Forgiveness and disrespect

[jhonny9546]

How do you act after disrespect?

I know people who "accept" that this can happen, and who therefore, want to understand and re-establish the relationship. Now, it's not specifically between men and women, but also between men and men.

In fact, when a friend disrespects you, there will be times when he hesitates to reconnect.
Sometimes it is more frequent when you are in a circle or in a group.

What do you think?

 

[inquisitor]

There are many levels of disrespect. Question is, do you think the amount of disrespect you allow in your life, is the same amount of disrespect that a smarter, more mature, more ideal version of you would allow?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Too many people are constantly looking for disrespect so they can "demand respect".

That's extremely weak and is overcompensating for a person who doesn't understand how to be a person that gets respect so they have to constantly be on the lookout for it and try and act tough and demand it.

At the end of the day you get what you give.
Always give respect to other people regardless of if you know whether or not they deserve it. They will either live up to your standards for them or they won't.

Demanding they treat you a certain way ain't it. You simply walk away from them and find someone that will, demonstrating that you have your own standards as well.

Usually people who don't get respect do so because they have no standards.

 

[BaronOfHair]

What do you think?

That it's astute to not be around folks who treat you with contempt, are thoroughly incurious as to your prospective, etc etc

 

[jhonny9546]

@BackInTheGame78

You explained it well. Treat everyone with respect.

But somehow you'll have to figure out if they're disrespecting you, if they're testing or touching or going beyond your limits/boundaries, and if so, put them back in their place, and decide whether it's worth it or not. Explain better what you mean by "demanding respect" rather than "obtaining respect."

@BaronOfHair

The most painful thing is that they get curious about your perspective, only to project things on you and then make fun of you behind your back.
Since you're a good person, you can't know it beforehand when you start a relationship, whether it's friends or romantic.
You'll always know it later.

 

[obelisk]

Personal boundaries trump respect. Only you can determine what is allowed in your life. You can't affect other people's behavior but you do have control over who has access to you.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

@BackInTheGame78

You explained it well. Treat everyone with respect.

But somehow you'll have to figure out if they're disrespecting you, if they're testing or touching or going beyond your limits/boundaries, and if so, put them back in their place, and decide whether it's worth it or not. Explain better what you mean by "demanding respect" rather than "obtaining respect."

@BaronOfHair

The most painful thing is that they get curious about your perspective, only to project things on you and then make fun of you behind your back.
Since you're a good person, you can't know it beforehand when you start a relationship, whether it's friends or romantic.
You'll always know it later.

Weak, insecure people constantly look for respect and try and figure out if others are disrespecting them.

Strong, secure people have standards and then allow others to choose to meet them or walk away when they don't.

It's pretty simple, it's not that hard to understand. Everything doesn't need to be some form of high level mental calculus combined with quantum physics calculation.

 

[jhonny9546]

Weak, insecure people constantly look for respect and try and figure out if others are disrespecting them.

Strong, secure people have standards and then allow others to choose to meet them or walk away when they don't.

It's pretty simple, it's not that hard to understand. Everything doesn't need to be some form of high level mental calculus combined with quantum physics calculation.

The classification is too black and white.
So you're telling me that strong people, at the first sign of a lack of ambition, willpower, or even a small whim from their friend, spouse, or business partner, immediately end the relationship, while weaker and more flaccid people allow themselves to be disrespected or get angry about it, displaying uncontrolled emotions.

I like your point. Keep explaining. We're getting somewhere.

 

[tksniper]

How do you act after disrespect?

I know people who "accept" that this can happen, and who therefore, want to understand and re-establish the relationship. Now, it's not specifically between men and women, but also between men and men.

In fact, when a friend disrespects you, there will be times when he hesitates to reconnect.
Sometimes it is more frequent when you are in a circle or in a group.

What do you think?

The biggest misconception is that people who disrespect you are somehow living their best lives and are completely impervious to the fact that they disrespected you. They know. Maybe not consciously in the moment, but subconsciously.

You won’t believe how many old friends and forgotten family members have apologized to me over the years over something I thought was trivial decades ago. And vice versa. There are things I did or said in the 2000’s that I still deeply regret to this day.

Every act that goes against one’s own conscience eats up at oneself. And it never goes away until the person who betrayed their own character and integrity confronts their own shadow.

I’m not saying there’s no need to forgive. But no one can get away with betraying their own conscience.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The classification is too black and white.
So you're telling me that strong people, at the first sign of a lack of ambition, willpower, or even a small whim from their friend, spouse, or business partner, immediately end the relationship, while weaker and more flaccid people allow themselves to be disrespected or get angry about it, displaying uncontrolled emotions.

I like your point. Keep explaining. We're getting somewhere.

No, I am saying that people actually use common sense. Or should. Apparently that's in short supply these days. Doesn't really feel like something that should have to be said but sadly it does I guess.

 

[BadBoy89]

You won’t believe how many old friends and forgotten family members have apologized to me over the years over something I thought was trivial decades ago. And vice versa. There are things I did or said in the 2000’s that I still deeply regret to this day.

Every act that goes against one’s own conscience eats up at oneself. And it never goes away until the person who betrayed their own character and integrity confronts their own shadow.

I’m not saying there’s no need to forgive. But no one can get away with betraying their own conscience.

These words should be in the hall fame.

Ive apologized to ex girlfriends for hurting them, acquaintances doing business with where I overreacted, and friends for using their vulnerability against them. In all the cases Im 99% sure they all forgot about it, but because I acted like a jerk and it was weighing on me, sometimes for several years, I had to apologize, Once I did, man my conscience was free.

On the other hand, Ive “corrected“ managers who have worked me when I sense they have been disrespectful, I’ve told off women I’ve had one or two dates with where they have said something I didn’t like. A lot of people would say I’m insecure and over-reacted, but guess what? My conscience is 100% clear.

Treat people with respect until they give you a reason not to. Once they do, then you can decide what to do.