For Introverts

[Voice]

I consider myself an introverted person. After a long day at work as a cashier at CVS or interning at a physical therapy office I get exhausted by interacting with people all day. When I come home I can't wait to go in my room shut the door and recharge. I really enjoy the being alone time. When I'm alone I either read up on interesting articles, books, websites or visit sites like this to practice my critical thinking. I believe the introverts strength is our ability to be strong critical thinkers. Of course I need some interaction every now and then, but what I need is much less than what the average person needs. I never cared for having a million friends. Every now and then I get a little spark of extroversion when interacting, but it doesn't last very long.

I'm sure other introverts can relate and I'm also sure that this has also been a problem for other introverts socially. As we know western society values extroversion. Introverts are usually portrayed as weird, quiet, serial killers, etc. Not every stereotype is bad, every now and then they get the whole 'mysterious' thing.

The one thing I dislike about being an introvert is because we are such strong critical thinkers, we also think too much in social situations. Social situations really require less 'thinking' and more 'feeling'. Often times I find myself shutting down in social situations. People call me 'quiet' when this happens. I'm sure other introverts have had this happen to them. In this state, I have no desire to socialize and something triggers me to go inside my head to critically think about the situation instead of just 'feeling' everyone and socializing freely.

You can imagine when I'm with a girl or out socializing this whole episode of introversion doesn't help things move along very well socially.

My question for other introverts is; How do you get out of this state? How do you trigger yourself to get out of your head when in social situations such as on a date?

 

[Tyson420]

I just force myself to talk to people. I ask questions about a person's day even when I honestly don't care.

It's tough when you don't care to be around other people. But I still try, and it works.

Just force yourself.

Say hello to people you meet at the bus stop, on the bus. People you cross paths with, people you see at the mall. Ask questions, start a conversation.

I force myself to just that. But you and I both know us introverts don't give a **** about other people. It's just something that we do.

 

[TIC]

Yea I think it's best to just force yourself to talk to others. I've tried pills for social anxiety and depression. They just don't work. I once thought that alcohal was the answer. While it's true that it loosens me up and lowers my inhibitions, it is ultimately limited in it's usefulness because you can't walk around buzzed all the time. You can't drink in the daytime during work and other social gatherings. It only works for sleezy bars/clubs.

Sometimes I hate being introverted. I know for a fact it keeps me from having the pretty women. Introverts have no personality in the eyes of 99% of women. Women hate introversion, shyness, etc even if the woman is introverted herself.

Yea, that's another thing. Even the shy cute girl wants the outgoing extroverted jock. Women are such hypocrits it sickens me

 

[WhitePimp]

I am extremely similar. Don't know when it started either, as I can recall being extroverted as a child.

In social situations, I just try to turn off the brain a bit. Sometimes I will actually mentally tell myself to "shut up" if I'm getting too out of control. Also, I've stopped being so outcome oriented. I used to imagine that every single social interaction must end with a glorious conclusion; if on a date, either a make out or perhaps sex; if out with friends, then making everyone laugh, etc. I now just try to make sure I'm having a good time, and stop caring so much about how I appear to everyone else.

I also have a job that requires me to routinely do public speaking to diverse groups of people. It's really helped with shattering my social anxiety and loosened me up quite a bit. I still appear stiff and humorless at times, and I get self-conscious about it, but it's a work in progress. I kind of just accept it now and not let it inhabit my brain and cause me misery anymore

 

[Black Dog]

I am extremely similar. Don't know when it started either, as I can recall being extroverted as a child.

In social situations, I just try to turn off the brain a bit. Sometimes I will actually mentally tell myself to "shut up" if I'm getting too out of control. Also, I've stopped being so outcome oriented. I used to imagine that every single social interaction must end with a glorious conclusion; if on a date, either a make out or perhaps sex; if out with friends, then making everyone laugh, etc. I now just try to make sure I'm having a good time, and stop caring so much about how I appear to everyone else.

I also have a job that requires me to routinely do public speaking to diverse groups of people. It's really helped with shattering my social anxiety and loosened me up quite a bit. I still appear stiff and humorless at times, and I get self-conscious about it, but it's a work in progress. I kind of just accept it now and not let it inhabit my brain and cause me misery anymore

+1

Respect...I've problem with speaking people face to face--pretty good at gauging body language and all that--but public speaking is what I've always needed to improve

I've probably been introverted all my life and never looked into why, don't care lol. I've been tested (Myers Briggs) and always fall outside the graphs for introversion. I've found that my introversion has allowed for adept critical thinking skills, though I'm not sure if they have any correlation, this is just based of my own experience. :rock:

I don't find it hard at all to strike conversation; finding Sosuave immensely helped my social skills and social understanding, not to mention the Psychology classes I studied! I would just say I'm more interested in myself half the time, as opposed to most people around me....

Voice, you sound like you might be INTP; there are many different branches of intro- and extroversion, it's really interesting! I don't know how credible all the research is but you might want to check this site out.

I was reading a chapter about Extroverts vs. Introverts in a personality type book recently (can't remember the title, ugh),, where they used John Lennon as an example of a classic introvert, and how he reacted to his fame in that regard. So he seems to be professionally regarded as an introvert, but as for the rest, I have no idea.

 

[Kerpal]

Alcohol.

 

[JCballin88]

The OP pretty much describes me in a nutshell. There is something really satisfying about being alone after a long day of constant interaction - I can't believe some people are actually energized by being around people 24/7!?

My friends would probably describe me as a little shy/laid-back, which admittedly does not make me stand out in social circles, especially around the females. But in small groups I can definitely be a lot of fun if I'm not over-analyzing everything

 

[NewAndImproved]

Good post OP. Describes me to a "T."

However, unlike a few years ago, I really embrace myself now, introversion and all. It's not the only way I am. Playing sports, I'm definitely not. I'm competitive, vocal and usually among the "best on the team." Talking about politics, nope. So it just depends. No one is one way all the time.

As for social situations, I find it's all about being in a good state. How to get in that state?

When I used to have a date, I'd plan the whole day around it. I'd lift weights, meditate and do a lot of "motivational" things before it. This is all well and good, but you can't really "trick" your brain like that. Now I make other plans on that day, too. Maybe hang out with my friends and play ball. Go to a movie. Whatever. That way, when the date finally approaches, it's just another part of the day.

 

[Voice]

Voice, you sound like you might be INTP; there are many different branches of intro- and extroversion, it's really interesting! I don't know how credible all the research is but you might want to check this site out.

Yeah I've taken those kind of tests in the past and it turns out you are exactly right. I am INTP.

For what it's worth I do push myself to be in social situations. Being a cashier right now and hopefully my future career as a physical therapist will push me even more. My social skills used to be bad but they have improved dramatically. With this improvement has come social success and females. However I feel like it can only go so far. Even if I do have better social skills, I still lack the desire to put them on display.

My strategy to deal with this is to only socialize when I am in the mood. Unfortunately this is the minority of the time.

 

[Domo_Arigatoo]

I feel you voice, after a while out with people i began to feel mentally exhausted, almost as if my brain is out of it's natural/comfortable environment. I'll start to crawl back into my mind and think about things... it sucks being an introvert but what i hope to eventually do is just have people accept my introversion. Since we are critical thinkers, we're constantly thinking about how people view our actions, and if our "quietness" is something that's taboo or something like that.

Eventually i'll just lose interest in talking and even shake certain people off that try to start conversations with me. Most of the time it's just because i find what certain people talk about to be boring, lacking substance and just redundant, this leads to me faking interest and in the end making myself more uncomfortable. It sucks but i hope with more practice and social exposure i'll be able to adjust my attitude and be able to be introverted (in my own element) and still be chill and comfortable around others without all that unnessecary thinking.


I seriously can't believe how similar our situations are lol...
I felt as if i was in a group of very few people who felt this way about socializing.

 

[Konada]

OP's description really fits my situation. I feel that we are misunderstood to be 'quiet', 'weird' whilst in actual fact we are thinking about how others would view us if we really let ourselves go. Which is probably why I do way better in small groups of 4 rather than a large group of people, where less people are viewing me. Of course to my close friends I am nothing of that as perceived by my classmates.

What I find that forcing yourself to talk to people does not naturally help. First, it gives off the vibe that you're finding it a chore to converse. Second, people who have already 'cemented' their perception of you as a anti social freak want nothing to do with you (aka my class). I find it easier to start fresh with a new person you met, usually inhibitions go away when you get a great start on a friendship.

That being said, there is a fine line being introverted and a social retard. Most people can't seem to tell the difference

 

[zekko]

it sucks being an introvert

I wouldn't trade being an introvert for anything. I enjoy the introspection and critical thinking. And I enjoy the independence. I would hate to have to rely on having someone else around to generate my energy.

I was shy and awkward growing up, but I got out there and learned how to be social and conquered it. Like WhitePimp, I also do public speaking, and it doesn't bother me at all. Being an introvert does not mean you have to be shy and can't develop social skills.
The main disadvantage we have is we are not always motivated to socialize because we don't always care to. This can be a problem if you are going up against someone who absolutely craves it.

Here's an example of being an introvert:
Recently I had a day of long meetings at work with large groups of people. While I was there, I was as social and outgoing as anyone else. The meetings went well - but when I got home, it was like I actually felt dirty. I felt like I needed to scrub my soul clean but it wouldn't come off. Only spending time on my own would make this feeling go away. I had exceeded my allotted time of socializing.

In social situations, I just try to turn off the brain a bit. Sometimes I will actually mentally tell myself to "shut up" if I'm getting too out of control. Also, I've stopped being so outcome oriented. I used to imagine that every single social interaction must end with a glorious conclusion; if on a date, either a make out or perhaps sex; if out with friends, then making everyone laugh, etc. I now just try to make sure I'm having a good time, and stop caring so much about how I appear to everyone else.

This is good advice. When he talks about turning off your brain a little, this is what they mean when they say "get out of your head". How can you get out of your head? It means quit analyzing everything and turn your focus outward instead of inward.

 

[Freddy1]

Introverts living in a Exoverted world.
It can be challenging but there are advantages of being an introvert.
(I'm an introvert myself bros too)

 

[pdx1138]

wow, I'm in good company on this thread for sure. everything rings true.

I know I'm an introvert and recently decided I don't care what others think. I'm an introvert and I like it. I'm not changing anything.

2 things I have found to make things easier is:

Drinking (in social situations) to blend in and converse better.

Working out at the gym on a daily basis. When my endorphins are flowing I seem to have better social skills naturally.

One thing I found though, it really has a lot to do with the crowd you hang out with. If most of the people don't have the same interests, I find it difficult and dumb to try and b$hite my way through...it's fake and I hate that $hit.

When I'm hanging out with my best friends I NEVER run out of conversation.

I accept who I am and there is nothing wrong with me.

 

[Voice]

Ahh, bad day for me.

I was in a class where we had to all get in front and introduce ourselves. Everyone else was completely fine and was very well spoken. I felt absolutely fine just standing there. When it came to my time however I froze up. I was like "Hi I'm Scott, I'm a senior and want to do PT" then I choked, like you could hear me choke. It was weird. My mind just went blank and I couldn't think of anything to say. So I stood there for like 10 seconds with a blank stare on my face and I could feel my face getting red. I tried to say something but nothing came out. Eventually the professor asked me a few questions to save me and I barely got out of it. It was really embarrassing. My face was probably beet red. The worst thing is there is a girl I'm interested in in the class. She wouldn't even look at me when I went to sit down.

It's things like this that kill me.

Ugh I feel like crap right now and I don't know how to act with this girl from now on.

 

[Konada]

Heh dude no worries just brush it off. Take it in your stride. People start acting weird around you only if you let them to (which in this is you wallowing in self pity.)

 

[EvilAgenda]

How do you get out of this state?

Alcohol

 

[Wallace030]

I'm an introvert as well. Just an fyi for everyone: Introvert does always not equal shy. As Voice said, we are just in our heads alot, we do alot of thinking. I'm more talkative than most introverts, but it's not easy. Even when I think I'm talking as much as a normal person someone tells me I'm quiet. All I can tell you is practice being present in conversations, stop thinking so much about what to say and just say what comes to your mind. It's not easy, but it is doable.

 

[DanelMadr]

I can relate to that...at least 2 hours alone every day. No TV helps too s te time goes slower.

However, I don't think that critical thinking is the right term for the state.
Stressing about the future/outcome is more proper. We have to stop being cowards. I know it is easier for "dumb" people but let's try it to be fearless. F@ck the consequences.

Living in the present moment is very liberating.

 

[Ease]

Ahh, bad day for me.

I was in a class where we had to all get in front and introduce ourselves. Everyone else was completely fine and was very well spoken. I felt absolutely fine just standing there. When it came to my time however I froze up. I was like "Hi I'm Scott, I'm a senior and want to do PT" then I choked, like you could hear me choke. It was weird. My mind just went blank and I couldn't think of anything to say. So I stood there for like 10 seconds with a blank stare on my face and I could feel my face getting red. I tried to say something but nothing came out. Eventually the professor asked me a few questions to save me and I barely got out of it. It was really embarrassing. My face was probably beet red. The worst thing is there is a girl I'm interested in in the class. She wouldn't even look at me when I went to sit down.

It's things like this that kill me.

Ugh I feel like crap right now and I don't know how to act with this girl from now on.

You might as well have just announced to the class that you have an account on 'sosuave.com, its a website for help with the opposite sex'. It would have had a similiar social suicide effect.

It's ok we've all been there. (its not really ok never let this happen again, be a man)