For the guys who've made it...

[Zwitterion]

I got a question for you guys who were once aweful with women and now can pick up chicks whenever and wherever...

What was you biggest turning point(s) in helping you break through those walls. Did you learn something of huge importance? Was it a series of events that lead to a change in attitude. Luck?

I'm very interested to know...

 

[Paradox]

There is no burst of light on the way to Damascus.

There is no red or blue pill to choose from.

The change for most of is is gradual.

It's like successfully losing weight. If you don't change your mindset while you are loosing weight you will just gain it back.

A very long time ago I just got tired of not being able to talk to, or pickup women. I decided to work on it. I observed the true PUA's. I Mimicked their body language. I learned wo(m)aneese. I learned how to dance. I learned how to party. I learned how to make new friends. I learned how to have a good time with and without a woman.

Absorb lesson, then apply lesson then repeat. That's it.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Well, I think the change is gradual, but for me the 'light turned on' you could say when I realized a couple of years ago that I had been living my whole life to impress women..for feminine praise, you could say.

I realized that women do not equate to happiness, happiness has to come from within ourselves.

Once I truly realized this, and internalized it, my confidence skyrocketed. No longer could women have such a power of me it seemed. I could approach women, start convos with them, without expecting a certain outcome...without placing my own personal value on whether I got a phone number, or got shot down. I'm a happy guy regardless.

What I'm working on now, is trying to find the quality women.. That, my friend, is the challenge.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The only way to get women is to not try to get women - Zen of the DJ

 

[PTC]

Well Rollo beat me to it but yes,... the best way is to just not give a fvck. You have to have the mindset that you don't care if you meet a girl or not. I learned this the hard way. After a LTR relationship I immediatly started trying to go out and hook up with women. Sure you might get lucky but women can sense this desperate mind set and it is a major turn off. You just have to have the mind set like you could have any chick out there and it doesn't matter to you if do or don't. I'm not saying to be a pr!ck but you need to have the look like your the happiest mother fvcker and you just don't give a sh!t!!

Believe me,....it works!!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I got a question for you guys who were once aweful with women and now can pick up chicks whenever and wherever...

What was you biggest turning point(s) in helping you break through those walls. Did you learn something of huge importance? Was it a series of events that lead to a change in attitude. Luck?

I'm very interested to know...

Gaining genuine self confidence without taking myself too seriously and being willing to make the first move.

 

[Zwitterion]

It's got to be more than just learning not to give a ****.

Why do people go into these bootcamps and do approaches then? Those seem to do wonders for me but honestly, it takes alot of pysching up to get myself into it. Once I get the ball rolling I usually want the success to last without falling into my previous states of anxiety that comes from taking on these scary risks.

But anyway, I don't want this dicussion to become about me. I want to know what it is you learned not experienced (ie. my girlfriend broke up with me, I couldn't talk to strangers etc.) For example, the changing point in my gym lifting career came when I learned that sorness=muscle growth and the more soreness I put myself into and all the protein I ate after would put muscle on me. That was a factoid that changed that part of my life. Stuff like that.

 

[jophil28]

This may have been said in different ways-
For me it was the night I was WILLING to stop filtering my thoughts and my conversations with women. I somehow adopted a mindset of " I am gonna say what pleases ME, and not not what I think might impress her."
The results were bewildering but astounding, Women reacted to me after that as if I were some minor celebrity .I became "that guy " !
They all wanted to say "G'day Jophil" or dance with me or smile and so on ---

- a milestone moment.

 

[joekerr31]

What was you biggest turning point(s) in helping you break through those walls. Did you learn something of huge importance? Was it a series of events that lead to a change in attitude.

the biggest and only turning point for me was when i realized that i could walk away from a woman and life would be just fine.

once i realized this i then realized that a woman was suppose to INCREASE your happiness, not decrease it. i realized that dating is like fishing and you have to keep tossing your line out there until you catch the fish you want in your life.

i also realized that the hunt is often more fun than the catch, and to relax and just enjoy things. don't worry about whether they will work out or not.

if a woman catches your fancy, pursue her. if it works out great. if it doesn't, no big deal - life will go on.

but anyway, the key for me was realizing that i DONT need a woman to be happy in life. the moment i realized that i basically smashed every pedestal i had ever built for the women of this world.

 

[reset]

bump?

 

[Interceptor]

"The difference that makes the difference is..indifference." Brent Smith

 

[KarmaSutra]

I don't agree with the "I just don't give a flying fvck" mentality. It's not only disheartening but worse, it's misleading. What I can attest to being the turning point is when I made a conscious decision to respect my own boundaries. The limit I will accept any bullsh!t from anyone at any given time especially the sh!t women throw my way. "I just don't give a fvck" leads to an ultimately defeatist mentality which will halt your growth and end your search for knowledge.

The lesson being I made a confident decision based on my own compass and in my own parameter.

 

[joekerr31]

oh another thing...

i huge change came to me when i realized that we all have a very simple choice in life. are we goign to be a positive force in the world or are we going to be a negative force.

once you decide to be a positive force, and make the choice to be someone that makes hte world a better place, a lot of things become clear.

life is filled with negatives, which is why most people are focused on merely surviving life. but if you can rise above all the negatives and becomes someone that tries to create positives, then amazing things can happen.

 

[Interceptor]

The "I don't give a fvck" mentality is borne of weakness. It is borne form being hurt too much and too often.
It is an attempt at assertiveness which only demonstrates inherent weakness and lack of love for one self and others.
(the female version is something like "Release your inner b*tch." again, another attempt to cover inherent weakness.)

Only a truly strong man with tremendous emotional strength and personal boundary can lead a life without having this statemtn as his personal motto....

It takes a strong and great man to be full of compassion, one who truly does "give a fvck", because he can and is not taken advantage of because he does.
Thus, the true motto should be :

"I can afford to give a fvck, because I have plenty of self esteem, love and compassion, now I will not be taken advantage of, but I will never never ever seek approval or validation, yet I will still care about those around me."

 

[Charm]

The "I don't give a fvck" mentality is borne of weakness. It is borne form being hurt too much and too often.
It is an attempt at assertiveness which only demonstrates inherent weakness and lack of love for one self and others.
(the female version is something like "Release your inner b*tch." again, another attempt to cover inherent weakness.)

Only a truly strong man with tremendous emotional strength and personal boundary can lead a life without having this statemtn as his personal motto....

It takes a strong and great man to be full of compassion, one who truly does "give a fvck", because he can and is not taken advantage of because he does.
Thus, the true motto should be :

"I can afford to give a fvck, because I have plenty of self esteem, love and compassion, now I will not be taken advantage of, but I will never never ever seek approval or validation, yet I will still care about those around me."

I totally agree with your post here. I can afford to give a fvck also. I can afford to care. I can afford to admit I want something and go for it. I can afford to be real about my desires and to envision what I want in life down to the finest details.

 

[Scot McKay]

For me it was first of all learning how not to be a "victim". I took responsibility for my own success with women. Any lack of success I had was not perceived as being the fault of the women rather than myself. I believe a lot in "deserving what you want", so giving myself permission to be as masculine and confident as I chose to be vis-a-vis a "feminized" culture was where I started on the road to becoming the kind of man who attracts the kind of women I wanted. That was a productive start.

Next, I stopped making excuses for myself when it came to actually meeting women. Doing such is tantamount to self-rejection. I figured out that it was much more productive (and encouraging, as it turned out) to let the women decide for themselves...LOL

Perhaps most importantly, I let go my poisonous perception that "all women are crazy" and--wow--I started to attract emotionally stable sweethearts.
Oh...and denying my male programming and actually asking for directions when it came to online dating was pure magic. There's a definite pattern that must be learned in order to be successful. Once you get it, Match.com is like shooting fish in a barrel. That really helped.

 

[2Cool]

I am married, so I am not out here picking up women. However, my relationship with my wife and my ability to strike up conversations with random women have improved greatly.

A couple of things here about the change. For me it was gradual once the light came on, so to speak. Everyone that says that confidence is key is right. Additionally, women want a leader someone they know will "protect" and make good choices and etc. Being confident is a demonstration of those qualities.

Once I realized that I was trying to impress women and have them validate me I knew I was doing all the wrong things. I have mentioned in the past that I somehow met the right person in spite of myself. Now that I have escaped the Matrix, I know that my wife can tell the difference. I have seen it her eyes, simple comments, and deference to me when appropriate. What a change. This journey has been about a year, and it has been gradual.

Key item to keep in mind that others have stated, it's best when you attain a level where you are happy and satisfied with you. When you can exist with women or without and continue, then the escape is possible. Living in fear of rejection and judgement is limiting and is antithetical to being a man.

Again, I am married so the goal for me is to not bed a variety of women, now that I have:

*worked on my body
*continue to educate myself
*Not worry about what others think of me (exception children and wife to a point)
*Simply happy with me

I have had many opportunities come my way if I simply escalated. The opening was presented, but as a married man I closed the door and walked away.

Be happy with you, don't seek validation from others, and be able to walk away from a woman and not look back.

 

[princelydeeds]

practice

I got a question for you guys who were once aweful with women and now can pick up chicks whenever and wherever...

What was you biggest turning point(s) in helping you break through those walls. Did you learn something of huge importance? Was it a series of events that lead to a change in attitude. Luck?

I'm very interested to know...

I rarely come back to this site anymore. I am pretty happy in my LTR. I used to always tell people that the number one thing for me was practice. I just banged fat or not so cute broads till I could seduce them with ease. I simply worked my way up from there. I kept making myself better, making myself more desirable (i.e working out, better dress, more personal success).

The same things that work on ugly broads, work on very attractive broads too. For me it was simply a progression, start at the bottom and work my way to the top.

The pinnacle of my progression came when I could bang more than my fair share of top notch tail (from a purely physical perspective) but would turn it down because I did not want to deal with the aggravation that came with it. I learned that the HB 7 would be MY total ***** in the sack, would work her tail off to impress me, worshiped the ground I walked on, lived for my approval and felt that come hell or high water I was the prize. I learned the HB 7 was far less drama and wiling to overlook the fact that yes, I was banging 3 other chicks but she was just happy to have me. When I was no longer concerned solely with looks, and was more into substance or women who were totally into me was when I realized I was exactly where i wanted to be.