"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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FR: Sarging over the weekend

Xysen

Don Juan
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I am a beginner who has lurked on ASF for a long time. I haven’t even been able to call myself a keyboard jockey. I was too scared to actually approach. I’ve done a couple of GSF’s, but I don’t really think it helped me. Once in a while I managed to get enough balls to approach, but it was never direct. I would just try to make a situational opener, and I wouldn’t do it with any authority. My approach was really horrible. I live in New York, but I took a trip to Boston so that I can sarge with Delta Male (Dan), whose helping me prepare for a RSI bootcamp the next weekend. This way, I’ll be able to get as much out of the bootcamp as possible. It would be such a waste to have people as good as Woodhaven and Dimitri just help me get over my approach anxiety. I figured I should at least be able to approach and number close.

When I arrived in Boston on Friday night, I was scared to approach, but I knew I just had to do it. When we first meet up, I watch Dan and his wing Mirage go up and open a set on the subway. The girls weren’t creeped out, they actually enjoyed the conversation. We get on the subway, realize we are taking it the wrong way, get off, have to transfer to find the right way. We took it completely the wrong way again. Boston subways are very confusing, or it’s just us. We decide to walk to the club instead. We see a set in the street, and to help me get over my approach anxiety, they tell me to go in with a very special opener. So we tell them we needed a second to ask them a simple question. The girl sees me chewing a piece of gum, and asks for a piece. I say after she answers she can have a piece. So I go ahead and ask the question “Hey, you wanna ****”. Surprisingly they declined, but I gave the girl a piece of gum anyway. They were surprised, but they weren’t upset. They even wished us good luck.

So we go to the first club, but can’t get inside because we have to be over 21. Dan opens a set in the street whose wearing cowboy hats. He’s talking, I try to get in the conversation, but don’t know what to say. We couldn’t get inside the club because it was over 21, so we had to go to a different place. I watched Dan open a set in the street, he gets me in, but I don’t know what to say, I froze up. Mirage came in the set and kept it alive. I tried to make smart ****y funny statements, but it didn’t work out too well, the girls just kind of ignored me. They were just waiting for a guy, and went inside his Rolls Royce. It was okay, we had to go to another club anyway.

We see another set in the street, as Dan was guiding me on how to approach them. Dan told me to walk up beside them, a little in front, look over and say “Hey, What’s up?” As I’m about to, I see Mirage run in front of them, and throw both his hands up and stops them. He than uses an opinion opener, and we talk for a bit, and head out to another club. It was a completely different way to stop them than Dan told me, but it works just as good. So there it was, two different ways to stop girls who are walking and they both work. We stop them, and chat them up for a bit and they leave.

Next we are taking the subway, and there’s a cute girl they want me to approach her. I’m set, I’m pumped, I run up behind her. I yell “HEY!”. She almost had a heart attack and practically fell down the stairs. Than I say “I think you’re really cute, I want to meet you”. She made a big sigh and looked really relieved. I wasn’t going to kill her. I think she said “Thanks, but I have a fiancé, and showed me the ring.” It was really cool though, even though I did it wrong, I’m still okay. Than they get me to approach another girl waiting for the subway. I go up to her and say “Hey, let me tell you something. I think you’re really cute, I want to meet you” (It’s my favorite opener, I learned it from Dan). She said she wasn’t from Boston, I also said I wasn’t. We talked, either I was too shy to ask for a number close, or she didn’t want to give it to me, I can’t really remember.

The club isn’t really my environment, because I can’t dance, but that doesn’t really matter. The approach should start outside of the dance floor anyway. As soon as we enter, Dan approaches like the machine that he is. The club was so loud, and my projection isn’t great so it was hard. We made a whole bunch of approaches, I can’t even really remember them. This Asian set opened up really well. It was two Korean’s and 2 Chinese. One of the girls was really good looking, and she was into us the most. Two were above average, and one was average. The average one was the one who wasn’t interested. We talked for a while and we left. I think we opened them up a total of three times and finally got a number close outside of the club. I think we all got numbers, I got the girls number by asking if she has a phone, she said yes, and handed it to me, I called my number with it. She was like, now we both have each others numbers. Another noteworthy one was this Bulgarian girl. She didn’t seem to be into me, but I kept talking, and Dan kept throwing me in, every time I wanted to leave. She seemed to warm up, but we didn’t dance. Outside of the club, she gives me a huge smile, and I approach. Her friend is looking at me like who is this creep. I say “what’s up?” I see Dan and Mirage chasing a target, and when they left so did my confidence. I’m not sure what to say, and don’t want to lose them. Complicated for me, and I end up leaving. I should have tried to close.

Mirage tries a new approach. He goes up to a girl and says “I really hate your shoes” She says “excuse me”, he repeats himself, and she replies with “I really hate your face”. Hopefully the approach will work better next time.

The next day, it’s Me and Mirage. Dan has a job interview, so we sarge the mall for daytime. I’m trying to come across as not creepy. At 1 o’clock we meet for a GSF. There are a lot of really cool people in the Boston lair. We have 7 people, and sarging in one group of 7 would be a little ridiculous. We split off into two groups of two and one group of three. It’s Me, Dan, and another guy, we’ll call him Michael (it’s not his real name, but it’s to keep him anonymous). So it’s two newbies and Dan. Michael was into indirect, he would go up and ask the girls what they thought about pink shorts on a guy. He had a catalogue with him and asked what they thought about those shorts. We mainly just got their opinions. I opened a set with him, and opened indirect. It was a combination of me still being nervous with approach anxiety, and him being an indirect guy. I tried to come up with a situational opener, I asked them what they thought about a guy buying clothes for his girlfriend. They thought it was great, and if I needed help to just ask. They were asking me what style she liked, I really didn’t know what to say, I was like, uhh I’m not sure. Than Michael comes in with his shorts, and I had to switch it up with the fastest thing I could think of. I was like, well I just wanted your opinion on that because Michael’s girlfriend wants to buy clothes for him, and wanted to see what you thought if it was the other way around. We talked for a little more, but the set didn’t go great. At least they weren’t scared when we approached.

Me and Dan see a two set, so of course we approach them. One of the girls is Thai, and the other is Korean. I was initially talking to the Thai while Dan talks to the Korean. They weren’t very open to talking with us, but I answer the Korean girls question in Korean (I know a little bit). Than we switch I talk to the Korean and he talks to the Thai. The set went beautifully. We both # close. The only thing is the Korean girl is going back to Korea in a couple of days. I was happy, I finally did it. I got a # close. We end up having a LAIR meeting. We answer each others questions and help each other out. We give our opinions on everyones strengths and weaknesses. To make a good day great, I see a Vietnamese girl on the train, and open her direct. I say “Hey, whats up? Let me tell you something. I think you’re really cute, I wanna meet you” She was flattered. We talk for a couple minutes and than the person behind her leaves. So I sit behind her, just because I wanted to sit, and she turns a little to the side so she can face me. It’s my stop so I suggest we talk again sometime. She tells me her really long email, but neither of us have a pen and paper. I give her my phone and she writes her number in it. Another great one.
 

“The 22 Psychological Triggers That Make Women Chase You… Starting Tonight”

Forget the cash, the cars, and the chiseled jawlines. Female desire operates on a completely different frequency. Primal. Subconscious. Triggers that bypass her logic and hit her on a gut level. Most guys are totally blind to them.

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Then I decoded the psychology behind what actually makes women tick. 22 hard rules.  Subtle behavioral shifts that rewired my entire reality. The anxiety evaporated. Women started leaning in. Investing. Chasing.

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Xysen

Don Juan
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Sunday was an even better day. Things were just wonderful. Dan goes up to this three set, and goes up to one girl. Her two friends leave so that he can # close her. That’s just how tight his game was. I approached a lone wolf at the bookstore and got her number in a couple of minutes. We approach a bunch of sets, things are going great. The girls love us. High school girls look so good, it’s scary, just gotta make sure their legal.

I opened a two set direct. At first I was a little scared because there was a security guard around. I felt like I was doing something wrong. Like talking to people is wrong. The set opened up nicely though, and we talked for a few minutes. The girls were resistant to the close. Dan closes his girl fairly easily, and I’m trying to get mine to close. The girl was a little resistant to the number close, so to close, I asked to see her phone, and dialed my number. I don’t know why, but she didn’t mind. If I ask, she said no, but since I just did it, she was okay with it. The security guard watched, everything went okay. He probably thought we were gods when he saw us # close.

The coolest set we did was a huge set. It was mixed with like 9 people, guys and girls. Dan opens up the set, and we talk. The girls tell us their all cheerleaders, we believe them. We talk about different things for a while. The girls than tell us they are part of the mock trial team and they are not cheerleaders. We weren’t phased by it at all. We keep talking, and I turn around. All the guys are gone, I didn’t even realize. I can’t believe what just happened. We ended up # closing.

I was really happy right about then. We were doing great. I felt like I could do it all, I was just a cool person. Too cool. We went to go get some tea, Boston has some really great tea. I think the place was called Teavana, and I recommend it completely. Now instead of drinking about a gallon of free samples, I decided to actually buy some. I wasn’t sure, so I asked one of the girls to help me. She was a really cool girl who I should have tried closing. The tea takes 5 minutes, and I made a comment about it being a long time. She said it’s because it’s made with love. I was asking questions about Boston, and she was answering them, and people just joined in on our conversation. It was great.

We ended up running into Mirage at the mall. We sarged a bit, but everything closes at 6 in Boston on Sundays. Mirage fixes my body language. It doesn’t feel right the way he fixed it, and I have to keep reminding myself to go back to it. I normally slouch a bit, and thought it would be gay if I stood like that. I was wrong. Dan did a street approach and it was just great. It was a HB, and he opens up direct. He talks her up for a couple minutes than he brings in Mirage. Her job came up somehow, and Mirage responded with saying “you do ***** work”. She didn’t think that was funny, but we did. She walked away, and than she turned back around. Than he said he does ***** work, she asks him what he did and he said he’s an ass model. The set didn’t close, but it was still good, because it made us laugh. PU shouldn’t be a job, it should be fun.

That night we did phone game. I wasn’t sure of how to do it, and just tried it out after watching Dan do it. I ended up just sounding nervous or canned when I got the answering machine. I wasn’t sure what to talk about also, it’s like real life, but there is no person in front of you which seems to make things harder for me. You can’t use body language. I need to get better at this phone game. Monday morning one of the girls called me, and we talked for a little. She said she was busy and couldn’t meet for a day two, I was kind of rushing things because I’m going back to NY.

Well Monday I did about a couple hours of sarging myself. It wasn’t going great at all. Approach after approach didn’t work well. It wasn’t that they wouldn’t open, or weren’t flattered, because they were. Most wished me good luck. One girl had a huge smile and said thanks. She said no ones ever done that before, I asked if she was flattered and she said “yes”. I should have persisted and tried to close. I did get a couple girls who just ignored me. Most of the girls were saying they had boyfriends or engaged, I would usually reply with “that’s okay”. They usually smile and laugh, but I need to just keep talking and keep persisting. I back out pretty easily. I ended up getting 1 email from a Japanese girl, she was only visiting friends in America for a few days, and had no phone. I meet up with Dan, and things go better. He fixes my posture once again, because I was slouching.

I opened up a Japanese girl while she was walking. I came in from the side and opened direct. She loved it, and I just tried to find some kind of common ground for conversation. I told her I liked her name and it’s the same as one of my cousins names. Also I asked how it felt coming to America not knowing anyone and not knowing any English. Overall it went okay, and I got a # close from it.

I opened up a two set of Taiwanese girls. These girls spoke like no English. One was eating, and I opened her up, I tried to sit down, but she wouldn’t let me. I learned I should just sit down when I open her up. She was resisting, so I left, kind of nervous and didn’t know what to do. Than Dan makes me open her up again. I go and open her, and he comes in. Her friend also comes in, and we talk. We grab some chairs and sit down, it’s really hard to carry a conversation with them, but we managed. We got a day two for Tuesday, so hopefully it will work out.

Another set we opened, was a two set. Neither of them were really into us, but we made it work. One girl was getting jealous because we were talking to her friend more, so I started talking to her. It made her smile a bit and Dan was able to get a # close.

Another set after that of two Taiwanese girls. Neither seemed interested at first, and were like why are you guys talking to us. We just ignored them, and one was showing interest. We switched, Dan took the one showing less interest, and I took the one showing more. We talked and were playing around, she was touching me. It would have worked out, but one girl just didn’t want to talk to us, so we didn’t get a number. They both have to be into it for that. We approached a girl getting a job interview, this one didn’t work out. The one giving the interview started getting upset and said we should leave or she’ll call security. Dan says he’s heartbroken, but we leave, no need to get thrown out.

In the train, Dan approaches one girl, who says she has a bf. He keeps talking and gets past her. She still refuses to give him her #, and says they can talk on the facebook. He finally gets her email. I approach one waiting for the subway direct. She says she’s taking care of her bf because he’s sick, I try to close but am unable to. We’re one stop away from where we have to go, and I see a girl on my left. She has her ipod on and headphones. I decide to open direct and only have like 20 seconds. I tell her “Hey, whats up?” She looks up and takes off her headphones and says “hi”. I tell her “Let me tell you something, I think you’re really cute and wanna meet you”. She smiles and says hi, we talk, and I go for the # close. She tells me she doesn’t live in Boston, and is going to NY in a couple of days. I tell her I live in NY and she gives in. I give her my Cell phone and she puts her # in. It took me like less than a minute. Now I didn’t think my verbals were really good, I talked kind of fast. Dan says my nonverbals were good though so the set worked.



Summary
This weekend was great. The best way for me to learn is by field experience. I don’t really think there is any better method. To get my confidence up, I can try all these NLP techniques and all, but it’s just not me. I like to learn by experience. I need to force myself to approach. Sarging with a wing is much more fun than going alone by yourself. It’s easier to open sets, but if the girl is alone it’s easier to open alone a lot of times. I was scared of approaching, but now it’s much smaller. I can also get # closes. I need to work on my phone game and day 2’s. Any tips?
 

Ever onward

Master Don Juan
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Awesome

BUMP

Good job man! You need to do a FR and a workshop review when you do the Bootcamp. I can't decide between RSI or Juggler's workshop.
 

gimmeyofonenumba

Master Don Juan
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jeez. You've done more approaches in 3 days then most of us have done in a lifetime.
 

[look]aRhino

Don Juan
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Good stuff Xysen.

I'm very impressed with dmitri and woodhaven and their posts on ASF and I'd also be interested in seeing your review of their seminar.

Congrats on actually working to fix this instead of being a KJ like everyone else.

Rhino
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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