Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Getting over burn out

FraUnderRadaren

New Member
Joined
Apr 10, 2019
Messages
7
Reaction score
5
Age
32
It’s been awhile since I last posted on here. That last post was supposed to be a journal recording my progress with getting back into a relationship after my last one ended. Since then I entered into another relationship but that ended too, with more drama than the last one.

I won’t beat around the bush, I neglected my original commitment and I don’t have any legitimate excuses: I basically stopped dating around both for logistical and personal reasons. For one I went back home to try to improve my financial situation. Which worked out really well – I’m no longer in massive debt.

Though, even with my accomplishment, I just stopped going out. Going to events was a chore. Especially when I went solo. What was easy for me with approaching strangers now became a hard effort even to the point of anxiety. I wasn’t afraid of getting shot down at all, but the after fact of awkwardly sitting on my hands trying to figure out what to do next after getting shot down was an irrational fear. That scenario doesn’t sit well with me.

And sometimes I can’t help but have that gnawing feeling that I’m not getting anywhere with the woman I’m gaming even though on the surface she’s clearly showing interest. It bothers the hell outta me. Or the dumb “**** tests” that they front with when you try approaching them, like, I’m just not in the mood to deal with that right now. Or the fact that you have to deal with the AMOGs even when just want to be social and make sure friends.

Stuff like that grates my nerves. I’m too old for that **** and playing poker was a more thrilling of a challenge. Or it could be that my drive is still charred to a crisp. Or I could be jaded, but I don't think so :p

So I was pretty much a hermit of sorts (the covid-19 lockdowns also forced me into that) and rarely did I venture out from my space other than to workout or run errands.

Are there anybody else who have came from the same type scenario in their 30s? Did you change your strategy? Did you try different venues? Or was it just a matter of getting over it?

Thanks guys :)



I appreciate the responses
 

oldmanofthesea

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 23, 2018
Messages
1,028
Reaction score
1,764
Age
44
I would suggest you focus on not searching for relationships specifically, and focus instead in more casual dating. Second, it sounds like all your actions around meeting women are cold approach and night game. I still believe in cold approach but no longer believe you should set out to spend time doing only that. If you are already out at the grocery store or park doing what you’re doing anyway, and you see a hot girl, so the approach. And lastly, focus more on building out a social circle and social activities (clubs, sports, meetups) that will have you surrounded by the type of wine you are attracted to, and possibly the type of guys you would get along with as friends to build out your social circle.
 

Serenity

Moderator
Joined
Aug 19, 2013
Messages
3,347
Reaction score
2,538
Age
29
Location
Eye of the storm
From start to end (~2 years) of what I define as my era of learning game I experienced the same. It culminated in one big realization, I was seeking women as an extension of seeking happiness, but I couldn't attract while unhappy/dissatisfied/frustrated. What a catch-22, but fortunately having a woman is not a requirement for being generally satisfied in life.

I put all of the crap you're thinking about now aside and focused on making as many moments of my life as enjoyable as possible. A sh!t test didn't even register as a sh!t test any more, I wasn't making decisions based on how to get the girl or handle something like that "correctly". I was basing my decisions on what made myself feel better, that's fvcking easy, I almost always know what would make me feel better in a given moment. I do not know what would make a particular woman feel or behave the way I'd like in any given moment, that's what you're trying to do. I don't care if she stays or leaves, as long as I feel good I accept both outcomes.

This turned everything upside down for me. I went out with the goal of enjoying myself regardless of any outcome regarding any women who might cross my path. Enjoy myself I did and women were attracted to my good vibes like moths to a light. You might not be as lucky, but what does it matter? You'll be having a good time after all.
 

bat soup

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
620
Reaction score
604
Age
40
It’s been awhile since I last posted on here. That last post was supposed to be a journal recording my progress with getting back into a relationship after my last one ended. Since then I entered into another relationship but that ended too, with more drama than the last one.

I won’t beat around the bush, I neglected my original commitment and I don’t have any legitimate excuses: I basically stopped dating around both for logistical and personal reasons. For one I went back home to try to improve my financial situation. Which worked out really well – I’m no longer in massive debt.

Though, even with my accomplishment, I just stopped going out. Going to events was a chore. Especially when I went solo. What was easy for me with approaching strangers now became a hard effort even to the point of anxiety. I wasn’t afraid of getting shot down at all, but the after fact of awkwardly sitting on my hands trying to figure out what to do next after getting shot down was an irrational fear. That scenario doesn’t sit well with me.

And sometimes I can’t help but have that gnawing feeling that I’m not getting anywhere with the woman I’m gaming even though on the surface she’s clearly showing interest. It bothers the hell outta me. Or the dumb “**** tests” that they front with when you try approaching them, like, I’m just not in the mood to deal with that right now. Or the fact that you have to deal with the AMOGs even when just want to be social and make sure friends.

Stuff like that grates my nerves. I’m too old for that **** and playing poker was a more thrilling of a challenge. Or it could be that my drive is still charred to a crisp. Or I could be jaded, but I don't think so :p

So I was pretty much a hermit of sorts (the covid-19 lockdowns also forced me into that) and rarely did I venture out from my space other than to workout or run errands.

Are there anybody else who have came from the same type scenario in their 30s? Did you change your strategy? Did you try different venues? Or was it just a matter of getting over it?

Thanks guys :)


I appreciate the responses
Try doing more things that you enjoy, rather than just trying to meet women. For example, go to places that play music that you like, where you like the atmosphere, etc. Find friends that also like doing the same thing - that way you´ll have their company and encouragement rather than just being there alone hoping to meet someone.

When you meet a new women, filter hard at the beginning and quickly ditch any woman that doesn´t have a good vibe or that is being uncooperative. Otherwise, you´ll soon get tired of women in general before you meet a decent one.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
15,402
Reaction score
9,826
Location
DFW, TX
Try doing more things that you enjoy, rather than just trying to meet women. For example, go to places that play music that you like, where you like the atmosphere, etc. Find friends that also like doing the same thing - that way you´ll have their company and encouragement rather than just being there alone hoping to meet someone.

When you meet a new women, filter hard at the beginning and quickly ditch any woman that doesn´t have a good vibe or that is being uncooperative. Otherwise, you´ll soon get tired of women in general before you meet a decent one.
Hey... So you know how we say women pick the "same men" so they have something to complain about? Alot of the guys do it to, and you've pointed that out. If you keep picking the same toxic babes, you will brainwash yourself to think all of them are so terrible.
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

oldmanofthesea

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 23, 2018
Messages
1,028
Reaction score
1,764
Age
44
I'll expand on my reply a bit to share that I went through the same thing. Once you learn some game, and get over your approach fears, seduction becomes a problem that you finally have a solution to, and all men are biologically programmed to solve problems. So, now that you have the know-how, your lizard-brain compels you to apply what you know and solve the problem, and as you are finally now making progress (whereas before you felt that any progress you made with women was dumb-luck, because it probably was), you are more motivated than ever to go and solve it.

The issue is that you're trying to solve two different problems:
1. Getting women
2. Being happy in life

If you solved problem 2, would you really need to worry about 1? Not really.... and you'd find problem 1 solves itself (so long as you understand red pill and seduction basics).

Once I understood women and seduction, I would often go out for up to eight hours at a time to do day game. It was frustrating because I am picky and while I rarely suffered from rejection, I just didn't do that many approaches because it was so rare I'd see a girl I was interested in. One day I walked around for eight hours, through various busy outdoor areas, malls, and stores, and saw zero women I was interested and able to approach (I say able because I won't approach a girl who is jogging with headphones on, or a girl clearly out with her boyfriend, etc). The day after that I did the same thing for five hours and only approached one girl. I reached burn-out that weekend and realized that going out with the sole goal of meeting women was dumb, and not what I wanted to spend my life energy on.

Having said that, some will disagree with me on this, but I have been to different countries and different US cities where I could walk through a busy place and instead of finding 0-1 women per 8 hours I was attracted to, I could find 2-4 women per HOUR I was attracted to........ I would say that going out with the specific intent to cold approach could be worth it if you are finding that many women so quickly, especially if it yielded a high success rate. I have dated and slept with plenty of women from cold approaches so it does work.

But in most cases, and where I have found myself, is that focusing on inner-game, while expanding your social circle, is the key. I changed up some of my hobbies and interests from ones that were either solo, or dominated by old people or only men, to ones that were very co-ed and featured a lot of in-shape women who are active and care about their bodies. That was key and how I found my current GF.
 

FraUnderRadaren

New Member
Joined
Apr 10, 2019
Messages
7
Reaction score
5
Age
32
From start to end (~2 years) of what I define as my era of learning game I experienced the same. It culminated in one big realization, I was seeking women as an extension of seeking happiness, but I couldn't attract while unhappy/dissatisfied/frustrated. What a catch-22, but fortunately having a woman is not a requirement for being generally satisfied in life.

I put all of the crap you're thinking about now aside and focused on making as many moments of my life as enjoyable as possible. A sh!t test didn't even register as a sh!t test any more, I wasn't making decisions based on how to get the girl or handle something like that "correctly". I was basing my decisions on what made myself feel better, that's fvcking easy, I almost always know what would make me feel better in a given moment. I do not know what would make a particular woman feel or behave the way I'd like in any given moment, that's what you're trying to do. I don't care if she stays or leaves, as long as I feel good I accept both outcomes.

This turned everything upside down for me. I went out with the goal of enjoying myself regardless of any outcome regarding any women who might cross my path. Enjoy myself I did and women were attracted to my good vibes like moths to a light. You might not be as lucky, but what does it matter? You'll be having a good time after all.
I mean that's already a given. I put a good amount of effort in not "trying" and had saw some success with it. Several relationships actually. I wasn't really trying to get them, in fact, I already knew them from my network. For us to get together just made sense.

But I've tried the whole "build it and they will come" approach and though it takes the pressure off, I still find it that the women I interact with want to play the game, and in their court too. It works when you're in an abundance mindset, but the charade only works for so long. It's aggravating but I still have to play
 

Serenity

Moderator
Joined
Aug 19, 2013
Messages
3,347
Reaction score
2,538
Age
29
Location
Eye of the storm
I put a good amount of effort in not "trying" and had saw some success with it.
You're trying not to try.... That's still trying too hard, it's just more indirect, you're still acting with the goal of getting women rather than maximize your own enjoyment.

But I've tried the whole "build it and they will come" approach and though it takes the pressure off, I still find it that the women I interact with want to play the game, and in their court too.
You'll have the most fun not playing the game they expect you to play. If your main motive is to get the girl you will play it the same way as 99% other men, you'll be predictable, they'll find you boring and you keep being frustrated. Fvck the game, do what you think is most funny, forget about getting women, trust me.

It works when you're in an abundance mindset, but the charade only works for so long.
Said as if your abundance is just a facade and what you truly believe is that you have scarcity. No wonder it doesn't last, you must internalize it.
 
Top