First time being cheated on

[bigneil]

How do you figure? What kind of attitude is that? You must set your boundaries and dare her to push them. If she values you, she won't cross them.

Ultimatums don't work.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Ultimatums don't work.

Lol. Yea ok.

 

[EyeBRollin]

It's all IPSE DIXIT so hard to respond to, but I have pretty substantial experience setting boundaries and it never works out. Only prolongs a bad situation where they would have been sloppy and fvcked up far sooner had I pretended to be more "open minded."

If you want the relationship to be successful, as a primary motive, then you set boundaries.

If you want to screen out bad women as your primary motive, then you don't set boundaries because you are giving her the playbook to avoid detection.

The whole name of the game is to screen out bad women. Why waste any time with bad women?

Yes it's possible a halfway decent woman will do some stuff you find annoying and you will end an otherwise good thing solely because you never communicated your values to her. Who cares? It's far more likely that you will be putting lipstick on a pit by giving advance warning, and the downside far more devastating.

What are you talking about? Decent women with high interest level will not give you problems. The only thing that matters is her interest level. If she's in love with you, she won't let other dudes try to **** her down. It's really that simple.

Any High IL woman, even hardcore attention wh0res, can cut out male friends etc while IL is high. So what?

That's exactly the point. No men, no cheating.

We want to know the real her because we want a woman that won't relapse to her old ways as soon as times get tough. We want to know her true character.

Times don't "get tough" if you keep her interest level high. You're making excuses for men to screw up. You have to game your girlfriend / wife. If she loses interest, those eyes will wander. It's up to you to prevent that.

 

[EyeBRollin]

you must be under 20yo. Times don't get tough?

No, they don't. I know what I'm doing.

Btw, IL is never static(is yours for her?) and will fluctuate downward no matter what you do eventually.

Correct, IL is not static. When it fluctuates downward you have to raise it. It fluctuates mostly because of your behavior.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Lack of respect, game playing, poor communication. She still put out on the regular though, in fact, nearly always initiated. Who knows. Could be a sex addict?

Yes, the elephant in the room. Sex addiction makes a relationship difficult. It would seem that any talk of a relationship needs to presuppose that both parties have a modicum of self-control over their sexuality. Relationships presuppose rationality.

 

[EyeBRollin]

You really give men way too much credit.

For holding men accountable for their own destiny when it comes to women?

Women have agency and more sexual options than ancient Kings...And the desire to exploit that.

Women aren't motivated by screwing everything with a ****. Women are motivated by "catching" the most dominate male in the room. When you stop acting like it, she starts looking somewhere else.

All you can do is be valuable enough to her where she won't want to risk anything, but you're not in total control of that either nor her subjective and ever changing value system.

You are in total control. You're the one with the ****. You are the leader. If she values you, she follows you. Women in love do not cheat. Repeat that 200 times. Memorize it.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Even if he had done EVERYTHING RIGHT to keep this woman - the fact that she had a threesome proves that she is not a woman worthy of locking into a relationship.

That, or her previous boyfriends were just as clueless. Odds are that is probably the case. There are some ****ed up women, but the majority aren't damaged to the point of not being able to love.

 

[sazc]

Interesting, you think a girl that can admit to playing games is higher quality? Maybe so. I rarely call them out directly esp jealousy games.

No, its more of a litmus test. If she denies then you know she's got issues, you know you should create distance.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

The man is not responsible for her behavior, but he is responsible for failing to screen out a woman who is likely to be badly behaved.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Really never thought it would happen. Been dating this broad for about 8 months. I'm 30, she's 25. Gave her good sex, was never needy, only committed after she brought up exclusivity. The red flags were there however. Something didn't feel right, just shows that you always trust your gut instinct. Multiple men over a 3-4 month period. Girl is damaged goods, doesn't make it hurt any less though. Just reaching out here, anything y'all have to say helps. I'm not going back to her.

I went through the same thing. You will come out stronger in time.

 

[bigneil]

Why are men relying on women to be committed to them in the first place? Out of insecurity that suggests nobody would ever not cheat on them? Unless they want her to have their children, why not just enjoy their time with her and try to be her best option? And always have other options.

 

[EyeBRollin]

The man is not responsible for her behavior, but he is responsible for failing to screen out a woman who is likely to be badly behaved.

Yessir. Why is this concept so hard for men?

 

[Bokanovsky]

Really never thought it would happen. Been dating this broad for about 8 months. I'm 30, she's 25. Gave her good sex, was never needy, only committed after she brought up exclusivity. The red flags were there however. Something didn't feel right, just shows that you always trust your gut instinct. Multiple men over a 3-4 month period. Girl is damaged goods, doesn't make it hurt any less though. Just reaching out here, anything y'all have to say helps. I'm not going back to her.

Chances are, this is not the first time you've been cheated on but the first time you've found out. It's like catching a cold...can happen to anyone, at any time. 8 months is nothing. Just say fvck it and move on. No point in obsessing about it.

 

[FwoGiZ]

I tried monogamy several time... then I met this awesome chick.. she played in my back but not sure if she actually cheated on me. I managed to shake her pretty good so "I gave her a chance". Then I am the one who cheated on her... then I started realising how dumb all that **** was. Now we're in open relationship and laugh at people who get all worked out by those cheating stories. If you have a high sex drive and want a women that love sex, I strongly suggest you start considering open relationships. It changed my life. Once you start realising how brainwashed we are to how it's supposed to be, everything start to make sense and now it literally just is a running gag and source of entertainment for me and her.

There is a difference between a fling and having an affair if you get what I mean. You can keep living in delusion or accept reality about how homo sapiens clearly aren't monogamous.
Promising exclusivity in 2017 is ignorant, unless you have low libido in which case you might not be as healthy as you could?

 

[RangerMIke]

How do you figure? What kind of attitude is that? You must set your boundaries and dare her to push them. If she values you, she won't cross them.

There is a difference between having boundaries and setting them. There is a difference. Everyone has things they are not willing to tolerate.. and when this happens you just walk away... find a new chick. "Setting" boundaries (i.e communicating with you're chick what will make you butt hurt) is a waste of time because any chick that really likes you will figure out what you like and don't like and if does things you don't like... she pretty much knows what she is doing is wrong. BUT, since she is an emotional creature, she's just going to go with what feels right in the moment. If she still likes you and is interested in keeping you, her emotions will not let her cheat.

 

[RangerMIke]

Really never thought it would happen. Been dating this broad for about 8 months. I'm 30, she's 25. Gave her good sex, was never needy, only committed after she brought up exclusivity. The red flags were there however. Something didn't feel right, just shows that you always trust your gut instinct. Multiple men over a 3-4 month period. Girl is damaged goods, doesn't make it hurt any less though. Just reaching out here, anything y'all have to say helps. I'm not going back to her.

Don't beat yourself up, but it is good advice to yourself to trust your gut. She's 25 living in a Western culture. She is on the c0ck carousel.. it is what they do. She isn't going to start thinking about settling down until she hits 30.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Don't beat yourself up, but it is good advice to yourself to trust your gut. She's 25 living in a Western culture. She is on the c0ck carousel.. it is what they do. She isn't going to start thinking about settling down until she hits 30.

Some 30's act like 25... Thinking it never ends.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

What's the point of an open relationship?

None. Your basically single and both multidating. Perhaps it establishes that your open relation partner has primary responsibility of typical relational roles.

 

[wifehunter]

Really never thought it would happen. Been dating this broad for about 8 months. I'm 30, she's 25. Gave her good sex, was never needy, only committed after she brought up exclusivity. The red flags were there however. Something didn't feel right, just shows that you always trust your gut instinct. Multiple men over a 3-4 month period. Girl is damaged goods, doesn't make it hurt any less though. Just reaching out here, anything y'all have to say helps. I'm not going back to her.

There's no need to trust your gut. Most chicks are garbage.

 

[BeTheChange]

Even if he had done EVERYTHING RIGHT to keep this woman - the fact that she had a threesome proves that she is not a woman worthy of locking into a relationship.

Didn't you have a threesome with your current gf?