From DJ to Mature Man: how did you learn to value ltr's over abundance?

[jhonny9546]

This is a specific question for mature men, because after being a DJ, you become mature men, precisely by understanding these things. When you're in your prime, you realize you have so many opportunities, especially after adjusting your "package" and your mindset about women. In fact, if I used to go looking for a LTR, now I still filter women and avoid those with red flags, but I have so much choice that it's hard for me to say, "Why should I settle down?"

Really, guys, I understood this even better when I stopped watching porn or anything related to the "sexy image of women" five years ago. But that made me realize how simply easy it is to go online and find beautiful... beautiful women you know you'd be "hot lovers" for a few months or two. It's truly limitless out there, and that's also what creates two problems for the man I've become:

1) Abundance: Having so much abundance always keeps me "tight" about committing to a ltr. Precisely because I am an authentic person and I don't destroy my core, I don't want to cheat on my partner with a "better" one, and therefore, realizing that I have all this abundance puts me in a tight spot and makes me feel "trapped" when I'm in a LTR with a woman. (Although, as I said, by "abundance," I mean quality, filtered women, not just women for sex.)

2) My future plans: I believe in LTRs, but also in their deadlines. In fact, I believe most should end within 10 years, to continue being happy. After getting to know each other well, for about 3-5 years, have children, live together to raise them, and then separate when the attraction wears off. (Usually in 10 years). Now, repeat the cycle with another LTR. 3
My perspective can be labeled as closed; I know there are LTRs who have been in relationships for 30 or 50+ years. And good for them to find each other. (Who wouldn't want one?)
But let's be clear and tell the truth. With the current political and governmental system (I live in Italy but I know it's worse in the US), for us men, this idea of having a relationship every 10-20 years, while continuing to support the children, is not good territory. In fact, we are forced to choose a woman and spend our lives with her, whether we have or have not a "happy" partnership. This is because we'll be tied to her for life by bureaucratic, financial, emotional commitments, etc.

So, when you went from being a DJ to being a mature man and maintaining your value, how did your perspective on LTRs and abundance change in a way that allowed you to make better choices?

 

[CornbreadFed]

1) Abundance: Having so much abundance always keeps me "tight" about committing to a ltr. Precisely because I am an authentic person and I don't destroy my core, I don't want to cheat on my partner with a "better" one, and therefore, realizing that I have all this abundance puts me in a tight spot and makes me feel "trapped" when I'm in a LTR with a woman. (Although, as I said, by "abundance," I mean quality, filtered women, not just women for sex.)

Find something else to value your self-worth on other than pvssy. Greater society does not give af about a grown man's lay count. Also, If you are going to cheat then cheat like a high value man not a low value man.

2) My future plans: I believe in LTRs, but also in their deadlines. In fact, I believe most should end within 10 years, to continue being happy. After getting to know each other well, for about 3-5 years, have children, live together to raise them, and then separate when the attraction wears off. (Usually in 10 years). Now, repeat the cycle with another LTR. 3
My perspective can be labeled as closed; I know there are LTRs who have been in relationships for 30 or 50+ years. And good for them to find each other. (Who wouldn't want one?)
But let's be clear and tell the truth. With the current political and governmental system (I live in Italy but I know it's worse in the US), for us men, this idea of having a relationship every 10-20 years, while continuing to support the children, is not good territory. In fact, we are forced to choose a woman and spend our lives with her, whether we have or have not a "happy" partnership. This is because we'll be tied to her for life by bureaucratic, financial, emotional commitments, etc.

Sounds like you need therapy.

 

[The Duke]

This is a specific question for mature men, because after being a DJ, you become mature men, precisely by understanding these things. When you're in your prime, you realize you have so many opportunities, especially after adjusting your "package" and your mindset about women. In fact, if I used to go looking for a LTR, now I still filter women and avoid those with red flags, but I have so much choice that it's hard for me to say, "Why should I settle down?"

Really, guys, I understood this even better when I stopped watching porn or anything related to the "sexy image of women" five years ago. But that made me realize how simply easy it is to go online and find beautiful... beautiful women you know you'd be "hot lovers" for a few months or two. It's truly limitless out there, and that's also what creates two problems for the man I've become:

1) Abundance: Having so much abundance always keeps me "tight" about committing to a ltr. Precisely because I am an authentic person and I don't destroy my core, I don't want to cheat on my partner with a "better" one, and therefore, realizing that I have all this abundance puts me in a tight spot and makes me feel "trapped" when I'm in a LTR with a woman. (Although, as I said, by "abundance," I mean quality, filtered women, not just women for sex.)

2) My future plans: I believe in LTRs, but also in their deadlines. In fact, I believe most should end within 10 years, to continue being happy. After getting to know each other well, for about 3-5 years, have children, live together to raise them, and then separate when the attraction wears off. (Usually in 10 years). Now, repeat the cycle with another LTR. 3
My perspective can be labeled as closed; I know there are LTRs who have been in relationships for 30 or 50+ years. And good for them to find each other. (Who wouldn't want one?)
But let's be clear and tell the truth. With the current political and governmental system (I live in Italy but I know it's worse in the US), for us men, this idea of having a relationship every 10-20 years, while continuing to support the children, is not good territory. In fact, we are forced to choose a woman and spend our lives with her, whether we have or have not a "happy" partnership. This is because we'll be tied to her for life by bureaucratic, financial, emotional commitments, etc.

So, when you went from being a DJ to being a mature man and maintaining your value, how did your perspective on LTRs and abundance change in a way that allowed you to make better choices?

I cared even less about pu$$y and became less tolerant of their bs.

If it wasn't easy I was onto something else.

I stopped caring if it worked out or not. Whatever happened was fine with me.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You evolve over time. The answer is time and shifting perspectives and more life experiences.

 

[Gamisch]

Find something else to value your self-worth on other than pvssy. Greater society does not give af about a grown man's lay count. Also, If you are going to cheat then cheat like a high value man not a low value man.



Sounds like you need therapy.

He is somewhat right.

The problem is that once you know the risks, it becomes harder to jump in fearless. Akin to a brain scientist who wants to box professionally: he will be aware of the risks and even acknowledge that it's not a great deal.

In order to be in a " successful " ltr , a man HAS to be somewhat blind and bluepilled...amd beta.

 

[plumber]

nobody understands everything. compatibility comes into view for this question.

a squared away red pilled man, or a blue will auto filter in specific ways. this will result in women that all fit a general profile. this is the view of the world for that man.

when you know for sure that you don't know everything. then new possibility is available.

 

[Manure Spherian]

for about 3-5 years, have children, live together to raise them, and then separate when the attraction wears off. (Usually in 10 years). Now, repeat the cycle with another LTR

Great way to “raise” f— up children”and destroy wherever monetary and social capital built up by two families. Multiply that by the millions and no wonder society is f— up beyond repair.

 

[jhonny9546]

In order to be in a " successful " ltr , a man HAS to be somewhat blind and bluepilled...amd beta.

You said something that makes perfect sense.
In the sense that you can see it now, and you have to close your eyes, but you still know it'll be there.

Great way to “raise” f— up children”and destroy wherever monetary and social capital built up by two families. Multiply that by the millions and no wonder society is f— up beyond repair.

If women leave us no other choice, this is the way.
At some point, when you had 1 or 2 kids in total, you could also stop doing kids and focus on relationships. I'm not saying you've to do 3 kids with every new woman, but that you can do children with multiple women.