Broham
Senior Don Juan
Here's a quick snapshot of my current situation:
GF and I have been dating for close to 8 months. We're very serious and planning on being together a long time, possible marraige. We both live with our parents and see each other 3-4 times a week.
About a week ago GF's mom supposedly heard us having sex. GF freaked out and told me we need to get our own place. She is also paranoid about having sex at my house because she thinks my parents could hear. Therefore we have to do it on the floor instead of my bed which makes creaking noises. Insane, I know.
We've talked about moving in together sometime next year, but now she thinks that its crucial that we do it ASAP. I'd be down for this, but right now I can't afford rent WITH my current expenses. Moreover, she's not getting a full time job for another 3 months and expects me to pay 100% of the rent in this time period. She did, though, offer to chip in $2000 that her parents gave her to buy a car. Her parents also said they'd help out with other things such as groceries, etc.. I don't like this idea because I am 26, her 23 and we should'nt be leeching off parents at this stage in the game.
I told her if we wait a few months, I'll be getting a raise at work, a second job and she'll have her job, so we'll be much better money-wise. Also, I only considered buying because renting is foolish for obvious reasons.
We've been fighting (we'll SHE'S been fighting with me, I've acted indifferent) over the last few days about this. She even told me she doesn't want to be with me if we're still living with our parents in 6 months. I was close to calling her bluff and taking all of my stuff out of her house the other day and ending it. She emailed me today saying this:
>I can't go today i have to work and i wouldn't want to go on my own anway!
>I can't be bothered with this anymore, i tried and even offered to put that $2000 into this and you're the one telling me i need to compromise, you're so full of ****!
>Like you said you've got more important things to be dealing with well so have i, i'm not wasting any more time and effort on you, you don't deserve it!
>You stay at home and i'll stay at home and we'll see each other once/twice a week for the next year and end up finishing because it's ****, hows does that suit you?
I responded with:
You need to think about what you really want.
When I say compromise, I'm just not referring to money, but time as well. I've always wanted to move in with you from the beginning but never envisioned being forced into making an impulse decision.
I want us to be together permanently; therefore I want all of our future decisions together to make sense. Right now, rushing into a random apartment doesn't make a lot of sense.
You see, our mindsets differ in the fact that you only think in the SHORT-TERM, while I think in the LONG-TERM. You believe that because I am thinking long-term that I don't care about the relationship. Moreover, you believe that our relationship is in turmoil because we both live with our parents. Clearly, your thinking is delusional and there is no need whatsosever to be in a state of panic.
That being said, I think we should look into a condo around the $165,000 range. With the current interest rate, our payments would be about $1100 per month with NO MONEY DOWN (same as if we were going to rent). If we invest in a condo we'd have equity and be able to sell the condo for a lot more $$ in the future when the economy gets better. Right now its a buyer's market so it would benefit us if we seriously thought about buying.
Furthermore, by the time we're done researching and looking at places, we'll both be in a MUCH better financial predictament. I'll be making more money at work, have a steady second job and you'll have your job.
In the event that we had to split up (touch wood we don't) we could just sell the condo as is at the time and part ways. If we ended up renting though, one of us would end up moving out and leaving the other to pay the entire rent. OR, we'd both be stuck there together miserable. Either scenario doesn't sound too enticing.
If we're going to be together for the LONG-TERM, why wouldn't we be thinking LONG-TERM?? Don't we want to be in a better situation 2-3 years from now when we are ready to get married? How does renting set us up for that? We'd just be starting from the bottom AGAIN! Why would you NOT want to invest in a piece of property that would appreciate (increase its value) over 2-3 years and allow us to put a big fat down payment on a very nice HOUSE.
If you are so fed up with my thinking then do what you need to do. If seeing me a few times a week while we research condos isn't going to make you happy then that's fine. I would think that would be better than not seeing me at all, but apparently your mind works very differently than mine.
Feel free to show this e-mail to your parents and ask them if it makes sense. I think planning for the future should be our #1 priority as a couple. The fact that I've taken the time to write this out for you should show you that I care very much about our relationship but at the same time, I'm not going to make the wrong decision.
You're either with me or you're not.
Sorry about the loooong post! Did I react the right way?
GF and I have been dating for close to 8 months. We're very serious and planning on being together a long time, possible marraige. We both live with our parents and see each other 3-4 times a week.
About a week ago GF's mom supposedly heard us having sex. GF freaked out and told me we need to get our own place. She is also paranoid about having sex at my house because she thinks my parents could hear. Therefore we have to do it on the floor instead of my bed which makes creaking noises. Insane, I know.
We've talked about moving in together sometime next year, but now she thinks that its crucial that we do it ASAP. I'd be down for this, but right now I can't afford rent WITH my current expenses. Moreover, she's not getting a full time job for another 3 months and expects me to pay 100% of the rent in this time period. She did, though, offer to chip in $2000 that her parents gave her to buy a car. Her parents also said they'd help out with other things such as groceries, etc.. I don't like this idea because I am 26, her 23 and we should'nt be leeching off parents at this stage in the game.
I told her if we wait a few months, I'll be getting a raise at work, a second job and she'll have her job, so we'll be much better money-wise. Also, I only considered buying because renting is foolish for obvious reasons.
We've been fighting (we'll SHE'S been fighting with me, I've acted indifferent) over the last few days about this. She even told me she doesn't want to be with me if we're still living with our parents in 6 months. I was close to calling her bluff and taking all of my stuff out of her house the other day and ending it. She emailed me today saying this:
>I can't go today i have to work and i wouldn't want to go on my own anway!
>I can't be bothered with this anymore, i tried and even offered to put that $2000 into this and you're the one telling me i need to compromise, you're so full of ****!
>Like you said you've got more important things to be dealing with well so have i, i'm not wasting any more time and effort on you, you don't deserve it!
>You stay at home and i'll stay at home and we'll see each other once/twice a week for the next year and end up finishing because it's ****, hows does that suit you?
I responded with:
You need to think about what you really want.
When I say compromise, I'm just not referring to money, but time as well. I've always wanted to move in with you from the beginning but never envisioned being forced into making an impulse decision.
I want us to be together permanently; therefore I want all of our future decisions together to make sense. Right now, rushing into a random apartment doesn't make a lot of sense.
You see, our mindsets differ in the fact that you only think in the SHORT-TERM, while I think in the LONG-TERM. You believe that because I am thinking long-term that I don't care about the relationship. Moreover, you believe that our relationship is in turmoil because we both live with our parents. Clearly, your thinking is delusional and there is no need whatsosever to be in a state of panic.
That being said, I think we should look into a condo around the $165,000 range. With the current interest rate, our payments would be about $1100 per month with NO MONEY DOWN (same as if we were going to rent). If we invest in a condo we'd have equity and be able to sell the condo for a lot more $$ in the future when the economy gets better. Right now its a buyer's market so it would benefit us if we seriously thought about buying.
Furthermore, by the time we're done researching and looking at places, we'll both be in a MUCH better financial predictament. I'll be making more money at work, have a steady second job and you'll have your job.
In the event that we had to split up (touch wood we don't) we could just sell the condo as is at the time and part ways. If we ended up renting though, one of us would end up moving out and leaving the other to pay the entire rent. OR, we'd both be stuck there together miserable. Either scenario doesn't sound too enticing.
If we're going to be together for the LONG-TERM, why wouldn't we be thinking LONG-TERM?? Don't we want to be in a better situation 2-3 years from now when we are ready to get married? How does renting set us up for that? We'd just be starting from the bottom AGAIN! Why would you NOT want to invest in a piece of property that would appreciate (increase its value) over 2-3 years and allow us to put a big fat down payment on a very nice HOUSE.
If you are so fed up with my thinking then do what you need to do. If seeing me a few times a week while we research condos isn't going to make you happy then that's fine. I would think that would be better than not seeing me at all, but apparently your mind works very differently than mine.
Feel free to show this e-mail to your parents and ask them if it makes sense. I think planning for the future should be our #1 priority as a couple. The fact that I've taken the time to write this out for you should show you that I care very much about our relationship but at the same time, I'm not going to make the wrong decision.
You're either with me or you're not.
Sorry about the loooong post! Did I react the right way?
