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First dating experience. I destroyed myself in the eyes of my ONEitis.

ghcortez253

Don Juan
Joined
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Part 1 of 3:

I’m 35 years old. Prior to a few months ago had never dated before, and I’m still a virgin. I’ve avoided dating because I’m physically debilitated with arthritis, as a result of which I’m marginally employed in a call center, live with my father, have no social life and few hobbies, and have been depressed for years. The arthritis destroyed my confidence and I’ve felt too dissatisfied with my dating options to try at all. I never studied game or got any practice applying it, and as result, when an opportunity unexpectedly presented itself recently, I made a huge beta idiot of myself due my lack of understanding.

This year, I started at a new call center, where I met a woman named Sarah, an absolute wet dream of a MILF whose job was to assist in the training of new agents. She’s 40, a single mother, very attractive, sexy, and intelligent, and a gifted conversationalist with an absolutely wicked wit. She is very sexually experienced and has led an interesting and varied life. She was also the best agent we had, and everyone, including management, revered her for her job skills.

From the start, she was strangely affectionate toward me. After a few weeks, she progressed to being flirtatious, and then overtly sexual. I’d be on a call struggling to get the hang of things, and she’d be telling me the things she wanted to do to me while helping me. My response was to ignore her and shut her down, not because I didn’t like her, but because I was intimidated, knowing she was smarter and wittier than me to the point of being out of my league. I also thought she was just messing with me for amusement and didn’t think she could possibly ey seriously interested. But in secret I was always very attracted to her, and over the course of a few months, developed a huge crush. Although I started by acting truly annoyed by her behavior, as I got more comfortable with her, I unknowingly began using “amused mastery” to shoot her down. I would even go home and prepare clever replies to deflect her advances. I got her good with some of these things, and it just egged her on.

I eventually graduated from training and was separated from her. From then on I saw her only in the break room, where I would completely and utterly ignore her unless she approached me and initiated conversation. One day she noticed that I was on Facebook and asked why I hadn’t sent her a friend request yet. I told her I wasn’t sending her a friend request, and that she had to send me one. She said it was against the rules for her to send me one, so I said “oh well” and went back to what I was doing.

That night, she sent me a friend request and came on to me hard. It was surreal. She said she was very attracted to me and and that the fact that I ignored her drove her crazy and made her desperate for my attention. She had been single and celebate for several years. She didn’t say exactly what she wanted with me, but her messages were replete with sexual innuendo. As usual, I shot her down, insisted that we were not a good match, and explained the circumstance of my life that make me feel unable to date. The only real reason I didn’t want to get together with her was that I knew I wasn’t on her level and that she’d lose interest if she actually spent time with me. During that conversation, I did admit that I was attracted to her. We kept talking over the next two weeks, and against my judgment I agreed to go out with her.

Over six weeks, we hung out alone on a total of five occasions. We made mostly polite conversation and talked as if we were friends. We never kissed or escalated physically in any way. She always dominated the conversation, and I would find ways to chime in by showing interest in what she was saying and asking questions to keep her going. After an awkward first date, we ended up back at her place drunk, and she invited me into her bedroom to smoke weed; she was laying in her bed, and I was sitting in a chair next to her, and she invited me to come lay on her bed with her. I said “nah I’m good sleeping in this chair” and pretended to pass out (I still don’t know whether she was trying to **** or just offering me a more comfortable place to sleep). With few exceptions, there was rarely any romantic or sexual undertones to any of our interaction when we were on dates. I didn’t know how to flirt with her, and she didn’t flirt with me even though she knew how.
 

ghcortez253

Don Juan
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Part 2 of 3:

On our first date, she said she had talked to three other guys in the last year and that all of them were “vaginas.” She said she used to date gangsters and that she doesn’t like nice guys, and that part of what had made me attractive to her was that I was a **** to her. She also told me that she wasn’t attracted to guys her age, always went for younger men. At the time I didn’t grasp the significance of this, but what she was really telling me was that she was looking for an alpha to ****.

In addition to our 1-1 dates, she included me in give group outings with her group of three co-worker friends, which she called “the crew.” The three friends were all supervisors working above her, yet the group revolved around her and they followed her around like subordinates. For the most part I hated these outings and should not have attended them, but did so anyway because she wanted me to, and I was willing to jump at any opportunity to spend time with her. During these things she would focus more on her friends than me, and I would be mostly silent, feeling out of place.

Once we started dating and hanging out outside of work, she flirted much less than she used to, and it was often hard to tell where she was at with me. I still had a huge crush on her, and although she never showed the high level of interest in me that she did initially, she definitely treated me as more than a platonic friend, and did show some sincere signs of interest. She texted every day and initiated conversation most of the time, and changed her appearance when I said I liked her hair or clothing a certain way. When I asked when the last time she cut her hair was, she cut it. After I complimented her on her calves, she started wearing shorts and skirts every day, and later told me how good the compliment made her feel. She would sometimes make flirtatious physical contact when talking to me. She still did flirt and talk sex sometimes, just not as much or as aggressively as she once did.

Throughout the whole episode, due to my inexperience with women, I made constant, serious mistakes in dealing with her. The worst of which was that I was timid to the point that I acted like a platonic friend most of the time, and only rarely showed any sign of sexual interest. When she flirted with me, I wouldn’t flirt back because I didn’t know what to say. On several occasions, she tried introduce sex talk, and my replies were tepid to negative. I almost always made her initiate and lead everything we did. When we found out that our call center would be shut down at the end of July, my attitude and outlook on life became very negative. I made self-deprecating comments, in response to which she would punch me as if these statements really bothered her. I spent way too much time with her at work, to the point I was with her almost all day every day. I sent at least a few really “weak” texts messages. All these behaviors and others ultimately changed her perception of me and put her off.

In early July, out of nowhere after a boring third date, she dramatically ramped up the sex talk. One day while we were chatting between calls, and I slipped in a joke about being a virgin, and she said “we could change that.” The next morning, while driving to work, she blurted out “You’re not gratifying me sexually Brian! That seems to be your goal!” The day after, she took me to an outdoor picnic bench to have lunch, where she took off her outer layer and revealed a low cut wrap with ample cleavage on display. She said she wanted to talk about sex, and during that conversation let me know the offer was on the table. Later that night she called and invited me to a three day country music festival called Watershed. She knew I didn’t care for country music, but wanted me to keep the other guys off her, and promised to have sex with me at the campground if I went with her. I told her I’d think about it and get back to her (I accepted the invitation the next day). On another occasion at dinner, she gushed to our female co-worker that she wanted to have sex with me, and I replied “I can’t even imagine us kissing, let alone having sex.” She told me she was offended, and I took it back, but I guess the damage was done because that was the end the sex talk.
 

ghcortez253

Don Juan
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Part 3 of 3:

On the day she went cold, I got angry after a bad call and left the floor early in a tantrum, which she witnessed. I had driven her to work that day, and I asked her if she could get a ride home with another friend so I could leave. She said she’d have no problem finding a ride, but that she would never carpool with me again if I left her. I ended up waiting for her in the parking lot so I could drive her home, but she later told me that she took great offense to my willingness to ditch her. That evening she had me drop her off at the end of her driveway rather than to her front door, told me she was “drained” with my negativity, and gave me a long lecture about how I supposedly have a lot to be thankful for before bidding me good night.

After that night, there was a conspicuous change in her behavior toward me. She greatly reduced texting, stopped carpooling, became aloof toward me at work, stopped offering to hangout after work, stopped flirting, and and all but relegated me to being another member of her “crew” and stopped giving me individual attention. She didn’t say anything, but was leaving writing all over the wall that she was calling off any any sexual element of our relationship that may have existed and hoping that I would get the message. All I could do was go along with it and act unbothered, as if I only took us as platonic friends in the first place. I did the beta orbiter thing for three weeks, all the while trying to come up with the balls to talk to her and asking her out again, but her actions spoke loudly and clearly enough that I never did.

The first Friday of August, and the weekend of Watershed, she shared in the “crew” group text that she planned to have someone over to her house that night for drinks and sex. Whoever that someone was, it wasn’t me. She had kept her plans to break her celibacy streak that weekend, but replaced me with someone else. I don’t know whether she thought it wouldn’t bother me or just didn’t care about my feelings. I wonder if she even did it intentionally just to drive the point home. In any case, I was utterly devastated. In my whacked out emotional state, I drove past her house that night, and there was a strange car parked in her driveway. It was the absolute worst pain I’ve ever experienced.

Knowing I could not settle for life in the friendzone, I stopped contacting her and removed myself from the group text. Not that I thought it would do anything to restore her interest, but ignoring her didn't do **** except pretty much end all communication between us, so that was effectively the end of the relationship. She’s only contacted me three times in the two months since then, and things went downhill each time. Im my pain, which was severe, I acted too aggressively in an attempt to counter my previous “nice guy” attitude. The last time she contacted me was over a month ago. I have little doubt that she picked up on how severely bruised my ego is over her rejection of me and decided it was time to cut me out of her life.

My relationship with this woman, who was once all-important to me, is now an unsalvageable twisted pile of scrap metal at the bottom the Atlantic. We are now nothing more than Facebook “friends” who don’t speak. Unless I go to work at the center where she is now, I don’t expect to ever see or communicate with her again.
 

marmel75

Master Don Juan
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Lmao! She wants to bang on the first date and you are like "no thanks". Hahahaha...dude c'mon. This has to be a troll.
 

Alvafe

Master Don Juan
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you didn't **** her now she want nothing with you, good, at the very least you did learn something, even better now you can get over your oneitis, because everything you said here she is a huge red flag, and she is the virgin killer kinda(lol), more then likely she was after you because she was thinking she could manipulate your ass, but since you keep negging everything she was doing she did get tired and wanted someone more easy to control.

now move on, try to get more hobbies and go out more
 
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