G/F thinking of moving to another state.......

[drumr2]

OK, guys......how do I approach and deal with this issue head-on?

She says she's thinking of moving to another state, permanently, mainly for the fact that her home life is not the best right now. Now, granted that she's 33 and should have a home life of her own right now, but financially, she's been not so lucky lately, and therefore she's stuck living with her parents. She went to college in Hawaii, made lots of friends out there, and is now saying to me that she's been seriously thinking of going back.....without me of course.

I've been dating her for about 6 months now, and am getting rather attached to her. So, obviously, her saying this (even thought it's just speculation) has really hit me hard. What if she wits a year or so to do this? Am I just supposed to stay with her until she decides to say goodbye.....and get MY heart broken! As it is, I'll get heart broken NOW over losing her. She didn't sound too serious about doing it, but the fact that she can think into the future and not have it include me worries me the most.


How do I deal with this, and what do I say about the fact that I am bothered by this? I don't want to say that we have to break up now, even if she decides to leave later, 'cause that will make me seem like I'm wussing out. Besides, I would rather have and lose than to not have at all. Although, she may not go at all, and I'll look like an insecure fool for saying anything. However, I don't want to ignore this and let it hit me when she says she's leaving in a week.

What the hell do I do or say??!!! Anything? Should I pretend that it doens't even phase me? Would addressing it make me look needy or insecure?

Please help.....

 

[NRM]

You won't come out insecure asking about your future together. Just be confident and curious about it. Ask her "Hm, since you brought that up, where do you think we're headed?" or something like that. You've landed her for 6 months, I doubt a little insecurity is going to kill you, if it seems insecure at all. She probably knows what she said, my girl can talk about 30 years from now like it's tomorrow for us, so just call her on it and ask her about it. It's just something you need to know if she really is serious.

 

[MetalFortress]

Originally posted by drumr2

What the hell do I do or say??!!! Anything? Should I pretend that it doens't even phase me? Would addressing it make me look needy or insecure?

Please help.....

When did "honesty is the best policy" go out of style?

 

[Cremasta]

I think that your girl is either not considering a future with you, or, is too wrapped up in her own problems to consider how this conversation would affect you.

Either way, my first reaction would have been "Well, fine then, this is rubbish, thanks for taking me into consideration here... screw you!" because she doesn't see you two being together in the future.

She has an option here to leave that she may or may not take up. I think you should start working on some other women, so YOU have options that you may or may not take up.

Hope for the best but expect the worst... put a few contingency's in place for yourself, i.e. a few other women. This may seem cold and distant, but to be honest, she started it.

 

[elvis aint dead yet]

Don't know how your relationship started, but if you've only been together for six months, why should she consider you in her future?

Unless you two have had a hot and heavy relationship from the start where you were seeing her all the time and she seeing you, six months is barely enough to get to know someone.

How old are you and how old is she?

Maybe she is just talking like a lot of people do. Something she wants to do, but probably will never do.

I mean, geez, If she's having money problems where she's at, I can just imagine the money issues she'd have in hawaii. Where everything is more expensive and there is not much work that pays well.

anyway, i'd talk to her if you want this relationship to last.

If she says something you dont' agree with, like she needs to move, needs to do stuff on her own, or whatever, just tell her, your not wasting the next year of your life to be with somebody who you really see no point in staying with.

I mean if she stays or goes in a year, why would you waste your time with her?

 

[Alen-Delon]

She's probably got an Ex lover in Hawai she wants to get back with....

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Re: Re: G/F thinking of moving to another state.......

Originally posted by MetalFortress
When did "honesty is the best policy" go out of style?

lol, metalfortress is right. After 6 months, the time for worrying how you will appear is long gone. Just come out with it and tell her exactly how you feel. If you have not implied or talked about marriage, why shouldn't she move back? Maybe she thinks you view her as a girl friend but you're not interested in her as a lifelong partner. Is she supposed to put her life plans on hold in the hopes that perhaps one day you will marry her??

So don't get your feelings hurt, just talk about it with her.

 

[JohnJones]

Is it possible that she is mentioning this as a way to get you to talk about what you want with her?

She may think she wants an impassioned plea to stay.

You should just give her a straightforward talking to about it. If you don't see yourself with her in the future, then don't worry about it and find someone new.

 

[cactus3178]

"but the fact that she can think into the future and not have it include me worries me the most. "


You should tell her this. There's no way in hell this would come across as insecurity. It's a valid concern.

Are you sure she's really considering the move? Is there any possible way that she may be testing you for your reaction. I've seen stranger ways of being tested.

 

[Wysiwyg]

Same prob here, and it's a three year relationship. Damn, i hate this!

 

[elvis aint dead yet]

What a few people said rings true.

Maybe she thinks your just wasting her time.

Some people, male or female, don't like just being in a relationship just because there's somebody to lay or somebody to see this weekend.

Maybe you treat her just as another girl you like banging and hanging with, but nothing more.

Seems what you are saying on this site are things that should be said to her.

Dont sound desperate but also remember, if you're just dragging her along, like many guys and girls do to people, then why shouldnt she move away.

 

[maranathaman]

I had a simimlar situation...

This lady I was dating would say stuff like, "you should move to Santa Barbara". Everytime she would say stuff like that, it was like a knife in my heart, because I had strong feelings for her, and the fact that she was so willing for me to move away, said volumes to the fact that I was not much more than temporary enterntainment to her and nothing more.

 

[OpenMind]

Sounds to me like she could be testing you. She wants to see your reaction. Tell her that you think Hawaii might be a better place for her to live. See her reaction. Don't let it bother you, because if she is testing you the truth will come out. Remember, women with high interest don't move away, or even talk about it.... If she is serious about moving, I'd take the advice of the rest of the guys here and start looking for another woman..... just my 2 cents.. good luck!