"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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First post, new situation for me, looking for some input

EternalStudent

Don Juan
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Ladies, Gentleman:

This is my first post. I find myself in a situation that I am not entirely sure how to deal with. I'm looking for advice, insight, and other perspectives.

I stumbled across this site while traversing the Internet looking to see if anyone could possibly have some sage words of advice. Here's the situation!

I'm 25. Single. I have a college degree and a good job in an industry with a lot of room for growth and personal advancement. I am a musician and play in a band several nights a week.

When I met women, it was always by chance, circumstance, or, quite frankly, they came to me (being in a good band has it's perks). I would meet them via friends, parties, or gigs. You could say I always had a woman by default.

At 25 and in a professional environment, I am very quickly realizing that I am not meeting the kind of woman I want. It gets worse: One-itis.

The woman: former co-worker of mine. I've known her for a few years, and for the first couple of years, I always thought she was the ditzy, flake of a woman. We eventually wound up in the side-by-side and at that point, I started to get to know her and came to find out how much of it was a facade. She ended up being far more intelligent and well-versed in a number of subjects than she ever let on. She seems to only let the mask drop around me. She also has a boyfriend (they've been together about 8 months at this point). My co-workers have mentioned that she acts differently around me, and that there is some amount of chemistry there.

We've been out for coffee a few times. Conversation is good, we get along well. The real issue for me is the boyfriend.

I've met him. Not really a fan, but that's more the envy in me, I suppose. One thing I have made it a point to do is NOT compare myself to him directly. I don't say, "I'm bigger/better/faster/smarter/wealthier," etc. I just do my own thing.

My perception: There's a mutual interest. I don't feel she'll leave her boyfriend, though. That's the doubt in me. I mentioned there's some One-itis with this one, and here's why -- this is really the first time that I haven't just randomly fallen into a relationship with someone. This is someone I WANT to find out where things could go.

I know that there are ganji games, boyfriend destroyers, making a move, raising the interest level, and other techniques. I'm just not sure about the boyfriend-factor.


So, please, chime in. If you have other questions on the situation or myself, I will do my best to answer them. And, yes, I have been reading the Bible!
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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The only way to know is to test the waters -- many would say never go after co-workers - because a disaster destroys the male and your career!!! If you are looking for long term and she is worthy then weigh the risks!! If you want to just get your penis wet then move on!!!! Not worth it!!!
 

EternalStudent

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She, thankfully, is a FORMER co-worker.

DJ's -- out of curiosity, do most of you choose to blow past the boyfriend factor or just Next the woman for it?
 

EternalStudent

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Let's just say I am a slow learner. I've never been in this situation before, so I am still trying to get my bearings.

1) I want to see where this one goes. I am going to find out one way or another. Hopefully it plays in my favor, but if not, I'll chalk it up to learning some things about things.

2) Signs she is considering leaving her boyfriend -- what are they? I've never been in this situation before, so I don't really have any bearings.
 

FoolsCause

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A key sign is if she's badmouthing, or denigrating, him, always telling you what a rotten loser he is. But even that is no guarantee that she'll really dump him for you. Do some kino/kissing asap, ask her out, and if she won't dump him at that time, move on.

... or have sex with her anyways if you want to and can avoid an expectation of more than casual sex. Casanova had sex with many taken women.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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