Flakey Women

will123

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I was out with a lady last week. We went for breakfast and throughout the whole time she had almost complete eye contact with me. She was doing all - or most - of the talking and even asked me questions about myself: what is my favourite food, movies etc.

However, later on in the day she was incessantly texting someone else (a guy called mark, who it appears she has been talking to for a while). The thing is, once she stopped texting, and we went and sat down, we were talking and at one point we were just making eye contact with each other and smiling, to which she smiled and looked away, possibly shyly. We decided to go get something to eat, and as we decided where to eat, she said she was feeling ill and wanted to go home. So I took her home and was aloof with her on the way. I got home and she text me to say she REALLY loves spending time with me. I ignored the text and she text again on New Years Eve saying "hey sweetie. Have a fabulous New Year". I ignored her again, and she has since gone on holiday to Thailand for two weeks.

She always initiates texting. I often go no contact, in which case she texts me to hang out with me. When she texts me, it's always "sweetie", "darling", "babe" and "my lovely".

My issue is: was cancelling our date, and texting others incessantly, flakey and disrespectful. I was close to saying leaving her to it.
 

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dude99

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I was out with a lady last week. We went for breakfast and throughout the whole time she had almost complete eye contact with me. She was doing all - or most - of the talking and even asked me questions about myself: what is my favourite food, movies etc.

However, later on in the day she was incessantly texting someone else (a guy called mark, who it appears she has been talking to for a while). The thing is, once she stopped texting, and we went and sat down, we were talking and at one point we were just making eye contact with each other and smiling, to which she smiled and looked away, possibly shyly. We decided to go get something to eat, and as we decided where to eat, she said she was feeling ill and wanted to go home. So I took her home and was aloof with her on the way. I got home and she text me to say she REALLY loves spending time with me. I ignored the text and she text again on New Years Eve saying "hey sweetie. Have a fabulous New Year". I ignored her again, and she has since gone on holiday to Thailand for two weeks.

She always initiates texting. I often go no contact, in which case she texts me to hang out with me. When she texts me, it's always "sweetie", "darling", "babe" and "my lovely".

My issue is: was cancelling our date, and texting others incessantly, flakey and disrespectful. I was close to saying leaving her to it.
Any chick who is constantly texting other guys while on a date with you is sending you a message. She isn't loyal.

She is jacking you and the guy she is texting around. He is either an orbiter and she is keeping him on a string until something better comes along or he is her priority and texting him a dozen times on your date tell you she doent care that you know.

Drop this plate. Move on.
 

will123

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Well the day she was texting him, she complained that people keep texting her to meet up and she was spending that day with me. She seemed to be irritated with whomever was texting her because she said "I am just going to send a really long text that I am stressed and busy" or to that effect. I read that texting constantly is needy, feminine behaviour. I thought his texting would make him look weak.

When a fellow student in my evening class asked her did she go Bodyworks with she a mate she said yes in a defensive way. I kinda got the impression she was hiding who she went with.

There has been a few red flags for me: still lives with her parents, always moans on her date about passengers (she is a air hostess). She even asked me if I think she moans too much. One time she pointed out a guy she thought had disgusting trainers said if he was her boyfriend she would demand he takes the trainers off.

When I went NC she texted me the following day and when I was busy and couldn't reply right away, she texted AGAIN within 5 mins asking what is wrong. So I continued with what I was doing and texted her when I was free. She then ignored me for a day. When she texts, sometimes its a day or two later. Flakey behaviour.
 

Glassguy

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Why were you with her so long on the date? From breakfast to "later in the day"?

And why a breakfast date?
 
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will123

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Why were you with her so long on the date? From breakfast to "later in the day"?

And why a breakfast date?
Yep, I realise now the big mistake. Lesson learned.

Dates should be where there's the opportunity to hook up.

Well I wouldn't say date per se, She texted to hang out. Again, lesson learned.
 

Prettyboy Dee

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General rule: Any women that is prone to texting other guys, flirting with other guys, fvcking other guys, kissing other guys, lots of guy friends ect is nothing more than sex and fun or just having a hot girl as a friend to hang with, no feelings involved.

I wouldn't take her too seriously.

Her actions was rude though I'm sure she didn't think it was a big deal, as most of them wouldn't.

Just Give her a call and try to hang out with her, dont take her on a date though, just invite her over and go for the lay at least that way if nothing else comes from this you got some lol.

Go out with another girl.
 

will123

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General rule: Any women that is prone to texting other guys, flirting with other guys, fvcking other guys, kissing other guys, lots of guy friends ect is nothing more than sex and fun or just having a hot girl as a friend to hang with, no feelings involved.

I wouldn't take her too seriously.

Her actions was rude though I'm sure she didn't think it was a big deal, as most of them wouldn't.

Just Give her a call and try to hang out with her, dont take her on a date though, just invite her over and go for the lay at least that way if nothing else comes from this you got some lol.

Go out with another girl.
Well what I find baffling is she wants to see ME. I don't EVER make the move to hang out. And when I don't, she initiates.

One thing I admit was a good quality (I think) was she went halves on everything. From experience, a lot of women used to let me pay. So I ditch them.
 

Prettyboy Dee

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Well what I find baffling is she wants to see ME. I don't EVER make the move to hang out. And when I don't, she initiates.

One thing I admit was a good quality (I think) was she went halves on everything. From experience, a lot of women used to let me pay. So I ditch them.
Yeah her going half is cool but when she wants to hang with you does it ever lead to her/your house?

At this point the only way to test her true interest is to try to bang her, otherwise, your just wasting time and spending money and going on pointless dates, if you guys are just meeting then it's ok what your doing I'm just pointing out that you need to remember to move things forward.

That other guy shes texting probably isn't wasting much time if you know what I mean.

Your not doing anything wrong just stop wasting time and trying to go no contact and all that passive aggressive sh!t these guys teach lol the girl is texting you and your ignoring her? That ****s weird bro, you got guys who would love to have a girl initiate contact with them and your ignoring it.
Shes trying to hang out with you and your ignoring her lol your basically turning pvssy down, probably why shes texting other guys

Call her and do whatever you wanna do just make sure you escalate on her and go for the lay, apparently she has options, stop going days without talking to her before that other guy fvcks her.

Talk to other girls.
 
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MountainSlide

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Yeah her going half is cool but when she wants to hang with you does it ever lead to her/your house?

At this point the only way to test her true interest is to try to bang her, otherwise, your just wasting time and spending money and going on pointless dates, if you guys are just meeting then it's ok what your doing I'm just pointing out that you need to remember to move things forward.

That other guy shes texting probably isn't wasting much time if you know what I mean.

Your not doing anything wrong just stop wasting time and trying to go no contact and all that passive aggressive sh!t these guys teach lol the girl is texting you and your ignoring her? That ****s weird bro, you got guys who would love to have a girl initiate contact with them and your ignoring it.
Shes trying to hang out with you and your ignoring her lol your basically turning pvssy down, probably why shes texting other guys

Call her and do whatever you wanna do just make sure you escalate on her and go for the lay, apparently she has options, stop going days without talking to her before that other guy fvcks her.

Talk to other girls.
I agree. It’s pretty simple. you make plans. Go out. When you’re with her escalate. Then have sex. thats what id do anyway. If a girl gets in touch with me, I make plans. Then I try and hook up.
 

Tilex

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I have never in my life went on a breakfast date.
There's something really odd about that, especially for a first date.

Getting up early in the morning for a date seems like a power grab to me.
It's an over investment for you to meet her at that time.
Do you know what it really means?
It means you have to go to bed early the night before just to meet up with her.

That's an over investment.
 

Black Widow Void

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One thing I admit was a good quality (I think) was she went halves on everything.
There was a time when I'd agree with you, On the surface, this doesn't lighten the wallet and it would 'appear' to be an act of consideration,
However, experience has taught me that there are at least four types of women that will pay their own way.

01 - The thoughtful considerate woman:
These women are quite rare (though we believe that all women that pay their way fall under this category). This woman is practical minded. She's considerate of your expenses and doesn't want to appear as if you are being taken advantage of.

02 -The uninterested woman:
This type is easy to spot. They give off no signals of interest. This is a conscious effort on their part and part of this effort also includes not 'providing' you with the option to pay.

03 - The subtle feminist woman:
She's not the masculine militant type, but open her car door, hold doors etc... and her facial expression and body language will be most revealing. Allowing you to pay, would make her feel too submissive.

04 - The exploited woman
In her youth she was sexually taken advantage of. She still has a good heart and finds men attractive. However, she doesn't want to place herself in another unpleasant position. She doesn't necessarily enjoy having all the power (pursuing rather than being pursued, paying her way etc...) but finds this more comforting than placing herself in a position of feeling "beholden."

--------------------

Judging from what you've described, my money is that your gal is part of the # 4 category. If so, you don't want to bring up this subject. Just remain cool with things. If you like her, keep visits short, but also fun. You'll never have to wonder when you should make your move. She'll initiate. With this being said, you also do not want to just sit there and look passive. If you do, you'll end up being perceived as a "friend." Instead, be flirty, witty and fun. You need to differentiate yourself from appearing androgynous. In time, the barrier will eventually crumble (for the most part).
 
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will123

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Well, it turns out she never went to Thailand. She made it up.
 

will123

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Yeah her going half is cool but when she wants to hang with you does it ever lead to her/your house?

At this point the only way to test her true interest is to try to bang her, otherwise, your just wasting time and spending money and going on pointless dates, if you guys are just meeting then it's ok what your doing I'm just pointing out that you need to remember to move things forward.

That other guy shes texting probably isn't wasting much time if you know what I mean.

Your not doing anything wrong just stop wasting time and trying to go no contact and all that passive aggressive sh!t these guys teach lol the girl is texting you and your ignoring her? That ****s weird bro, you got guys who would love to have a girl initiate contact with them and your ignoring it.
Shes trying to hang out with you and your ignoring her lol your basically turning pvssy down, probably why shes texting other guys

Call her and do whatever you wanna do just make sure you escalate on her and go for the lay, apparently she has options, stop going days without talking to her before that other guy fvcks her.

Talk to other girls.
Disagree. She's playing mind games. She messaged me to see where I am and I text back to make a date and she's ignored me. She will go back to texting me again in a few days or so. Total mind **** she is. Deleted her number.
 

will123

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I have never in my life went on a breakfast date.
There's something really odd about that, especially for a first date.

Getting up early in the morning for a date seems like a power grab to me.
It's an over investment for you to meet her at that time.
Do you know what it really means?
It means you have to go to bed early the night before just to meet up with her.

That's an over investment.
Yep I know. I really I was a douche now. My mistake. Here to learn though. As per below, nexted her now.
 

RangerMIke

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Women who flake are not that interested in you and/or has better options. Get used to it because they all do this.... try not to let it bother you.

You hear a lot of times on this board where a first date/meet up went really well. Then she makes it hard going forward. Many times, when this happens she actually did have fun and liked you, BUT after she will check in with the chick network.... they will completely dissect everything that happened on the date and her friends will give you a bad score... so she pulls back.

If your date went well, one of two things happened. (1) You had a chick that really liked you, in the moment and had fun. (2) You had a polite woman that was trying to make the most of the time you were spending with her. If it's (2), and she flakes... just don't over react and move on... you will never hear from her again.

If it's (1) and the chick network gave you a bad score, she'll flake because of uncertainty. The conversation will go something like this:

Chick: "Blah blah blah... then he did this.... blah blah, I really liked this blah blah.... later me blah blah blah... he wore blah blah... I didn't like the pleats in his pants, but some how he made it work.... blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah etc etc ect."

Chick's friend; "Hmmm, sounds okay... blah blah blah. Sounds like you had fun blah blah blah. Did you say he said blah blah."

Chick: "Well yes, but it was more like blah blah"

Then they go back and forth again and again ending like this...

Chick's friend: "Well Hon... it sounds like he likes you... but he sounds like Dude #9, and remember how he turned into a creepy stalker."

Chick: "I was thinking the same thing." (When in reality she hadn't until her friend brought it up.)

This conversation is basically repeated with a number of friends, her sisters, her mother.... and if the consensus of the network is that you have the potential of being a carbon copy of Dude #9, she'll back off and flake. And what you do, is the same with (1) Don't over react and move on. What this will do is eventually convince her you are NOT Dude #9, and she'll circle around and you can make another run.

On rare occasions, this just happened to me recently, is that when she checks in with the chick network, one of her friends will know you... and if her friend doesn't have a good opinion of you, because maybe you dated her in the past.... or if her friend is interested in you the chick you are interested in will back off. If you date a lot, this will happen more frequently.

There is nothing you can do about the 'chick network' accept to understand that it exists... the only advice that I will give you is NEVER talk about anything you do or don't do with women... to other women, because it will get around and you'll have a reputation of a braggart and women will not trust you. It's okay if chicks share everything about you with each other... but it is never okay to talk about women yourself with other women.

I had a female friend once in a long conversation about a guy she just dumped... she was worried that things they did together would get around. She thought men did the same BS talking about women that chicks do with men. She couldn't believe that men did not do this. And on occasion, when this does happen, men really don't remember specifics about particular women. And men seldom, if ever talk about how things went poorly with particular women... it's usually ubiquitous anonymous bragging. There is no dude network... sure there is general dating advice on boards like this, but men generally keep things anonymous.
 

will123

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Women who flake are not that interested in you and/or has better options. Get used to it because they all do this.... try not to let it bother you.

You hear a lot of times on this board where a first date/meet up went really well. Then she makes it hard going forward. Many times, when this happens she actually did have fun and liked you, BUT after she will check in with the chick network.... they will completely dissect everything that happened on the date and her friends will give you a bad score... so she pulls back.

If your date went well, one of two things happened. (1) You had a chick that really liked you, in the moment and had fun. (2) You had a polite woman that was trying to make the most of the time you were spending with her. If it's (2), and she flakes... just don't over react and move on... you will never hear from her again.

If it's (1) and the chick network gave you a bad score, she'll flake because of uncertainty. The conversation will go something like this:

Chick: "Blah blah blah... then he did this.... blah blah, I really liked this blah blah.... later me blah blah blah... he wore blah blah... I didn't like the pleats in his pants, but some how he made it work.... blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah etc etc ect."

Chick's friend; "Hmmm, sounds okay... blah blah blah. Sounds like you had fun blah blah blah. Did you say he said blah blah."

Chick: "Well yes, but it was more like blah blah"

Then they go back and forth again and again ending like this...

Chick's friend: "Well Hon... it sounds like he likes you... but he sounds like Dude #9, and remember how he turned into a creepy stalker."

Chick: "I was thinking the same thing." (When in reality she hadn't until her friend brought it up.)

This conversation is basically repeated with a number of friends, her sisters, her mother.... and if the consensus of the network is that you have the potential of being a carbon copy of Dude #9, she'll back off and flake. And what you do, is the same with (1) Don't over react and move on. What this will do is eventually convince her you are NOT Dude #9, and she'll circle around and you can make another run.

On rare occasions, this just happened to me recently, is that when she checks in with the chick network, one of her friends will know you... and if her friend doesn't have a good opinion of you, because maybe you dated her in the past.... or if her friend is interested in you the chick you are interested in will back off. If you date a lot, this will happen more frequently.

There is nothing you can do about the 'chick network' accept to understand that it exists... the only advice that I will give you is NEVER talk about anything you do or don't do with women... to other women, because it will get around and you'll have a reputation of a braggart and women will not trust you. It's okay if chicks share everything about you with each other... but it is never okay to talk about women yourself with other women.

I had a female friend once in a long conversation about a guy she just dumped... she was worried that things they did together would get around. She thought men did the same BS talking about women that chicks do with men. She couldn't believe that men did not do this. And on occasion, when this does happen, men really don't remember specifics about particular women. And men seldom, if ever talk about how things went poorly with particular women... it's usually ubiquitous anonymous bragging. There is no dude network... sure there is general dating advice on boards like this, but men generally keep things anonymous.
I completely understand where you are coming from.

The last time we met up, she did most of the talking. She couldn't stop talking (in a good way). One occasion I was making eye contact and smiling at her and she held it and smiled back, and shyly, in a girly way, looked away and still had this smile on her face.

However, she said she was ill and wanted to go home. So I dropped her home without making a big deal of it.

I arrived home and suddenly she text to say she was sorry for leaving early and really enjoyed spending time with me. So I responded, to which she took a day to respond on New Years eve - right before midnight - to say "hey sweetie. Have a fabulous new year". Now I was out partying and didn't respond at that time (busy). So she then went a week giving me the silent treatment. I didn't chase and do the needy thing of bombarding her. But last night she text to ask if I was okay because I wasn't at my evening class. I text back to let her know I was unwell, but I set a definite date about getting together for a drink. No response. I'm not going to chase her. If she does, I'll set a date. If not, no big deal. I suspect she was pissed I didn't text her happy New Year. Or she's **** test me perhaps?

I'd like to know why she complains her male friend is bombarding her with texts all the time about meeting up, and yet he seems to be doing okay. Normally when a man acts needy its repellant to a woman. What gives?
 
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