But anyways I just realized how difficult it is to actually find someone like me that I can connect with.(I know I'm being dramatic now after typing this out and posting some. I haven't given myself enough time / talked to enough chicks yet to formulate that opinion)
Just made me revalue my Ex a lot more.(Been broke up for like a week 1/2 maybe?) I've been fighting talking to her for a while now.
We had some reoccuring problems and on our last blow out(which I kind of had break up in mind anyway) she decided she didn't want to go out anymore. The night before she was getting drunk at a friends house w/ a small group of people for her best friends birthday and ignored my call, didn't even get ahold of me the next day. I had to call her later and she was hanging out w/ her best friend again.(Def sounds like low interest obv)
Come to think of it the only time she ever really blew me off like that or didn't bother to call back is when she was with her friend.
And of course she didn't call me becasue "she didn't have her phone". Even though she always does and absolutely freaks out if she doesn't have it. And when I mentioned her not getting back to me at all the next day, it was me playing a game, seeing if she would call. I just thought it was respectful. I actually gave her sh1t about this previously too.
Typing this out was actually a little theraputic for me. As it made me re-realize she's not perfect and I'm probably just all depressed / still having that lonely feeling. Though we did click on MANY levels I can't help but feel that it was some hot/cold interest level.(Even though she said it was in my head, makes me question myself)
Truth be told, at the end of the relationship it really wasn't the same anyway. I was kind of depressed around her(she noticed too) becasue I went to break up with her before. Over her intimacy issue.(Got molested when she was younger, would reject sex sometimes, didn't get wet right away the last two times anyway)
IDK I think maybe my biggest hang-up is thinking I made a mistake. That this sh1t was truly in my head and I just drove her away. Even though I know I should know better because I did catch her lying a few times to me. Actually the first time like 2 months into the relationship.
She ran into an old friend when we were at a park. They invited us to their house. On the way there I asked how she met that chick.(Becauset he girl invited her to her wedding and I hadn't even heard of her, thought it was weird) She said she didn't remember(I thought it was VERY weird)
So when me and her friends fiance were on the way to go get liquor I asked how they met. He told me he thought through an ex boyfriend of my girlfriend.(A long time ago too, why would she lie about that? I did call her out on this but ended up AFCing out. Pulled a huge b1tch move. She was cold to me the next day too)
A couple weeks or so after this she kept getting cold. I started the NC("game" don't use it as such, I was a noob) Tried calling her every other day for a few days. She ended up going to a concert with her best friend. The next day I got a hold of her, she was super cold. We ended up breaking up later that night, on her accord. Called her up a few hours later(we were both still really emotional, was a long break up) and got back together.
Later her best friend told me how they thought the lead singer was so hot.(A chick singer) and they were plotting how to go back stage and have a three-some with the lead singer. I later peiced this being around the cold peroid , thought it was strange.
She was also super resentful when her friend broke up with her boyfriend then got back together with him. IDK kind of started to think she was a lezzy with her best friend, or at least had a huge "crush" on her. Don't know if her friend had mutual feelings
The last time was about her not having her phone. Pretty positive I saw her update facebook sometime after ignoring my call that night. Another time about changing her relationship status on facebook.
There was also this other girl who she used to be "friends" with back in the day. I suspect more. Because she was super resentful, calling her a slvt and what not. I asked what she did to make her hate her so much. And got a "I don't remember"(Just like the first lie, how the fvck don't you remember?) Then changed to "a bunch of small sh1t" something like that.
Also refused to talk about anything when I could see something was bugging her and would get pissed off at me for prying. Even though she would do the same to me.
I think listing these negitives has helped me a lot. Not a lot of need to comment here but feel free. Some reinforcement is always nice though.
Just made me revalue my Ex a lot more.(Been broke up for like a week 1/2 maybe?) I've been fighting talking to her for a while now.
We had some reoccuring problems and on our last blow out(which I kind of had break up in mind anyway) she decided she didn't want to go out anymore. The night before she was getting drunk at a friends house w/ a small group of people for her best friends birthday and ignored my call, didn't even get ahold of me the next day. I had to call her later and she was hanging out w/ her best friend again.(Def sounds like low interest obv)
Come to think of it the only time she ever really blew me off like that or didn't bother to call back is when she was with her friend.
And of course she didn't call me becasue "she didn't have her phone". Even though she always does and absolutely freaks out if she doesn't have it. And when I mentioned her not getting back to me at all the next day, it was me playing a game, seeing if she would call. I just thought it was respectful. I actually gave her sh1t about this previously too.
Typing this out was actually a little theraputic for me. As it made me re-realize she's not perfect and I'm probably just all depressed / still having that lonely feeling. Though we did click on MANY levels I can't help but feel that it was some hot/cold interest level.(Even though she said it was in my head, makes me question myself)
Truth be told, at the end of the relationship it really wasn't the same anyway. I was kind of depressed around her(she noticed too) becasue I went to break up with her before. Over her intimacy issue.(Got molested when she was younger, would reject sex sometimes, didn't get wet right away the last two times anyway)
IDK I think maybe my biggest hang-up is thinking I made a mistake. That this sh1t was truly in my head and I just drove her away. Even though I know I should know better because I did catch her lying a few times to me. Actually the first time like 2 months into the relationship.
She ran into an old friend when we were at a park. They invited us to their house. On the way there I asked how she met that chick.(Becauset he girl invited her to her wedding and I hadn't even heard of her, thought it was weird) She said she didn't remember(I thought it was VERY weird)
So when me and her friends fiance were on the way to go get liquor I asked how they met. He told me he thought through an ex boyfriend of my girlfriend.(A long time ago too, why would she lie about that? I did call her out on this but ended up AFCing out. Pulled a huge b1tch move. She was cold to me the next day too)
A couple weeks or so after this she kept getting cold. I started the NC("game" don't use it as such, I was a noob) Tried calling her every other day for a few days. She ended up going to a concert with her best friend. The next day I got a hold of her, she was super cold. We ended up breaking up later that night, on her accord. Called her up a few hours later(we were both still really emotional, was a long break up) and got back together.
Later her best friend told me how they thought the lead singer was so hot.(A chick singer) and they were plotting how to go back stage and have a three-some with the lead singer. I later peiced this being around the cold peroid , thought it was strange.
She was also super resentful when her friend broke up with her boyfriend then got back together with him. IDK kind of started to think she was a lezzy with her best friend, or at least had a huge "crush" on her. Don't know if her friend had mutual feelings
The last time was about her not having her phone. Pretty positive I saw her update facebook sometime after ignoring my call that night. Another time about changing her relationship status on facebook.
There was also this other girl who she used to be "friends" with back in the day. I suspect more. Because she was super resentful, calling her a slvt and what not. I asked what she did to make her hate her so much. And got a "I don't remember"(Just like the first lie, how the fvck don't you remember?) Then changed to "a bunch of small sh1t" something like that.
Also refused to talk about anything when I could see something was bugging her and would get pissed off at me for prying. Even though she would do the same to me.
I think listing these negitives has helped me a lot. Not a lot of need to comment here but feel free. Some reinforcement is always nice though.
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