Getting involved with a married woman, big mistake? (PART 2, continuation)

[WaterTiger]

Drex...Dear, darling Drex. You won't listen to the guys, maybe you'll listen to me.

Remember when you were a little kid? Didn't know how to swim very well and you got shoved into the deep end of the pool? You were scared, and splashing like mad trying to keep your head above water because you were afraid you were going to die. You manage to grab onto an inflatable pool toy and get to the edge and out of the pool. Remember that feeling? You were out, still breathing and never going back in that damn water again. As for the pool toy, you left it in the grass and never looked back.

Yes there is a moral to this story. She is escaping the deep and dangerous water of an unpleasant marriage. She needs a pool toy to get her safely to the edge. You are the pool toy.

Right now she loves the hell out of you because you are keeping her above water and steady as she gets out of this mess. But when she's out of the marriage, realizes she has kids to support and a life to reorganize, she's going to look at you with different eyes.

She won't need your support any more and she will cut you loose. (Probably with the old "I need some space to get my life in order" line.) A few other things you need to be aware of:
*Women have selective memories.
She'll forget how miserable the old husband was, till YOU came in and showed her how "good" you were. She will end up blaming YOU for the demise of her marriage.
*You still live with your parents
You don't live on your own, don't "support" yourself. Your parents "take care" of you. She will see this as immaturity. She already has two children, she doesn't want three.
*She's a Money Queen
She's willing to be with a guy for money, pure and simple. You wrote: "Basically she wanted to be divorced from him but not technically yet, so that she can still live off his income". So she CAN'T marry you for 2 years because she would rather stay married to her husband who is "SO" bad? PLEASE!
*Her boss isn't picking on her for no reason.
She's screwing up at work because she's so absorbed with this affair/divorce thing. You quitting as well will not help the situation. (Now you're living with Mom & Dad AND you have no job? How the hell does THAT make things better??????)
*YOU DO HAVE FRIENDS[/u}
They are right here on this board. They are giving you advice, support and the benifit of their collective wisdom. THINK Drex! We can't ALL be wrong! You are in a bad situation and you need to get away from this woman! Please listen to us!

 

[Oxide]

Drex, my buddy, please hear this.


Us humans have this interesting idea that we deserve everything we want. We believe that everything could be ours, if we just worked on it. The bitter turth, however, is that some things are never meant to be yours. It is very hard to accept this, but if you do not, your life will be black from that point on.

I myself was VERY infatuated with a girl. She liked me quite a bit too, but she had a boyfriend for 4 years, and was planning on marrying him, being engaged. I didnt not want to let her go, I didnt care if her boyfriend came back from Marines and would fight him for her... but after talking to a lot of people about this, and thinking it over... i realized the truth : I just need to let her go. Where was happiness in breaking up an engagement and big dreams of marriage, where is the happiness in possibly getting injured while fighting for her, is all the emotional trauma worth it?

It has been a couple of months now, and you know what, i seldom think about this girl. Time is the best healer indeed. Now i have more important things to deal with... like my career.

Please Drex, evaluate eveything twice, i hope you can make the right choice.



THe thing i find strange is her husband advicing you two to date.. I think he might be trying to make her cheat and catch her, blaming the divorce on her and getting more cash.. be very careful.


Good luck my man.. and let your mind be clear.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Drex, I am surprised that you are not scared shytless for being with a 29 year old seperated woman who has two kids and you being 23 having no stable/secure career path, living at home with parents, and this being your 'first' woman!!

I would never never never put myself in this scenario and I'm going on 42 - at 23 I would have been shaking in my shoes!!!! You younger guys are either bolder or dumber or both!

One thing to tell you - her children will always have precedence over you and if you. in your infactuation, would marry her they (her children) will rule the household!!! You will have no control - this is a very poor position to be in for a man!

And to answer your question in the title of your thread - yes, this is a BIG mistake - more like an detrimental 'willful' act than a mistake, however!!

Don't let your physical lusts and emotional needs get in the way of reason!!

 

[Livingitup22]

Drex, just have a look, bud....

It's been a LONG time since I posted on this board, but your thread, Drex, convinced me it was time to end my silence.

First of all, Drex, I'm not going to give you a hard time. I've been in a similar situation myself, and not all that long ago. I am intimately familiar with your feelings and the uncertainty that accompanies your situation. I know your confused. You know that you really enjoy being with this woman, but, at the same time, your brain is telling you that something is not right.

I will first reference you to WaterTiger's post above. Go read it. Okay, you back? While I don't agree with everything he had to say, the thrust of his post is sound. Whether you like it or not, Drex, you are basically being used. She she may or may not intend to do so, but your legimate needs, in the end, will be dismissed by her.

What you are experiencing, Drex, is not "love". It is infatuation. Infatuation makes you want to screw her, tolerate her "baggage",
and have long, deep conversations. People who truly love another will watch them waste away and die from cancer.

 

[Genghis Juan]

I think all of the advice telling Drex to walk away from this situation is wasted. He is obviously too emotionally vested at this point, and doesn't have enough dating and or relationship experience to make his heart hardened enough to walk away.

Unfortunately, this situation for you will blow up in your face Drex. Just hope that the consequences don't ruin your life. Who knows what this husband has planned for you, should he catch you with his wife or if he goes back to his wife. I think that is fairly inevitable.

From reading this thread and the one before it, you are quite naive. I just hope the damage from this, and there will be damage, doesn't scar you and ruin future dating fun and relationships, aside from the physical harm the husband may have planned for you.

I think you should follow the PuertoRican Rabbit....