I do not see the issue.
yeah but to me it seems like she wants that piece of paper which is the issue I was getting at.
 

RickTheToad

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yeah but to me it seems like she wants that piece of paper which is the issue I was getting at.
She'd get a piece of paper from the Rev. it her choice. I assume it will come to pass one way or another very soon. I am not too confident, but it is what it is, as I've already accepted she may walk; that's her choice. Not for nothing, the last two I had this talk to also walked, then reached out weeks and months later; I didn't take them back. She knows that too. I am more than willing to a make this work, but it has to be fair. Marriage by the State is not fair; nor are the lawyers at 500 + an hour.
 

TonyTenner

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Im having this issue too. I've a lot to lose - I inherited quite a lot of land which has been in our family for generations. If I marry, I'm at risk of being the the last generation to own that land.

I've also offered to have a ceremony, but no cert, and this wasn't acceptable. That seems odd to me - what's so important about the government approving of our relationship. But as I read elsewhere on this site - "women are built to acquire resources - it's innate". That's the conclusion I've come to too. When you really pay attention to womens' actions, it cuts your idea of romance to shreds.
 

RickTheToad

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Im having this issue too. I've a lot to lose - I inherited quite a lot of land which has been in our family for generations. If I marry, I'm at risk of being the the last generation to own that land.

I've also offered to have a ceremony, but no cert, and this wasn't acceptable. That seems odd to me - what's so important about the government approving of our relationship. But as I read elsewhere on this site - "women are built to acquire resources - it's innate". That's the conclusion I've come to too. When you really pay attention to womens' actions, it cuts your idea of romance to shreds.
The sad fact is they, whether they know it or not, want to have something over on the other so it hurts to leave should things fail. As hard as it is, and I will not lie, as painful as this may appear, it's better to experience it now than later. I still think there is a chance that she'd come around, but I'm already preparing in my mind that we're going to go our separate ways. Not going to say it's starting to sink in, but unless she comes around, the writing is on the wall.
 

RickTheToad

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She wants to get her hooks into your money.
Certainly possible. Or, she wants to go through the whole experience like her friends are going through. She doesn't have a bad bone in her body. The anti-marriage is not against her, it's against the system.. That's what some people forget that I am trying to empathize. So, I understand she wants the experience, but she can have that; just not the "title" of legal wife. Religious wife, yes, legal, no. She can have the party, the ceremony, the dress, ring, etc. I really do not understand what the big deal is. Maybe it is me..
 
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