Finding it hard to send out a positive vibe/close "deals" 2 months post breakup

[lizardking82]

Hello everyone

I went through a breakup about 2 months ago (was dumped) from a 2 year relationship. I will not talk about the relationship in this thread because I already made another one about that, but I want to garner some thoughts and perspective on a different aspect. About 3/4 weeks ago, I was able to bring myself to date some other girls. I live in Albania and it is not the same as in America in a lot of ways, meaning that the country is much more conservative (70% of population muslim) and it's not the best way to go to just get out on the streets and talk to girls. I usually start off conversations in Facebook and then I invite them out for a drink and it's a way that has worked fine over the last few years (that's how I got to know my now ex girlfriend and it turned out an amazing time with her up until 2 months ago).

Lately, I had two cases with girls I had not even met before, just chated a few times online, that said they were ready to come to my place to hang out and in my mind, that translates into "I am coming over so we can hang out and have sex and have fun". However, I think I am in a "looking not fed well" state right now and the vibe (even online) kinda shows that I am missing some affection and love because the moment either girl said she would come here, I started making the conversation kinda sexual and when I looked back at it, they started kinda backing off since there for it to then end up with the "I can't come tomorrow like I said, maybe some other day".

Moreover, I have had some cases where I have gone out with two other girls and (probably a mistake) I barely told them about my breakup and from there, it again did not go well with one of those girls giving me the cheek when I tried to kiss her and the other one just fading away slowly.

One other thing that bothers me is that once I start talking to a girl, I instinctively start picturing her as my girlfriend. When I was in a relationship, I didn't have this. I pictured how it could be to have sex with different girls for a short moment, and that was it. Now, my mentality is just...

Is it my bad vibe? Because I cannot lie and say "I am feeling great right now". I am not. But is it my vibe that is sending these girls away or is it maybe just normal refusal cases?

 

[El Payaso]

It's normal after a breakup especially from a long relationship. It can mess with your mind. Your mental state right now is to replace the hole your ex left so it might lead to a whiff of desperation that will manifest in your actions which all these girls will pick up on.

Time is the best healer of things. You can keep on marching right through it and approaching more and more women. You can also just say "fvck it" and take a short break from women to focus on yourself. School, work, your business, family, working out, hobbies, friends etc. You just got out of a 2 year plus relationship. No need to rush into another one.

Just go out to have fun rather than focusing solely on picking up women. You even said it yourself in your post: "One other thing that bothers me is that once I start talking to a girl, I instinctively start picturing her as my girlfriend. When I was in a relationship, I didn't have this. I pictured how it could be to have sex with different girls for a short moment, and that was it."

Your mentality pre-relationship was just to have fleeting fun. No desperate need to have a girlfriend. Now it's all messed up. You need to think back to the way you were before your relationship. Discover that side of yourself again.

 

[lizardking82]

It's normal after a breakup especially from a long relationship. It can mess with your mind. Your mental state right now is to replace the hole your ex left so it might lead to a whiff of desperation that will manifest in your actions which all these girls will pick up on.

Time is the best healer of things. You can keep on marching right through it and approaching more and more women. You can also just say "fvck it" and take a short break from women to focus on yourself. School, work, your business, family, working out, hobbies, friends etc. You just got out of a 2 year plus relationship. No need to rush into another one.

Just go out to have fun rather than focusing solely on picking up women. You even said it yourself in your post: "One other thing that bothers me is that once I start talking to a girl, I instinctively start picturing her as my girlfriend. When I was in a relationship, I didn't have this. I pictured how it could be to have sex with different girls for a short moment, and that was it."

Your mentality pre-relationship was just to have fleeting fun. No desperate need to have a girlfriend. Now it's all messed up. You need to think back to the way you were before your relationship. Discover that side of yourself again.

It is insane, man. I start chatting or talking to a girl, I immediately start picturing girlfriend-ish things with her. I have considered stopping getting to know new women right now as well... not that sure, though.

Meanwhile, I still have thoughts about my ex, here and there. And people I get to know somehow keep mentioning her to me in very strange ways. Some girls I tell them myself, some girls happen to know her..

When I got to know my girlfriend, I was still getting over a breakup I had at the time, but I was happier than usual because I had just finished high school and had found out I was gonna be transferring to the capital city of Albania to start university. I talked to her on Facebook, never spoken to her before, we started sexting very naturally, very early, and then about a month later we met and had sex and everything was absolutely fantastic. That relationship gave me life, somehow, and I became much more appealing to other girls as well (I ended up ****in' havin' sex with a teacher at my university, 29 year old teacher, had not even thought of that in my dreams). Now that the source of my positive vibe and appeal (my ex) is not here, seems tough ****.

Guess I should keep the source inside of me rather than making relationships or other people the source of my appeal. It's kind of like, I feel insecure now that my solid girl, my main/official girl is not here and I have to float through all these mostly random/average women.