"fluff" talk

[shyguy32]

I can say hi to someone, but it seems I never have anything to say after that. Any help

 

[flexion_]

Conversation is about making the other person talk. Ask her about what is she doing for the rest of the week. Whatever she tells you is her interests - pay attention and then delve deeper into her interests with further questions.

Practice on male friends and co-workers.

 

[Chrispy]

Originally posted by flexion_
Conversation is about making the other person talk. Ask her about what is she doing for the rest of the week. Whatever she tells you is her interests - pay attention and then delve deeper into her interests with further questions.

Practice on male friends and co-workers. [
/QUOTE]

Think of conversation much like fishing. Try to say more than hi because the only option she has is "hi" as a response. Use open-ended questions, and start fishing by listening to key words or ideas, and then ask or start talking about those topics.

If you get in real trouble, repeating what she said as a question works wonders. For example, if she says "i saw a really boring movie" you say "boring movie?"
Then she'll respond and maybe give more details.

 

[shyguy32]

thanks for the input, but I'm still kinda lost here....I guess theres no set rules on what to say.....I just have to figure out what to say huh?

 

[Bonhomme]

I don't get the small talk thing, either...

So I work around it, and put myself in situations where there are "easy openers" all around (such as music shows or art openings), or I can just have a great time and project image without having to say anything.

 

[penkitten]

imagine if you will that you are a sales person.
the chick is the buyer.
when you start a conversation, make it go somewhere.
ALWAYS SELL YOURSELF.
if you want her to buy the funny guy, be him.
if you want her to buy the strong guy, be him.

 

[Bonhomme]

Hmmm...

Correct me if I'm wrong, Pen, but I strongly suspect Gio didn;t have to "sell" himself to you to "win" your attraction...

 

[stevera004]

Re: Hmmm...

Originally posted by Bonhomme
Correct me if I'm wrong, Pen, but I strongly suspect Gio didn;t have to "sell" himself to you to "win" your attraction...

What is this AFC thinking? Guys have to 'sell' themselves to be good enough to get attraction from women (low desirable ones with multiple kids at that)?

You put yourself in that mindset and you are beginning a long life of supplication; the dynamic of the situation must be that the women has to qualify herself to YOU.

 

[al77]

Re: Re: Hmmm...

Originally posted by stevera004
What is this AFC thinking? Guys have to 'sell' themselves to be good enough to get attraction from women (low desirable ones with multiple kids at that)?

You put yourself in that mindset and you are beginning a long life of supplication;

The moment you start _openly_ sell yourslef, you are toast. She smells your AFCness when you are "selling"...
Conclusion? Sell yourself the way she cannot get you are selling, for example: try to adopt ****y and funny style.

 

[penkitten]

everyone sells themselves.
girls do.
guys do.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by penkitten
everyone sells themselves.
girls do.
guys do.

Yes, but if anyone starts selling himself opnely - he is a toast right away. The difference is tha women get away with it - doesn't really matter for guys what she is "selling"...major attraction is obvious for them.

Guys don't get away with it, they are labeled insecured and supplicative show offs.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

While I'd agree that it is very important to pay attention to threads in a conversation and capitalize on them in as skillful a way possible to establish rapport, I have to point out that there is an uncomfortable separation between meeting a new person and starting that initial converstaion.

To overcome this, you have to learn to 'read' a person without saying a word. This is often a tall order for AFCs who've been told their entire life not to 'judge a book by it's cover'. It feels wrong to make genrealizations about a person based on their appearance, but this is often the best way to make an at least somewhat accurate assessment of that person; certainly enough to begin a conversation and then mine it for topics that can be molded to communication of personal opinions (i.e. women love to talk about themselves).

It took a while for me to feel comfortable in my ability to assess a person's character from only the outline of what their physical appearance, personal conditions and mannerisms led me to, but once I did I found that I could connect more rapidly and more fully with that person male or female.

For example, I recently closed on my newest home and had to go to the title company to meet with an officer to complete the sale. Upon walking into this woman's office I saw that she was perhaps early to mid forties and had no wedding ring on. She was dressed in a semi-attractive purple blouse that showed just enough clevage not to offend any office sensibilities and had blonde dyed hair as evidenced by her darker roots. She spoke with a bit of authority when we were conducting business, but seemed slightly unsure of herself when just making small talk. On her desk were pictures of her 2 kids, but none of any Father, and next to them were a vase full of what I'd guess were 3 day old roses. It was Tuesday.

From this I could gather that she was divorced (or at least separated) was back in the dating game recently (the flowers and her slightly innappropriate dress for a professional environment), she was confident in her job, but was a little uncomfortable relating socially. Most likely a single mother and had her children in her 20s since one child in her photos was at least in his early teens, leading me to believe she had an imperative for making up for lost time in her 'fun years' now that she was single.

This is just a small amount of information I could have used to initiate an approach from and this from only meeting with her for 20 minutes. There is a whole encyclopedia of info you can learn from a persons appearance and bearing when you have a basic understanding what conditions prompt them. When you see an overweight person, you can immediately tell that they probably eat too much and don't work out. When you meet a 35 y.o. woman who is vivacious and out going, if you understand what most commonly occurs with women during this period of their lives you can learn a lot from her behaviors, speech, mannerisms and appearance.

Obviously this is interpretive and general so of course there is a margin for error. It works often enough to be predictable, but the beauty of reading someone is you don't have to be entirely accurate in your assessments to become endearing to them. In fact in some cases it serves you better to be wrong as you can then perfect a backhanded compliment in doing so. "So you're really not as superficial as you apear to be? Well you had me fooled, but I can see you're of a much different cut of cloth." Don't use those words verbatim, but you get my meaning, it draws her into qualifying herself and even if you're wrong about 2 or 3 assesments you're probably correct in a dozen more that will lead you into a strong rapport. And the ones you're incorrect about are most often the ones that lead her into opinon-self based conversation.

 

[IronFar]

:woo:

Good stuff. To sum it up: Sherlock Holmes is more than a fictional character. Put forth a little effort in dissecting people for maximum success in life or elsewhere.