"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
"fluff" talk
- Thread starter shyguy32
- Start date
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Practice on male friends and co-workers.
Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
So I work around it, and put myself in situations where there are "easy openers" all around (such as music shows or art openings), or I can just have a great time and project image without having to say anything.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
the chick is the buyer.
when you start a conversation, make it go somewhere.
ALWAYS SELL YOURSELF.
if you want her to buy the funny guy, be him.
if you want her to buy the strong guy, be him.
Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
Correct me if I'm wrong, Pen, but I strongly suspect Gio didn;t have to "sell" himself to you to "win" your attraction...
stevera004
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2004
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What is this AFC thinking? Guys have to 'sell' themselves to be good enough to get attraction from women (low desirable ones with multiple kids at that)?Originally posted by Bonhomme
Correct me if I'm wrong, Pen, but I strongly suspect Gio didn;t have to "sell" himself to you to "win" your attraction...
You put yourself in that mindset and you are beginning a long life of supplication; the dynamic of the situation must be that the women has to qualify herself to YOU.
al77
Master Don Juan
The moment you start _openly_ sell yourslef, you are toast. She smells your AFCness when you are "selling"...
Conclusion? Sell yourself the way she cannot get you are selling, for example: try to adopt ****y and funny style.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
girls do.
guys do.
“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
al77
Master Don Juan
Yes, but if anyone starts selling himself opnely - he is a toast right away. The difference is tha women get away with it - doesn't really matter for guys what she is "selling"...major attraction is obvious for them.
Guys don't get away with it, they are labeled insecured and supplicative show offs.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
To overcome this, you have to learn to 'read' a person without saying a word. This is often a tall order for AFCs who've been told their entire life not to 'judge a book by it's cover'. It feels wrong to make genrealizations about a person based on their appearance, but this is often the best way to make an at least somewhat accurate assessment of that person; certainly enough to begin a conversation and then mine it for topics that can be molded to communication of personal opinions (i.e. women love to talk about themselves).
It took a while for me to feel comfortable in my ability to assess a person's character from only the outline of what their physical appearance, personal conditions and mannerisms led me to, but once I did I found that I could connect more rapidly and more fully with that person male or female.
For example, I recently closed on my newest home and had to go to the title company to meet with an officer to complete the sale. Upon walking into this woman's office I saw that she was perhaps early to mid forties and had no wedding ring on. She was dressed in a semi-attractive purple blouse that showed just enough clevage not to offend any office sensibilities and had blonde dyed hair as evidenced by her darker roots. She spoke with a bit of authority when we were conducting business, but seemed slightly unsure of herself when just making small talk. On her desk were pictures of her 2 kids, but none of any Father, and next to them were a vase full of what I'd guess were 3 day old roses. It was Tuesday.
From this I could gather that she was divorced (or at least separated) was back in the dating game recently (the flowers and her slightly innappropriate dress for a professional environment), she was confident in her job, but was a little uncomfortable relating socially. Most likely a single mother and had her children in her 20s since one child in her photos was at least in his early teens, leading me to believe she had an imperative for making up for lost time in her 'fun years' now that she was single.
This is just a small amount of information I could have used to initiate an approach from and this from only meeting with her for 20 minutes. There is a whole encyclopedia of info you can learn from a persons appearance and bearing when you have a basic understanding what conditions prompt them. When you see an overweight person, you can immediately tell that they probably eat too much and don't work out. When you meet a 35 y.o. woman who is vivacious and out going, if you understand what most commonly occurs with women during this period of their lives you can learn a lot from her behaviors, speech, mannerisms and appearance.
Obviously this is interpretive and general so of course there is a margin for error. It works often enough to be predictable, but the beauty of reading someone is you don't have to be entirely accurate in your assessments to become endearing to them. In fact in some cases it serves you better to be wrong as you can then perfect a backhanded compliment in doing so. "So you're really not as superficial as you apear to be? Well you had me fooled, but I can see you're of a much different cut of cloth." Don't use those words verbatim, but you get my meaning, it draws her into qualifying herself and even if you're wrong about 2 or 3 assesments you're probably correct in a dozen more that will lead you into a strong rapport. And the ones you're incorrect about are most often the ones that lead her into opinon-self based conversation.