"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
First date tips
- Thread starter JPlaya
- Start date
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
ARrocket
Master Don Juan
What are you doing for a date? Hopefully it's something where you're not sitting around and talking for hours...because then she won't be able to help but turn to her phone
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
ARrocket
Master Don Juan
I think dinner dates are pretty weak but hey, you can make it work. Just be sure to keep your conversation from getting boring, and make sure you have a plan for afterwards (going somewhere else, going to your place, meeting up with others, etc).JPlaya said:
And do what Htienvu said. Although kino/escalation might be difficult if she is all the way across a table from you.
Mike32ct
Master Don Juan
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Even if she is sitting across from you, maybe touch her forearm while making a point. Or this is a trick a girl told me and I've used...ARrocket said:
When you get up to go to the men's room, put your hand on her shoulder for second and say, "I'll be right back."
When walking out, put your hand on her lower back briefly. Or you can hold her hand if it's right near yours.
DO NOT be the 100% hands-off guy. Women like (or at least don't mind) being touched if it's done in a classy way.
Don't freak out man!JPlaya said:
How old are you? If you are of drinking age just tell her you want to go grab a drink somewhere. Don't ask her. Just say "let's go down to (insert name of bar/club here) and grab a ****tail". Decide on a place...don't ask her where she wants to go.
If you are not of drinking age find something else fun to do: Go for a walk, go to an amusement park, go ride the freakin go-carts, play some pool...anything really. The point is to hang out and get to know her and have a good time. I wouldn't take her to a movie on the first date...not much chance to talk.
The important thing is for YOU to decide what you're doing and be excited about your decision. Don't be sheepish, don't ask her if that's ok. You gotta sell it and be confident that it will be fun, and she'll go along with it. I'm no pro, but I have done this with girls and most of them like it when you lead.
Be confident! You are the man!
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
"Let me go to your house"?JPlaya said:
No no no!
"Let's go to your house and play some games"
Preferably sex games lol.
But really...there's nothing to do in your town?
You could go for ice cream after dinner.
You could take a drive.
You could grab a coffee.
Go for a walk.
Any of these is fine....just decide on something. I think a change of scene on the first date is crucial.
But I'm an old guy (41) and these things work well for ladies in their mid 20's and up, but I don't know how old you are.
Again, are you old enough to drink? Get a couple ****tails in you (not too many! One or two should be fine) and the conversation will flow a little easier after you loosen up..
I don't really know about texting/calling in the days before the date. I am certainly no professional DJ so maybe some of the other guys here can answer that better, but it seems like it's different with every girl, and I would say if you already have a date planned just let her be. Maybe a SHORT text the day before just to confirm, but on the last date I had I didn't contact her at all after we set it up and she showed up. The date went really well in my opinion and although we haven't set up another date yet (she has been traveling) the seed has been planted and I'm certain she'll see me again. I think not contacting her sends a message that you are confident she will show up...I mean, why wouldn't she? You're the man, right? And if she flakes out then pick yourself up with chin held high, tell yourself she's not worth your trouble, and go find a girl who will respect you and your valuable time.JPlaya said:
One thing I've learned since coming to this site is to not be too concerned with one girl or one date. You said "I really need to nail this". I'm not sure if you meant you need to nail these "techniques" or if you needed to nail this date. But if you meant the latter, you are putting too much pressure on yourself. What you need to do is nail having a good time and being fun and relaxed. Have fun with her! The fun and happy attitude you present to people is contagious, and so is your nervousness. If you are having a blast she will too, if you are nervous you will make her nervous. And don't worry about being a little nervous at the beginning of the date, I think that's par for the course and there's a good chance she will be a tiny bit nervous as well. The awkwardness will melt away within the first few minutes. If you worry about being nervous, you will be even more nervous!
When is your date? My advice right now would be to IMMEDIATELY get out and talk to some other girls and put this one out of your mind for a little bit. Maybe you'll even score another phone number and/or a date with some other cutie. This will help to take the focus off of this one girl, boost your confidence (even if you don't get numbers/dates), and make you more relaxed when you finally go on your date with her.
Again, I'm no pro and if anyone else has any advice or cares to improve upon mine please have at it.
Best of luck to you!