Found SoSuave this week, but it was too late. Got dumped over txt. 9 days of NC. Should I thank her?

[LivingAndLearning8]

I was in a relationship with a girl much younger than me for about five weeks. She truly liked me in the beginning. Actually, she was the one that pursued me for about a month before I decided to give her a chance. She tried to lock me down as her boyfriend as soon as she could, but I denied my commitment. When she asked me "what are we?", I said that "we are staying together. We are more than friends, but we aren't bf/gf yet". As time passed, she started losing attraction mainly because she found out that I'm not a high value man, and I was giving away emotional validation without getting much in return. In fact, she was a virgin and we ended up not having sex at all.

I made several mistakes during this relationship, but I'm still learning from them. While we had talked about breaking up before, and I was the one that usually initiated this sort of talk, I never really wanted to end up things with her.

During the time we spent together, I had plenty of chances to go No Contact, to walk away, to end the relationship first, or to at least have a healthy break up. All the signals were there. But a man without options is powerless, and I tried my best to save the relationship. She had moody swings, and even flaked some of our dates, but I kept giving her attention on a daily basis. We exchanged e-mails, text messages, and phone calls. In other words, my behavior went from "jerk" to "pursuer".

We did setup a date a week before Valentine's Day (in my country), but we argued over text during the night before. It was the first time that I stood to myself, and I wrote that if "she is not satisfied, she can find someone else to make her happy, because I was tired of pleasing her and not being recognized". She kinda sent some messages "apologizing" for her behavior (said good night and wrote poetry), but I ignored them before going to bed. I ended up losing my sleep during the night, and I replied to her at 2 AM, when I knew she was sleeping. To my surprise, around 10:30 am of Sunday I received a text saying "XXX, I want to break up". That was it.

I read it a minute later, and I panicked. I lost my frame with her for the last time. I said "YYY, let's talk over the phone, ok?". When I called her, it got to her voicemail (Which is standard for her). I sent two more messages. Something "cute" trying to salvage the relationship, and the last one saying "YYY, I can't force you to do anything. You are an adult and free to make your own choices. Just don't do something that you will regret it later, ok?". She didn't reply. She didn't call me. She didn't send an e-mail.

We both went No Contact. I deleted her phone number, our messages, all her/our photos, and our e-mails. After 3 days, she broke her NC with an e-mail:
""Staying together, in this sense, shows how, in the context of fragile people and insecure of their own value, the interest of seducing is to assure it's own value, more than of the shared pleasure (...) deep down, what we see is the fear of connection, of contact (...)"

To a man who doesn't know what he wants - refuses to be a friend, but denies the relationship. This "not knowing" isn't only applied to romantic relationships, but also to life."

I thought that she was trying to say that she broke up with me because I didn't give away my commitment, and that my indecision with certain actions led me to live this sad/lonely/messy life. Somehow she is right, but I know that I allowed myself to be beta-fied and that is why I truly lost her.

During that same day she disabled her Facebook profile and blocked her Instagram. I don't use Social Media, but she knew I had access to these pages. Since then, she resumed her No Contact, and I haven't broke mine since my last message (9 days).

I really thought that she would eventually call or message me to say that she was sorry, that she missed me, but it seems like her attraction level dropped too much. I still feel like it's not right that our relationship finished like that, that she didn't have to guts to meet me in person or to talk with me on the phone.

I have watched that Swingers' scene multiple times, but I realize that the odds we are ever going get back together are close to zero. If I change to a man with abundance mentality, then it's pretty much over. I understand that in order to become a "real man", I have to let her go, but as a man, I feel like it's my duty to make it clear that I don't hate her and I enjoyed our time together.

That is why feel like breaking NC, so I can send her an e-mail thanking her for our time together, that I've learned a lot, and wish her well in life, despite her critics. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't realize that I have so much to learn about self-improvement and sexual strategy.

My fear is that she might be seeing someone else already, or that she might never reply. I also think that it's very likely that she deleted my phone number, and that she will never call me again. In your opinion, is it fine to break NC in order to "make peace with myself" or should I keep it that way?

tldr version: Girl broke up with me over text. We never had a chance to talk about our differences. She sent me an offensive/negative e-mail after the breakup. I haven't contacted her since then. I want to thank her for opening my eyes. Should I?

 

[marmel75]

I was in a relationship with a girl much younger than me for about five weeks. She truly liked me in the beginning. Actually, she was the one that pursued me for about a month before I decided to give her a chance. She tried to lock me down as her boyfriend as soon as she could, but I denied my commitment. When she asked me "what are we?", I said that "we are staying together. We are more than friends, but we aren't bf/gf yet". As time passed, she started losing attraction mainly because she found out that I'm not a high value man, and I was giving away emotional validation without getting much in return. In fact, she was a virgin and we ended up not having sex at all.

I made several mistakes during this relationship, but I'm still learning from them. While we had talked about breaking up before, and I was the one that usually initiated this sort of talk, I never really wanted to end up things with her.

During the time we spent together, I had plenty of chances to go No Contact, to walk away, to end the relationship first, or to at least have a healthy break up. All the signals were there. But a man without options is powerless, and I tried my best to save the relationship. She had moody swings, and even flaked some of our dates, but I kept giving her attention on a daily basis. We exchanged e-mails, text messages, and phone calls. In other words, my behavior went from "jerk" to "pursuer".

We did setup a date a week before Valentine's Day (in my country), but we argued over text during the night before. It was the first time that I stood to myself, and I wrote that if "she is not satisfied, she can find someone else to make her happy, because I was tired of pleasing her and not being recognized". She kinda sent some messages "apologizing" for her behavior (said good night and wrote poetry), but I ignored them before going to bed. I ended up losing my sleep during the night, and I replied to her at 2 AM, when I knew she was sleeping. To my surprise, around 10:30 am of Sunday I received a text saying "XXX, I want to break up". That was it.

I read it a minute later, and I panicked. I lost my frame with her for the last time. I said "YYY, let's talk over the phone, ok?". When I called her, it got to her voicemail (Which is standard for her). I sent two more messages. Something "cute" trying to salvage the relationship, and the last one saying "YYY, I can't force you to do anything. You are an adult and free to make your choices. Just don't do something that you will regret it later, ok?". She didn't reply. She didn't call me. She didn't e-mail anymore.

We both went No Contact. I deleted her phone number, our messages, all her/our photos, and our e-mails. After 3 days, she broke her NC with an e-mail:
""Staying together, in this sense, shows how, in the context of fragile people and insecure of their own value, the interest of seducing is to assure it's own value, more than of the shared pleasure (...) deep down, what we see is the fear of connection, of contact (...)"

To a man who doesn't know what he wants - refuses to be a friend, but denies the relationship. This "not knowing" isn't only applied to romantic relationships, but also to life."

I thought that she was trying to say that she broke up with me because I didn't give away my commitment, and that my indecision with certain actions led me to live this sad/lonely/messy life. Somehow she is right, but I know that I allowed myself to be beta-fied and that is why I truly lost her.

During that same day she disabled her Facebook profile and blocked her Instagram. I don't use Social Media, but she knew I had access to these pages. Since then, she resumed her No Contact, and I haven't broke mine since my last message (9 days).

I really thought that she would eventually call or message me to say that she was sorry, that she missed me, but it seems like her attraction level dropped too much. I still feel like it's not right that our relationship finished like that, that she didn't have to guts to meet me in person or to talk with me on the phone.

I have watched that Swingers' scene multiple times, but I realize that the odds we are ever going get back together are close to zero. If I change to a man with abundance mentality, then it's pretty much over. I understand that in order to become a "real man", I have to let her go, but as a man, I feel like it's my duty to make it clear that I don't hate her and I enjoyed our time together.

That is why feel like breaking NC, so I can send her an e-mail thanking her for our time together, that I've learned a lot, and wish her well in life, despite her critics. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't realize that I have so much to learn about self-improvement and sexual strategy.

My fear is that she might be seeing someone else already, or that she might never reply. I also think that it's very likely that she deleted my phone number, and that she will never call me again. In your opinion, is it fine to break NC in order to "make peace with myself" or should I keep it that way?

tldr version: Girl broke up with me over text. We never had a chance to talk about our differences. She sent me an offensive/negative e-mail after the breakup. I haven't contacted her since then. I want to thank her for opening my eyes. Should I?

She was "too afraid" to talk in person and you were too afraid to escalate sexually with her. See how lack of escalation ALWAYS leads to you losing in these situations? Dont think for a minute that message didn't pertain to this area as well. It did.

Never be afraid to escalate.

What is the purpose of contacting her? Move on. Do better next time.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

OP, you sound like you're a teenager. How old are you and this girl?

To directly answer your question, no you should not contact her and you definitely should not thank her as you asked in your title. You should move on, chalk this up as a learning experience and improve so you can do better for the next girl in your life.

You made plenty of mistakes, I think you realize this too. You can easily read through the resources linked here on SS to get a better start, but this chick also made mistakes. Always remember a chick who wants to be with you isn't going to confuse you. This stupid texting crap of some kind of philosophic jargon isn't building a foundation for a relationship...hell it isn't setting the stage for any sort of ONS or meeting to getting laid in 30 minutes as some guys here have done. It's nothing, period. Do not waste your energy ever again on women who behave like this.

As for you, start working on yourself now.

 

[Desdinova]

That is why feel like breaking NC, so I can send her an e-mail thanking her for our time together, that I've learned a lot, and wish her well in life

Light a candle, pour a shot of rye, and thank her out loud. Drink the rye, blow out the candle, move on.

What good is thanking her going to do? You say you learned a lot, so just take that with you. She's moving on and likely has one or more new men on the radar. Leave her to enjoy the new d1ck in her vagina. She doesn't need your 'thank you'.

 

[dustmuffin]

I was in a relationship with a girl much younger than me for about five weeks. She truly liked me in the beginning. Actually, she was the one that pursued me for about a month before I decided to give her a chance. She tried to lock me down as her boyfriend as soon as she could, but I denied my commitment. When she asked me "what are we?", I said that "we are staying together. We are more than friends, but we aren't bf/gf yet". As time passed, she started losing attraction mainly because she found out that I'm not a high value man, and I was giving away emotional validation without getting much in return. In fact, she was a virgin and we ended up not having sex at all.

I made several mistakes during this relationship, but I'm still learning from them. While we had talked about breaking up before, and I was the one that usually initiated this sort of talk, I never really wanted to end up things with her.

During the time we spent together, I had plenty of chances to go No Contact, to walk away, to end the relationship first, or to at least have a healthy break up. All the signals were there. But a man without options is powerless, and I tried my best to save the relationship. She had moody swings, and even flaked some of our dates, but I kept giving her attention on a daily basis. We exchanged e-mails, text messages, and phone calls. In other words, my behavior went from "jerk" to "pursuer".

We did setup a date a week before Valentine's Day (in my country), but we argued over text during the night before. It was the first time that I stood to myself, and I wrote that if "she is not satisfied, she can find someone else to make her happy, because I was tired of pleasing her and not being recognized". She kinda sent some messages "apologizing" for her behavior (said good night and wrote poetry), but I ignored them before going to bed. I ended up losing my sleep during the night, and I replied to her at 2 AM, when I knew she was sleeping. To my surprise, around 10:30 am of Sunday I received a text saying "XXX, I want to break up". That was it.

I read it a minute later, and I panicked. I lost my frame with her for the last time. I said "YYY, let's talk over the phone, ok?". When I called her, it got to her voicemail (Which is standard for her). I sent two more messages. Something "cute" trying to salvage the relationship, and the last one saying "YYY, I can't force you to do anything. You are an adult and free to make your own choices. Just don't do something that you will regret it later, ok?". She didn't reply. She didn't call me. She didn't send an e-mail.

We both went No Contact. I deleted her phone number, our messages, all her/our photos, and our e-mails. After 3 days, she broke her NC with an e-mail:
""Staying together, in this sense, shows how, in the context of fragile people and insecure of their own value, the interest of seducing is to assure it's own value, more than of the shared pleasure (...) deep down, what we see is the fear of connection, of contact (...)"

To a man who doesn't know what he wants - refuses to be a friend, but denies the relationship. This "not knowing" isn't only applied to romantic relationships, but also to life."

I thought that she was trying to say that she broke up with me because I didn't give away my commitment, and that my indecision with certain actions led me to live this sad/lonely/messy life. Somehow she is right, but I know that I allowed myself to be beta-fied and that is why I truly lost her.

During that same day she disabled her Facebook profile and blocked her Instagram. I don't use Social Media, but she knew I had access to these pages. Since then, she resumed her No Contact, and I haven't broke mine since my last message (9 days).

I really thought that she would eventually call or message me to say that she was sorry, that she missed me, but it seems like her attraction level dropped too much. I still feel like it's not right that our relationship finished like that, that she didn't have to guts to meet me in person or to talk with me on the phone.

I have watched that Swingers' scene multiple times, but I realize that the odds we are ever going get back together are close to zero. If I change to a man with abundance mentality, then it's pretty much over. I understand that in order to become a "real man", I have to let her go, but as a man, I feel like it's my duty to make it clear that I don't hate her and I enjoyed our time together.

That is why feel like breaking NC, so I can send her an e-mail thanking her for our time together, that I've learned a lot, and wish her well in life, despite her critics. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't realize that I have so much to learn about self-improvement and sexual strategy.

My fear is that she might be seeing someone else already, or that she might never reply. I also think that it's very likely that she deleted my phone number, and that she will never call me again. In your opinion, is it fine to break NC in order to "make peace with myself" or should I keep it that way?

tldr version: Girl broke up with me over text. We never had a chance to talk about our differences. She sent me an offensive/negative e-mail after the breakup. I haven't contacted her since then. I want to thank her for opening my eyes. Should I?

You were with here for five weeks? That wasn't a relationship. You are to emotionally invested. Loads of drama? Why would you care that she broke up with you?

 

[dude99]

The reason she broke up with is is in fact she is seeing someone else. Girls never end a relationship until they have already started a new one.

She won't talk to you because she is a coward and knows what she did was cheap
Breaking up with you with a text. Avoiding you is easier for her.

Do not break no contact. Next this one and don't give her another thought. If she contacts you in the future all you ever say (if you say anything at all) is " oh hi. Yes I've been incredibly busy. Hope you are well but i have to go."

Nothing else.

 

[LivingAndLearning8]

What is the purpose of contacting her? Move on. Do better next time.

no you should not contact her and you definitely should not thank her as you asked in your title. You should move on, chalk this up as a learning experience and improve so you can do better for the next girl in your life.

You say you learned a lot, so just take that with you. (...) She doesn't need your 'thank you'.

Do not break no contact. Next this one and don't give her another thought. If she contacts you in the future all you ever say (if you say anything at all) is " oh hi. Yes I've been incredibly busy. Hope you are well but i have to go."

I wasn't so sure before, but now I know there is no point in breaking No Contact.

and you were too afraid to escalate sexually with her.

This is not exactly true. I escalated to some foreplay, but my SMV is so low at the moment, that I don't have a place to fvck, and I can't drive her around. We couldn't set up proper dates that could lead to sex, and I know that it was my own fault.

You are too emotionally invested.

Yes, I somehow developed Oneitis for her. I never thought that she was special, or that she would be the woman of my life, but I started believing that we had some good chemistry going on, and I ended up enjoying and missing her attention.

She's moving on and likely has one or more new men on the radar. Leave her to enjoy the new d1ck in her vagina.

The reason she broke up with is is in fact she is seeing someone else. Girls never end a relationship until they have already started a new one.

She won't talk to you because she is a coward and knows what she did was cheap
Breaking up with you with a text. Avoiding you is easier for her.

I didn't want to read this "Red Pill truth", but I think that this might be the case. There were some hints from her part that my "sixth sense" made me realize that she was either having an emotional affair through text messages/Instagram chats, or she was planning to cheat. Maybe she had the decency to break up with me in order to pursue this new relationship.

Isn't it appropriate that she decided to do it a week before Valentine's Day, before our date, and to make it worse, over a text message?

As for you, start working on yourself now.

I took this year to work on myself, and I will keep doing so. There is so much that I need to do in order to increase my SMV.

Thanks everyone for the advice.

 

[Trump]

I thought that she was trying to say that she broke up with me because I didn't give away my commitment, and that my indecision with certain actions led me to live this sad/lonely/messy life. Somehow she is right, but I know that I allowed myself to be beta-fied and that is why I truly lost her.

During that same day she disabled her Facebook profile and blocked her Instagram. I don't use Social Media, but she knew I had access to these pages. Since then, she resumed her No Contact, and I haven't broke mine since my last message (9 days).

I really thought that she would eventually call or message me to say that she was sorry, that she missed me, but it seems like her attraction level dropped too much. I still feel like it's not right that our relationship finished like that, that she didn't have to guts to meet me in person or to talk with me on the phone.

I have watched that Swingers' scene multiple times, but I realize that the odds we are ever going get back together are close to zero. If I change to a man with abundance mentality, then it's pretty much over. I understand that in order to become a "real man", I have to let her go, but as a man, I feel like it's my duty to make it clear that I don't hate her and I enjoyed our time together.

That is why feel like breaking NC, so I can send her an e-mail thanking her for our time together, that I've learned a lot, and wish her well in life, despite her critics. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't realize that I have so much to learn about self-improvement and sexual strategy.

My fear is that she might be seeing someone else already, or that she might never reply. I also think that it's very likely that she deleted my phone number, and that she will never call me again. In your opinion, is it fine to break NC in order to "make peace with myself" or should I keep it that way?

tldr version: Girl broke up with me over text. We never had a chance to talk about our differences. She sent me an offensive/negative e-mail after the breakup. I haven't contacted her since then. I want to thank her for opening my eyes. Should I?

Bro you can make 'peace with yourself' if you want but she is already sleeping with a 6'1 hockey player, and laughing at you at the same time.

Don't thank her for opening your eyes, thank her for not going out with you anymore because you don't want to sleep with her. What were you waiting for? You should have told her "in 5 minutes start taking off your clothes or get out of my face."

I don't get it, you guys don't waste time when it comes to your money or exams or friends. Yet with a pretty girl, you let them take all the time they want because they are more "valuable" and "delicate flowers." Brutal.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Didn't even read the op. Looks like he's just looking for an excuse to talk to her.

 

[grayclif]

TL;DR - Long post for a girl you've only known for 5 weeks. If you were spinning plates, building your life and enjoying your hobbies this never would have happened. No need to contact her again. Move on.

 

[RangerMIke]

What you did before is irrelevant. She dumped you over text.... you're done, walk away. Read the DJ Bible and find all the numerous mistakes you made, learn and apply what works with other women you should be seeing going forward.

 

[kronreiff]

First thing, there was no relationship. You sound very young and confused. You cannot establish a relationship in just 5 weeks. Both of you were dipping your toes in the newly discovered dating game. Your only objective should have been to fvck her, but you didn't and now she will find someone who will. Read the DJ bible and hopefully you'll realize the many things you did wrong. Life, women and dating is a learning experience which requires tough skin and lots of knowledge. Hit the bible and find your game. Good Luck!

 

[Don Suave]

Hey man, I'm new to the forum too, but with the little experience (I've gone through something very similar) I can say that women sense weakness I'm you when you don't know what you want (in life in general, but in this case specially in the relationship). There is nothing you can do, just try to live your life, try to know what you want out of everything and keep reading this forum. Ánimo man!