Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Fuxked it up with the 'one'

derby1

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Ok so done my 24hrs due diligence. Without a doubt I'm fvcked up, and want her back...tips?
yeah you do nothing, women are attracted to mystery not conifrmation

if she never speaks to you again its her loss
 

malz1

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It's because it is biologically wired in women to be attracted to men who takes the lead.

Romance, respect for women (subjective because it essentially turns men into slaves) etc, are all ideas from women, whom wishes it from the men WHO HAS PUMPED AND DUMPED THEM.

It is also biologically wired in women to DUMP men who are like Malz1, sorry man, if you care to admit it, you're probably single and had not fvcked in months if not years.

It's because of ur mindset, women aren't attracted to you, sure they will say you're such a nice guy, respectful, another women would be lucky to have you....but just not her.

Going back to the topic at hand, don't mistake what I've written in this thread as a means of bullying women, no, it's not, it's just being a man going about his business.
Lol

Okkie.
 

Mbuckets82

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If she was the one, why keep those others in orbit....maybe she wasn’t.
 

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Pan87

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So I've been seeing this great girl for over a year but true to form have been texting and keeping in touch with others during the whole time. She caught me texting a few times, nothing too shady but still suspicious. After confronting me with it, and me lying and having alot of word exchange with her calling me out on my behaviour, she ended it a week ago. She has gone NC and blocked me but I really feel dumb since I wanted to be with her. Lost opportunity. I did email her today to talk and she responded very stand offish. On the premise that she is a catch, and I fucxked up, advice please
Oh man. I'm in similar, if not worse, situation to you now. I just created a thread on it.

I think your situation can be salvaged. Check out my approach (I don't recommend it by the way).


Here's one thing to keep in mind - She may never unblock you and No Contact may not work (if that's your strategy). You might have to be pro-active about getting in touch with her and re-attracting her. This does take balls though because she's likely to reject you....but what have you got to lose at this point?

If your strategy is just to wait for her to unblock you, then I am of the belief that No Contact just helps the woman to move on. Women are able to move on extremely quickly from relationships if they were the ones who decided to end it. They are basically evolved to do this (check out "War Brides" theory).

If you ex was only "testing" you by blocking you then this will only last a few days. Women are extremely impulsive and have no Game when it comes to this type of thing. If she's blocked you and you haven't heard from her in a week (max) then you need to be proactive if you want her back. It's sexier if a man takes the lead anyway.

The key here is you need to be communicating with her. Non-needy, don't overly apologise, just make her feel attracted to you and let her vent if she needs to. The most important thing is that you need to be in communication. Once communication is severed then all bets are off.

Your position is also potentially good in that your ex may not have had time to arrange a replacement guy yet. This may cause her to try again with you if she deems the thought of finding someone "better" than you too overwhelming.
 

Happy2020

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Oh man. I'm in similar, if not worse, situation to you now. I just created a thread on it.

I think your situation can be salvaged. Check out my approach (I don't recommend it by the way).


Here's one thing to keep in mind - She may never unblock you and No Contact may not work (if that's your strategy). You might have to be pro-active about getting in touch with her and re-attracting her. This does take balls though because she's likely to reject you....but what have you got to lose at this point?

If your strategy is just to wait for her to unblock you, then I am of the belief that No Contact just helps the woman to move on. Women are able to move on extremely quickly from relationships if they were the ones who decided to end it. They are basically evolved to do this (check out "War Brides" theory).

If you ex was only "testing" you by blocking you then this will only last a few days. Women are extremely impulsive and have no Game when it comes to this type of thing. If she's blocked you and you haven't heard from her in a week (max) then you need to be proactive if you want her back. It's sexier if a man takes the lead anyway.

The key here is you need to be communicating with her. Non-needy, don't overly apologise, just make her feel attracted to you and let her vent if she needs to. The most important thing is that you need to be in communication. Once communication is severed then all bets are off.

Your position is also potentially good in that your ex may not have had time to arrange a replacement guy yet. This may cause her to try again with you if she deems the thought of finding someone "better" than you too overwhelming.
Thanks, I read your story, persistence pays off it seems. Hope therapy helps and it works out between you guys.
I don't want to stalk her, but she is texting again as of last night and today. Although now she says she wants space etc for a month, but doesn't see it working out.
 

Pan87

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Thanks, I read your story, persistence pays off it seems. Hope therapy helps and it works out between you guys.
I don't want to stalk her, but she is texting again as of last night and today. Although now she says she wants space etc for a month, but doesn't see it working out.
The first time my ex broke up with me for cheating (same girl) she also kept in contact, same as your ex.

If your goal is to get her back then you basically have an easy opportunity to re-attract her. Here's how I did it - Don't discuss the past, focus on positive interactions each time you communicate, make her laugh, flirt etc.

You need to treat her like a girl you've met for the first time. The past doesn't exist. Be patient and allow her to initiate contact after each positive interaction you have with her. The reality is that women can process and forgive "cheating" much better than men can.

Here's a caveat though - the relationship will never be entirely the same again. Trust has been broken. The biggest issue with broken trust is that she won't respect you as much as she did previously, particularly if you acted beta when she broke up with you initially and you lost frame.

If I were you I would turn her into a plate and don't invest yourself in a committed relationship with her again. She'll be eternally liable to "pull the rug out" at any moment.
 

Atom Smasher

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Thanks, I read your story, persistence pays off it seems. Hope therapy helps and it works out between you guys.
I don't want to stalk her, but she is texting again as of last night and today. Although now she says she wants space etc for a month, but doesn't see it working out.
You just posted a few minutes ago in the "Unicorn" thread that your current girl is a unicorn, as if you are still with her.

Doesn't seem congruent with this thread.
 

Lookatu

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If I were you I would turn her into a plate and don't invest yourself in a committed relationship with her again. She'll be eternally liable to "pull the rug out" at any moment.
I don't understand this logic. Why go through all the hassle of getting her back if you just wanted her to be a plate? Seems counter intuitive...
 

Pan87

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I don't understand this logic. Why go through all the hassle of getting her back if you just wanted her to be a plate? Seems counter intuitive...
It's about repairing damaged ego and managing a relationship from a redpill lens. Losing a Oneitis girlfriend, in my understanding, can take years for a man to recover from. It's not as easy as "bang new women and lift."

Women, unfortunately for the "romantics" among us, want to be treated like plates. You are simply giving the woman what she wants.

Personally, my relationships with women have always been at their strongest when I was the reluctant party, and the woman was chasing commitment with me. Women are the gatekeepers of Sex, Men are the gatekeepers of Time and Commitment.
 

Happy2020

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You just posted a few minutes ago in the "Unicorn" thread that your current girl is a unicorn, as if you are still with her.

Doesn't seem congruent with this thread.
I did put a * next to my, but didn't clarify it, as ex
 

BeExcellent

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You just posted a few minutes ago in the "Unicorn" thread that your current girl is a unicorn, as if you are still with her.

Doesn't seem congruent with this thread.
Interesting. I got the same impression.

Here’s my 2 cents from the women’s lockers...

Would you have been cool with her texting exes? What about her texting exes and deceiving you about it? No? Not cool?

Then it’s not cool for you to do either. You already know that, but you did it anyway. Doesn’t matter why. You wanted attention, validation, etc. The need for attention and validation comes from a place of lack. A place of want. Insecurity on your part for some reason. Getting laid can be very easy for a charming attractive man. Getting a quality relationship is inversely more difficult however because a desirable man has abundance and therefore may not value real quality...until it’s gone.

Real character comes from honoring your word, from transparency and truth. Deception has no place there. A high self esteem woman who is hot and with total package qualities CHOSE you over other men. But you did not reciprocate and reinforce her choice. She sees by observing your actions that you disrespect her. So she breaks up in order to respect herself and in order to open herself to men who do respect her...and if she only dates alphas as you said then she knows what masculine leadership is and she expects to be treated as an alpha’s worthy partner. And she will.

You are now at a disadvantage because of your disrespect. You know that. All you can do is have a conversation, lay it out on the table, own your BS and be vulnerable. If she gives you a shot after that? You are going to have to respect her, and rebuilding trust is going to take time.

That’s how it is. You start over. More later...
 

BadBoy89

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She saw me asking an ex what her plans were whilst we were in bed (I know) and another time saw general chat with another ex over my shoulder when I was waiting for her. I told her they were just friends but she figuredout that they were exes
”Spinning plates” is to ensure a woman does not hold any leverage over the man through any form of commitment.

If a man is texting am ex, it should be to meet up and sleep with her. not to ask how her day is. And definitely don’t do it in front of another plate.

Come on men.
 

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Happy2020

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Of course you are right. I know I fvcked up, need to, as is a common theme, think about what I was doing. To be fair I did text the ex the day before and she replied early morning, hence my last ex seeing the notification (dumbly left it on). Should have owned it as others pointed out rather than lying.
As for wanting to meet them, maybe? I put my last ex on a pedestal subconsciously and wanted to balance that power perhaps
 

Happy2020

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It's about repairing damaged ego and managing a relationship from a redpill lens. Losing a Oneitis girlfriend, in my understanding, can take years for a man to recover from. It's not as easy as "bang new women and lift."

Women, unfortunately for the "romantics" among us, want to be treated like plates. You are simply giving the woman what she wants.

Personally, my relationships with women have always been at their strongest when I was the reluctant party, and the woman was chasing commitment with me. Women are the gatekeepers of Sex, Men are the gatekeepers of Time and Commitment.
I've had more than my fair share of great girls, and I know from experience you are right, this one will play on my mind for a long time to come
 

Pan87

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I've had more than my fair share of great girls, and I know from experience you are right, this one will play on my mind for a long time to come
Don't let it. Be pro-active, get her back, bang her, then plate her and dump her on your own terms. It's a worthwhile exercise in my experience, otherwise the "loss" will haunt you for years (maybe forever).

Edit: You do need balls of steel, and removal of emotions to achieve this tho. Otherwise she will sniff out your oneitis neediness like a bloodhound sniffs out a dead pheasant in the woods.
 

jpic0172

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Whenever a man is caught/accused of texting, looking at another girl, going out with another girl, etc, never deny it, whether it's true or not.

The moment you deny is the moment you lost - regardless of the truth, she will think u r lying through ur teeth and ur reaction places her as the prize.

Admit everything and smile, then elaborate, setting the frame , that u r the prize to be won over.

The frame of a man who always wins even when he seemingly loses - that's what makes women biologically attracted to men.

For now, with this girl, you're lost frame, on many occasions by ur constant denial, forget her and move on.

Next time admit, and just say "may the best woman win", then smile. I know it will be against ur nature to do this, but women will take it as a challenge and they can't help it.
[/QUO
Whenever a man is caught/accused of texting, looking at another girl, going out with another girl, etc, never deny it, whether it's true or not.

The moment you deny is the moment you lost - regardless of the truth, she will think u r lying through ur teeth and ur reaction places her as the prize.

Admit everything and smile, then elaborate, setting the frame , that u r the prize to be won over.

The frame of a man who always wins even when he seemingly loses - that's what makes women biologically attracted to men.

For now, with this girl, you're lost frame, on many occasions by ur constant denial, forget her and move on.

Next time admit, and just say "may the best woman win", then smile. I know it will be against ur nature to do this, but women will take it as a challenge and they can't help it.
this might be the best respose to this I've ever heard. Bravo!
 

daproest1

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@daproest1 since u r back, its time for payback, we gave you lots of advice back then.

This fella is in a similar boat as you back then.

Time for you to advice or at least share ur experiences.
@Happy2020 you cannot get her back. Do not try. Do not contact her. Not only will she punish u for it, be repulsed by it, and see it as weakness, But MORE IMPORTANTLY, you’ll destroy yourself psychologically in the process. It’ll bleed into every other area of your life. You’ll hate yourself. And something that could’ve taken you a few months to get over, Will now take you YEARS.

Accept 2 things.
1. this is not our grandparents generation. Feminism has ruined most western women. There is no control for them. It is no longer shameful for a woman to divorce her husband or dump her long term partner and sleep around. It’s actually encouraged. They are not the same as grandma. We’re just now (as men) catching up.

2. she left because she thinks she can do better. Maybe she can, maybe she can’t. But at the end of the day, you’re better than her. Always remember that. You are better than she is. You’ll age much better than she will. You’ll learn MUCH more than she will (since men, generally speaking, can do A lot of self reflection in comparison to women who just blame us for everything and take zero accountability for their mistakes).

prove her wrong, from afar. Become the best Man U can possibly become. Learn martial arts. Improve Venusian arts. Lift weights if you don’t already, and NEVER STOP. Bodybuilding has always been there for me. Make a sh*t ton of money. Just think of yourself and your life as a video game. Acquire all the tools, weapons, and skills that you possibly can. And then you’ll see why you’re so much better than her, and any other woman.

she was never yours. It was just your turn. Again, men are the more romantic gender... women cannot care about you The way u think. U must care about yourself. They absolutely HATE the obligation of feeling my any Sympathy towards you. Their seemingly compassionate nature would have u think otherwise, but it’s an illusion. What women say, and what they ACTUALLY respond to, are worlds apart. What do they respond to? STRENGTH. Competence. Always feeling like they’re lucky to have you (not the other way around).

I know it sounds horrible but I didn’t make the rules. And I didn’t make them. I was born, and women were already here being the creatures they are. You can always trust a creature to be what it is. You can always trust a snake to bite. A lion to pounce on prey. A spider to make a web. And a woman to be a woman. Once you dive deep into what they are and how they operate (even they don’t understand themselves, they just FEEL their way through life), you’ll suddenly see how predictable they are.

My heart goes out to you. I’m sorry for your loss. Leave her alone. Grieve on your own. Then get better. Then get better women. Or don’t. They’re rarely worth the hassle.

if she reaches out, remember, she has to earn YOU back. How can she make it up to you? Would she? Has she worked on herself? Is she even worth it any more? Is she the same person? Basically go back to qualifying her like u just met her. You’re a company. She’s an employee that quit. What value can she add to your company by coming back? Does she feel entitled to a raise? Is she ok with starting at the mailroom before working her way back up to a corner office? Either way she’ll always remember whatever weakness you showed her. Get stronger so it never happens again.

and again, I’m sorry. I know how much it sucks. The only hope u have is her coming back to you, and u giving her a POSITIVE experience. Never try and reason with a woman. Don’t talk about the past. Don’t argue (that’s feminine behavior). The song “girls just wanna have fun” is true af. That’s all they care about. Feeling good. Like children. Think about social proof and pre-selection. That’s EXACTLY how children behave. “Aw man robert has a lot of friends, I want to be his friend. Aw man, Robert is eating ice cream, why can’t I have ice cream?”
It’s the same exact type of thinking, it’s just subconscious. Pathetic right? Right. Focus on that.
 
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