Getting married young

[mpimpin]

Any of you guys/gals gotten married rather young? I would like to hear how its working out for you or what happened etc.
What kind of things to consider etc. before taking that step.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Read this first.

A Misconception About Marriage

 

[mpimpin]

wonder how I missed this in my search. thanks Francisco

 

[Capt.Jack Sparrow]

Any of you guys/gals gotten married rather young? I would like to hear how its working out for you or what happened etc.
What kind of things to consider etc. before taking that step.

Thinking of popping the big question? :cheer:

 

[Obsidian]

in my writing class at law school, we're creating trial briefs for a pretend divorce case. Trust me, the law is corrupted, and Tennessee isn't as bad as some other places. If you get married, get an airtight prenuptial agreement. 2/3 of divorces are initiated by women, you know, because they rake in all the money when things are finished

 

[belividere]

Another thread about getting married to early I say close!!!!

Oh wait I dont have the administrative authority to close threads based on my own opinion as I'm not a mod.

Seriously mpimpin doing a search would be easy. If you are going to be closing threads on principle you should not be starting threads that would be closed on the same principle.

Why the $%$ am I even on this site anymore?

 

[Señor Fingers]

I married at 18 and divorced at 20 if that's any indication to you of how well it pans out.

 

[Desdinova]

I think I got engaged when I was around 20 years old. Thank god she left before we actually went through with it.

 

[spider_007]

If you are going to do it young, you need to get a pen, and a peice of paper and set some ground rules with your girl.

things like;
-how are you going to deal with arguments.
-respect
-how are you going to make money decisions
-are you going to give each other space each week
-how are you going to deal with each of you changing and growing as a person.
-how your going to raise your kids (religion, values....)
-what are your goals 10-15-20-50 years from now
-How are you going to deal with it if one of you messes up and cheets, or in some other way falls of the track

Each one of these points could be expanded on a whole page of questions. You have be ready, if your not ready, how are you going to deal with these problems when you get them? - are ready for the consaqueces of failing when the those problems come up, and your not ready.

Think of it as if you ware starting a buisness. You need a buisness plan - or in this case merrage plan. This will help you two find about each other, and it will help you set the rulles that will help you deal with each other in the future.

Folowing your heart when it comes to marrage is fine - 25% of the time, the other 75% you get financialy raped (think of anal rape and multiply it by once a week for next 18 years)

 

[BoredDude]

I personally think it's a bad idea. I'm waiting till I'm roughly 80 (If I make it) so my wife won't have time to divorce me.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Just look at your girl and realize she will be twice as big in 15 years - if not sooner!! Can you handle that?

Because you will be the provider, then make sure you can handle the grave responsibilities. A grounded career or a skilled trade, is a GOOD base to have before marriage.

 

[mpimpin]

Another thread about getting married to early I say close!!!!

Oh wait I dont have the administrative authority to close threads based on my own opinion as I'm not a mod.

Seriously mpimpin doing a search would be easy. If you are going to be closing threads on principle you should not be starting threads that would be closed on the same principle.

Why the $%$ am I even on this site anymore?

Did I close someone's thread? aww don't cry
and Yes I did multiple searches and read many previous posts. With this thread I was trying to focus specifically on younger marriages directly rather then marriage in general.

Thankyou to those that have contributed. Especially the business plan idea. I have been thinking along those lines. I own a business and am well aware of not diving head first into anything.

Marriage is at least 75% a financial investment. I don't lightly invest in anything.

 

[bigjohnson]

My hard learned rule of relationships is that the man should be about 10 years older if stability is a goal. If you're under about 30 or so this raises issues unless you're willing to face the reality that men shouldn't think about marriage until they are well established and at least ... 30 years old.

Just my hard learned "wisdom" take it or leave it.

 

[armadon]

Eh, my brother and his wife got married at 19 and they have been married for 10 years now. They are pretty damn happy. It's a rare case though I think.

 

[TheHumanist]

Now this is an interesting thought, marriage at a young age. I'm only regurgitating, take everything I say with salt.

The standard convention in this forum is to avoid it. RT even go as far like no LTRs until 28 and no thoughts on marriage till the 30's. However, even in this forum there seems to be successful examples of those who married young and been successful, like Azanon and his marriage.

This reminds me of this thead (you know the search feature does sucks, but google rocks, a simple quote from memory with sosuave and pop right back up)

And for Westcoaster, why I want to get married:

1) I'm a Christian, I believe in the Christian way.
2) I want a family.
3) I love my fiance.
4) I am attracted to my fiance.
5) We get along very well, we deal with things efficiently and effectively.
6) We respect and trust each other.
7) Our families like each other.
8) I enjoy it. We do alot together. We like some of the same goofy stuff.
9) For some reason, my dumb humor makes her laugh all the time.

Now, like any guy (RTomassi included), I've love to fukk every girl I saw until the day I die. But, I value this relationship more than that. When the temptation to cheat would come up, all I could think about was her.

I've had my rounds with women, I've been with 18 girls. And many of those were when I was a BIG AFC. Sosuave helped alot with that, and opened a door for me. Do I wish I had done a little more (as in, fukked a few more hors)? Probably. Would I trade in this relationship for it? H*ll, no.

There you have it.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=132190&page=2

When you asked that question, I thought of that post, I think it listed a damn good argument for himself. As many said in the past, the reason why marriage fails is they go in it not for each other, but for the idea that they will be happy somehow, to check off the next thing in life, fear of being lonely with a total lack of understanding of what they getting into and it will solve problems. That quote above shows a healthy argument, many go into marriage with not even a single point of the above or anything else, except maybe he "loves" her and it's the next "step."

The other factor I noticed from this forum that should be understood is the women's side, while the man's side (and women's but this is from the man's perspective) needs good reasons to go in, he also need to pick a women who have the character and intergrity to make it work. An understanding that it not going to be some white knight and the castle and gives seriousness of the situation (Another quote that it is incredibly ironic how guarded people comes to opening up to another but so relax in entering into the commitment of marriage, I'm not going go look for that one). Character that values in thinking and caring for others. Most importantly, the maturity that understands the importance in respect.

All of that was just regurgitation, but no one is saying it in this thread, might as well trying to repeat it and make it concise as possible in one post.

 

[mpimpin]

Very nice TH thanks for the regurgitation!

 

[ketostix]

I think there's just as many risks marrying at an older age (say late 20's-early 30's and on) and marrying an older woman (say late 20's and older) as there is marrying young. I really believe most of the "quality" end up getting married by their mid-20's. I think most men should weigh their circumstances and not place an arbitrary age/number on it. I just think most men, not all of course, will find their best prospects by the time their in their mid-late 20's.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I think there's just as many risks marrying at an older age (say late 20's-early 30's and on) and marrying an older woman (say late 20's and older) as there is marrying young. I really believe most of the "quality" end up getting married by their mid-20's. I think most men should weigh their circumstances and not place an arbitrary age/number on it. I just think most men, not all of course, will find their best prospects by the time their in their mid-late 20's.

I agree that age has little to do with the chance of success of a marriage. If anyone defers from marrying at an early age yet goes into a marriage later with the same faulty expectations why would anything change? It's not the age of the people, it's their mentality.

 

[belividere]

Did I close someone's thread? aww don't cry
and Yes I did multiple searches and read many previous posts. With this thread I was trying to focus specifically on younger marriages directly rather then marriage in general.

Aww you've actually closed a thread of mine.

I am disappointed in the current moderation (that which tries to give reps rather then advice) since you have been closing threads that are worth discussion and posting bull**** like this which has been discussed to death.

Basically, getting married young = retarded. What more do you want to hear? When you have a significant amount of guys here that give valid reasons to disagree what is the point of posting of a new thread?

As far as I care if you want to ignore the basis of what everyone on this site has been saying for the last 10 yrs then go ahead. And that will pretty much put you in the ranks of most of the prior mods who could never practice what they preached anyways.

 

[spider_007]

the thing is; we are all generalizing here.

Like averything else, there are tons of variables outhere. For all we know, you two could be more mature then half the 40 year olds on here...

-maturity
-ability to deal with reall world problems
-Where do you live...If you said in NewYork or some other WHOOOore city, it would be a different storry then some small town in some forgin country.
-family - both yours and hers. Are they normal...are they happy....big family or small family (if you grew up in a big family, with aunts and uncles family becomes very important to you, and you work harder to make it work.)
-emotional problems (or so called "red flags") and the ablity to deal with them PERMANTLY.

you have to think with a clear, and logical mind.

Those are just a few veriables. Your the only one who could make that decision. Unfortionatly you have to make it without interference from that pesky "i'm in love" feeling.