Friend Zone - Move on or Challenge Accepted

[Duster11]

Typical scenario:
Guy likes a girl. Became friends with her. Was too much of a wuss to confess due to insecurities. Waited too long (more than a decade). In the meantime, went on to meet other girls (unsuccessfully). Realised that his feelings for the first woman (a decade turns into adults!) never fully went away. This time, decided to up his game, lost weight, built more confidence, met other women (successfully! YES!) but felt bad because he never told her how he felt about her. Decided to finally tell the first woman that he has feelings for her. Typical answer, “you are my best friend, I love you but I do not see you that way”. Guy just said, “it is okay and I respect that.” Woman says “I can leave you for your sake because I do not want to hurt you.” Guy replies, “If I was the GUY you have known from 2 years back, I definitely would be hurt or crying. This GUY will not be doing so over the fact that the feelings are not reciprocated. This is an assurance.”

And till now, the guy is not disappointed or hurt. In fact, he is more relieved that he finally expressed his feelings. Doing so, has made things clearer for him and he is more focused.

Typically, all of you will say that the guy needs to move on and forget about her, cut contact with her (long-distance due to geographical difference), meet other women and bang them.

However, here’s the catch - The guy likes a challenge. Part of his change during the decade. He wants to feel the thrill and try seducing her. This is difficult, he knows (10+ friendship changed into a romantic relationship is no easy task). Probably a waste of time as well. However, for the sake of the thrill, he is willing to play the game.

What do you DJs suggest to this guy? Move on or accept the challenge?

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Why confess? It doesn't work and basically nulifies any mystery. He lost and should move on.

 

[Robert28]

I mean, you’re about to expend a WHOLE LOTTA effort on ONE girl. Not how I’d want to spend my time. Trust me, I get that you did a lot of changing in your mindset and body and she STILL rejected you. That’s on her, that’s not on you. If she can’t see you at your best and be willing to give you a chance then the hell with her. You can cut contact if you want to, least she’s willing to let you do that. Most women would reject you and then demand you keep being their friend and doing all these favors or she would threaten to tell everyone “you’re a nice guy that just wanted sex from me and pretended to me my friend all these years”.
Let this be a lesson to you, get the rejection out of the way in the beginning that way you won’t have to endear a useless friendship with a woman. You waited but at least you got it out of the way eventually. Put no more effort into this girl ever. Don’t tell her you aren’t her friend anymore but don’t be available to her anymore like you have been. I think you’re chasing a fools errand trying to “switch her”, trust me I’ve been there.
I had an ex from 2006-2007 recently come back into my life. She’s still a looker and we’ve been getting along great, she’s even admitted how she’s loved having me back in her life. I made it clear as a bell though, I’m not looking for friendship, if you want to hangout and hookup and have fun I’m down for that. I’m not doing friendship though. Guess what? She’s still coming around and texting me every other day.

 

[Robert28]

Why confess? It doesn't work and basically nulifies any mystery. He lost and should move on.

Sometimes you have to shoot your shot. Not confessing got him 10 years in a friendship that was frustrating, no sense in doing the same thing that wasn’t getting results.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

Sometimes you have to shoot your shot. Not confessing got him 10 years in a friendship that was frustrating, no sense in doing the same thing that wasn’t getting results.

He should show it through actions, not words though. A man "confesses" his love by making moves, not verbally.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I mean, you’re about to expend a WHOLE LOTTA effort on ONE girl. Not how I’d want to spend my time. Trust me, I get that you did a lot of changing in your mindset and body and she STILL rejected you. That’s on her, that’s not on you. If she can’t see you at your best and be willing to give you a chance then the hell with her. You can cut contact if you want to, least she’s willing to let you do that. Most women would reject you and then demand you keep being their friend and doing all these favors or she would threaten to tell everyone “you’re a nice guy that just wanted sex from me and pretended to me my friend all these years”.
Let this be a lesson to you, get the rejection out of the way in the beginning that way you won’t have to endear a useless friendship with a woman. You waited but at least you got it out of the way eventually. Put no more effort into this girl ever. Don’t tell her you aren’t her friend anymore but don’t be available to her anymore like you have been. I think you’re chasing a fools errand trying to “switch her”, trust me I’ve been there.
I had an ex from 2006-2007 recently come back into my life. She’s still a looker and we’ve been getting along great, she’s even admitted how she’s loved having me back in her life. I made it clear as a bell though, I’m not looking for friendship, if you want to hangout and hookup and have fun I’m down for that. I’m not doing friendship though. Guess what? She’s still coming around and texting me every other day.

Did she fvck you?

 

[Robert28]

He should show it through actions, not words though. A man "confesses" his love by making moves, not verbally.

Women are clueless when it comes to actions. Absolutely clueless. Take 2 guys, both playfully touch her on the arm THE SAME EXACT WAY. One she will see as flirting and the other it won’t register. Why? Because she’s attracted to one and not the other.

 

[Robert28]

Did she fvck you?

Oh yeah, we’ve hung out 3 times and would have more but the whole carona thing. Here’s how it played out, she invited me to her apartment the first time and a girl friend of hers was there. I walked in the room and she said “me and Betsy were just taking about how good you look and how you’ve toned up. She was asking me our history and I told her i was glad we were able to be friends”. I nipped that friends **** in the bud that night. Next time we hung out it was on and has been ever since.

 

[NSX-R]

Back then little bit before i find ss , there was this girl that i wanted badly . She friendzoned me and i was quite ok with it , since i was spending time with her and it was enough for me but i was a chicken and afraid to pull up a move. Then i found ss and dj bible and my whole mindset changed .
Then we used to meet once every couple of months , i started dating other women and i forgot about her .
Fast forward last September, she came into my business , we both had a few drinks and she started to confess to me . She told me that she used to feel things about me for some time now and that she wants to talk with me . Since i had shyt to do that night , that talk didn’t happen and we met the next day . She said that she wanted to be with me . I rejected her and told her she was not fit for me . If my older afc self was in front of me he would slap me . But the thing is , I’ve had since then so many attractive and experienced women , and it felt like i was downgrading and i wasn’t down for it . So i was the one who friendzoned her back and it felt good for some reason .

You see what I’ve realized after all those years , you have to be the one who decides if you friendzone a woman or not and not the other way .If she pulls the friend zone card to you , show her who’s the man at the spot .They might use this card as a shyt test . It happened twice . Last time a woman said that in front of me , “So we’ll be friends?” And i touched her chin and said “best friends” , made out with her and later that day we banged .

You either friendzone them or bang them .If they friendzone you , either let them go or fck their best friend.

 

[Robert28]

Back then little bit before i find ss , there was this girl that i wanted badly . She friendzoned me and i was quite ok with it , since i was spending time with her and it was enough for me but i was a chicken and afraid to pull up a move. Then i found ss and dj bible and my whole mindset changed .
Then we used to meet once every couple of months , i started dating other women and i forgot about her .
Fast forward last September, she came into my business , we both had a few drinks and she started to confess to me . She told me that she used to feel things about me for some time now and that she wants to talk with me . Since i had shyt to do that night , that talk didn’t happen and we met the next day . She said that she wanted to be with me . I rejected her and told her she was not fit for me . If my older afc self was in front of me he would slap me . But the thing is , I’ve had since then so many attractive and experienced women , and it felt like i was downgrading and i wasn’t down for it . So i was the one who friendzoned her back and it felt good for some reason .

You see what I’ve realized after all those years , you have to be the one who decides if you friendzone a woman or not and not the other way .If she pulls the friend zone card to you , show her who’s the man at the spot .They might use this card as a shyt test . It happened twice . Last time a woman said that in front of me , “So we’ll be friends?” And i touched her chin and said “best friends” , made out with her and later that day we banged .

You either friendzone them or bang them .If they friendzone you , either let them go or fck their best friend.

What led to y’all going from hanging out often to once every couple of months? I get friendzoning her back but you missed your chance to finally hookup with her. Maybe once you finally got over her you found out she wasn’t that attractive, I get that.

 

[NSX-R]

What led to y’all going from hanging out often to once every couple of months? I get friendzoning her back but you missed your chance to finally hookup with her. Maybe once you finally got over her you found out she wasn’t that attractive, I get that.

We used to play tennis together . We were both pros . Then she stopped playing thanks to an injury but she was good friends with my sister and we were all hanging out together once every couple of months or longer . Already then i started moving on . Started to increase my self confidence, workout , looking after myself and many other things and i just forgot about it . Since then I’ve changed a lot .
It’s not like she’s not attractive, i have many friends who would love to bang her , but I’m not attracted to her anymore and she’s not the type of girl i would normally hook up .

Now that I’m thinking about it ,maybe back then i was attracted to her because i had no other options . If i did have other options then i wouldn’t even look at her .

 

[Duster11]

I mean, you’re about to expend a WHOLE LOTTA effort on ONE girl. Not how I’d want to spend my time. Trust me, I get that you did a lot of changing in your mindset and body and she STILL rejected you. That’s on her, that’s not on you. If she can’t see you at your best and be willing to give you a chance then the hell with her. You can cut contact if you want to, least she’s willing to let you do that. Most women would reject you and then demand you keep being their friend and doing all these favors or she would threaten to tell everyone “you’re a nice guy that just wanted sex from me and pretended to me my friend all these years”.
Let this be a lesson to you, get the rejection out of the way in the beginning that way you won’t have to endear a useless friendship with a woman. You waited but at least you got it out of the way eventually. Put no more effort into this girl ever. Don’t tell her you aren’t her friend anymore but don’t be available to her anymore like you have been. I think you’re chasing a fools errand trying to “switch her”, trust me I’ve been there.
I had an ex from 2006-2007 recently come back into my life. She’s still a looker and we’ve been getting along great, she’s even admitted how she’s loved having me back in her life. I made it clear as a bell though, I’m not looking for friendship, if you want to hangout and hookup and have fun I’m down for that. I’m not doing friendship though. Guess what? She’s still coming around and texting me every other day.

Thank you for the wisdom. Appreciate the outlook on the situation.

However, what bothers the guy is that she was very persistent with her ways - over compliments, agreements with his views on a healthy debate, asking for his views on certain situations, missing him (made sure not to say “I miss you too”). The attraction built was going fine. However, the guy did admit that before letting her know his feelings, he became a little needy (going back to his AFC ways) by agreeing to her views and letting her push him for some time. I am of the view that he messed up at this point because he technically killed the attraction and then went in.

But a question arises - Is she $hit testing him? Considering she has seen the AFC version of him as well, maybe she needs an assurance that he is truly not an AFC anymore before saying yes to him?

What is your take on this?

PS. He has a weekly routine of calling her every Sunday as they do not talk throughout the week even on messages. This Sunday, when he called, she did not answer. She messaged that she was thinking about him but wants to postpone the call because she was leaving for somewhere. He replied that the call can be postponed but he will now talk next week as he has some work to do as well and would not be available after 30mins. The reply has not come in yet. I was proud of him for saying this. However, since he wants to let her go, he wants to further limit his availability now.

 

[Robert28]

Thank you for the wisdom. Appreciate the outlook on the situation.

However, what bothers the guy is that she was very persistent with her ways - over compliments, agreements with his views on a healthy debate, asking for his views on certain situations, missing him (made sure not to say “I miss you too”). The attraction built was going fine. However, the guy did admit that before letting her know his feelings, he became a little needy (going back to his AFC ways) by agreeing to her views and letting her push him for some time. I am of the view that he messed up at this point because he technically killed the attraction and then went in.

But a question arises - Is she $hit testing him? Considering she has seen the AFC version of him as well, maybe she needs an assurance that he is truly not an AFC anymore before saying yes to him?

What is your take on this?

PS. He has a weekly routine of calling her every Sunday as they do not talk throughout the week even on messages. This Sunday, when he called, she did not answer. She messaged that she was thinking about him but wants to postpone the call because she was leaving for somewhere. He replied that the call can be postponed but he will now talk next week as he has some work to do as well and would not be available after 30mins. The reply has not come in yet. I was proud of him for saying this. However, since he wants to let her go, he wants to further limit his availability now.

Why is HE the one always calling her? And why only once a week on a certain day? Here’s the thing about women, if they like you THEY will be the ones to reach out. He doesn’t need to make a big spectacle out of leaving her, just delete and block her from everywhere.

 

[Duster11]

Why is HE the one always calling her? And why only once a week on a certain day? Here’s the thing about women, if they like you THEY will be the ones to reach out. He doesn’t need to make a big spectacle out of leaving her, just delete and block her from everywhere.

A weekly ritual that has been going on since September last year. He made timely absences (calling for 3-4 weeks straight and then ghosting for a week or 2). Would come back to her excitement and tell her how he has been busy with job and business and all the exciting things he has been doing. It was later on that she would start initiating the conversations (he would tease her to call him next week) Or she would send him memes or pictures or message him asking how he is etc.

The last part is something he is considering but prefers to fade out instead of making a spectacle because women, if cut off abruptly, tend to make a mess which even I believe is something not worth it. Better fade out with dignity than creating a mess.

 

[backseatjuan]

If you add up every dck that woman fcked all these years it be a mile long. Dating is easy, you meet, you click, you pump, you dump, and then you repeat the process. What you have is called metal self torture. It is not love!

 

[Robert28]

A weekly ritual that has been going on since September last year. He made timely absences (calling for 3-4 weeks straight and then ghosting for a week or 2). Would come back to her excitement and tell her how he has been busy with job and business and all the exciting things he has been doing. It was later on that she would start initiating the conversations (he would tease her to call him next week) Or she would send him memes or pictures or message him asking how he is etc.

The last part is something he is considering but prefers to fade out instead of making a spectacle because women, if cut off abruptly, tend to make a mess which even I believe is something not worth it. Better fade out with dignity than creating a mess.

Slow fade takes time and it’s wasting valuable time when he could be meeting someone else. She can’t make a mess if she has no way to contact you.

 

[Duster11]

Slow fade takes time and it’s wasting valuable time when he could be meeting someone else. She can’t make a mess if she has no way to contact you.

And meetings can only be done once this quarantine is over lol

Till then, I have asked him to further work on himself - keeping doing calisthenics, read business and psychology books and focus on his job and business. Without the focus, he would definitely sulk and go back to his old AFC ways.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

We used to play tennis together . We were both pros . Then she stopped playing thanks to an injury but she was good friends with my sister and we were all hanging out together once every couple of months or longer . Already then i started moving on . Started to increase my self confidence, workout , looking after myself and many other things and i just forgot about it . Since then I’ve changed a lot .
It’s not like she’s not attractive, i have many friends who would love to bang her , but I’m not attracted to her anymore and she’s not the type of girl i would normally hook up .

Now that I’m thinking about it ,maybe back then i was attracted to her because i had no other options . If i did have other options then i wouldn’t even look at her .

Legit pros in tennis ? What ranking?

 

[Robert28]

And meetings can only be done once this quarantine is over lol

Till then, I have asked him to further work on himself - keeping doing calisthenics, read business and psychology books and focus on his job and business. Without the focus, he would definitely sulk and go back to his old AFC ways.

The most important first step of working on himself needs to be ridding himself of her. Completely. That’s the most important step of all this.

 

[NSX-R]

Legit pros in tennis ? What ranking?

The highest I’ve ever been was 490 in the world. I could continue but few injuries kept me behind and i just stopped. Joined the military shortly after .