Alright dude, so I was talking to this girl named Nikki this morning in band. She opened me eventually and I started to do some shock and awe to raise buying temperature. I basically went "Wow, you're looking so hot today, I mean seriously why are you doing this to me women? Honestly though, do you expect guys not to be nervous around you when you flaunt it so much?" and she was like "Flaunting?" laughing and stuff. Then I teased her about looking at me a certain way and she's like "Well do you want me to stop?". Blah blah, so things are going well from there and as her buying temperature is raised, I escalate by putting my hand on her shoulder. We talk for a while after that, but then I put my arm around her and she's like "Remember, the boyfriend deal?" and I take my arm off and this is probably what killed the set, because she broke up with her boyfriend, so it was probably a sh1t test. After that the set slowly died.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
FR: Where'd I go wrong?
- Thread starter ElStud
- Start date
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
LostAndConfused
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2007
- Messages
- 1,137
- Reaction score
- 11
Honestly, you probably didn't do anything wrong, unless she saw the calling her hot thing a complement from a "nice guy." Didn't seem like it to me. In fact it seems like you did everything perfectly. Your a skilled DJ, and you can never forget that sometimes girls just don't have that interest for you. They could be attracted of course, but attraction ≠ interest.
ONE small thing might be not escalating the right way. You said you put your hand on her shoulder, then your arm around her. Maybe it just didn't work out for her. It's probably worked before for you, as its worked for me at times, but maybe she didn't want to be seen as a slut, already having another guys arms around her when she just broke up with a guy.
ONE small thing might be not escalating the right way. You said you put your hand on her shoulder, then your arm around her. Maybe it just didn't work out for her. It's probably worked before for you, as its worked for me at times, but maybe she didn't want to be seen as a slut, already having another guys arms around her when she just broke up with a guy.
Lord Shinra
Senior Don Juan
Don't see anything overtly wrong. The only thing might be she got some buyers remorse after opening. Its happened to me. I usually just next them or turn them into pivots to use when I go out.
Usually, the chick competition dynamic comes out and shes on me before she realizes.
Usually, the chick competition dynamic comes out and shes on me before she realizes.
Grand Wizzard Alamar
Master Don Juan
Not bad on the confidence. Your only problem was saying things like "wow you're looking so hot today," cause it puts her ass on a big fat pedestal and she knows she's got you so it's like you're not a challenge to her and shes turned off, though still likes the compliments.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Johnny_Kage
Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2007
- Messages
- 139
- Reaction score
- 3
I agree with GWA. You telegraphed WAY too much interest. She was teasing you. Never compliment an attractive girl's looks: pick-up 101. Next time you're in that class, let her come up to you, then C&F the **** out of her. And no escalation until she shows some interest (and even then escalation is best done in more of a private setting). Still, I don't see any reason why you can't hook-up with this girl. Just make sure you talk to other girls to avoid getting too attached to this one.
- Kage
- Kage