Getting involved with a married woman, big mistake? (PART 2, continuation)

[Drex]

The whole story starts in this thread from back in March http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=47886

Well it's been about 2 and a half months since that thread and there is a lot to update and vent about here. After that thread died off I continued to see this married woman. Things have gotten a lot more serious since then. I got rid of the new girl from work that I was dating to be "exclusive" with this married chick.

Her and I are madly in love with each other. We see each other as often as possible and talk on the phone still for hours a day, hell, she gives me a wake-up call every morning to start my day.

Last week I basically lived at her house for the entire week, spent every night there and went out with her and her 2 boys during the day times. Her husband stays with a relative during the week when he is not travelling and he comes and stays at her house to watch the kids on weekends because she works (with me).

I know a lot of people will give me flak for being 23 and getting invloved with a 29 y/o with 2 young kids (3 and 4 yrs) but I am quite mature for my age and I really like her kids. This is no issue with me.

Now the problem is her husband. He has known all along that her and I spend all of our time together and he knows that she thinks the world of me but he has always thought that her and I were just best friends, still. He knows I go over to the house a lot and hasnt had much of a problem with it for the past few months.

She and her husband have talked a lot about their seperation and about divorce and they get along well now. The problem is that her husband goes through crazy mood swings. 1 day he is sobbing and crying and begging her to let him move back in, saying she's the love of his life, etc. Then the next day he says to her that he cant wait to go out and meet new women, get married again and have more kids.

Here's the main issue. Lately he is been telling her that she really should date me because he knows she likes me a lot. He says she would regret it if she didnt date me. Little does he know we have been romantic for months now and that she doesnt just like me, she's in love.

Her whole plan so far has been to keep things on a friendly basis with her husband and stay close to him for the kids' sake. She was going to stay seperated for the next 2 years so that she can stay insured under his workplace and stay home with the boys during the day until they are old enough to go to school. Then get a full time job (instead of putting them in daycare every day right now). Basically she wanted to be divorced from him but not technically yet, so that she can still live off his income and raise the boys without having to send them away every day, and he agreed to it for the most part.

She finally went to a counsellor by herself the other day (without telling me until afterwards). She told her everything and the counselor basically told her that she needs to take a step back from her husband and get rid of me completely!!! She said the counselor said that it was not fair to me, blah blah. I told her that it was bull**** and that she better not let a stranger dictate the outcome of our lives. So I dont think she planned on taking her advice, we've been together both days since she went and saw her.

When her husband came home for the weekend to watch the boys she told him that she had strong feelings for me and that we have kissed before. He was pretty much okay with it and didnt have much to say about it.

Well, like I said, last week I pretty much spent the week there and she lives in a townhouse complex so all the houses are crammed together. Well he came back from being out of town for bussiness and one of the neighboors told him that he heard her and I having sex at such and such time on such and such day (he was right, he did hear us). He flipped out and called her on her cell phone (she was on her way home from having lunch with me today). He said he was taking the boys from her and that she better start looking for a full time job, that he was going to take her through the ringer at court, etc.

So she calls me up crying, saying that she may have to go back to him just so she does not lose her boys and that she might have to let me go. This is ****ing bullshyt, he's a pathelogical lier, treats her like crap, yells all the time, is always gone on bussiness, she cries when she thinks about having to go back to him and how unhappy he makes her.

So what is up with this guy? They agree to seperate and eventually get divorced. HE talks about how he cant wait to get married again and have more kids. HE TELLS HER to date ME and that she would regret it if she didnt!!! Then when he finds out we are seeing each other he FLIPS out and threatens to take her kids away from her.

The guy is driving her crazy with his double standards and crazy mood swings and threats. She is literally going to have a nervous breakdown, she wants to just run away at this point.

She has raised the kids by herself, he has always been gone. Just because he makes the money in the family why should he have the kids should he decide to try and take her to court for them? What are the chances that he will win? I mean the boys have been raised by their mother, why would the courts take them away from her and give them to a guy that has been a distant father?

If she ends up going back to him I am going to be an absolute wreck. She's not only my best (and only) friend, she's also the woman I'm madly in love with!

Sorry everything is sort of in fragments here, I'm not in the greatest piece of mind right now. Some feedback would be great, I know most of you are going to tell me to get rid of her but it's easier said than done. She's the most amazing person I've ever met. I love her to death and I love her kids as well.

 

[NatureGuy]

I've been in a similar situation, and it can be very difficult. The husband knows this is probably for the best, but is a bit ambivalent about breaking up, and she has her worries too. Alot of back and forth emotions and anger.
But basically, at this stage, where is this leading for you two? Marriage, or what? It sounds like she has been dependent on him financially. If you can't step into this role soon, there will be problems. She will have to support herself, and the prospect of doing so will probably make her anxious and then she'll lean towards him again. These are some ideas, however, you probably already know that the best way to handle all of this is to get out, wait for her to get divorced and stable on her own.

 

[Ebach]

I don't know why you're getting into this mess at all but hey it's your business after all. There are millions of women out there so why choose a needy woman. Once she gets better she'll probably run away from you too since you'll be boring once you have nothing to help her with and she doesn't need you anymore.

Usually what happens is she'll stay with you for a while until she gets her piece of mind, and then go back to her husband and take some more abuse. She won't divorce him since there are complications; i.e. money, kids, etc.

Play smart and not with your heart and di<k.

 

[WestCoaster]

You did not listen

It's worthless putting advice up here because you did not listen, but here it goes. There's two sides to each divorce, and you're hearing that he's the bad dude.

Once she gets you, she'll use you up and dump you or divorce you, or whatever. I'm amazed how naive you are on this.

Plus, have you EVER considered the impact it has on these kids? They don't need you living over there wondering where Daddy No. 1 is, and who the he-l is daddy 2? And why is mommy sleeping with a different man?

Have you ever thought about that? Even if they like you, that's screwing with their young minds. Trust me, I know, I've worked with such kids.

Here's some advice (that counselor was right by the way)
1. Leave her
2. IF you get together with her, make sure she's completely got the divorce (trust me, I foolishly dated separted women before).
3. Quit thinking about your di-k, and yourself. Step back from all this, date women without kids, without baggage, who don't use people.
4. Think about the kids for once (same goes for Ms. Nympho, too).

* This "relationship" disgusts me.

 

[Porky]

Westcoaster's absolutely right...

You think this guy's a terrible father and a terrible husband because he's never home and he's involved with work? I'm sure he and his friends think he's the best damn father/husband in the world because he works his ass off to provide a nice life for his family, and then his wife went behind his back and started fvcking his friend.

 

[hb]

Dude your fvcken scum, just remmember what goes around comes around....... when that **** catches up with you, its gonna smack you in the head

 

[Drex]

Originally posted by Porky
and then his wife went behind his back and started fvcking his friend.

I'm not "his" friend. I'm her best friend.

This would be so much easier for me if I had support but as it stands I have no friends what-so-ever besides her. Nobody to take me out to get my mind off of her should we break it off.

She has already given her notice at work because the new boss is so hard on her for no reason at all, it's rediculous. I plan on doing the same. I'm not going to let someone treat her like shyt and then keep working for that person. Besides, I am unhappy there for my own reasons as well.

So should we break it off I have no best friend (or any friend), I lose the woman I am in love with and I have no job and no social interaction. I can see the massive depression where I sit at home and waste away already. My life is not good right now, not good at all. Thinking about all of this is driving me into a nervous breakdown. It would be so much easier if I actually had other people in my life.

 

[backbreaker]

i have had sex with a married woman before, but it was just that... sex. Nothing more, and we both understood that.

I don't think you realize what you are getting yourself into.

YOu may be mature, but that doesn't mean **** if you can't support her financially.

I would leave as soon as possible. If you are as mature as you say you are, you would know that this issue is bigger than you.

Hell I will be 21 next month, and I don't live with my mom any longer, and she STILL asked my permission to get married to this guy she has been with for 5 years, and If I would have said no, i'll be damned if she wouldn't have gotten married.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by Drex
...Now the problem is her husband.... The problem is that her husband goes through crazy mood swings. 1 day he is sobbing and crying and begging her to let him move back in, saying she's the love of his life, etc. Then the next day he says to her that he cant wait to go out and meet new women, get married again and have more kids.

...and one of the neighboors told him that he heard her and I having sex at such and such time on such and such day (he was right, he did hear us). He flipped out and called her on her cell phone (she was on her way home from having lunch with me today). He said he was taking the boys from her and that she better start looking for a full time job, that he was going to take her through the ringer at court, etc.

So what is up with this guy?...

He's an AFC that can't control himself, for a closer look, gaze into a mirror. We could be reading about you both in the news... Jealous husband kills wife and lover at work, then shoots himself when cops surrounded him.

Here's a tip for ya, if you're gonna fool around with a married woman, make sure she does not know your real name, phone number, address, or where you work. That way, if she spills the beans, her husband can't come looking for you.

Glad to hear you lost your virginity, now get out while you still can.

 

[Porky]

This is a bad situation.

Why don't you have friends? You have a hot married woman in love with you and you had another girl wild after you too. Your personality doesn't suck, just some of your decisions.

So, make friends. Why is that so hard? Because you're obsessed with this situation that you've gotten yourself into.

If you somehow manage to work through this and she, you, and the husband are all happy and content with the situation...more power to ya. But, I expect you won't stop seeing her until you're forced to break off all contact with her.

And after that happens I think you'll be much happier in general.

 

[NatureGuy]

Drex, I read your last comments about 'no friends', etc. As I had said earlier, these situations are always difficult. But in your case, given your social isolation and lack of support, you may be getting a bit desperate/single focused here for anything to make sense. Please, back off from this situation a bit to collect your thoughts and gain some perspective before you proceed ! If it's difficult at work, take a few days off, do something else you enjoy , take a trip, call or approach that person you always thought would make a good friend and go out to lunch, and so on. Take a break.

 

[WestCoaster]

Ever heard of those little guys called KIDS?

Hmm, there's these little guys called kids, who have emotions and thoughts that haven't been developed. No matter how much they may like the surrogate father (see f-ck buddy, he's nothing more than that), they're becoming confused.

Why is this guy sleeping here with mommy and where is my real daddy? And why does mommy sleep with two different guys?

This relationship is narcissistic with a captial "N" -- big time.

I've rarely read about two more selfish people in my life, but I'll keep looking.

Think about the kids for five seconds of your life.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Drex,

You are 23 and this is the best that you can do?? You fear that you can't catch another girl once this one is gone so you stick with her for fear of being alone! You seem to feel so lucky to have this girl like you! You are selling yourself short.

She is going through a lot of trauma right now (as evidenced by her seeking a counselor) and this is a bad time to make any decisions in her life. Five years from now her mindset will be totally different and she may not need a shoulder to cry on then or she may be looking elsewhere for her company..

You are putting yourself in the midst of a storm and there will be damage at the end of it! This is too much drama for a 23 year old!

Drex, wake up - The Matrix has you...follow the Puerto Rican
rabbit!


In your last thread I told you that this drama will continue and it has!

Here is part of a statement that I made in your prior thread...

"Whatever you do don't get her pregnant and destroy your life! And don't get emotional and 'lovy dovy' with her!"

Well you are already "lovy dovy" with her - now you just need to get her pregnant to completely screw up your life!

 

[dietzcoi]

PRL

He won't listen. Worst case of oneitis I ever seen......

Drex

You are on the rollercoaster to hell!! Jump off!!

If you are not scared of ruining your life, you better get scared, quickly.

Dietzcoi

 

[MindOverMatter]

Yes it is a big mistake, not only on your side, but also on hers. I don't care how big of an ******* the husband is to her, she should have gotten a divorce first before moving on with her love life (especially when there are kids involved). and that prolly annoys me the most. both of you are so caught up in the drama of this bs that neither of you are thinking about how this crap will affect the kids in the longrun. You're 23, and most people at that age only think for themselves, but she should know better.

Her and I are madly in love with each other. We see each other as often as possible and talk on the phone still for hours a day, hell, she gives me a wake-up call every morning to start my day.

Dietzcoi is right, you've got a huge case of onitis, and you don't even know it. Newsflash man, what happened to him will happen to you. Sure you treat her better now then her husband does, but what happens when she gets bored with you (and it is gonna happen if you talk on phone for hours everyday and are all lovey dovey), and finds some guy who treates her better then you do? The fact is, she told her husband she only kissed you, when she had in fact slept with you. She wanted to financially drain him, take their kids away, and use him for all he was worth.

Just because he makes the money in the family why should he have the kids should he decide to try and take her to court for them? What are the chances that he will win? I mean the boys have been raised by their mother, why would the courts take them away from her and give them to a guy that has been a distant father?

Have you tried raising a family? It's not "just because he makes money". You think it's easy being away from your family all the time? You think it's easy to be a provider? What gives you the right to judge him when you've never even been in his shoes? Do you pay any of their bills? Do you make sure they always have food? Do you save cash to send the kids to college? All you've doing so far has been enjoying a free ride with his wife without having to carry any of his responsabilities.

Basically she wanted to be divorced from him but not technically yet, so that she can still live off his income

And this is the woman you're madly in love with? Open your eyes man, you can do better. This relationship has no future, and you know it.

 

[squirrels]

This line of conversation now spans two threads and about 3-4 pages. I've always said that when a post spans multiple threads and each is more than a screen long, someone's caught up with some bad baggage/drama. This is not the exception.

Man, if you were really comfortable with what was going on, you wouldn't be venting here. What are you looking for from people on this forum, exactly? A shoulder to cry on? You've stepped into the drama. As much as we'd all like to believe you could wave a magic DJ wand, bust out some "C&F" or "neghits" and make all this drama disappear, you CAN'T. Most of it's beyond your control. So you either accept the conditions you're working under or you find another one.

Can you make this work? I don't know. I have no experience in this (and I hope I never do).

The question is, do you really WANT to make it work? Do you want to be in a relationship where the structure of the relationship requires constant attention to keep it from breaking down with all the drama?

Or do you want to just be in love with a woman and have a good time and let the relationship take care of itself? I know which *I* would want.

 

[Drex]

Originally posted by squirrels


The question is, do you really WANT to make it work? Do you want to be in a relationship where the structure of the relationship requires constant attention to keep it from breaking down with all the drama?

Or do you want to just be in love with a woman and have a good time and let the relationship take care of itself? I know which *I* would want.

I'm worried about finding another woman that can even compare to her in both looks and personality. It's hard to describe her personality, she amazes me with a lot of the things she says and does when we are together, that's all that matters. As for looks, this woman is stunning, she has a mesmerizing face, absolutely perfect teeth as white as a tv comercial. Her body is just jaw dropping, imagine a 5'4 100lb girl with C-cups and an a$$ that rivals vida guerrara. It feels great walking into a club or walking around the mall with her on my arm knowing she is THE best looking woman in the building, hands down. It's great watching other guys with that "how the hell did he get her" look on their face all the time. Hell she just got her tongue pierced just because I've never had a bl0wjob with a pierced tongue before.

Isnt it obvious that she isnt with me for money or for someone else to take care of her kids? I mean I am 23 and I still live AT HOME. She loves me for who I am and I am 100% sure of this. One of her biggest problems with our relationship is her enormous guilt of getting me involved with a woman with children. She doesnt want that for me but she loves me too much to just let me go. And dont say she's only in this for a f-buddy because she would have f*cked me a HELL of a lot sooner if that were the case. We were best friends for 6-7 months before we ever touched each other.

I have a blast with her and that is all that matters to me. Her marraige was going downhill fast before I even met her and she said she would be getting divorced whether she met me or not. It's just bad timing that I met her before she was divorced instead of afterwards, so why ruin what we have because of bad timing?

 

[Don Ronny]

Dude.

Dude.

DUUUUUUUUUDE!!!!

Are you INSANE?

I dont really care about her having kids (MILFs need love too) The part that makes me want to slap some sense into you is that she wasnt able to be faithful and lied to the father of her children. Who cares if the marriage was going downhill? She should have been straight up with him.. THATs why he flipped out..not because she hooked up with you, but because she LIED to him. I would have kicked your ass if I were him.

Congratulations, you are dating a lying adulteress.

She lied to the man she loved enough to bear children to...what makes you think she gon be all true blue for you?

Whatever man, you never listen to common sense anyway.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

 

[WestCoaster]

He won't listen

Read the threads: About 90 percent or more here are saying get the heck out, run, don't look back ... and he's ignoring guys who have been there before, seasoned DJs, and smart folk.

He won't listen, he's thinking with the wrong head. He's caught up in her glamour, which will fade after awhile.

To be honest, I just got back from a date with a gal who is very plain looking, but has a great personality and can actually talk Major League baseball with me (which elevates her looks tremendously). You can find beauty anywhere -- and trust me, I've dated some real hotties, who aren't in the baseball gal's league personality wise.

Get your head on straight dude ... you're a PLAY thing, and when you're used up, another one will fit the bill.

Also, if I was her husband I would've kicked your a$$ a long time ago, too.

Cheating is AFC.

 

[MetalFortress]

"If she ends up going back to him I am going to be an absolute wreck. She's not only my best (and only) friend, she's also the woman I'm madly in love with!"

There you go. Is this not the site's very definition of AFC? Get OUT OF THERE, go back to basics, and READ THE DJ BIBLE.