Friend Zone

[Raiders116]

Help me out

Whats the best way to get out of it??

 

[War Against Betaism]

Wait a couple months, I'd say six to a year. In the mean time work on other fish, it's not like there's only one girl in this entire world that you screw up once you're screwed forever.

 

[Igetit!]

Help me out

Whats the best way to get out of it??

You can't. It's just that simple. War Against Betaism's suggestion is accurate. The more time you spend away from her the better your chances would be,but do you really want to do that? Do you really want to spend the next 6 to 12 months waiting and plotting how to get this one girl? Really? Because in my opinion,it's just not worth it. It's simply too much work. You'd have to be totally,completely separated from her,100%. If you go to a store and you bump into her,the time starts all over again from that point. You go two months without seeing her,then you accidentally run into her again,the two months you went without any contact becomes useless,then it starts all over again. Forget that,there's no way I'm going to put my social life through all that nonsense. Not only that,but let's say you do manage to go 10,12 months without seeing her,then you finally meet up with her again.You'd still have to:
1:Have changed yourself (or that is,changed the "you" you originally approached her with at the beginning.).
2: Do all the necessary things to attract her, while again avoiding the friendzone,ASD,things that might cause her to want only your attention vs wanting you,etc.

In other words,all the normal things you have to do to gain a woman's interest,you have to do all those things IN ADDITION to waiting the 6 to 12 months,and even after all that,there's no guarantee that she'll like you.

Best piece of advice concerning girls who put you in the friendzone?
Forget them and move on.

 

[Raiders116]

Ok, I see what your saying, but let me elaborate:

While I do have one girl in mind, its not just her. I get friendzoned consistantly. To be honest with you, I believe i'm ****y/funny naturally, and I usually dont have problems talking with girls. They all seem to love me too, which is why I'm confused.

Anyway here's my situation. igetit, your suggestion really isn't realistic based on the fact that she calls me multiple times a week to hang out. Were freshman at the same college and we've been friends since 9th grade. Honestly, i can't be 100% sure I'm friendzone'd with her (she will hold on to my arm/hand, rest her head on my shoulder, etc.), but whenever I try to make a move or something on her, I get no real responce. It's kind of like some days she likes me, and some days she dosn't...

 

[slaog]

Ok, I see what your saying, but let me elaborate:

While I do have one girl in mind, its not just her. I get friendzoned consistantly. To be honest with you, I believe i'm ****y/funny naturally, and I usually dont have problems talking with girls. They all seem to love me too, which is why I'm confused.

Anyway here's my situation. igetit, your suggestion really isn't realistic based on the fact that she calls me multiple times a week to hang out. Were freshman at the same college and we've been friends since 9th grade. Honestly, i can't be 100% sure I'm friendzone'd with her (she will hold on to my arm/hand, rest her head on my shoulder, etc.), but whenever I try to make a move or something on her, I get no real responce. It's kind of like some days she likes me, and some days she dosn't...

How do you get into the friend zone? By being friendly and not sexual towards a woman. Guys who are in the FZ are no threat to a woman. She's comfortable around them. She knows they like her but she also knows that they won't make a move for various reasons. Women love to hang out with gay guys.


Being funny and ****y isn't being sexual. Being C&F isn't being a real man. Don't get me wrong it's good to make people laugh but thats not enough. You need to be a masculine man to attract women. You have to have a mindset that you're the prize and in charge and you won't be chasing girls because thats not what men do.


Does this girl have other guys after her too? Does she have a high opinion of herself? Does she know you like her?


The first step in escaping the friend zone is escaping it in your own mind.

 

[WC2]

Ok, I see what your saying, but let me elaborate:

While I do have one girl in mind, its not just her. I get friendzoned consistantly. To be honest with you, I believe i'm ****y/funny naturally, and I usually dont have problems talking with girls. They all seem to love me too, which is why I'm confused.

Anyway here's my situation. igetit, your suggestion really isn't realistic based on the fact that she calls me multiple times a week to hang out. Were freshman at the same college and we've been friends since 9th grade. Honestly, i can't be 100% sure I'm friendzone'd with her (she will hold on to my arm/hand, rest her head on my shoulder, etc.), but whenever I try to make a move or something on her, I get no real responce. It's kind of like some days she likes me, and some days she dosn't...

You are a friend if...
-You buy her drinks all the time
-You accept multiple dates with her and her friends over lunch
-You believe you and her talking over coffee all the time is the norm
-She asks you to come out with her all the time, but never allows you two to meet up in an intimate place
-You talk to her about other guys she likes
-You let her wear your coat to keep warm in exchange for NOTHING
-You open ever single solitary door for her
-You agree with everything she says
-You follow her around
-You only have serious conversations
-You stalk her until she ultimately gives you the "it's not you, it's me" line

You're a sexual partner if...
-You tell her when she's wrong
-You poke fun at her from time to time
-You make sexual references
-You don't follow her.. she follows you
-You turn down her false branch of friendship when she asks you on a date with her and her girlfriends
-You touch her in various places whenever you like
-You make her laugh at herself
-You don't give a sh!t
-You freely hit on other women
-She chases you when you hit on other women
-She wants to hang out with you intimately as opposed to with a group (aka laying pipe)
-You drop her if she's not giving you anything useful

Women see this sh!t from half a mile away. Women say they know if they want to f*ck, s*ck, and marry a man within the first 2 minutes of meeting him. I don't know about the latter, but as for the first two-- it's very true. How you carry yourself with other women is very telling to other women alike. If you're just their servant, they will treat you as one. If you're the king, you'll receive all their pleasures.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

The first article I ever found, which led me to the seduction community:

http://www.sosuave.com/quick/tip286.htm

also see http://www.sosuave.com/halloffame/hall80.htm

 

[Raiders116]

You are a friend if...
-You buy her drinks all the time never
-You accept multiple dates with her and her friends over lunch i guess..
-You believe you and her talking over coffee all the time is the norm no
-She asks you to come out with her all the time, but never allows you two to meet up in an intimate place an intimate place? ive been her room while she was changing...
-You talk to her about other guys she likes no
-You let her wear your coat to keep warm in exchange for NOTHING not really
-You open ever single solitary door for her not at all
-You agree with everything she says no...
-You follow her around nope
-You only have serious conversations rarely
-You stalk her until she ultimately gives you the "it's not you, it's me" line umm...no

You're a sexual partner if...
-You tell her when she's wrong yes
-You poke fun at her from time to time all the time
-You make sexual references yes
-You don't follow her.. she follows you usually
-You turn down her false branch of friendship when she asks you on a date with her and her girlfriends a date? no
-You touch her in various places whenever you like occasionly
-You make her laugh at herself i try
-You don't give a sh!t dont give a **** natuarly
-You freely hit on other women her friends
-She chases you when you hit on other women sometimes
-She wants to hang out with you intimately as opposed to with a group (aka laying pipe) depends, when were with our friends the 2 of us are usually isolated...
-You drop her if she's not giving you anything useful umm i drop her? ive known her for 5 years



^^Analyze me

 

[Igetit!]

^^Analyze me

You want to be analyzed,huh?
Ok,you asked for it. WC2,Slaog,Guywhoneedhelp,allow me to put this dude out of his misery.

Alright listen,you're in the friendzone. It's that plain and simple. How do I know that? Well,let's look back at your history with this girl:

1:You've known this girl for 5 years...in a non-romantic,platonic kind of way.
Five years dude. This one thing here,all by itself with nothing else added to it is enough to make this determination. If you had written nothing else about you and this girl,only this one thing,I'd say the same thing. It's actually pretty simple. You either date a woman,or you don't. If you don't date her,yet you continue to be in her presense,you fall into the friendzone by default. And for the last five years,you've been in her presense not dating her. You're her friend.

2:You said that you've been in her room while she was changing clothes?
Dude,you've GOT to be new here. That's what girls do around other girls or gay guys. She felt comfortable enough to undress with you in the room because she believes that you are her friend,that there is NO sexual interest betwwen the two of you. Sex with you is the last thing on her mind,it's not even in her realm of thought. that's why she didn't mind undressing with you there. In fact,you'd be better off if she'd told you to leave the room while she was changing. That would have meant that the thought of sex/sexual attraction was at least on the radar screen with you. She didn't even consider you a possible sexual threat.

You said that you constantly fall into the friendzone with girls. Well,let's see:You approach girl A,end up in the friendzone,girl B-friendzone,girl C-friendzone,girl E,F.and G-friendzone,friendzone,friendzone.
Well if every girl you come in contact with ends up putting you in the friendzone,then answer me this:What do each one of these situations have in common? With each girl,what was exactly the same each time?

Hint: (It's YOU)

In each situation,YOU were there. Therefore maybe,just maybe there's something you're doing (or not doing) that's causing the problem. And you know what the crazy part about all this is? This problem is easy to fix. When you find out what it was you were doing to cause this problem,and how simple it is to correct,you'll kick yourself. Also,you'll realize exactly why it is that you're in the frienzone with this current girl.

You've already wasted 5 years over this girl. Wake up,dude. Or continue to be hard-headed and waste another 5 years. Your life,your choice.

 

[bam bam]

Raiders there's a good old quote that says when you analyze something you change it! If you've got yourself a good friend why change it? Sounds like you've had her around for a while use her as a team player to help you get more chicks. What you should do is take your time to browse around this form and see how many of the same endless quests guys spend countless hours on getting no where with. In the end even EVEN if you where to get laid. You wont no offense but if you where to. It wont be what you think it will it will be a typical going through the motions and you're friendship will forever end.

We as humans have this terrible party of our consciousness that allows for us to romanticize about these experiences turning out more then what they really are. How many of the guys on this form can relate to looking at a woman going omg she's so beautiful and hot or slutty I want to **** her brains out. So you put in some effort you do and after that you're like well then... Isn't this something she's not that far out there from any of the previous ****s i've had in my life. You'll tell everyone else she did things better or was better or sometimes she was absolutely terrible or had stinky feet! At the end of the day once it's all said and done where alone reflecting to ourselves honestly we all know it's nothing special. It's no different from ****ing a woman that has one leg shorter then the other. Don't ruin friendships with woman for something that wont be worth just sex. If it's meant for a relationship it will evolve on its own into one anyways so you dont have to do any work there just be yourself and let her do the work.

My thoughts that's all I skimmed through it. But if you do listen to someone who is competent on this site it's lust and igetit. They have sound advice and their not rough around the edges like I am on purpose.

 

[PS79]

Explain this six months to a year... Do you guys mean ZERO contact?

In my situation, I haven't seen a certain girl in four months but I'll send a text or an email once in a blue moon....

 

[Unprez]

The first article I ever found, which led me to the seduction community:

http://www.sosuave.com/quick/tip286.htm

also see http://www.sosuave.com/halloffame/hall80.htm

HOLY ****...THIS IS GOLD..

 

[Warrior74]

Explain this six months to a year... Do you guys mean ZERO contact?

In my situation, I haven't seen a certain girl in four months but I'll send a text or an email once in a blue moon....

Yes. Cut your losses cold turkey. If she calls you, be polite and nice. Don't give her more than 10 mins of your time. Tell her it was cool talking to her and you gotta run. If she ask you to go out, refuse politely.

Then go get a life.

 

[PS79]

That's ridiculous....

Some of you guys in this forum say cut your losses completely...never speak to the person ever again...why?? that's brutal. first off, how is it a loss? maybe it wasn't good timing... maybe she wasn't ready for a relationship at that time...

Keep it in good terms cause you never know what might happen down the line. Always keep your options open...

 

[Igetit!]

That's ridiculous....
Some of you guys in this forum say cut your losses completely...never speak to the person ever again...why?? that's brutal. first off, how is it a loss? maybe it wasn't good timing... maybe she wasn't ready for a relationship at that time...

Oh PS79. You just don't get it,do you? There is a reason we say to cut contact with the girl. I repeat:THERE IS A REASON WE SAY TO CUT CONTACT.

Keep it in good terms cause you never know what might happen down the line. Always keep your options open...

Nobody said to burn any bridges. Of course you want to be on good terms with the girl.

Explain this six months to a year...Do you guys mean ZERO contact?

YES!!! ZERO CONTACT. Like I said,there's a reason we say to cut all contact with the girl. Allow me to explain:Let's say you meet a girl,spend 2 or 3 weeks getting to know her,then you ask her out and she pulls out the LJBF card. If she pulls the LJBF on you,it means you didn't create any attraction with her. The "you" that you approached her with,she's not attracted to. The purpose of the no contact is to be out of her presence long enough to let her forget about the "you" that she LJBF'ed. It doesn't have to be 6 to 12 months,but enough time HAS TO PASS to the point when you approach her again that she doean't remember the "old you". This way with the old you gone,now you can approach her with a clean slate,and whatever you did wrong that caused her to LJBF you in the past,now you have another opportunity to get it right this time.

If you cut contact with her for 8 months,absolute zero contact,then when you reestablish contact with her again,she remembers you,that is,the original you she LJBFed,then the eight months you waited was useless.

You said that you haven't seen some girl for like four months,but you send each other text and emails every now and then. Well,the four months that there has been no contact between you two is futile,it's worthless. As long as she remember the original you, the one that approached her,the one that she put in the friendzone,you have NOOOO chance with her.

 

[Raiders116]

Five years dude. This one thing here,all by itself with nothing else added to it is enough to make this determination. If you had written nothing else about you and this girl,only this one thing,I'd say the same thing

She always had boyfriends/i wasn't really ever romanticlly intrested in her until recently.

You either date a woman,or you don't. If you don't date her,yet you continue to be in her presense,you fall into the friendzone by default. And for the last five years,you've been in her presense not dating her. You're her friend.

I wouldn't say I was "in her prensence" all this time. We talked at school and everything, but we never really hung out alot until recently. And whats this about "your either dating a girl or not"? i see people in complicated relationships/friends with benefits-type deals all the time. My best friend was in one, i should know....

You said that you've been in her room while she was changing clothes?
Dude,you've GOT to be new here. That's what girls do around other girls or gay guys. She felt comfortable enough to undress with you in the room because she believes that you are her friend,that there is NO sexual interest betwwen the two of you. Sex with you is the last thing on her mind,it's not even in her realm of thought. that's why she didn't mind undressing with you there. In fact,you'd be better off if she'd told you to leave the room while she was changing. That would have meant that the thought of sex/sexual attraction was at least on the radar screen with you. She didn't even consider you a possible sexual threat

While I realize that your above statement is completely true, I should mention that in the past she has told me she was attracted to me, we have even made out before (believe it or not). So its not there is zero history between us here. And above you say something to the effect of "i'm a friend if she always meet, but never in an intimate place". Her room isn't an intimate place? Now I understand what your saying when you say about how she trusts me too much to feel anything sexual, and she would have been better off kicking me out (she's done that too, this is only one time i spoke of before). Now from what I got from your above statement was if she allows me to be intimate place with her she see's me only as friend, however in wc's post he infers that if she allows me to be in an intimate place with her she see's me as more then a friend. Do you see what i'm getting at?

Raiders there's a good old quote that says when you analyze something you change it! If you've got yourself a good friend why change it?

Ahh ok, here's the thing: I have plenty of friends, a great social life, etc. I'm pretty happy with the way things are right now. While I'm all for randomly hooking up with girls, with this particular one i'm looking for more of a relationship rather then a one night stand.

 

[WC2]

She always had boyfriends/i wasn't really ever romanticlly intrested in her until recently.



I wouldn't say I was "in her prensence" all this time. We talked at school and everything, but we never really hung out alot until recently. And whats this about "your either dating a girl or not"? i see people in complicated relationships/friends with benefits-type deals all the time. My best friend was in one, i should know....



While I realize that your above statement is completely true, I should mention that in the past she has told me she was attracted to me, we have even made out before (believe it or not). So its not there is zero history between us here. And above you say something to the effect of "i'm a friend if she always meet, but never in an intimate place". Her room isn't an intimate place? Now I understand what your saying when you say about how she trusts me too much to feel anything sexual, and she would have been better off kicking me out (she's done that too, this is only one time i spoke of before). Now from what I got from your above statement was if she allows me to be intimate place with her she see's me only as friend, however in wc's post he infers that if she allows me to be in an intimate place with her she see's me as more then a friend. Do you see what i'm getting at?




Ahh ok, here's the thing: I have plenty of friends, a great social life, etc. I'm pretty happy with the way things are right now. While I'm all for randomly hooking up with girls, with this particular one i'm looking for more of a relationship rather then a one night stand.

Ok first of all, I promise you that you won't get anywhere if you can't take constructive criticism. It's fine to defend yourself, however a big part of becoming a better man is admitting where you're wrong.

Second of all, she's either your b!tch or you're her b!tch. Either you dictate where the relationship is going, or she has the power and she dictates. There may be some temporary confusion as to where it's going, but besides that there's no inbetween when it comes to these things. Either she holds the power or you do (usually the one who cares less about a relationship holds the power).

Without even hearing your story, it's obvious that the power lies in her hands because you are after all asking us HOW to land this chick in a relationship. If you were truly in power, she would be asking you for a relationship.

I'm sure you're no loser, but you don't know it all. None of us do.

What I do know however is that just because you've 'made out' with a chick, doesn't mean you have history with her. When you say you have history with a girl, it means you've been through all the f*cking and fighting, you've endured many incidents in which you were both mutually in to each other sexually and mentally.

You ask us for advice and we give it to you, however you cannot accept the fact that you have just not made it there with this chick yet. Who knows, maybe you've had an easier time in the past and have macked it to many women, but how are we supposed to know that?

All I have done is physically put myself in your shoes with this chick and the results feel as if she's your friend right now. You can deny it all you'd like, but as I said before, you wouldn't be asking for this advice if you didn't need it, right?

 

[Warrior74]

Oh PS79. You just don't get it,do you? There is a reason we say to cut contact with the girl. I repeat:THERE IS A REASON WE SAY TO CUT CONTACT.
Nobody said to burn any bridges. Of course you want to be on good terms with the girl.
YES!!! ZERO CONTACT. Like I said,there's a reason we say to cut all contact with the girl. Allow me to explain:Let's say you meet a girl,spend 2 or 3 weeks getting to know her,then you ask her out and she pulls out the LJBF card. If she pulls the LJBF on you,it means you didn't create any attraction with her. The "you" that you approached her with,she's not attracted to. The purpose of the no contact is to be out of her presence long enough to let her forget about the "you" that she LJBF'ed. It doesn't have to be 6 to 12 months,but enough time HAS TO PASS to the point when you approach her again that she doean't remember the "old you". This way with the old you gone,now you can approach her with a clean slate,and whatever you did wrong that caused her to LJBF you in the past,now you have another opportunity to get it right this time.

If you cut contact with her for 8 months,absolute zero contact,then when you reestablish contact with her again,she remembers you,that is,the original you she LJBFed,then the eight months you waited was useless.

You said that you haven't seen some girl for like four months,but you send each other text and emails every now and then. Well,the four months that there has been no contact between you two is futile,it's worthless. As long as she remember the original you, the one that approached her,the one that she put in the friendzone,you have NOOOO chance with her.

Yup. Plus you need time to forget her and how you feel about her. You need time to grow and you can't grow around people who mentally put you back into your old place. This is why you go away to basic training instead of doing it at home. You ain't gonna learn to kill while hanging out with your mama, you gotta go and be molded into a solider and then come back to show them the new you. Get me?

 

[Igetit!]

Yup. Plus you need time to forget her and how you feel about her. You need time to grow and you can't grow around people who mentally put you back into your old place. This is why you go away to basic training instead of doing it at home. You ain't gonna learn to kill while hanging out with your mama, you gotta go and be molded into a solider and then come back to show them the new you. Get me?

WOW. Impressive,Warrior74.

 

[brian123]

I was friends with my last ex for a few months before we got together (she was actually dating a guy when I met her). She seemed cool, so I was friends with her.

While she was with her BF, we hung out a few times just as friends. We never did anything that could be construed as cheating, but she mentioned subtle things like "I am sure you have no problem getting girls, you are very good looking." Etc..... I thought she was a very good looking girl, but since she had a bf, she was hands off for me (Im the type of guy that doesn't go for girls in a relationship)

Even after she broke up with her BF, she tried to hook me up with some of her friends (heck, even dated a few guys and told me about her dates)

Then one day, I noticed she was a BIT more flirty with me, and I kept escalating the flirtiness. Over ~month, i'd escalate things a bit more, then she would as well. It was like climbing a ladder. Id always make sure our parting hugs were a little bit longer/tighter etc... Just small steps everytime. Finally, it got to the point where she came right out and asked when I was going to take her on an actual date. About 1-2 weeks later, we were a couple.

Personally, i believe you CAN get out of the FZ, but the girl has to be attracted you to. If I were you, id do something to alter yourself a bit (new haircut, clothes etc..) and pull away for a few weeks (but still stay in contact). Then, slowly start to escalate things with her. If she likes you, she will give you signals.

Good luck bro.