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Getting strong again after breakup

Baibars

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Im 25, had a wife for some years and i also have 2 kids.
She left me long ago and i found out that she didnt have any issue dating other guys. It was really hard for me the first time and i begged her back and all this **** but after being in the manosphere for some weeks now, i stopped that and realized how dumb i was.

Im not completely over her but i can deal far better with it now.
Now that im Single i want to work on myself but i also want to date other girls. I tried online dating but didnt have much success and it really makes me feel bad to get rejected so much.
Didnt try to approach Girls " offline".

I also noticed that i dont have the testosterone level that i had with 20. Back then i had a constant boner and now its just not the same. Is that normal for a 25 year old? I started to not fap some weeks ago..

Would like to get some tips/advice.
 

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billtx49

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Didnt try to approach Girls " offline".

I also noticed that i dont have the testosterone level that i had with 20. Back then i had a constant boner and now its just not the same.
Approach girls IRL, find a hot one, boners magically reappear …
If she’s really hot, you’ll have enough wood to start a good fire in her…
 

Black Widow Void

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From reading your previous posting, you've had a heII of a lot to process. Experiencing a temporary lack of mojo is natural. Getting out of a marriage, discovering that your wife cheated, having two kids... etc That's a lot to work through for anyone and especially at your age. It's a gradual process and it sounds like you're making some good progress.

I agree with billtx49 that cold approaches work best, but I'm going to suggest an alternate route (just for the time being). Based on personal experience, if we're still in the 'walking-wounded' stage, we can sub-communicate the wrong messages to women. On the surface we may think that we are projecting all the positive images, but women are perceptive. They can read body language etc... that can work against us (if we aren't in top form).

I just did an internet search and noticed that they have "meetups" in Germany too. This is a great way to get out there and without any pressure. This will be a social environment and these groups will also have different women. And here in the states, most of the women attendees are single and not the ones that are plastered on all the singles on line sites.

Joining the groups will be a good way to take your mind off of things, meet some new people and of course, an opportunity to meet new women.
 

GoodOne123

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Hey man, it's pretty obvious you're still in the grieving/hurting phase. If you're anything like me after a breakup, youlle be feeling almost a minor form of depression. That is more than likely affecting yoir libido, hence your current issues with erections.

I'm 25 too. I have noticed lower libido overall since I was 20. But you can't compare your 20 yr old self to 25. At 20 you've just come out of puberty with your hormones sky high. At 25 you need to take more care of yourself mentally, and physically to avoid erectile dysfunction and maintain a high libido.

You gotta remember that holding on to her mentally is causing you nothing but pain. Look at what it's done to you already.
 
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cola

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Monk mode brother:
Gym 4, 5-6 is ideal but 4 minimum days a week

No masturbating
No junk food
An hour reading self improvement material a day
8 hours of sleep
New wardrobe
A new hobby. Something manly like motorcycles, archery or hunting

cologne shopping, always wear it. And even if your running to the gas station dress like your next wife is gonna be there.

Reinvent yourself to the point every time she sees you she regrets it, and never take her back, make sure your next girl is sexier and flaunt her in her face baby. She deserves it.
Get to the point that you are in a leauge if man she could never reach.
 

Serenity

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A new hobby. Something manly like motorcycles, archery or hunting
I agree with everything else, but this one annoys me. Sure, if he's into it then by all means he should continue. However, if he finds interest in something else as a hobby then he should do that even if society doesn't regard it as specifically manly.

Anyone doing a hobby for the sake of attracting a woman with it is missing the point. To have a hobby is what matters, not so much what the hobby is. The function is personal recreation and it has the added benefit of keeping a man from being too needy out of boredom. Most women don't give a fvck whether a guy has any of the masculine hobbies you listed above or does something else, just that he's not clingy and makes her his entire world.
 

Glassguy

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Monk mode brother:
Gym 4, 5-6 is ideal but 4 minimum days a week

No masturbating
No junk food
An hour reading self improvement material a day
8 hours of sleep
New wardrobe
A new hobby. Something manly like motorcycles, archery or hunting

cologne shopping, always wear it. And even if your running to the gas station dress like your next wife is gonna be there.

Reinvent yourself to the point every time she sees you she regrets it, and never take her back, make sure your next girl is sexier and flaunt her in her face baby. She deserves it.
Get to the point that you are in a leauge if man she could never reach.
Agreed.

Work on yourself. Make sure your exes see you in public and regret it not working out.

In doing so you will attract more women and some with better overall qualities than your ex.

It's like clock work. If I see a little lull on the horizon, I shift my attention back to myself and what I am doing, my habits.

It never fails that when I lose one woman, two more are around the next corner and better ones are definitely out there.
 

cola

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I agree with everything else, but this one annoys me. Sure, if he's into it then by all means he should continue. However, if he finds interest in something else as a hobby then he should do that even if society doesn't regard it as specifically manly.

Anyone doing a hobby for the sake of attracting a woman with it is missing the point. To have a hobby is what matters, not so much what the hobby is. The function is personal recreation and it has the added benefit of keeping a man from being too needy out of boredom. Most women don't give a fvck whether a guy has any of the masculine hobbies you listed above or does something else, just that he's not clingy and makes her his entire world.
Would you prefer he start knitting? Perhaps start up a collection of cats?
 

Serenity

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Would you prefer he start knitting? Perhaps start up a collection of cats?
I have no preference about what he does as a hobby. Just because a hobby isn't super masculine doesn't mean that it's feminine either, there's lots of hobbies that isn't distinctly either.

Btw, my grandmother enjoyed hunting for many years and my aunt likes motorcycles. I don't know anyone doing archery though.

If he genuinely enjoys knitting then he should do that and be confidently indifferent towards the petty prejudice of others. Anyone who collects cats are crazy though, regardless of their gender.
 
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Mauser96

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Monk mode brother:
Gym 4, 5-6 is ideal but 4 minimum days a week

No masturbating
No junk food
An hour reading self improvement material a day
8 hours of sleep
New wardrobe
A new hobby. Something manly like motorcycles, archery or hunting

cologne shopping, always wear it. And even if your running to the gas station dress like your next wife is gonna be there.

Reinvent yourself to the point every time she sees you she regrets it, and never take her back, make sure your next girl is sexier and flaunt her in her face baby. She deserves it.
Get to the point that you are in a leauge if man she could never reach.
Excellent advice
 

Mazer

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You could still be experiencing a bit of depression or burnout from the split. Libido seems to lower when your mind isn’t right.
 

mrgoodstuff

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You could still be experiencing a bit of depression or burnout from the split. Libido seems to lower when your mind isn’t right.
Getting a new gf helps to close and minimize those old thoughts.
 

L16

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I dealt with some pretty deep depression after being blindsided by my ex. I had a lot of internal **** to deal with that I didn't realize before this happened though.

Things I did after being dumped that have helped:

Bought some new clothing that every time I put it on make me feel like I'm a ****ing rockstar.
Grew my hair out
Bought a bunch of skin/hair/grooming products
Keep my beard trimmed more often
Got a personal trainer
Started BJJ 3-4 times a week
Started singing lessons
Attempt to play guitar more often
Now I'm training for a half marathon and Olympic triathlon
I've started gratitude journaling
I've started reading 4-5 nights a week. I like to alternate between fiction and non-fiction/business/self help.
I began taking online courses to hopefully take a new career path
I also started going to therapy once a week

I still think about my ex everyday and it sucks. But keeping busy with all of these things has been really good for me. I try to envision how much I will have grown/how amazing I will be/how good I will feel about myself in a few months from now when I continue to do these things consistently. You don't have to do all of these things, I didn't start them all at once. It took a lot of time for me to get enough energy to get the ball rolling on more than one thing and to stick with it.

Hobbies are definitely important. Try to invest in things you think are interesting that you will be passionate about, things that will make you a more interesting, happier, confident person. I've found the more challenging things I'm taking on to be the more satisfying ones for sure. BJJ and training for the half marathon/triathlon I feel the largest boost in confidence and accomplishment from.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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Now that im Single i want to work on myself but i also want to date other girls.
Now that you're single? You ALWAYS work on yourself, understand? Regardless if you're married to 20 women or will never see another woman again. You get life satisfaction from challenging yourself with new skills, hobbies, work, gritting your teeth through it, and coming out a master, an expert. That's where masculinity and T comes from, and that's what women find hot af. Talking to women by comparison becomes trivial and laughable. The ones that really want you shine through and prove themselves.

Workout forever. Eat well forever. Read forever. Get better forever. Seek dragons to slay constantly. Hone yourself like a blade on the rock of life. Stop doing things that make you feel weak(drinking, being lazy, undisciplined, smoking, fapping). Do things that make you stronger. Direct your energy into healthy habits. You'll know you're making progress if you start realizing you're better off without her.

If you don't orient yourself towards something you're disoriented. Feel free to PM if you need some one on one, stay up.
 
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bcude

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I agree with everything else, but this one annoys me. Sure, if he's into it then by all means he should continue. However, if he finds interest in something else as a hobby then he should do that even if society doesn't regard it as specifically manly.

Anyone doing a hobby for the sake of attracting a woman with it is missing the point. To have a hobby is what matters, not so much what the hobby is. The function is personal recreation and it has the added benefit of keeping a man from being too needy out of boredom. Most women don't give a fvck whether a guy has any of the masculine hobbies you listed above or does something else, just that he's not clingy and makes her his entire world.
I agree, to have a hobby is what matters, something you really enjoy to do is the most important since you'll keep doing it aswell. But his point with the masculine hobby was to get the testosterone flowing again, that's how i look at it anyway. Masculine hobbies raise testosterone. Stuff like doing dishes lowers it.
That's why going to the gym is e x c e l l e n t advice. It's almost like doping.

Great advice cola.
 

Serenity

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@bcude I hear a lot of claims about this or that increasing testosterone, but no sources. I know that proper diet, exercise and good sleep helps testosterone, but I'm very skeptical that doing stereotypically masculine activities has any effect on hormones aside from the more general effect of lowering stress which isn't tied to doing masculine activities.

Doing dishes doesn't lower testosterone. It's something you need to do anyways. In fact, not doing the dishes and letting it pile up may cause stress or depression, which will lower testosterone.

Show me research, I can't find anything to support your claims.
 

Baibars

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I have experienced some changes since 2 days.
Im sure that the way i thought was a reason my Libido was so low.
I was in this family thinking and had still hope that she would see sense and be a family with me and the kids because that was always my ideal. That was the reason why i allowed her to humiliate me. I just had this hope that maybe there was a Chance that my ideal could be reality..
But now i dont give a fck about her, at least not like before.
I mean i Think about her but there is no Hope and im aggressive about myself that i allowed all this humiliation but also about her.
And i noticed that my desire to fck a girl raised significantly.
State of mind seems to strongly affect Sexual desire

I will Follow some of These helpfull advices from you.
I want to put my energy in meaningful activities and i have the desire to make more of myself.
 
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bcude

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@Serenity Yeah okay let me rephrase it. Doing dishes might not lower testosterone but it certainly doesn't raise it. You can substitute it with knitting or whatever viewed as feminine.
Reasearch is pretty clear on your body language raising testo, things like taking up space, walking straight etc. triggers your brain to release it into your bloodstream, so you can change your hormonal levels through your thoughts in a sense.
The traditional masculine things involve physical activities. You chop wood and throw that axe, it's 1) physical 2) involve body language and/or thoughts that raise it. Makes sense from an evolutionary aspect to want to sharpen your concentration and other positive masculine abilities when needed for survival of the species, like bringing home wood or hunting a deer.
 
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