"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Followed my oneitis home

No Leaf Clover

Don Juan
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I hadn't seen her in years. All of a sudden I saw her outside the store and for some reason I was compelled to follow her. It was about 2 miles to her apartment. I was just very curious. I know it sounds weird but I'm not a stalker or anything.

Has this or something similar happened to anyone before?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Snowman23

Banned
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Sep 26, 2007
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You're not a stalker yet you followed this woman for 2 miles to her house?

dude, that's not normal.
 

Desert Fox

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 16, 2008
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1) Creepy.
2) You're a stalker.
3) Did I say CREEPY??

Never happened to me because I'm not a creepy ass stalker. You're welcome. And don't follow people home anymore.
 

sexy_kuta

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 1, 2006
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Location
NY
you`re fuked man
honestly why do you give a sh1t what she does or where she goes
listen, put this image in your head right now
she sucking 10 big black c0cks right now, huge c0cks, shes a huge slut
picture her ****ing other dudes,
it hurts, let it sink in though just let it sink in, if u can handle the pain, picture that then.
you will soon learn to let go and refuse to bring this onetis up again
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Desert Fox

Master Don Juan
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Feb 16, 2008
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No Leaf Clover said:
I know, it's weird. I'm just wondering why I did it. I can't figure it out.
No offense dude but here's the reason:

You're a loser.

Why are you a loser? Because you're ****ing bored with your life. So bored and so lacking ambition or activity that you had to fill up time by STALKING around some random girl. Yes she is a RANDOM girl.

Get a hobby, get a active, get a LIFE. That's your cure.

You're welcome.
 

Mr. Bojangles

Don Juan
Joined
May 19, 2008
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