"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
First date tips
- Thread starter JPlaya
- Start date
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
ARrocket
Master Don Juan
What are you doing for a date? Hopefully it's something where you're not sitting around and talking for hours...because then she won't be able to help but turn to her phone
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
ARrocket
Master Don Juan
I think dinner dates are pretty weak but hey, you can make it work. Just be sure to keep your conversation from getting boring, and make sure you have a plan for afterwards (going somewhere else, going to your place, meeting up with others, etc).JPlaya said:
And do what Htienvu said. Although kino/escalation might be difficult if she is all the way across a table from you.
Mike32ct
Master Don Juan
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Even if she is sitting across from you, maybe touch her forearm while making a point. Or this is a trick a girl told me and I've used...ARrocket said:
When you get up to go to the men's room, put your hand on her shoulder for second and say, "I'll be right back."
When walking out, put your hand on her lower back briefly. Or you can hold her hand if it's right near yours.
DO NOT be the 100% hands-off guy. Women like (or at least don't mind) being touched if it's done in a classy way.
Don't freak out man!JPlaya said:
How old are you? If you are of drinking age just tell her you want to go grab a drink somewhere. Don't ask her. Just say "let's go down to (insert name of bar/club here) and grab a ****tail". Decide on a place...don't ask her where she wants to go.
If you are not of drinking age find something else fun to do: Go for a walk, go to an amusement park, go ride the freakin go-carts, play some pool...anything really. The point is to hang out and get to know her and have a good time. I wouldn't take her to a movie on the first date...not much chance to talk.
The important thing is for YOU to decide what you're doing and be excited about your decision. Don't be sheepish, don't ask her if that's ok. You gotta sell it and be confident that it will be fun, and she'll go along with it. I'm no pro, but I have done this with girls and most of them like it when you lead.
Be confident! You are the man!
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
"Let me go to your house"?JPlaya said:
No no no!
"Let's go to your house and play some games"
Preferably sex games lol.
But really...there's nothing to do in your town?
You could go for ice cream after dinner.
You could take a drive.
You could grab a coffee.
Go for a walk.
Any of these is fine....just decide on something. I think a change of scene on the first date is crucial.
But I'm an old guy (41) and these things work well for ladies in their mid 20's and up, but I don't know how old you are.
Again, are you old enough to drink? Get a couple ****tails in you (not too many! One or two should be fine) and the conversation will flow a little easier after you loosen up..
I don't really know about texting/calling in the days before the date. I am certainly no professional DJ so maybe some of the other guys here can answer that better, but it seems like it's different with every girl, and I would say if you already have a date planned just let her be. Maybe a SHORT text the day before just to confirm, but on the last date I had I didn't contact her at all after we set it up and she showed up. The date went really well in my opinion and although we haven't set up another date yet (she has been traveling) the seed has been planted and I'm certain she'll see me again. I think not contacting her sends a message that you are confident she will show up...I mean, why wouldn't she? You're the man, right? And if she flakes out then pick yourself up with chin held high, tell yourself she's not worth your trouble, and go find a girl who will respect you and your valuable time.JPlaya said:
One thing I've learned since coming to this site is to not be too concerned with one girl or one date. You said "I really need to nail this". I'm not sure if you meant you need to nail these "techniques" or if you needed to nail this date. But if you meant the latter, you are putting too much pressure on yourself. What you need to do is nail having a good time and being fun and relaxed. Have fun with her! The fun and happy attitude you present to people is contagious, and so is your nervousness. If you are having a blast she will too, if you are nervous you will make her nervous. And don't worry about being a little nervous at the beginning of the date, I think that's par for the course and there's a good chance she will be a tiny bit nervous as well. The awkwardness will melt away within the first few minutes. If you worry about being nervous, you will be even more nervous!
When is your date? My advice right now would be to IMMEDIATELY get out and talk to some other girls and put this one out of your mind for a little bit. Maybe you'll even score another phone number and/or a date with some other cutie. This will help to take the focus off of this one girl, boost your confidence (even if you don't get numbers/dates), and make you more relaxed when you finally go on your date with her.
Again, I'm no pro and if anyone else has any advice or cares to improve upon mine please have at it.
Best of luck to you!