getting ex back!

[ColonyConfused]

Guys, i did a search and i couldn't find an existing one, so i made this, because i need help. let's see, i have recently moved to another country(lets say from country A to B), 2 months ago. met this girl a month ago, we hang out and on the 3rd date i asked her to be my girlfriend, (she's local, from the B country), and she immediately smiled and made out with me, so everything went good, we were going out for a week or a bit more, but one day i asked her if theres something wrong and she said that she is very sorry but she has no feelings for me anymore, but she is very sorry and she was crying. Well i said okay, don't worry, so i accepted. a week after this, i asked her to meet and speak (because we were being friends, already went out twice as friends), and i told her what i was feeling for her, and that i still feel for her, but didn't work out, i was acting as needy because i was depressed not just because of her, but also because of so many other things, in that one week which we were together i was sooo fu##ed up mentally that she had only saw my worst side.
well, we decided to be friends again, and went out another time just as friends, but then again one night very late i asked her to meet because i want to speak with her, so she comes out and we meet, we take a walk, i tell her i am planning for my life, i want to be sure if she is going to be a part of it or not, she didn't directly tell me no, but i saw that she is doubtful and i stopped asking and insisting her to get back, so i said that i can't see her anymore, because my feelings for her are more than just a friendship, so we said the last goodbye, and she was almost crying, i left with a smile. And now i still can't get over it, it's very stupid that i can't get over such a short relationship...! maybe because i was starting to have very real feelings for her, i dont know, help me guys, i want her back!
some details, we had sex, i stayed at her place and she stayed at my place for a few nights, that week we were mostly staying at each other's houses. She was so attacted to me, since she is kind of a cold girl, but with me she was so warm and passionate about kissing.
What i think: we were together too much, i forgot all the don juan lessons i learnt from here, and i just went out with her everyday.. was with her all the day, acted needy sometimes, but that week was the hardest week of my life as i was experiencing so many other difficulties, problems with my family and so on. i even told her this, twice.
After we broke up, once we went out to cinema with her friends, it was raining, and i had an umbrella, she came under my umbrella and i put my arm around her as in a protective way, as a friend, but she put her hands around my back, as we were in a relationship.
She told me she wants this relationship to work out again, but she has no feelings anymore.
I'm so lost, please help me, i had already put her as a part of my plan, but then i had to exclude her from it, i haven't been able to do it, with more than a week passed not hearing from or seeing her.
damn hard times, and stupid at the same time.

 

[dap]

I'm sorry to say that it is over and it's time to go no contact, not to get her back but so that YOU can move on. You have proven to yourself that continuing to hang out "as friends" won't work (it never does immediately post relationship) because you (and I've been there too) can't just stop being attracted to her all of a sudden.

You could possibly be actual friends with her in the future, but first you need to heal. This means going no contact for 2 months. You can respond to texts etc politely and briefly, but you should never initiate and overall try to avoid her. This is not to win her back or to spite her but to help you heal. Start seeing other girls, workout, and hang with your guy friends. When two months is over, if you even want to, you can be friends (assuming you've moved on).

As far as winning her back, give up. Chances are slim, but if she is to get attracted to you again it's going to be once she sees that you have other options and are willing to walk away. You committed way to soon in this relationship. I understand that you were very attracted to her, but you should not ask her to be your gf on date 3 or ask her if she is going to "be part of your future." She should be the one asking you to commit, not the other way.

But regardless, NC for 2 months, then reassess.

PS: I must say that I have been in this position and no that it sucks, so I'm sorry. It can be easy to meet someone you really like and want to commit to soon, but don't. Also, if you really think you are having depression issues I really recommend talking to an MD about it, there is a lot they can do and there's no shame in it.

 

[ColonyConfused]

Thanks dap, i read your reply for 3 times, really good!, you've actually calmed me. damn bitc# ruined one month of my life. You're totally right, no contact, but you see, i've already told her i dont want to see her, and she said she understands, and it's all over now, we haven't contacted each other since nearly 2 weeks. I read somewhere that "who cares less, controls the relationship", i can't believe i forgot that with this girl, it's like i was drunk all that week, i was being like a nice boy, even though i'm no way like that in normal times.

Well, i guess i should stop complaining, and really move on!, Thank you dap!

 

[dap]

Sure thing! You may see it as a ruined month now, but with time you will appreciate it for teaching you a valuable lesson. You will feel better with time. You will have good days and bad days but the overall trend will be upward. Good luck.

 

[marmel75]

Why are you getting all hung up on a chick you've known for a month bro? This is what things are coming to these days? A sorry state of affairs...sigh