Flirting on a 1st date

[MikeEdward1973]

I bet there's already a good thread on this, and if someone knows of one and could direct me to it, that would be great.

In any case, here is my problem. I am getting plenty of first dates with good looking women. Very few 2nd dates. I talked about this with a friend of mine tonight. His point was a good one - I have zero idea of how to flirt. I'm just bad at it. I talk to women like they're friends. Male friends. We talk for hours, and have great conversations, but I think I'm getting moved into the 'friends' category really fast.

So - could some folks here give me advice on flirting on a first date? I really need some new moves.

(just as background, I'm 33, and the women we're talking about are usually between 28 and 31.)

 

[Ace of Flames]

Kino, eye contact, teasing... all express interest. Read up about those and more in the DJ Bible, linked at the bottom of any page.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I am getting plenty of first dates with good looking women. Very few 2nd dates.

Are you trying for a kiss on the first date? Kino is just casual fun touching, like when she says something funny, you touch her on the elbow as you laugh, like you are doing it without thinking about it.

Also, the 'kiss test,' stroke-her-hair thing is golden. If she will stare into your eyes as you stroke her hair, then she wants to make out with you. If you don't press the issue, then you become boring real quick.

 

[MooseGod]

Dude, just keep it lighthearted and funny. Don't act like you're there to do anything but have fun. By the simple fact that you are calling it a "first date" instead of "hanging out" makes it seem waaaay too serious from the get-go. And if the opportunity presents itself, kiss her. Instantly shows you are not wanting to be "friends."

 

[MikeEdward1973]

good stuff

ok, I appreciate all this. keep it coming.

Any other words of wisdom?

 

[tsmith2334]

ok, I appreciate all this. keep it coming.

Any other words of wisdom?

eye contact!

 

[Maxtro]

Read the SIRC Guide to flirting It's really long but good stuff.

 

[tsmith2334]

Read the SIRC Guide to flirting It's really long but good stuff.

Damn that's a good read

 

[backbreaker]

the problem is you aren't going for the kill. you flirt with women to get dates. you fvck women you are on dates with

 

[Maxtro]

The problem with this flirting stuff is that if you aren't used to doing it, you have to force yourself to. Too often I find myself talking with a girl and all I do is talk make eye contact and maybe joke a little. I don't do any kino at all, because it is completely unnatural to me. I'm not even sure if my interactions with women can even be called flirting.

I've read so much information about this stuff but it still isn't hardwired into my brain. Heh I should hire a camera clue to fallow me around and record my interactions with girls and then have somebody analyze what I'm doing at the end of the day

LOL I pasted that link into Word and it's 20 pages.

 

[Ace of Flames]

Jeebus H Christ. It took 30 seconds just to scroll to the bottom of that.

I'm gonna go read it now, and I'm gonna come back and tell you what I think.

EDIT: Ok, I stopped about 1/5th of the way through, because it got WAAAAAY too technical. When you're describing eye contact within intervals of one to seven seconds, and you say the suggested distance between two people should be 17 inches or so, you've taken it too far. People say we've turned flirting into a science on this site. Well, those people should read that article.

 

[Bible_Belt]

the problem is you aren't going for the kill. you flirt with women to get dates. you fvck women you are on dates with

:rockon:

 

[MikeEdward1973]

The problem with this flirting stuff is that if you aren't used to doing it, you have to force yourself to. Too often I find myself talking with a girl and all I do is talk make eye contact and maybe joke a little. I don't do any kino at all, because it is completely unnatural to me. I'm not even sure if my interactions with women can even be called flirting.

You called it right.

This is a big part of my problem.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

ok, I appreciate all this. keep it coming.

Any other words of wisdom?

What do you talk about that interesting enough for hours but not enough for a second date?

 

[MikeEdward1973]

What do you talk about that interesting enough for hours but not enough for a second date?

Really, we talk about everything from work and family life (I don't have any kids, and neither do the women I date - I'm referring to parents and siblings) to the places we've lived and what we do for fun.

Not to sound arrogant, but I do have a lot of interesting stuff to talk about, I spent 5 years on Wall Street, and now I work in Silicon Valley. And I spend most of the time asking them about them, not talking about just me. I show a lot of interest in what they do, their life, etc.

And I get a lot of good vibes - almost *always* they do the hair-stroking thing and we make a ton of eye contact.

My follow-up is I call a couple days later, leave a message, and they almost never call back. And then a couple days after that, I'll shoot them a text message, just saying hi, asking how their week is going.

So something is going wrong from the time I meet them to my follow-up.

My suspicion is that I'm not flirting - I treat it way too much like a job interview. And I am really good at job interviews, so I think my brain is trained to be too much of a gentlemen.

Does anyone know what I'm talking about? help?

 

[Bvbidd]

Yeah man. Stop with the interviews. You gotta be fun. I'm sure you'll get more second dates that way.

 

[Maxtro]

Yeah man. Stop with the interviews. You gotta be fun. I'm sure you'll get more second dates that way.

How would you avoid the interviews? I keep getting stuck in that hole.

 

[MooseGod]

Ask open-ended questions. And for godssake kiss the poor girl, she probably thinks you don't like her or something. Actions speak louder than words. Think about it this way: You wanna get some action or some words from her? Yeah, that's what I thought.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Really, we talk about everything from work and family life (I don't have any kids, and neither do the women I date - I'm referring to parents and siblings) to the places we've lived and what we do for fun.

Not to sound arrogant, but I do have a lot of interesting stuff to talk about, I spent 5 years on Wall Street, and now I work in Silicon Valley. And I spend most of the time asking them about them, not talking about just me. I show a lot of interest in what they do, their life, etc.

Alright, work, family, past history, etc... How to you go about integrating you experiences with hers and vice versa leveraging your commonalities?

And I get a lot of good vibes - almost *always* they do the hair-stroking thing and we make a ton of eye contact.

Alright, other than signs of her being an attentive person, what does she say that involves the two of you at some future time and place? That's the only true thing that shows that she's interested prior to meeting you at some other time and place.

My follow-up is I call a couple days later, leave a message, and they almost never call back. And then a couple days after that, I'll shoot them a text message, just saying hi, asking how their week is going.

What do you say to them beyond salutations that would make them want to see you again?

My suspicion is that I'm not flirting - I treat it way too much like a job interview. And I am really good at job interviews, so I think my brain is trained to be too much of a gentlemen.

Why not just be a man, one who's not at work. One who with a woman he's interested in and one that is confident in letting her know that he's interested in more than the stereotypical chats about career, family and the weather.