Getting online AW out of my mind - for good.

[saab1981]

Hey guys, just really using this as an opportunity to let off some steam about a chick who has messed my head up this last month (and one I never even got to meet) It's pretty long, but not hard to read - maybe some of you guys can take something from it if you're in a simlar situation. I displayed many AFC tendencies, but thank god for this place.

I've already posted on So Suave about it before, so am not seeking further advice or criticism, just to get it off my chest..and maybe help out others.

Last month I received a Private Message out of the blue, on a 'sports/music' forum I go on, from a chick (aged 28 like me. Also worth saying, the male/female ratio there is, like, 6:200 in favour of guys)

Things escalated over 4-5 days from 'Getting to know you' (kinda like speed dating!) messaging, to downright dirty exchange of sexual messages and fantasies, then numbers swapped, then photos of each other, which made a very very high IL from her - she wanted to meet up, and for me to simply fvck her senseless - nothing more, nothing less. After leaving a 6yr LTR I did't have any other plates to spin, so I was more than happy to fvck her on a no-strings basis!

Two things worth noting here:

* She is quite well-known on the forum for being very teasy/sexual - I can vouch for this, as all she ever talks about is sex, sex, sex - very little else. The guys on there - 99% of them are AFC/Orbiters/Creeps - lap this up, and she loves the attention. She said that she gets a lot of PMs from guys, but that none ever escalated as much as ours did (bs?)

* Another major thing to note is she is in a relationship with a guy, (LTR, house together, steady jobs, that kind of crap) but said things were 'very stale' and that he was a jerk who complained and moaned about everything, and she was on the verge of leaving him. (branch swinging?)

After 5 days of non-stop horny messaging and photo exchanges, and making offers to meet up, she went silent over the weekend and got back to me on the Monday with 'Had a horrible weekend - argued badly with my fella, gave him an ultimatum to cheer up and enjoy life, and he's been sooo nice to me ever since - I'm so confused...but deep down I'm still really looking forward to meeting you...'

This was followed by 2 more days of the usual sexual texts whilst she was attending a 3-day conference away from her guy (I made her come, apparently) - and then...silence. 4 days passed with nothing. I had to drop her a message to see if she was ok (bit of C+F, not desperate etc)

She then messaged me the following day, saying stuff like 'I'm very confused right now, I feel very bad and guilty, my BF is being sooo nice etc) - yet that VERY same day, and in ALL the days after, she was c0ck-teasing guys on the forum left, right and centre! I maintained a dignified silence throughout. She apparently has met some of the guys for drinks in recent times too - basically about 7-8 guys - and her, having a drink or two (major AW symptoms?)

Thus, 2 weeks of silence between us ensued, before an 'out of the blue' text saying stuff like 'how's my gorgeous boy' and 'sorry for my lack of dirty messages lately, I think my bf was onto me before' - so I replied out of courtesy, asked open questions (hows things, did you miss our fun? etc) - And she didn't reply - yet again! (When she didn't' reply, I NEVER texted her again)

Then 3 days later, she sends more texts like 'hi sexy, whatcha up to?' and so on, and I replied with sexy (non-AFC, C+F!) messages, told her of the things I'd do to her - she enjoyed it, then sent me a pic of her nice t1ts in a lacy bra, and added me on MSN Messender (she never uses it) ending with 'speak soon sexy' - and that was 5 days ago.

But, you know what, through all this, she continues the AW-ing on that forum, so I have thought 'fvck it,' and am now going down the no-contact route. I am sick of being a puppet on a string for her, and refuse to be one of her Orbiters - starting TODAY. Her number and messages are being deleted - I'm keeping the pics though, they were hot! My initial frustrations turned to anger-turned to disappointment-turned to indifference.

I plan on never visiting the forum again - it was messing with my head knowing that I'd messaged her, and thought she'd not replied after 4 days cos she was busy - yet was watching live, in front of my own eyes as she was whorring herself online with dozens of fellas (age range 18-50)

I am finding it a massive relief guys, a massive relief. I don't feel the need to chase her, and I'm not checking my phone every 5 minutes for the 'text that never comes.' - something I have spent the best part of 4 weeks doing. And you know what? She's so flaky, inconsistent and such an AW anyway, that I just can't be bothered with all that junk.

Ultimately, and the reason for this post, is that I'm very, very annoyed at myself for displaying such AFC tendencies and many symptoms of Oneitis (it IS a disease) - and letting this chick use me for an ego boost then drop me like a stone. It's worse because we definitely clicked, with shared interests, and the fact that she was a good laugh, with a major IL towards me (initially..). I had come out of a 6yr LTR, maybe I had a skewed view of how chicks play games.

For now, I intend to not pursue any women, and work instead of my cardio/body building and improving my wardrobe over the next 6 months. I got scruffy, idle and complacent in my LTR so need to improve in these areas. Then we can talk about spinning plates.

I may update this every 5 days or so, it's just a big help to get all this out of my system here. Thanks for reading - it was very long, but a major relief to get it out, hope some guys can take something from it.

 

[SandHawk]

Post those images in that forum for the rest to see. Now that will cause hilarity to ensue, and will be sure to cause a major **** storm.

 

[saab1981]

Post those images in that forum for the rest to see. Now that will cause hilarity to ensue, and will be sure to cause a major **** storm.

I think I will - then disappear from there forever - great idea fella!

 

[Kailex]

If you have to go through that much trouble to just meet someone, then you definitely know it's not worth it.

Lesson learned, saab.
I hope others read and learn as well.

If she was truly high interest (BF withstanding) she would have met up with you no matter what. Women on forums about sports or anything where there would normally be a high male population, usually tend to end up being power mad attention *****s. They obviously spend their time there because they know they can get the internet nerds to hit on them just by stating they are female.

Sad state of affairs when all of the men on a forum can suddenly drop their manliness in the presence of one poster that just states "it" is a female.

I'm sure if you posted your case on those forums, you'd be surprised how many of the other guys were going through the same exact thing. Don't be surprised either if those pictures you were sent, aren't really her. Odds also are, she doesn't have a boyfriend either. She probably just cuts guys off when they are getting too close... and then reinitiates contact in a few days just to get the orbiting to continue.

Good post though and glad you went into detail about it.

 

[saab1981]

Thanks fella - I can't say how much this place has helped - if it wasn't for here, I'd be sending 3 texts a day asking her if she's ok, and seeing if she wants to meet up 'sometime' - the sight of the other guys on there fawning over her is absolutely pitiful aswell - she laps it up and promises things to them that she is never / can never / will never be able to do! In fact, as we discuss this, she will be AW-ing herself on that forum right now!

 

[terran2k]

yeah, you could have saved yourself alot of trouble if you didnt ignore the red flags. I've paid for doing that, thinking it'll be different with you. You saw how she was online, anyway, glad you pulled out before you sunk in to deep.
if a chic has a bf, it's best to just not invest much into her at all.

 

[Thundernuts]

Yeah man, same thing happened to me with some chick from pof.com. We talked and talked and everything, and then when it got down to the time when she was supposed to come and see me it was always a different excuse, eventually i found out she was just lieing to me about her name, i got on her myspace and she was talking to like ten other guys at the same time.

But you know what, im glad it happened because i learned alot from it. I can see your coming out as a different person to.

We live and we learn, any thoughts on getting back at her?

 

[terran2k]

don't bother getting back at her, you're just prolonging your interactons with her, and you'd probably end up looking like the bad guy anyway, just let it be as it is and move on.

 

[saab1981]

yeah, she won't be hearing from me again. She may contact me again, i'll probably be civilized with her, but as far as this one goes, I dont want to be friends, or just chat with her about random, inane sh1t, I just wanted to nail her. Her AW-ing online is the equivalent of a chick you like dancing with loads of guys in front of you, and knowing it winds you up - women eh!

 

[ArcBound]

I think I will - then disappear from there forever - great idea fella!

Isn't she controlling your actions in an indirect way though? Because of you feeling mad at her for being an attention AW, you are going to end up leaving a forum that gives you entertainment value. Whether you like her or not she's still influencing you

 

[saab1981]

yeah i mean thats a good point too. However, i need to move on from the forum, its actually getting to a point where unrelated threads always end up discussing HER - its embarassing to see grown men acting in such an afc way. I dont expect to hear from her again really..

 

[ArcBound]

Ok that makes more sense lol

 

[saab1981]

Ok that makes more sense lol

Yeah, the messages range from the overly sexual (creepy middle aged men who haven't had it in years) to desperate (young guys after poon they can never have), and she responds to them all equally, leading them down the garden path with messages and photos (I know she's sent other guys photos because they have said), and then slamming the door in their faces.

It's funny though, she must have so little respect for her LTR BF to find herself resorting to online flirting and dirty chat with strange men of all ages, looks and social status, and she knows exactly what she's doing aswell. She's on at work, between 9-5:30, and then you see her on there in the evenings too, til about 11pm - it's like 12 hours of that junk!

She must be sat there talking dirty to guys all evening, whilst her BF is sat on the Xbox or something, yet strangely enough, it'll be him that gets the fvck of his life at the end of it when she's ready to put out!

God I am so annoyed at myself for falling for that, at least I got out early. The other orbiters will still be AFC-ing and creeping away at her for months, maybe years - and get nothing back apart from a few teasing words from an AW on an internet forum!

 

[saab1981]

UPDATE:

Well, out of the blue, and about 4 days since i deleted her number, she decides to text me, basically saying 'Hi there (my name)!! Just a quick message to say I haven't forgotten you!! Love the pic you sent (i sent her a pic 8 days ago), I would definitely eat that chocolate sauce off you, you dirty devil!'

Well, i haven't yet replied. It took 8 days to reply to me, do i send a reply, and what would you say? Or do i just ignore it completely, and put it down to her needing yet another fvcking ego boost!

 

[1 Bad Dude]

So you're just gonna ignore my advice about going the direct route? You already laid the ground work by getting sexual and exchanging photos. Are you gonna keep beating around the bush by being indirect or are you gonna man up and challenge her?

Reply: "No you wouldn't, you're to chicken to hook up. Even so, I've found a fvck buddy already."

Also, you haven't given any indication that this is actually a girl. Have you talked to her on the phone? Just cause you got pictures doesn't mean they're of the person you're messaging. Thats why I'm telling you to escalate. Her reaction shows her true interest. "No strings. Let's hook up. Otherwise, lose my number."

Anything direct. If she doesn't come back with "when and where?" then drop her and don't look back.

 

[saab1981]

you're so right there dude, of course she wouldnt do what she said she would, she's probably said that to dozens of guys this week. I did reply as it turns out, with basically 'well, why don't you then... i already have other women after me, so don't miss out! so let me know when you're free for the fvck of your life...'

-She hasn't replied. Screw her.

 

[Ice882]

rofl just the title of this is hilarious

 

[1 Bad Dude]

Ok saab1981. Compare your reply with the two I gave you. Which one shows that you hold the frame and which one shows that she does? Now tell me, why do you think she isn't replying to you immediately?

rofl just the title of this is hilarious

Kinda like the post about "How to get a girl with high interest to ditch her bf?" If she truly had high interest then you wouldn't be asking that question.

 

[saab1981]

1baddude, i guess you're right, it's probably because i know she's messaging other guys that i begin to see the futility of it. 8 days to reply with a closed text, when in the past she was falling over herself to reply within minutes = she views me as an orbiter = im not interested.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

Ok. Now drop the the issue and her. If and when she replies or texts again, ignore her(read, delete and forget). Don't come back here asking what to say or if you should respond. Remember, you're not interested anymore.