"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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FR and request for advice

d0g

Don Juan
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Hey everyone,

I've been relatively proactive in speaking to girls and getting numbers over the past month or two. Sadly most of it has come to naught: a couple of few phone numbers, but no responses.

However, this evening, I hit pay dirt.

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Field Report
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The scene: a college grad school wine tasting

A saw a rather delightful girl make an appearance at the start, but didn't go to speak to her, since I'm still a ***** and assumed she'd be mobbed by guys when she arrived.

When, an hour in, she still didn't have any guys making progress with her, and I saw an opening, I went up to have a little chit chat with her. I played it cool, established some familiarity by chatting about some stuff that I knew about that she was interested in (where she went to college, Europe -- where she wants to move to, etc.).

I then performed a disappearing act, got some more wine, went to chat to some other girls and guy friends of mine. I went back to her, chatted a bit more, disappeared again, rinse and repeat.

The combination of going in-and-out plus establishing some rapport seemed to work. By the end of the evening she was hanging on to me, asking if we'll see each again, "because not doing so would be such a shame, after we had such a good time tonight". I got her number and gave her mine. She invited three dudes (me included) back to her place, but I declined. I isolated her from the crowd, and invited her over to my place, but she told me "I'm not that easy". I told her I didn't say anything about easy, and left.

Also: I should add that Southern girls are a ****load easier to do kino on than than the usual northern California girls I'm used to. Southern girls really make it easy for you.

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So, first of all, given what I've told you, do you have any suggestions for improvements on how I did things?

Most importantly: what's my optimal game plan from here?

It's now early Saturday morning. Should I call her on Saturday (today) afternoon? Call her on Sunday? Text her?

Thanks a lot guys.

Cheers,
d0g
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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ARrocket

Master Don Juan
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Well, she clearly sees you in a sexual light, so you're off to a good start :up:

I would wait a couple days with this one - hit her up maybe Tuesday or so, see if she's down to grab a drink.

As for the actual interaction, I think you handled it pretty well - definitely good that you didn't hover around her, and she saw you being social with others. Probably a good thing you didn't go home with her AND the other folks as well. Hopefully she was wondering what plans you had.

"I'm not that easy." I think you handled it pretty well. I might given her a funny smirk and said "whoa, what's on your mind!" and left it at that.

But, you had a good interaction and got the number, so don't over-think this too much!
 

Harry Wilmington

Master Don Juan
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What ARrocket said. Think about this: yesterday was Friday. By Tuesday, are you going to completely forget about who this girl is, where you met her, or your interaction?

Guess what? If she really did take a liking to you, she won't either. It's always a better plan to be patient than it is to rush right in. In fact, rushing in is the reason the OTHER guys at the party failed with her. So, give her the weekend to think about you and wonder if you're going to call (and to possibly talk with her girlfriends about you), then hit her up Tuesday.

And when you hit her up, make it a PHONE CALL. Texting is weak and kills relationships.
 

d0g

Don Juan
Joined
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Thanks, guys. Tuesday it is.

ARrocket: your "what's on your mind" suggestion sounds like a gem. I'm going to have to remember that one!
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

Read more...

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