Met up with this great girl for a first (coffee) date last weekend, it went really great, we had a great genuine connection (we're originally both from the same part of Europe, but living in a different country now), she said at the end she really enjoyed it and that we'll talk. On Tuesday, I texted her and we shot back and forth a few short messages, then I asked her for dinner and drinks and what she thought about it, and got no reply - even now, still silence. Wth?
I never kiss on the first dates, and we parted ways in a mask-obligatory area so no, but otherwise it ended great, tight hug etc
Four mistakes I perceive:
1. A coffee date first date. Coffee dates are bad dates. I get the appeal that they are cheaper than alcoholic drinks dates but they lack something important to the success of a first date. There's an inability to create a sexual vibe in a coffee house. Coffee houses, even the terminally hip ones, lack a sexual aura. It's a sterile environment. Escalation is extremely difficult in coffee shops. With a coffee date, a woman gets free attention and isn't beholden to sexual tension. That's a good deal for women, but even women complain that coffee dates aren't good for women. I wouldn't bother to ever suggest a coffee date nor would I accept a woman's counteroffer ever of a coffee date.
2. You texted her too soon after the first date. If the date was on Saturday-Sunday and you texted her on Tuesday, you were a predictable guy. Women need emotional rollercoasters. In the 1990s, Doc Love suggested a 7 day no contact rule after first meeting her (in-person pickups were the norm then). On this forum,
@EyeBRollin recommends and practices a more modern day approach to Doc Love's idea. After every interaction (cold approach pickup, first date, etc), no contact for 5-9 days after the interaction unless she calls/texts first. Few women today will actually call, but some will text. The Doc Love/
@EyeBRollin method is best for women you meet via swipe app, but also applicable for women you meet via cold approach. Few men have the abundance mentality to pull this off. Men with actual abundance can easily do this, but this method does mimic abundance if you don't have actual abundance.
3. No dinner dates in restaurants prior to sex. I'm amazed that this is still a topic of discussion. I learned around a decade ago from reading Roosh and Heartiste not to do this. When I was reading this idea in the early to mid 2010s, it was not a new idea. I think this idea has been circulating since as early as the 1990s but definitely the 2000s. I have a female friend who is not attractive and lives in another city. She dates via swipe apps/tech and gets a ton of dinner date offers. How are men not catching up to this?
4. Not kissing on first dates. Since women expect all the fireworks immediately know, a kiss is a minimum threshold. I have attempted kisses on all my first dates going all the way back to the 2000s except for when it was obvious the date was so bad that I would not get a kiss. I found that a kiss is a good screening technique. Women who don't kiss on first dates have not earned a second date. Additionally, with women having so many prospects at any time, the person that they connect with most physically has an advantage. When you as a woman have a lot of swipe app messages in your inbox and text messages, which messages are going to get a response? The messages from the men with whom you shared a physical connection.
- Maybe you vibed but wasn't attracted to you sexually
- Maybe she's still seeing someone else
- Maybe you let her simmer for a couple weeks and she reaches out to you (recommended to try this)
- She's not direct in her communication and would rather ghost than say no
- Maybe she liked you but just needs some days to feel over **** and talk to her girlfriends
Can be thousands of reasons, don't assume it's anything you did.
Here's the wild thing about the dating environment of the last decade or so. You can do everything right and still get ghosted/flaked on. Women today have so many prospects from swipe apps (this was also true of women who dated on websites in the pre-swipe app era, but more women have used tech to date since swipe apps launced) that they have no tolerance for anything. The male competition is fierce. Because every woman under 45 has no shortage of prospects, she expects immense fireworks and a magical connection immediately. You could have the exact same date in 2002 vs. 2022. In 2002, a date of that quality would have resulted in a second date. Today, it's more likely to result in a ghosting.
"One date, no sex, no second date" is the standard outcome for swipe app arranged dates. Even a good portion of cold approach arranged dates follow this script.
@firstbornunicorn did list some valid things that happen for women. A lot of women are still seeing someone else from some exclusive, committed relationship. Then, a lot of women are working through the their prospect lists of new men they've already seen with dates. Since there are thousands of reasons, it's not worth going into them all.
Perfect game is important because women are ultra fussy but even having perfect game now will result in some amount of ghosting.
Always be talking to new women and striving for abundance.
Was just one coffee, so no stress.