First time cheating on current LTR

[PRW63]

Bros- I have to do it.

I have a current great LTR- great career, 8/10, cooks, cleans, does whatever I say. A great life-partner for getting through it.

no- I’m it going to break up with her, I don’t care about the “moral” things we’ve all been conditioned to believe.

we’re animals. I’m in my early 30’s, life is short and I want to have these experiences while I still have my youth.

Then you are a dirt bag. You are the ones that cause the rest of us to have to listen to the women complain that "All men are like that". You are the reason that Family Court is so hostile to men. Guys like you are the justification that the Lawyers and Judges use against the rest of us. If she was my sister or other family member I'd come lookin' for ya.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Ordinarily, I'll extend a friendly greeting to new members. Based on my first impression, your only asset so far... has been to expose other low caliber members.

Bros- I have to do it.

A person of your caliber is not my "bro." Clearly, we are not cut from the same cloth.
You "have to do it?"
Sounds like you have no self-accountably. Are you sounding like a man or a guy processed by 'chick logic?'

I’m in my early 30’s, life is short and I want to have these experiences while I still have my youth.

There are men in their early 30's that have gone through combat, worked hard to raise a family etc.. Meanwhile, you are claiming that you're still in your youth? Judging by your character, I'm now thinking that they need to raise the voting age to 40.

 

[TheProspect]

Here is my experience and initial thoughts:

I'm on the spectrum of sociopathy and I believe morals are subjective & often socially conditioned. As you could imagine, this has had an effect on my behaviour in many aspects of my life.

Of course, part of stating that is just me rationalizing my past behaviour, as I am guilty of cheating before when I was younger. Each time I cheated, I never got caught, it never weighed heavily on my conscience, and I never had to directly lie to my LTR's face about it (interestingly, I think lying directly to a girlfriend's face and/or also giving a girlfriend an STD would bother me by weighing heavily on my conscience, especially the latter).

I have a different opinion on cheating than a lot of people, in that I think it can actually be an experience that can be useful (that doesn't mean you should do it nor that it's justified). I say this because I cheated on two different LTRs when I was younger. The first relationship I cheated, I was cheated on first, and after I cheated too, I realized that I didn't really like my LTR, but neither of us had the courage to end it. Cheating made me realize there are other girls out there that I'm more compatible with sexually and had better chemistry with in general.

The second relationship I cheated, I realized that I actually really liked my LTR, and realized what I had with her, and resolved to never cheat on her again & (ironically) cheating made me appreciate her more. This relationship lasted another year before we amicably split, mostly because we were attending different schools in different cities.

In both relationships, what I found interesting was immediately after the act I felt I "came to my senses" as they say. I acted purely out of lust. Once I busted my nut, I had this feeling of doing something not necessarily wrong, but more so this sense that what I did was needless and unnecessary, in that I jeopardized so much just to experience a few moments of pleasure.

I don't think everyone who cheats is automatically a piece of sh!t, I just ultimately don't see it as worth the risk, and so I wouldn't recommend it. Even as someone who never got caught, I still feel cheating wasn't worth the risk. Having matured and learned from my experiences, I decided that I will never cheat again.

I'll elaborate why on my next post...

 

[TheProspect]

Despite what I said in my previous post, I wouldn't advocate cheating for the following reasons:

(1) There is a very high probability it will change your behaviour, so high that it's practically guaranteed you will become more secretive. You will act differently around your girlfriend. She may or may not pick up on it -- doesn't matter. The point being is that if you cheat, you now have something to hide. In order to hide it, you have to act with deceit. You will have to create and maintain the illusion that she is in a relationship with a loyal man -- this is deceit, because you are NOT a loyal man. Deception is the opposite of the integrity. If you cheat, you are sacrificing integrity & loyalty for a few moments of pleasure due in large part to your lack of self-restraint regarding lust.

(2) There is also a chance she finds out that you've cheated and confronts you. Do you then lie to her face, or do you tell her the truth? Do you go all-in on the deception at this point, or do you come clean? Do you expect her to dump you, or do you expect her to stay with you? If she dumps you, are you okay with that? If she stays, are you okay with being with a doormat who has low self-esteem and can you look her in the eye knowing what you are putting her through? If you cheat, are you prepared at any given point to have the relationship with your girlfriend end permanently? Are you prepared to deal with the life changes that will occur and the social backlash you will receive? The implications of these questions can be completely avoided if you choose not act on your lust.

(3) STDs & pregnancy. Having sex with someone ALWAYS includes the risk of pregnancy or getting an STD from that person. You may be okay with cheating, but would you be okay with giving your girlfriend a permanent STD? Are you okay with knocking up a chick outside of your relationship and attempting to navigate through that in secret behind your girlfriend's back? How would you feel or react if you were loyal to your girlfriend and suddenly you contracted herpes, chlamydia, warts, or HIV seemingly out of the blue?

(4) Hypocrisy. Self-explanatory. You wouldn't be okay with your girlfriend cheating on you, or if you found out she's been cheating on you the entire relationship. Yes, there's a double-standard in the manosphere that suggests men and women cheat for different reasons, but if you "don't care" about moral things, then you logically also wouldn't care about the moral implications of this double-standard.

(5) Conscience. Can your conscience carry the burden of the act? Morals play a role in this, as does identity. This involves the reputation you have with yourself. By cheating, you are changing the reputation you have with yourself. How will you reconcile the fact that by cheating behind your girlfriend's back, you are explicitly demonstrating that you are a disloyal man who lacks integrity? Maybe you will be able to self-rationalize yourself out of feeling guilt, just the way you are self-rationalizing yourself into cheating. Perhaps you're on the spectrum of sociopathy (such as myself) or psychopathy, and are incapable of feeling such guilt, or at least do not feel it as strongly as most people. You may think you know how you will feel after cheating before you cheat, but you will ultimately find out for certain once the deed is done and irreversible.

---

TL;DR
When you cheat, whether you are discovered or not, you violate your partner's trust. You needlessly expose yourself, your girlfriend, and the relationship to unnecessary risks. You sacrifice your loyalty and integrity for a fleeting desire of lust. Cheating also demonstrates a lack of restraint, questionable priorities, poor judgement, and it reveals countless other negative qualities about yourself.

Moral arguments aside, cheating is just not a sensible act. It's not a wise decision from a rational point of view.

I recommend not cheating.

 

[Black Widow Void]

There's an old saying; "just because you're on a diet... doesn't mean that you can't stare at the menu." In other words, even in committed relationships, we all lust after other women

Below, it looks like you're attempting to justify a man breaking his word and commitment. It's not just about a man breaking his word to someone else. It's also about the core; which defines a man. It's difficult to imagine you being someone of authentic self-worth.

Societal constructs such as "love" are placed on us by both women and weak men , my question has always been how the hell is it possible to legitimately commit yourself to one woman for the rest of your life when you still find other women attractive !?!

Love is supposed to conquer all ..... haha no will power and societal shaming does

Any guy in a relationship who says he doesn't find other girls attractive is a liar or a simp

Men are naturally designed to procreate with as many women as possible, your girlfriend should actually be pleased other women want to sleep with you it should reassure her she is with an alpha male

all the guilt shaming and moral wrongdoing is literally placed on you by society , the movies , TV , the media

it's utter nonsense

go and smash that ***** whilst you still can.

 

[cheekclapper]

Societal constructs such as "love" are placed on us by both women and weak men , my question has always been how the hell is it possible to legitimately commit yourself to one woman for the rest of your life when you still find other women attractive !?!

Love is supposed to conquer all ..... haha no will power and societal shaming does

Any guy in a relationship who says he doesn't find other girls attractive is a liar or a simp

Men are naturally designed to procreate with as many women as possible, your girlfriend should actually be pleased other women want to sleep with you it should reassure her she is with an alpha male

all the guilt shaming and moral wrongdoing is literally placed on you by society , the movies , TV , the media

it's utter nonsense

go and smash that ***** whilst you still can.

This is the response! Any who says else is a brainwashed white knight shill- who thinks “doing the right thing” even exists.

your moral code is a conditioned societal
belief, before society do you know what humans did? Cracked heads, looted, raped, pillaged, that’s millions of years of evolution replaced by 1000 years of societal conditioning?

yeah, we’ve been animals way longer and it ain’t changing

 

[cheekclapper]

I say go for it. You want the thrill of the hunt. You're probably experienced enough to handle it right.

bro yes, it’s the hunt! I love it..

 

[cheekclapper]

Is this "right relationship" out there though? Lets be real....... the quest for the "right(perfect?) relationship" is ONEITIS mindset.

After you have been with a certain number of women there is no such thing as the perfect woman or the perfect relationship. There is always that chick in the past that banged you better, the other that stired more emotions in you and the one that was the better housewife ..... etc.etc.

exactly, I’ve been with a lot of women of all different backgrounds, experience and it’s so exciting meeting a new woman who has new interest, new stories.

there are so many countries, cultures, you’re going to die one day. Imagine never experiencing those romances?

Ever seen a couple married more than 10+ years that aren’t silently miserable and longing for a different path?

 

[Plinco]

"You are free to do what you want to do, but you are not free of the consequences"
― Ayn Rand


“Love is blind, they say; sex is impervious to reason and mocks the power of all philosophers. But, in fact, a person's sexual choice is the result and sum of their fundamental convictions. Tell me what a person finds sexually attractive and I will tell you their entire philosophy of life. Show me the person they sleep with and I will tell you their valuation of themselves. No matter what corruption they're taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which they cannot perform for any motive but their own enjoyment - just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity! - an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exultation, only on the confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire. It is an act that forces them to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and accept their real ego as their standard of value. They will always be attracted to the person who reflects their deepest vision of themselves, the person whose surrender permits them to experience - or to fake - a sense of self-esteem .. Love is our response to our highest values - and can be nothing else.”
― Ayn Rand



“The man who refuses to judge, who neither agrees nor disagrees, who declares that there are no absolutes and believes that he escapes responsibility, is the man responsible for all the blood that is now spilled in the world. Reality is an absolute, existence is an absolute, a speck of dust is an absolute and so is a human life. Whether you live or die is an absolute. Whether you have a piece of bread or not, is an absolute. Whether you eat your bread or see it vanish into a looter's stomach, is an absolute.

There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil. The man who is wrong still retains some respect for truth, if only by accepting the responsibility of choice. But the man in the middle is the knave who blanks out the truth in order to pretend that no choice or values exist, who is willing to sit out the course of any battle, willing to cash in on the blood of the innocent or to crawl on his belly to the guilty, who dispenses justice by condemning both the robber and the robbed to jail, who solves conflicts by ordering the thinker and the fool to meet each other halfway. In any compromise between food and poison, it is only death that can win. In any compromise between good and evil, it is only evil that can profit. In that transfusion of blood which drains the good to feed the evil, the compromise is the transmitting rubber tube.”
― Ayn Rand

 

[cheekclapper]

Here is my experience and initial thoughts:

I'm on the spectrum of sociopathy and I believe morals are subjective & often socially conditioned. As you could imagine, this has had an effect on my behaviour in many aspects of my life.

Of course, part of stating that is just me rationalizing my past behaviour, as I am guilty of cheating before when I was younger. Each time I cheated, I never got caught, it never weighed heavily on my conscience, and I never had to directly lie to my LTR's face about it (interestingly, I think lying directly to a girlfriend's face and/or also giving a girlfriend an STD would bother me by weighing heavily on my conscience, especially the latter).

I have a different opinion on cheating than a lot of people, in that I think it can actually be an experience that can be useful (that doesn't mean you should do it nor that it's justified). I say this because I cheated on two different LTRs when I was younger. The first relationship I cheated, I was cheated on first, and after I cheated too, I realized that I didn't really like my LTR, but neither of us had the courage to end it. Cheating made me realize there are other girls out there that I'm more compatible with sexually and had better chemistry with in general.

The second relationship I cheated, I realized that I actually really liked my LTR, and realized what I had with her, and resolved to never cheat on her again & (ironically) cheating made me appreciate her more. This relationship lasted another year before we amicably split, mostly because we were attending different schools in different cities.

In both relationships, what I found interesting was immediately after the act I felt I "came to my senses" as they say. I acted purely out of lust. Once I busted my nut, I had this feeling of doing something not necessarily wrong, but more so this sense that what I did was needless and unnecessary, in that I jeopardized so much just to experience a few moments of pleasure.

I don't think everyone who cheats is automatically a piece of sh!t, I just ultimately don't see it as worth the risk, and so I wouldn't recommend it. Even as someone who never got caught, I still feel cheating wasn't worth the risk. Having matured and learned from my experiences, I decided that I will never cheat again.

I'll elaborate why on my next post...

I can see this as a risk assessment proposition, however you are NOT factoring in opportunity cost.

in 3 years you and your LTR end, those romances you never had, and experiences which are not measurable, in a quantifiable sense are gone- and for what?

opportunity cost

 

[cheekclapper]

Despite what I said in my previous post, I wouldn't advocate cheating for the following reasons:

(1) There is a very high probability it will change your behaviour, so high that it's practically guaranteed you will become more secretive. You will act differently around your girlfriend. She may or may not pick up on it -- doesn't matter. The point being is that if you cheat, you now have something to hide. In order to hide it, you have to act with deceit. You will have to create and maintain the illusion that she is in a relationship with a loyal man -- this the deceit, because you are NOT a loyal man. Deception is the opposite of the integrity. If you cheat, you are sacrificing integrity & loyalty for a few moments of pleasure due in large part to your lack of self-restraint regarding lust.

(2) There is also a chance she finds out that you've cheated and confronts you. Do you then lie to her face, or do you tell her to the truth? Do you go all-in on the deception at this point, or do you come clean? Do you expect her to dump you, or do you expect her to stay with you? If she dumps you, are you okay with that? If she stays, are you okay with being with a doormat who has low self-esteem and can you look her in the eye knowing what you are putting her through? If you cheat, are you prepared at any given point to have the relationship with your girlfriend end permanently? Are you prepared to deal with the life changes that will occur and the social backlash you will receive? The implications of these questions can be completely avoided if you choose not act on your lust.

(3) STDs & pregnancy. Having sex with someone ALWAYS includes the risk of pregnancy or getting an STD from that person. You may be okay with cheating, but would you be okay with giving your girlfriend a permanent STD? Are you okay with knocking up a chick outside of your relationship and attempting to navigate through that in secret behind your girlfriend's back? How would you feel or react if you were loyal to your girlfriend and suddenly you contracted herpes, chlamydia, warts, or HIV seemingly out of the blue?

(4) Hypocrisy. Self-explanatory. You wouldn't be okay with your girlfriend cheating on you, or if you found out she's been cheating on you the entire relationship. Yes, there's a double-standard in the manosphere that suggests men and women cheat for different reasons, but if you "don't care" about moral things, then you logically also wouldn't care about the moral implications of this double-standard.

(5) Conscience. Can your conscience carry the burden of the act? Morals play a role in this, as does identity. This involves the reputation you have with yourself. By cheating, you are changing the reputation you have with yourself. How will you reconcile the fact that by cheating behind your girlfriend's back, you are explicitly demonstrating that you are a disloyal man who lacks integrity? Maybe you will be able to self-rationalize yourself out of feeling guilt, just the way you are self-rationalizing yourself into cheating. Perhaps you're on the spectrum of sociopathy (such as myself) or psychopathy, and are incapable of feeling such guilt, or at least do not feel it as strongly as most people. You may think you know how you will feel after cheating before you cheat, but you will ultimately find out for certain once the deed is done and irreversible.

---

TL;DR
When you cheat, whether you are discovered or not, you violate your partner's trust. You needlessly expose yourself, your girlfriend, and the relationship to unnecessary risks. You sacrifice your loyalty and integrity for a fleeting desire of lust. Cheating also demonstrates a lack of restraint, questionable priorities, poor judgement, and it reveals countless other negative qualities about yourself.

Moral arguments aside, cheating is just not a sensible act. It's not a wise decision from a rational point of view.

I recommend not cheating.

All good points, but only STDs is the one that is applicable here- there is no damage to her if she never knows.

Integrity is sort of a made-up thing. Ever seen someone get utterly destroyed in life but cling tight to the “but I did the right thing”

..suckers imo.

Only catching/giving an STD generates a reality.

 

[PRW63]

Some men are playing to win, just like women do.

Nothing in this is equal to anyone playing to win. It is more like "Sociopaths Gone Wild" or "When Narcissists Attack Get Their Way".

If it is all "evil" when women do it, then it is "evil" when anyone does it. The whole "Well they do it too!" is just grade school playground logic.

 

[Epimanes]

Seeing more and more of posts like this has really turned me off of being here.. shows me the quality of men that frequent... yet.... men complain... "oh she's a *****" yet it's ok for them to behave the same.... no big deal right? Every where I read here it's double standards. Just like women!

Eye for an eye tooth for a tooth. Don't you remember the golden rule? It used to be on the wall in elementary classes.... "do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

Shyt like this just proves to me that society and their "instant gratification" mind set is prevailant..... Millennials... not happy with what they got even when it's a good thing.

Sure shows the lack of self respect humans have for each other these days. Sad....

So I dont reccomend you cheat. But hey! ... you do you. I'll stick to one woman at a time with honesty and integrity... if I'm done with my woman I will tell her.. or at least communicate my concerns/desires before I just go and get my dyck wet with some other woman. Why ruin a good thing. The truth ALWAYS comes out eventually so may as well be a real man and be upfront instead of puzzy footing around.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Bros- I have to do it.

I have a current great LTR- great career, 8/10, cooks, cleans, does whatever I say. A great life-partner for getting through it.

no- I’m it going to break up with her, I don’t care about the “moral” things we’ve all been conditioned to believe.

we’re animals. I’m in my early 30’s, life is short and I want to have these experiences while I still have my youth.

I’ve already been getting nudes from various girls and my drive to want to slam them is insane.

I’ve yet to pull the trigger yet though.

what are your stories, experiences?

Well, I am going to have to agree with @RickTheToad here. You have a good situation. You said it yourself, great career, HB8, cooks and cleans, and submissive. If she finds out, and trust me, she will at some point, say bah bah to all of that, and good luck finding a quality woman like that in modern times filled with low-hanging fruit.

From experience, I can tell you, that anytime I cheated (not the desire, I will explain that in a bit) was because I wasn't fulfilled in some way or another and instead of figuring it out I cheated and lost it all. In hindsight, it was not worth risking a good thing for some sleazy nobody and a quick bust. Not worth it at all.

But I also have to agree with other members here in the sense that it is simply in our DNA and brain wiring to spread as many seeds as possible. So I get why you have the desire to cheat. We as men as constantly thinking about where to plant our next seed, nowadays it isn't much of conscious thought but rather subconscious in the form of carnal pleasure (mostly due to media).

Ultimately, you will need to make that decision for yourself but be aware of all the risks involved and try to put yourself in that position of you losing her or letting her know you need to do this and get it out of your system and gauge her reaction.

Modern Man Advice

 

[SammyNfor]

Man you've found a good girl. You said it yourself. Why mess it up? So many people out here wish they were in your position trying to even find a half-decent girl.

 

[Serenity]

I'm not taking any chances on this one staying open.

Locked

 

[TheProspect]

Serenity and I talked. We are concerned that this thread may continue to go off the rails if unlocked because cheating is a sensitive moral topic for some, and the OP quickly resorted to hurling insults at others after he was attacked.

However, I believe the original post itself has the potential to elicit a good discussion on a topic that many men here can relate to some degree at some point in their life (the desire to cheat whilst in a relationship)...

Some of the responses were civil while others blatantly attacked the OP personally, instead of his positions. The OP himself was very disrespectful, and as a result has been banned since the locking. The bickering posts (and the posts that responded to them) have also now been deleted.

I am unlocking this thread because I have faith that you guys are capable of civil discussion without personally attacking each other. It's okay to have a strong opinion, but make sure you abide by the Forum Rules.

On a final note, the OP is banned and now unable to defend his position. Please keep this mind if you choose to contribute to this discussion. I will be monitoring this thread and will re-lock it if any disrespectful behaviour emerges again.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I'm glad to see that this has been unlocked (though I can also understand why there was desire to lock).

Although I wasn't fond of the OP's behavior, I hope that his ban is only temporary. His behavior aside, he does seem to have some intelligence. If he was given warnings and didn't abide, then that's another story of course.

As to the subject, I'm probably guilty of doing some projecting here. I cheated once and it haunted me for over twenty years.

After the cheating was done, I broke up with her. It wasn't because I didn't love her or that I was into the "other woman." I just figured that she'd find out (it was her best friend) and she could suffer less pain - if she thought it happened after the break up.

I suppose I was charged by this posting because mine wasn't premediated. I was drunk and her friend made a pass at me and I accepted (I'd never bedded the cheerleader type at this point in my life and here she was) . I was also 21 and not in my thirties. But the more I think about this, I'm just as guilty or innocent as the OP. Meaning... that I can make excuses to justify cheating, but it's on me. I cheated and personally, am not proud of this.

I'm a regular here at calling out the hypocrisies of others. And here you have it. I'm voluntarily taking ownership of my own.

 

[Machine10033]

My opinion is if you have something good why risk it? If you want to spin plates keep spinning but if you found a white whale, great sex, great companion, trust worthy, cooks, cleans, makes money, hot... why risk losing that for some random?

 

[PRW63]

I am unlocking this thread because I have faith that you guys are capable of civil discussion without personally attacking each other. It's okay to have a strong opinion, but make sure you abide by the Forum Rules.

On a final note, the OP is banned and now unable to defend his position. Please keep this mind if you choose to contribute to this discussion. I will be monitoring this thread and will re-lock it if any disrespectful behaviour emerges again.

Thanks man!
You're a good man.