FR: Date from Hell!!

[Tempest]

Okay, it wasn't really a date from hell... but it was something that kind of crippled my ego a bit.

So I met this girl from online yesterday, get her on the phone immediately and set up plans to meet up today. I pick this girl up at her highschool and things are going pretty well. I'd rate her maybe a 7, she was cute and had a nice body. Things start off well... we have some good conversations, a few good laughs and I start off immediately being C+F with her and extremely confident.

We head to my car and before we get in the car I tell her, "okay, now before we go anywhere I have a few simple rules... #1, i have to be having fun at ALL times. if i'm not having fun, then i'm just going to want to go home. and #2, you must have respect for my time, and my property." She agree's to the rules... agree's they're fair, and then I say "oh yeah, one more rule... i hope you enjoy Greek music!". Okay, so we head to the mall because I have to pick some stuff up and run some errands. The car ride was fun and I busted on her a bit and everything was going fine. Then we get to the mall and she is complaining from before that her feet was hurting, so she says for me to park as close to the mall as possible. Instead, I park as far away from the mall as I can... lol. When we're in the mall I give her my keys and all of my stuff, and make her hold it... she didn't seem to object to it at all. So we're walking through the mall, finding stores, I bust on her for various things... but the entire time she has this really negative attitude. She was constantly complaining that her feet hurt, that she hates the mall, she was being a total downer. At one point we passed by this granny store and she refused to go in... so I picked her up and forced her in there! It was fun... and again, she didn't really flip out or anything from that so I assumed my behaviour was tolerable. I spot this coffee shop and tell her "I need some coffee... I'm getting stressed out here." I ask her if she wants anything... and give her 10 seconds to decide, otherwise I'm picking for her! She runs out of time... so I say "okay, I'm going to pick you a drink and you have to drink the entire thing, okay?" She agree's. I then ask the lady there "What is the WORST drink you guys have?"... or the "least popular". She recommended the straight espresso, so I got her that. Then I asked for the BEST drink they had, for me of course. She had no problem drinking it... but it was pretty hilarious I must say! Anyways, the major problem I had was that she was constantly walking away from me and being rude. She wouldn't listen. I would suggest going into a certain store... I wanted to look at certain things, etc... she'd refuse to go and was being a huge downer. At one point I was looking for this store on the map, and she just walks off for about 2 mins towards the food court. I had to follow her until finally she turned around and I said "let's get out of here". At one point during the date she was being a huge brat so I spanked her. MAN, you should've seen the look on her face! She was shocked.. I told her "don't be a brat, and I won't spank you". So she just said "I'm not being a brat...", she was, though. I thought she was being very rude and I mentioned that she is breaking the rule I told her about. She goes off "blah blah blah I don't follow any rules". So then I say to her, "look... do you want to go home? I will drive you home." She said nah. Anyways, so after we finish our coffee's and suggested that we should get out of here, we walk towards my car. (I grabbed my stuff back from her), then just before we get to my car I turn around and say "hey, before we go any further, i'm going to need a kiss from you." She said "no", so I just said "well, it was nice meeting you, take care." She walked away, I got in my car and drove off.

Okay... so that was quite an experience! What do you guys think was up with this? Do you guys just think she was playing hard to get? I gamed her SO nicely... and everything I use has been used many times before in the past and has always worked well for me. I thought I was above my game on this one, even! I had a hard time dealing with her bad attitude, but I think nexting her at the end was the right thing to do. Do you guys think I was being a jerk for leaving her there to walk home or bus?

The funny thing is... the entire time she was challenging made me want her even more! I still am thinking about it! I'd only see her again if she apologized to me, though... but I don't see that happening considering I left her in the parking lot to walk home.

Finally, what would you guys have done in my situation? And, do you think she simply wasn't attracted to me or what's the story here?

Thanks... let me know what you guys think!! =)

 

[blue17]

I think you were trying too hard.

 

[Life-Trainee]

I'd have to say you were completely oblivious to her level of interest.

 

[Wiesman44]

I think you've been to corrupted by this site bro. You were waaaayy to pushy, and certain things you did didn't coincide with her IL.

1) YOu spanked her when she clearly lost interest in you. You only do kino like that when you've got her somewhat interested, b/c touching the ass can be offensive to some chix.

2) Don't pick the worst drink for her at the coffee shop. WTF is wrong with you. By you doing that shows a complete lack of respect for the girl. yah, she was being a bit#h and not choosing. That doesn't mean u have to choose a ****$y drink.

3) When she would start to walk off like that, she was not interested in you anymore. EVERYTHING she was doing showed that she didn't like you man.

4) You don't ask to kiss her, or even try to kiss her when she clearly doesn't like you one bit. You have to wait for the right moment to kiss. Women don't want the first kiss to be crappy. THey want the perfect moment at the perfect place. You didnt establish that or create the mood. You did not create kino. She did not react to kino. She walked away from you ! I would have driven her home the minute she acted *****y.


You clearly went into jerk stage with your ****y and funny on this date and she did not like it. You did NOT game her nicely. I dont mean to be hard on you, but you're corrupting what a DJ really is. You need to be yourself. Don't be something your not. This site is intended to help you. Re-read the dj bible.

 

[Don_Marko]

Hmmm so you don't want negativity and you start the date of by being an @$$hole.... you take her to the mall cuz you have sht to do there and the whole time ur being a **** and now you expect a total stranger to spread her legs for you... Oh boy you have got some learning ahead of you

 

[Tempest]

Okay, well the most important thing I got from this is Life-Trainee said it, I WAS oblivious to the interest level. I wasn't really watching her reaction that much, wasn't checking to see if she was laughing to the C+F, I just automatically assumed that it was appropriate.

Now I'd just like to point out a few things on how I date before I get into it more deeply. First, I'd like to mention that I consider myself to be VERY successful with meeting girls and attracting them on the first date. In fact, I believe this is the FIRST negative date I've ever had before... I've never had this problem. My attitude, my personality, my C+F has always worked for me... I've had success with this and have personally done MUCH worse things on dates and have gotten away with it.

Second, I have a VERY positive attitude. I'm always out to have fun, I'm not abusive towards girls, I enjoy talking to anyone and everyone at the mall and have a great time.

I enjoy playful teasing and playful behaviour. I don't see this as disrespecting a girl... I believe my C+F is as C+F as it gets (with most girls, atleast). I can assure you most girls laugh and have fun. A lot of the stuff that I do (making them carry my stuff, playful teasing) I've done many times before and noone gets offended.

Now, as for the spanking. I've done this many times before and most girls laugh, the rest will put this "fake" shocked look on their face. This girl had that look on her face, but it was REAL. She didn't object to it, I just said to her "don't be a brat, and I won't spank you"... in a jokingly way. It was a mistake because she clearly wasn't interested in me... and I didn't realize that. I guess I went too far into automatically assuming she was interested... it definetly makes me more confident when I believe they're interested, but looks like this time it was my downfall.

Anyone seen DYD DVD series? You know how Rick mentions that you can do ANYTHING with enough authority, and get away with it. He mentions that he spanks girls within 30 seconds of meeting them. But, if you don't do it with enough authority, she will tear you down. Looks like that's what happened to me.

For the coffee shop... it was a joke! It was C+F, it was gold... Explain to me how this is disrespectful. Did I force her to drink it? No. In fact I asked her, "if I pick out a drink for you, will you drink it?" She said yeah. I decided to challenge her and get what the lady recommended there was a bad drink.. and see if she'd drink it! I really don't see how this is a bad thing. It even turned out she liked the drink. Again, I really don't see how this is disrespectful. I've done the same thing before but at Subway. I usually order them the kids meal and tell them they don't get to play with the toy until they finish it all. It has always gotten a laugh for me, works and I hear no objections.

She was a complete brat the entire time. Again, I have never encountered this. I had a date with a girl on Sunday, we went to the mall and had a blast. We went to Toys R' Us and I found this cute Cinderella dress and told her I'd buy it for her... I chased her around the store telling her it was perfect for her! At the end of that date she said to me "I had so much fun, this was the most fun I've ever had! I can't believe I didn't do this with you yesterday! Thank you so much!" She called me the next day and thanked me again. I don't think I am a bad person at all... I don't think anything that I do is immorale. I'm out to have fun and have a great attitude. I think she had a horrible attitude, had no desire to have fun, was a downer and rude. With her constantly walking away from me... I thought that was rude and she was being a complete brat. Tell me... how would you act if a girl did this to you? How am I the disrespectful one? I called her on it and said "hey, we have a problem here... we need to get you a leash."

Moving onto the kiss part. I am very direct, confident and spontanious with my actions. I have stopped girls while walking before and asked for a kiss. Again, the interest level thing got to me here again, which is why it didn't work. In the past, it has worked many times. I don't see anything wrong with this kiss approach... it usually has been a way to raise interest level for me.

I totally disagree with your last comment, Wiesman44. I have a very dominant, confident attitude. I have fun, and most importantly I am being myself. The only times I've been called a jerk with my behaviour has been occasionally online and today. I don't see myself corrupting the DJ name one bit. I see that I made a few misjudgements and mistakes with regards with her interest level, but nothing which has disgracefully shamed this website.

 

[Skweints]

Woah man... right of the bat, with the rules... what the heck is that for? It's NOT her job to show you a good time. It's YOUR job to show HER a good time. By making her agree that you will be having a good time, and if you aren't, you'll want to go home, you're placing the responsiblity on HER, letting HER take the date where she wants it to go. Trust me, she's NOT going to entertain you unless you entertain her first.

Going to the mall, huh? Sounds like a boring date anyways. The only way I would take a girl to the mall is if I already had stuff I needed to do their, and just wanted a little entertainment to come along. You don't take a girl to the mall if you don't have something beforehand planned to do there... if you decide to take a girl on a date next time, do something more fun... ACTION DATES!

 

[duke007]

First of all, she was from the Internet, so keep in mind she probably didn't have the greatest social skills.

It seems you started well, but you took the whole C+F routine WAY too far. In your post it said you busted on her in the car and then again after just entereing the mall....ease up a bit dude!

It probably came across to her that you had some inferiority complex about being in power. C+F is only good in moderation, otherwise it seems like obviously trying to be somebody you're not. A real man is comfortable enough to subtly show power without acting childish about it.

When she first started acting like a brat you should have stopped, looked at her like a teacher to a pupil and said, "What was rule 1 again?" If she didn't respect that then you would have found a way to end the date.

Also I think it's been mentioned on the boards before but I'll say it again. C+F doesn't CREATE interest it just SUPPORTS or INCREASES it. If you're falling into a hole, C+F won't get you out, it'll just make you go deeper like quicksand.

The examples you gave in the 2nd post are excellent though - the kids meal and dress. It's obvious you know your stuff, you just have to control it better and ease off on the jerk a bit

 

[Tempest]

Hey, thanks for the replies.

Skweints:

I personally don't see anything wrong with laying some rules down. I think they're fair, she agree'd they're fair, and everyone else I interact with believes they're fair. I put a lot of value in my time and energy, and I don't believe that a request for a non-*****y attitude as well as respect for my time/property is unjust at all. I don't do this to entertain girls. If I wanted to impress her I'd start buying her gifts and dinners. It's not about that at all... part of my attitude is "I'm here to have fun and a good time... if you're going to be negative and rude, then I'm not interested in being around you."

As for your second part... I probably should've labeled this differently. I don't really consider this as a "date"... it was more of a "first meeting". And I believe I mentioned in my post that I went to the mall because I DID have to pick up some stuff and had to run some errands. However, even if that wasn't the case... I believe that the mall is an AWESOME place to bring girls, especially as a first date. I bring every girl I meet to the mall as a first date... and have had figured out it's the best possible place for a few reasons: 1) 99% of girls LOVE the mall (except for this girl I just met), 2) I am comfortable there, 3) It is NEVER boring because there are SO many conversation topics and interesting/unique things there. But what you mentioned about "The only way I would take a girl to the mall is if I already had stuff I needed to do their, and just wanted a little entertainment to come along" is EXACTLY what I did.

Duke007,

You may be right about the C+F routine. I do really enjoy it and I have a blast busting on them! I remember a specific question in DYD DVD Series where a guy asks DeAngelo "what's the limit to C+F... without coming across downright sinnical?" He says there is no limit... if you're ****y AND funny, then there is no limit to being ****y and funny, you just have to remember she must be laughing. I've busted on girls constantly one after the other.. nonstop, and have noticed that there is no limit as well. BUT, I do believe you are very right about the quicksand analogy. It was clear this girl wasn't interested in me... which is why C+F only dug me a hole.

 

[So Many Ways]

Hey, Tempest, how's everything?

I see you're having plenty of fun with the ****y & funny. Great!

One of the big things I've learned, and you'll learn too is social calibration. I don't think her interest level was necessarily low, as she would not have trusted herself with you if she wasn't interested, but judging by your post, she did not seem to be the type that would respond to high level C&F and that whole coming down hard on a broad thing that David DeAngelo advocates. I honestly think you blew yourself out here with this one.

One thing I need to point that you did that bothered me was parking far away from the entrance when she said her feet hurt. That was just plain old being a d*ck just for the sake of being a d*ck, and that isn't going to attract women to you.

She seemed like the shy nervous type, like someone else said, and I think that's highly likely since you met her on the web, so in those cases, you need to tone it down a little bit and make her feel comfortable around you.

I remember a specific question in DYD DVD Series where a guy asks DeAngelo "what's the limit to C+F... without coming across downright sinnical?" He says there is no limit... if you're ****y AND funny, then there is no limit to being ****y and funny, you just have to remember she must be laughing.

I don't agree with DeAngelo here. In your example with a shy nervous girl, it is very easy to overdo C&F, also it's very easy to do it if the girl is either intimidated by you or if her interest level is initially very high.

 

[MacDiddy]

temp: Nice FR. You said she was a 7. Did the chick have low self esteem levels??? did you constantly keep her laughing?

 

[skinnydart]

Yeah, u went to far dude, I mean when you set up the time to meet did she think it was going to be an actual date like a dinner or something? Was she dressed fairly nice? And did you tell her before you picked her up that you just wanted to hang at the mall because you had to run some errands?

And at the coffee shop, what you did could have come across as rude. I would have gone up to the lady at the counter and whisper just loud enough for your girl to hear:

You: "exuse me, what would you say is your worst/most unpopular drink."
Lady: "I would have to say the double expresso"
Then you turn around and go back to your girl and say something like "Hey, I heard their double expressos are great here, sound good?"

That way you're still using C&F but not coming across as a total A$$ about it.

Remember, not every girl likes a jerk.

 

[DeathDealer]

Actually, no girl likes a jerk nor a nice guy.

I think you messed up big time, she wasn't the date from hell but if you read what you typed to us, it seems someone else besides the girl was the date from hell. There's some serious work that needs to be done here.

 

[Diaoz]

Yep mate, I actually like your C&F. Make good pointers for me so it'd be cool if you can direct me to a thread with more of your's.

I personally bring girls to the malls and have a helluva good time to, neg-hitting and C&Fing but as mentioned, you did kindda go overboard with the C&F thing and end up looking abit desperate/weird or whatever.

ESPECIALLY, if she's not really a social butterfly.

Duke007:
Ah, it's you that finally drilled it into me that C&F does not create interest. I always thought it does to a certain extent, by being fun and different. What are some techniques for creating interest then? Thks!

 

[Royal Elite]

The biggest mistake which was just wrong and evil was making her walk home. You drove her there, and you make her walk home for not giving you a kiss, come on homey that is not right.

When busting on a girl it has to be things that are obviously funny. Remember she cant read your mind so the things must be so obviously funny. Like telling her no one in the world would want to kiss her, after making out with her for half an hour. Telling her her behind is small when she keeps catching you look at it in awe. C&F must be things that are sooooooooooo obvious.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

date from hell? well only because you made it like that. What you did was not AFC but it was plain stupid.

your started off badly telling her the rules, sure it sounds like you are the man, but people want to have fun thats what a date is for, not for you to set some rules out for her and be bossy.

You fcuked up non stop, im not going to give any more examples, but you take the idea of being a bossy a$$whole to a whole new levle.

I think the only decent move you made was picking her up and walkign in to the shop but that would only have been good in the absence of being bossy, you toaly did everything wrong, not bieng a pushover does not mean oyu have to be a strict control freak, if you act like this, you will never get a second date. She probably regrets that date you probably runied her day, stop being such an a$$whole, you have ot be confident but basicly on a date a girl is looking for a fun time and you are not giving her that, she would rather you bore her to death then have you treat her like that!

 

[Tempest]

Hey guys,

Yeah I did go overboard with a few things - you're right. I think I've spent way too much time cramming in the "who cares" attitude towards girls. I'm too indifferent towards them. For the most part, I think my C+F was fine... maybe just a bit too much of it, though. The whole "leaving her" there thing was just me not giving a crap and being annoyed with her negative attitude. When I think about it the only things that really did it for her was the fact that I spanked her and me leaving her there... those were the two problems that ruined it for me. Other than that, I believe we were getting along OK but she just had a negative attitude the entire time and was dull as hell!

check_mate_kid_uk,

i don't think i was being bossy at all... or even an a$$whole. it's not like i was making fun of her, saying rude or inappropriate things to her, calling her names, or being abusive. the rules that i said to her are the SIMPLEST RULES EVER... which ever girl in the world has the ability to follow and it's just out of fairness. it's not like "rule 1, you must walk 2 feet behind me at all times". i simply said "this day is going to about FUN... and we're going to have FUN... no negative attitudes, and please respect my time/property". i think that's fair and simple request to follow. and if she doesn't think so then she is more than welcome to leave... atleast i'd be saving myself some time.

i wasn't controlling... i was being IN CONTROL. throughout the day i'd say "hey, let's go in here.. i want to check out a few things at radio shack"... but she decides to be the dull one by ignoring me and constantly walking away. i don't think she even let me go into 1 store besides the one which i had to actually buy my supplies at. i'm VERY playful with girls and my actions with them... for example, when i got out of the car and started walking towards the mall i gave her my keys and said "hey, can you hold these for me?", she said "ok".. then i'm like "awesome.. you're the best!". it's playful.. it's having fun, it's not disrespectful OR bossy.

now with all of that being said... i don't think the problem was ME much at all really. with ANY other girl, it would've been a blast. keep in mind, this girl was dull, boring, socially unadaptable, stuckup and had a NEGATIVE attitude the entire time. i don't care who you are... but if you even used the most BASIC unoffensive C+F that DeAngelo mentions, she'd be insulted and think you were disrespecting her. even if you said "nice shirt, buy that new?"... she'll come right back and knock your block off!!

leaving her there was wrong... as well as spanking her and overboard C+F when she wasn't interested or simply couldn't emotionally "handle" it. but, this all could've been avoided if she wasn't so stuckup. the only way you could tolerate this girl is if you kissed her ass and gave her all the power... in which case she'd stomp you.

anyways, i learned very VALUABLE stuff from this experience and now i'm all fired up! i'm glad this occured... it has definetly changed the way that i look at things, and has put together a few pieces of the puzzle for me.

oh and one more thing i wanted to address. i know some of my comments i mentioned (like the C+F) sounds a little bit harsh and jerkish... and that's the same thing with most C+F online... i think voice tone, body language and watching my behaviour plays a HUGE role in a lot of what i do. if you saw me do this stuff in person... i think you'd see that it's not as bad as it looks in this post.

thanks again.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by Skweints
Woah man... right of the bat, with the rules... what the heck is that for? It's NOT her job to show you a good time. It's YOUR job to show HER a good time.

No. Wrong. Undo this feminist brainwashing. We're not here for their own personal amusement. It's a two-way street.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Tempest: Your problem was that she wasn't interested, and you just simply didn't know when to quit. Bad dates turn ugly when you don't know when to quit. It's like poker, you got to learn when to drop the hand and fold....

 

[christz]

I would have to totally agree that this WAS the date from hell.

because after reading just half of what you did on the date, if i was that chick i would be begging for sweet release because my date was in the ****ter right as soon as "the rules"

were announced to me like some kinda tempest dateing service PA system.