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For the kid, but how long?

ThisIsSparta

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I am in a relationship with my wife since 8 years, married since 4 years.
I lived a blue-pilled life until all hell broke loose when my wife started to completely freak out after our son was born 3,5 years ago.
I wont go into all the detail, lets just say she went from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde a short time after birth(early2017).

For a long time i didnt even know what hit me and i tried the blue-pilled-approach, which meant more appeasment and more fruitless discussions to solve new „problems“ she brought up every few days. Off course this got me nowhere and she just switched up gears and became an even bigger bully, dragging my whole family through sh.t.

Mid 2018 i finally realized that i am getting nowhere and that the situation started to make me sick.
It was then when i found out about the red pill and over the next half year i educated myself in the ways of Rollo T., Coach RedPill, Entreprenours in Cars… etc.etc.
Month after month i started to take less and less sh.t from her, until start 2019 when she decided to move out (to her parents) due to my lack of response to her permanent complaining, taking my beloved son with her.

3 weeks after she moved out, she was crying at me to let her move back in.
I took her back for my son and for me to be with him. If it wasnt for him i would have sent her packing years before that point.

I took her back under certain conditions, also known as „setting the frame“. I have to say, things really improved after she came back. She made an effort to fit in, behaved like a reasonable person and let go of her negative attitudes.

After a few months though, i came to the conclusion, that „the stripes of the tiger dont wash away“. It became clear that she played a role to fit in. It wasnt insight to rational and reasonable thinking that made her behave but she is wearing a mask and the mindset ist still the same as before, just wainting for a chance to pounce when i am off guard or when she thinks she has found new leverage.

The strange part is, she earns more money then me and she will inherit her parents large house(10 miles from my place) one day and due to Austrian laws she has no rights on the properties i owned before marriage. So she isnt here fort he money but still would make life hell for me if i just let her.
I have to be permanent on guard to not have „the frame“ undermined by her continous efforts.

She wants sex as much as she can get out of me, since we are together, that didnt change. She even hassles me for that, in cases she doesnt get it at least 3 times a week.
My desire though for more then 2 or 3 times max a week is diminished. For all the **** she gave me she only serves to fullfill my sexual needs, not the other way arround. And who wants to eat burger all day every day for 8+ years right?

At this point she fullfills 1,5 of the 3 things men need from women, sex and children.
The 3rd thing „domestic comfort“ is not fullfilled, id rather have her gone and me alone with the boy.

I´d rather have more kids, and after she moved back in i thought it would work out in a way i can have more kids with her. But no point in lying to myself anymore, she didnt change, never will and i allways will be fighting her on a daily basis.

I am in more then good shape for my age (42) and i am confident i could get another/better woman to have another kid with and i am confident i can do so for the next 8 years if i wanted to.

My dilemma at the moment is, i am not at the point where the pain suffering her outweighs seeing my son every day.

Another point is, i want to give him as much time as possible to develop his own mind before i let him out to live with his mother alone(in Austria, as in almost every western country, mothers have all rights on the kids) and have her influence him in a bad way about me. I want him in my life for the rest of my life.

The question is, how long can i live like that and how long should i?

How did you guys attack a comparable situation?
 

RickTheToad

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What are your main issues with her? Do you still want to be in a relationship with her? Divorcing can be expensive, and unless she has mental issues, she will undoubtedly have custody of your child. Many ladies have postpartum depression after giving birth to a child. The body changes the hormone levels in the female body after the child is born. It's like a shock to the system for them. They usually recover, but it can take time to reset. Going blue pill and trying to buy her happiness is not the solution. Giver her space and time. If she's breast feeding, then she many not be able to take mood stabilizers. She would need to talk to a doctor on that. There are some natural ones, such as St. johns Wart and HTP-5 which are just as effective in some cases as prescriptions, but again, check with a doctor prior to taking any meds.
 

Augustus_McCrae

Master Don Juan
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I am in a relationship with my wife since 8 years, married since 4 years.
I lived a blue-pilled life until all hell broke loose when my wife started to completely freak out after our son was born 3,5 years ago.
I wont go into all the detail, lets just say she went from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde a short time after birth(early2017).

For a long time i didnt even know what hit me and i tried the blue-pilled-approach, which meant more appeasment and more fruitless discussions to solve new „problems“ she brought up every few days. Off course this got me nowhere and she just switched up gears and became an even bigger bully, dragging my whole family through sh.t.

Mid 2018 i finally realized that i am getting nowhere and that the situation started to make me sick.
It was then when i found out about the red pill and over the next half year i educated myself in the ways of Rollo T., Coach RedPill, Entreprenours in Cars… etc.etc.
Month after month i started to take less and less sh.t from her, until start 2019 when she decided to move out (to her parents) due to my lack of response to her permanent complaining, taking my beloved son with her.

3 weeks after she moved out, she was crying at me to let her move back in.
I took her back for my son and for me to be with him. If it wasnt for him i would have sent her packing years before that point.

I took her back under certain conditions, also known as „setting the frame“. I have to say, things really improved after she came back. She made an effort to fit in, behaved like a reasonable person and let go of her negative attitudes.

After a few months though, i came to the conclusion, that „the stripes of the tiger dont wash away“. It became clear that she played a role to fit in. It wasnt insight to rational and reasonable thinking that made her behave but she is wearing a mask and the mindset ist still the same as before, just wainting for a chance to pounce when i am off guard or when she thinks she has found new leverage.

The strange part is, she earns more money then me and she will inherit her parents large house(10 miles from my place) one day and due to Austrian laws she has no rights on the properties i owned before marriage. So she isnt here fort he money but still would make life hell for me if i just let her.
I have to be permanent on guard to not have „the frame“ undermined by her continous efforts.

She wants sex as much as she can get out of me, since we are together, that didnt change. She even hassles me for that, in cases she doesnt get it at least 3 times a week.
My desire though for more then 2 or 3 times max a week is diminished. For all the **** she gave me she only serves to fullfill my sexual needs, not the other way arround. And who wants to eat burger all day every day for 8+ years right?

At this point she fullfills 1,5 of the 3 things men need from women, sex and children.
The 3rd thing „domestic comfort“ is not fullfilled, id rather have her gone and me alone with the boy.

I´d rather have more kids, and after she moved back in i thought it would work out in a way i can have more kids with her. But no point in lying to myself anymore, she didnt change, never will and i allways will be fighting her on a daily basis.

I am in more then good shape for my age (42) and i am confident i could get another/better woman to have another kid with and i am confident i can do so for the next 8 years if i wanted to.

My dilemma at the moment is, i am not at the point where the pain suffering her outweighs seeing my son every day.

Another point is, i want to give him as much time as possible to develop his own mind before i let him out to live with his mother alone(in Austria, as in almost every western country, mothers have all rights on the kids) and have her influence him in a bad way about me. I want him in my life for the rest of my life.

The question is, how long can i live like that and how long should i?

How did you guys attack a comparable situation?
This is the nightmare scenario of being married with children.

I had a somewhat similar situation with my ex. The thing is, my youngest was about 10 years old When it became apparent that my ex was a crazy unbalanced individual. So I was faced with a horrible choice: divorce her to get away from her insanity, or stay for the sake of my kids. At best, I would’ve gotten joint custody, which meant that 50% of the time my young daughters would’ve been exposed to God knows what Kind behavior from her without me being around to run interference for them. Not to mention what of idiot she might get involved with and expose my young daughters to.

I opted to stay in the Marriage until my youngest went into college. 10 years down the road ( my youngest is 28 now) I am very glad that I opted to stay. However I won’t sugarcoat it, it took a toll on me and I paid a price for it. But, for me it was worth it. Each man has to make that decision for himself, and it is not an easy one.

You have a longer time frame to endure than I did, the and if you decide to stay, you’ll have to judge for yourself whether you can deal with that level of insanity for that long.

I would advise that you consider all of the options and all of the possible outcomes, and decide what you can live with and what you can’t live with long-term. As much as you can, try to take a long term view of things. Then make your decision based on that.

-Augustus
 

RickTheToad

Master Don Juan
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This is the nightmare scenario of being married with children.

I had a somewhat similar situation with my ex. The thing is, my youngest was about 10 years old When it became apparent that my ex was a crazy unbalanced individual. So I was faced with a horrible choice: divorce her to get away from her insanity, or stay for the sake of my kids. At best, I would’ve gotten joint custody, which meant that 50% of the time my young daughters would’ve been exposed to God knows what Kind behavior from her without me being around to run interference for them. Not to mention what of idiot she might get involved with and expose my young daughters to.

I opted to stay in the Marriage until my youngest went into college. 10 years down the road ( my youngest is 28 now) I am very glad that I opted to stay. However I won’t sugarcoat it, it took a toll on me and I paid a price for it. But, for me it was worth it. Each man has to make that decision for himself, and it is not an easy one.

You have a longer time frame to endure than I did, the and if you decide to stay, you’ll have to judge for yourself whether you can deal with that level of insanity for that long.

I would advise that you consider all of the options and all of the possible outcomes, and decide what you can live with and what you can’t live with long-term. As much as you can, try to take a long term view of things. Then make your decision based on that.

-Augustus
Seemed like a Catch-22. You bit the bullet for your kids. That's a big sacrifice.
 

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BeExcellent

Master Don Juan
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Advice from the old lady:

I’m 100% with @Augustus_McCrae on this one. He is utterly correct that you have to think long and hard about what decisions to make.

I also think it’s important that your son see you in close relationship as his father. Your son needs your presence in his life.

True about post partum depression... but she should be over that now. Some other things that can be mood destabilizers are sugar and alcohol. Look at how much sugar & alcohol is consumed in the house & try to cut back. This gets overlooked but can be a factor in behavior.

Leaving your son with her has big risks, no matter the age you do it. He needs a close bond with you, and if she is a woman with means and you do divorce she can make things very tough for you regarding access to your son.

Your wife wants sex with you frequently. That is a good thing. The bigger problem seems to be her attitude toward you...her complaining. She may not know how else to relate to you. And her priorities may be screwed up.

A woman’s role in marriage is as follows:

1. Lover
2. Partner
3. Parent

She still wants to be your lover. That’s good. But she seems to have the other priorities out of order?

You too seems somewhat stubborn about things. What if you got a baby sitter and took your wife out once or twice a week to have fun...just the two of you? When is the last time y’all went out alone?

Look at things from a wide perspective. Obviously you have to be the man. You were too soft for awhile. Now you aren’t. You have set frame. But she may not yet trust this new you, and it may take some time for her behavior to follow.

Your little boy’s wellbeing hangs in the balance. What can you do within yourself to improve the situation?
 

Augustus_McCrae

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Seemed like a Catch-22. You bit the bullet for your kids. That's a big sacrifice.
Yes, it was a true Catch-22 scenario.

But it came down to a question of what I could live with in the long run. I would try to project 20 years down the road with the possibility that my ex would turn my daughters against me (It happened to a friend of mine). And the thought of what kind of young adults they would turn into without my stabilizing influence. I simply could not live with that, I never would’ve forgiven myself.

As it turned out, she did try to turn them against me. But thankfully, since they were older, they eventually realized who was telling the truth and who wasn’t (But it took almost a year, probably the hardest year of my life).

With Regard to sacrifice, It’s just part of the deal. In my mind, when you decide to have children, you need to be prepared for some level of sacrifice for about 18 years or so. Granted, it was more of a sacrifice than I had ever envisioned, but I know for me (and for them) it was the right decision. They have each independently told me they were glad I hung in there as long as I did.

-Augustus-
 

AttackFormation

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Yes, it was a true Catch-22 scenario.

But it came down to a question of what I could live with in the long run. I would try to project 20 years down the road with the possibility that my ex would turn my daughters against me (It happened to a friend of mine). And the thought of what kind of young adults they would turn into without my stabilizing influence. I simply could not live with that, I never would’ve forgiven myself.

As it turned out, she did try to turn them against me. But thankfully, since they were older, they eventually realized who was telling the truth and who wasn’t (But it took almost a year, probably the hardest year of my life).

With Regard to sacrifice, It’s just part of the deal. In my mind, when you decide to have children, you need to be prepared for some level of sacrifice for about 18 years or so. Granted, it was more of a sacrifice than I had ever envisioned, but I know for me (and for them) it was the right decision. They have each independently told me they were glad I hung in there as long as I did.

-Augustus-
What kind of evil makes the woman try to turn the kids against their own innocent parent and her own spouse? Is this something you can expect from people in general? Or are we talking about Cluster B personality disorders here?
 
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TheFinalLine

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First mistake is yours. Women have two purposes. Sex and children. You have three criteria. Big mistake. “Domestic Comfort” is NOT a woman’s job or strong suit. They are absolutely horrible at relationships.
She partners up with a man to give HER protection, comfort, etc.

This is social structure mind bending in you. Handle this and want even dirtier sex and you should be ok. If you are looking for “domestic comfort”, no woman will ever be able to give you that. There is a way...but it opens another door that might come back on you. Put her under competition. Make her earn your sex and affection. Other women will bring out competition in her. But keep in mind that you have some re-wiring to do.
 

Augustus_McCrae

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What kind of evil makes the woman try to turn the kids against their own innocent parent and her own spouse? Is this something you can expect from people in general? Or are we talking about Cluster B personality disorders here?
I’m surprised that this article actually stated the truth that it’s usually the mother who turns the children against the father:


-Augustus-
 

AttackFormation

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I’m surprised that this article actually stated the truth that it’s usually the mother who turns the children against the father:


-Augustus-
Yeah that intellectual honesty was incredible to see.

My family lawyer sister, who self-identified as a feminist, said basically the same about family court when she mentioned how wearying it is: "the moms are the worst".
 

RickTheToad

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Yes, it was a true Catch-22 scenario.

But it came down to a question of what I could live with in the long run. I would try to project 20 years down the road with the possibility that my ex would turn my daughters against me (It happened to a friend of mine). And the thought of what kind of young adults they would turn into without my stabilizing influence. I simply could not live with that, I never would’ve forgiven myself.

As it turned out, she did try to turn them against me. But thankfully, since they were older, they eventually realized who was telling the truth and who wasn’t (But it took almost a year, probably the hardest year of my life).

With Regard to sacrifice, It’s just part of the deal. In my mind, when you decide to have children, you need to be prepared for some level of sacrifice for about 18 years or so. Granted, it was more of a sacrifice than I had ever envisioned, but I know for me (and for them) it was the right decision. They have each independently told me they were glad I hung in there as long as I did.

-Augustus-
I give you a lot of credit. I see many marriages like this. It's my biggest concern. I've told others as they get older, they will learn the truth. Stay strong. You are a great example of making the tough decisions and making them work. A++
 
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